Gotta READ this!!! Think I know what's wrong......
This topic was created in the Aries forum by CapyWife on Tuesday, September 18, 2007 and has 31 replies.
It's funny cause for some reason I want him to ask me about it so I can tell him cause it seemed like he liked that kind of stuff. I really didn't mean to hurt him but I guess I though he was ok with it. Most men would be...right? What do you Aries think? What should I do/ or say?
lol ...
Ok, I'll explain this to you, though I've no clue about your entire drama.
His fantasies of girl on girl is irrelevant and you are using this as an excuse to defend your ground .. this is about being so intoxicated that you would lose control over your senses and start making out with another person .. regardless of gender.
"I was so drunk and I was kissing this girl I was with.(this has never happened before)"
Ok, I'll explain this to you, though I've no clue about your entire drama.
His fantasies of girl on girl is irrelevant and you are using this as an excuse to defend your ground .. this is about being so intoxicated that you would lose control over your senses and start making out with another person .. regardless of gender.
"I was so drunk and I was kissing this girl I was with.(this has never happened before)"
Kind of odd that this (snogging) would happen now, when it has never happened previous .. on a night after a fight when you two coincidentally ended up in the same club .. you were too drunk to have control over who you were kissing, but, know precisely when he entered the club.
lol .. have fun playing .. I'm out .. this is too much gaming for me.
lol .. have fun playing .. I'm out .. this is too much gaming for me.
"you were too drunk to have control over who you were kissing, but, know precisely when he entered the club"
and i said I DIDN'T see him come in...I didn't know he was there til he came up to ME
and i said I DIDN'T see him come in...I didn't know he was there til he came up to ME
"it's not a coincidence that it happened after our fight. He hasn't been giving me the affection I need and I've been horney (if you must know) and she turned me on."
"I knew what I was doing"
No more comments from me .. the above pastes speaks louder than anything I could possibly say.
"I knew what I was doing"
No more comments from me .. the above pastes speaks louder than anything I could possibly say.
It did matter the Sex of the individual....Another man cant get near me. I'm not saying it wasn't wrong...I'm saying that if something like that happened (which it did) I never though he would have a problem with it because he talks about it so much. That's my point! You seem negative this morning.....hope your day gets better!
he thinks you a lier...you told him you not into it and than he catches you with your hand in a cookie jar.......i would be upset and hurt too....not because of the fact what you did but that fact that you lied and it would make me think little less of you if i was always honset with you
remember that we aries want our woman to be the perfect princes ( what ever that me be...its different for every aries) and honesty and not lying is a very important thing
so if you want to make good with him.....go to him but dont be so thick skinned...be soft and vornubale and cry if you have to....if he loves you he want stand your crying very long and will forgive yoo all your mistakes...but if he is unmoved you hava a bigger problem......
i remember whn my love of the life betrayed me by breaking up with me in front of ALL of my friends for no reason at all, i was crushed but she came back the same night...i told my self im not having any of her crap and lies but when she started to cry my heart just droped to the ground and i could not let her go on because it was hurting me more than it was her.......
just my opinion.....let him win this argument and it will blow over
remember that we aries want our woman to be the perfect princes ( what ever that me be...its different for every aries) and honesty and not lying is a very important thing
so if you want to make good with him.....go to him but dont be so thick skinned...be soft and vornubale and cry if you have to....if he loves you he want stand your crying very long and will forgive yoo all your mistakes...but if he is unmoved you hava a bigger problem......
i remember whn my love of the life betrayed me by breaking up with me in front of ALL of my friends for no reason at all, i was crushed but she came back the same night...i told my self im not having any of her crap and lies but when she started to cry my heart just droped to the ground and i could not let her go on because it was hurting me more than it was her.......
just my opinion.....let him win this argument and it will blow over
he also might be thinking what else have you lied about
"You seem negative this morning.....hope your day gets better!"
Do you talk condenscending to him also?
Perhaps, this is what he meant by bi-polar from the other thread (which I just went and read) ...
You're playing him .. on the other thread you go on and on about how you just ignore him, then ask, "What's up with him" as though it's him who has issues .. then when you do communicate, it's saying I love you, and all that sexy stuff.
I'm not being negative, Cappy .. I'm commenting on how you are treating him, which is negatively .. if you want a positive response from me, then treat him positively, and that is what I will repsond on.
Do you talk condenscending to him also?
Perhaps, this is what he meant by bi-polar from the other thread (which I just went and read) ...
You're playing him .. on the other thread you go on and on about how you just ignore him, then ask, "What's up with him" as though it's him who has issues .. then when you do communicate, it's saying I love you, and all that sexy stuff.
I'm not being negative, Cappy .. I'm commenting on how you are treating him, which is negatively .. if you want a positive response from me, then treat him positively, and that is what I will repsond on.
Yikes...CW, kissing someone else is still kissing and he was not there with you so it was not a mutual decision that involved him - you "snuck" around to do this using being drunk as your excuse. What will you do next? You Missy have planted doubt in his mind...he has lost trust in you - not a good thing at all. When we cannot trust our partners and that doubt exists, the relationship will end. I really do not know how your Arien husband would handle this situation but most of us - just go and move on without looking back.
Honestly, you do sound like you are playing games and that never goes well with an Aries.
Honestly, you do sound like you are playing games and that never goes well with an Aries.
I see all of your points.
"I'm commenting on how you are treating him, which is negatively .. if you want a positive response from me, then treat him positively, and that is what I will repsond on."
I've never been unfaithful. This is not something I'm doing to him. He's always off and on. He gets mad all the time for no reason. (I understand that Arians have their moods)I've been nothing but loving and I cater to his every need. He has no wants for anything. I feel taken advantage of also...way before this ever occured. He is an aggresive and angry kind of Aries when he wants to be.
I can totally understand how he can lose trust in me due to this incident. However I've never given him any reason to doubt me before. I'd never do it again, but sh*t it happened and I can't take it back. I'm looking for advice on how to get out of this situation and gain his trust back. I've been pounced on enough...I already know what I did.
I know he is hurting and his feelings are important to me.... I love my husband and made a mistake. Playing games is doing it all the time and expecting him to forgive me over and over again. I'm married not on a football field.
"I'm commenting on how you are treating him, which is negatively .. if you want a positive response from me, then treat him positively, and that is what I will repsond on."
I've never been unfaithful. This is not something I'm doing to him. He's always off and on. He gets mad all the time for no reason. (I understand that Arians have their moods)I've been nothing but loving and I cater to his every need. He has no wants for anything. I feel taken advantage of also...way before this ever occured. He is an aggresive and angry kind of Aries when he wants to be.
I can totally understand how he can lose trust in me due to this incident. However I've never given him any reason to doubt me before. I'd never do it again, but sh*t it happened and I can't take it back. I'm looking for advice on how to get out of this situation and gain his trust back. I've been pounced on enough...I already know what I did.
I know he is hurting and his feelings are important to me.... I love my husband and made a mistake. Playing games is doing it all the time and expecting him to forgive me over and over again. I'm married not on a football field.
and how did I lie? I don't understand that. When he asked me if I would ever do anything like that I didn't think I would, but I shared with him how i've thought about it. He asked me if I've been with anyone else...that means have I slept with someone that's what he was asking me...and I said NO...because i haven't. He didn't ask me if I kissed her and things got so hectic after he was trying to prove he wasn't cheating and we never got back on the subject of the girl. Plus he had to leave to go to work. I'm confused....
the question remains.... How do I fix it?
* .... He has always talked about how he is so facinated with girl on girl action and has asked me before if I was into stuff like that.
There is a difference between fantasy and seeing the woman you love fucking someone else.
There is way too much crap and drama in this relationship. Storming out of rooms. Making out of other people. Doors slaming. Tempertantrums. Getting out of bed in the middle of sex cause you are finished. Ummmm ... keep it up and he will dump you.
What happened to being an honest, loving partner to someone?
There is a difference between fantasy and seeing the woman you love fucking someone else.
There is way too much crap and drama in this relationship. Storming out of rooms. Making out of other people. Doors slaming. Tempertantrums. Getting out of bed in the middle of sex cause you are finished. Ummmm ... keep it up and he will dump you.
What happened to being an honest, loving partner to someone?
Put your heart on your sleeve, stop engaging in power struggles, and appreciate him. Tell him the truth.
"How do I fix it?"
What you may need to do is fix you then the rest will fall into place.
What you may need to do is fix you then the rest will fall into place.
To answer your question: You most likely can't fix this.
An Aries will tolerate many things, in fact, I find the Ram more tolerant than most other signs, though, it's not apparant because they are quick tempered. But, once a dispute is over .. they are more likely to forgive an unsavory human emotion that happened in the moment than most .. however, infidelity is not one of them. And you don't even have to commit the act .. the potential or desire only has to exist.
If passion or desire if even "felt" for another person .. most Aries turns to ice. So long as he's still debating with you, arguing with you, then you're safe from losing him .. when he turns cold and has no interest, you've lost him.
Touching on this and the other thread .. I feel compelled to tell you something that I just feel as though you should already know and that's the reason for my comment on the other thread ... in ignorance is where you lose the Aries. Eventhough he is fighting, or showing anger, jealousy, impatience, frustration, etc .. this is when he cares about the well-being of his partner. When he "ignores", this is when he's just turned away from you and will likely never look back.
My whole reason for saying this is because you say you ignore him when he needs to express himself .. and being an Aries, aggressively is how he NEEDS to express himself .. but, it's not against you, it's for you. And if you are ignoring him, then you are commiting the ultimate betrayal against the Ram because this is how they process the meaning of NOT loving .. in ignorance. Every time you ignore him, he is likely processing it as you don't love him any more.
Back to this ... if he said it's time to go when he saw you drunk in the bar, and you ignored him, or acknowledged him but didn't leave when he is your man ... you, his territory, his drunken wife in a bar .. then later he finds out you were making out with somebody ... it's probably finished already, he just hasn't made his exist yet.
Everybody is different .. but, every Aries I know would cut you loose the moment he found that a desire to bed ANYBODY was present .. no excuses.
An Aries will tolerate many things, in fact, I find the Ram more tolerant than most other signs, though, it's not apparant because they are quick tempered. But, once a dispute is over .. they are more likely to forgive an unsavory human emotion that happened in the moment than most .. however, infidelity is not one of them. And you don't even have to commit the act .. the potential or desire only has to exist.
If passion or desire if even "felt" for another person .. most Aries turns to ice. So long as he's still debating with you, arguing with you, then you're safe from losing him .. when he turns cold and has no interest, you've lost him.
Touching on this and the other thread .. I feel compelled to tell you something that I just feel as though you should already know and that's the reason for my comment on the other thread ... in ignorance is where you lose the Aries. Eventhough he is fighting, or showing anger, jealousy, impatience, frustration, etc .. this is when he cares about the well-being of his partner. When he "ignores", this is when he's just turned away from you and will likely never look back.
My whole reason for saying this is because you say you ignore him when he needs to express himself .. and being an Aries, aggressively is how he NEEDS to express himself .. but, it's not against you, it's for you. And if you are ignoring him, then you are commiting the ultimate betrayal against the Ram because this is how they process the meaning of NOT loving .. in ignorance. Every time you ignore him, he is likely processing it as you don't love him any more.
Back to this ... if he said it's time to go when he saw you drunk in the bar, and you ignored him, or acknowledged him but didn't leave when he is your man ... you, his territory, his drunken wife in a bar .. then later he finds out you were making out with somebody ... it's probably finished already, he just hasn't made his exist yet.
Everybody is different .. but, every Aries I know would cut you loose the moment he found that a desire to bed ANYBODY was present .. no excuses.
If I knew how to fix your problem, I would tell you .. but, I don't.
My aries once told me about his little fantasy back in his days of dating and asked my opinion on it..(threesomes - girl on girl)..being a Scorpio, thats just like death..I DO NOT SHARE MY MAN...I shot him one and said "Don't ever ask me such a vulgar question again as long as you shall live and no I would never do that..EVER"..He gave me the biggest hug and he said "I wouldn't ever want to share you with anyone, I just wanted to see what your reaction to that would be like and from the reaction I would know whether your a fly by night or a keeper"...
I don't know how this relates to the situation..but just so you know..as far as I am aware, Aries don't like sharing their partner physically or emotionally with another...you are their possession in all manner of speaking (I as a Scorpio know exactly what that is like) and any act that hinders it, is unforgivable..certainly is for a Scorpio so naturally its the same if not more for an Aries...
Just my two cents..
I don't know how this relates to the situation..but just so you know..as far as I am aware, Aries don't like sharing their partner physically or emotionally with another...you are their possession in all manner of speaking (I as a Scorpio know exactly what that is like) and any act that hinders it, is unforgivable..certainly is for a Scorpio so naturally its the same if not more for an Aries...
Just my two cents..
Well I've been with him for over a year and we've been married for almost a year. I prety much know when he feels it's over or not. He isn't afraid to say if he doesn't want the relationship anymore and he hasn't said that. He talked to me yesterday when I came home from work and usually if he is furious he will not even say a word to me. Plus if he was ignoring me he wouldn't have slept with me. We've been so mad at each other before that he hasn't slept with me. We have been together for a while now and things happen in relationships good and bad. I Know my ram loves me and I can feel out how he is feeling by his presence. I can tell whether it's over or not and I know it's not over....he's not giving that impression. When it's over he'll completely write me off and want NOTHING to do with me...not even sex. He's hurt and I hurt him. I validate his feelings and he'd never just walk out like that...we have children and it's not just me in his life...they are here too. He's not that cold to just up and leave, I do know that for sure.
Speak of the devil...he just called and said that he loves me... I knew things weren't that bad. He was just hurt and he says that he knows that's not like me. We are going to talk tonight.
All is great with the world again!!...
My man called me from the army barracks again last night..that was a total surprise..
Sigh..
I miss him
My man called me from the army barracks again last night..that was a total surprise..
Sigh..
I miss him
Well from previous posts i've seen that your man will be back in NOV. morals... not to long from now.
yes thats true...
"I was so drunk and I didn't see him come in, til he aproached me at 1am and insisted that we both leave the club immediatly. Well, like I said I was so drunk and I was kissing this girl I was with.(this has never happened before) I don't think he saw me but I think his boys did."
He wanted to talk to you. He probably was at the very least buzzed (Aries tend to be excessive) and he was intially looking for a confrontation of sorts, whether a friendly fight or more combatative, hoping on an unconcious level to get beyond the fighting to the point where he could open up to you.
"Then while we are doing it he says "Well, tell me how was she?" I was in shock...I mean all we did was kiss...NO sex! I didn't answer him"
His previous conversations about girl on girl action were based solely on sex. But now that his wife has initiated any action with another on any level, his need for being number 1 in your eyes is threatened, which trumps any sex fantasies and disrupts his equillibruim. Keep in mind Aries have very active imaginations and are jealous in the most non-possessive way (we want absolute freedom but will remain very loyal as long as we care about the other person, and expect the same, if I have to worry about you going out without me or have to defend my own actions, I escape, possessiveness and control being the only things that make me run faster!), so your not saying anything only fueled his fears. Theirs definately hope tho! He just needs to know every detail, know deep down that your experimentation had nothing to do with him but your own intoxification and confusion about your situation - that you are so into him yet confused that you went outside of your boundaries. You'll figure it out, feel free to email me if you need anymore advice.
He wanted to talk to you. He probably was at the very least buzzed (Aries tend to be excessive) and he was intially looking for a confrontation of sorts, whether a friendly fight or more combatative, hoping on an unconcious level to get beyond the fighting to the point where he could open up to you.
"Then while we are doing it he says "Well, tell me how was she?" I was in shock...I mean all we did was kiss...NO sex! I didn't answer him"
His previous conversations about girl on girl action were based solely on sex. But now that his wife has initiated any action with another on any level, his need for being number 1 in your eyes is threatened, which trumps any sex fantasies and disrupts his equillibruim. Keep in mind Aries have very active imaginations and are jealous in the most non-possessive way (we want absolute freedom but will remain very loyal as long as we care about the other person, and expect the same, if I have to worry about you going out without me or have to defend my own actions, I escape, possessiveness and control being the only things that make me run faster!), so your not saying anything only fueled his fears. Theirs definately hope tho! He just needs to know every detail, know deep down that your experimentation had nothing to do with him but your own intoxification and confusion about your situation - that you are so into him yet confused that you went outside of your boundaries. You'll figure it out, feel free to email me if you need anymore advice.
fire girl that is a GREAT advice
i agree wiht you 100% about jelausy in nonposessive way....i too want my freedom and will be loyal 200% but if i havre to worry about you or you start controlling me or doubting me.....that would be a train wreck in slowmotion
i agree wiht you 100% about jelausy in nonposessive way....i too want my freedom and will be loyal 200% but if i havre to worry about you or you start controlling me or doubting me.....that would be a train wreck in slowmotion
We had the best erotic nasty as* sex ever last night.... Damn it feels good to have my Ram back and when I say "RAM BACK" that's what I mean... Cause he was ramming my back out!! LOL!!!
Over all i had to admite my wrongs, with out really admiting them.OUCH!!! (Extremely hard for a Cap girl to do) Told him I would never do anything else to jeprodize our relationship again. i told him how I felt. I love him, I need him, I want to do better by him, I want us to start over from scratch, I appreciate him. Told him everything about how I felt towards him.
Just admired his sexy as* while he slept and was so happy that he has such mercy and forgivness towards me. I know he loves me.
Over all i had to admite my wrongs, with out really admiting them.OUCH!!! (Extremely hard for a Cap girl to do) Told him I would never do anything else to jeprodize our relationship again. i told him how I felt. I love him, I need him, I want to do better by him, I want us to start over from scratch, I appreciate him. Told him everything about how I felt towards him.
Just admired his sexy as* while he slept and was so happy that he has such mercy and forgivness towards me. I know he loves me.
* Told him I would never do anything else to jeprodize our relationship again. i told him how I felt. I love him, I need him, I want to do better by him, I want us to start over from scratch, I appreciate him. Told him everything about how I felt towards him.
Great! Now do it. Live by those words.
Great! Now do it. Live by those words.
Well we finally made up and started a clean new slate. He finally opened up a little to me last night about the whole thing with the other girl. We were joking around and I was telling him a story about someting that happened at work...he interupts me and says "You mean that gay girl at work?" so I laughed cause the girl doesn't work with me. then he keeps saying things like "I mean the bi-sexual girl", "The girl in the club who was gay" "yeah that girl was bi" guess he was trying to get it out of me, but there was a silent funny kind of joking around we did about it. I spared the details..didn't want him to think it was the highlight of my night or that Iwas to concerned with the whole thing. You think this was smart? I reassured him he was the only person in my life and i loved him only.
After we ate dinner we sat on the couch and he got his fishing tackle box out and was so excited that we was talking and happy again. He shared with me what all the bate was for and what fish eats what bait and what a fishing line is and how the fish are attracted to the light in the water to find the food. (all of which I already knew..lol..) but I didn't say anything and just let him share. He was so excited about it all!!! Guess he couldn't wait to share his adventures with me about when he went night fishing while we were arguing, so as soon as we made up he jumpped right to it. Telling me about how they all had such a good time. That fire in his eye is such a warm feeling and I melt. I love him so much!! Most of the things he tells me or teaches me I already know, but I never say that I know it..I just let him explain and tell him how smart he is. He loves sharing and explaining things to me and teaching me new things. I absolutly love that about him!!
He wants to be the boss...so do I and I do hate that about my sign, but I'll turn in my leadership role and be demoted so that he can take his place as the head, however secretly I'll be taking charge backstage behind the curtains. lol!!
After we ate dinner we sat on the couch and he got his fishing tackle box out and was so excited that we was talking and happy again. He shared with me what all the bate was for and what fish eats what bait and what a fishing line is and how the fish are attracted to the light in the water to find the food. (all of which I already knew..lol..) but I didn't say anything and just let him share. He was so excited about it all!!! Guess he couldn't wait to share his adventures with me about when he went night fishing while we were arguing, so as soon as we made up he jumpped right to it. Telling me about how they all had such a good time. That fire in his eye is such a warm feeling and I melt. I love him so much!! Most of the things he tells me or teaches me I already know, but I never say that I know it..I just let him explain and tell him how smart he is. He loves sharing and explaining things to me and teaching me new things. I absolutly love that about him!!
He wants to be the boss...so do I and I do hate that about my sign, but I'll turn in my leadership role and be demoted so that he can take his place as the head, however secretly I'll be taking charge backstage behind the curtains. lol!!
"i don't think sexual betrayal has a gender for an aries man......or most people really."
So very true!!
So very true!!
oohhh ,... i knowd how you feel but you give great advice Gemi you'll figure it out... ouch!!!
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