Hey Gingscorp...

Hey you,

I didnt want this to get lost in your other thread here as this is a different topic (sorta.

I was reading your post regarding the situation with aries, and a few things stuck out.

But I want to ask these couple of questions. None of my business mind you, but does factor in to what "unsolicited advice" I'm going to offer.

Bear in mind, I do realize the answers could be found in past posts. But Dxpstalking is not of my cup of tea 😉

First question, what is your age?

Two, how long have you and aries been together overall?

I'm 26 and he's 27.
Oh gosh... the story about us is LONG but we've been engaged for about a year. We were seeing each other on and off over the past 3 with some breaks in the middle.
He was gone on his job for several months and every time he'd go we'd just be getting semi serious and it was left hanging. I know he *ahem* "saw" some girls. But it was always in the open with both of us. I had one sorta serious relationship that ended badly after he left the first time.
It just came back around to he and I deciding that we kept coming back to each other in one way or another so... he (sorta) lol popped the question. It was a surprise and very unexpected when he did but apparently coming from what he said he'd thought about it for a long time.

Before hand we went to high school together and we have been good friends since we were kids. We didn't start getting romantic feelings for each other until we were about 21/22ish.

Ging,

I want to preface this with the following. Anything I tell you is coming from 2 things. One, my personal experience and two, what I've learned from my friends mistakes. Essentially its intended only as being helpful, not condescending which it may come across as.

Have you given much thought to postponing the engagement? Not calling it off, just doing it later on?

Cause a lot of what I've seen from your posts regarding aries is cause for concern.

See, a lot of my friends got married in their mid 20's. Same situation. They grew up together, so there is comfort and familiarity involved. Again, they would be on/off so much staying together seemed to be a much better option for them.

That's all well and good except for a few things. Mainly, you're only in the 20's. As I said in another thread, what you want at 26 aint going to be the same as what you want at 29. It's a time of huge change and turnover. Its a tedious process of figuring yourself out.

That was the problem with my friends. They all changed while getting closer to 30. A lot of the time they and their significant others drifted apart. It ended up in infidelity on either side or divorce.

I know you love aries dearly. And there may be things not mentioned on this board by you that are positives in the relationship. HOWEVER, just based on whats mentioned staying together out of fear of the unknown is not something to base a relationship on.

Marriage is a huge, huge undertaking. A lot of people know that but dont fully comprehend that concept. You're gotta ask yourself these hard questions. Despite being in love with him, is this person on the whole 100% right for me? I am still getting my shit together, could I really expect as a couple for both of us to?

I'm not saying break up with him. Just suggesting taking a time out from engagement to think things through. Better to do it now than have doubts after the deal is sealed.

Additional food for thought - studies show a lot of military marriages do end in divorce 😢

Thanks FB. Seriously everything you said is food for thought. I see nothing condesending at all. A grown up disscussion is always welcome 🙂

Ah! I see you found he is a military guy. Lord don't I know about those marriages. Almost every couple we know when we first way back when started seeing each other are divorced.

I have thought ALOT about marrying too early. You are right. You grow most within your 20's. See I'm from one of those small Midwestern towns that usually people get married out of high school and have 3 kids by the time they are my age now. I'm not saying it doesn't work for some but most often from what I've seen.......it makes life hell for everyone including the kids involved. In MY area I'm an old maid. But that's not why we are getting married. So I've thought about that alot. I chose to not marry sooner though one of my ex's was hell bent on it because I knew it was going to be a trap. We change so much from 19 to even just 21. I don't want tie myself to someone when I'm still ignorant to the ways of real life. I knew better. And then to add kids to the mix.... no. Not fair to a child at all!

There was a time when Aries was quite the man whore. He went from woman to woman no strings attatched. He said he liked it for awhile but soon it got really empty. I've always been a relationship kinda gal. I'm too serious to take anything lightly so a no strings attached fling isn't my style . I tried it but nope. His job made him grow up really really fast too. When he was away he said I was on his mind alot and he felt there was more to life then fucking around. He said it made him realize he didn't want to lose me. So he came home safely (more the what I can say for seven of his buddies) and we became engaged soon after. He said his time over there made things alot clearer for him.

I did notice a big change in him since he came home and gave me that ring. He calmed down SO much. He's alot more mellow, alot more laid back. But from this July we both have been experiencing some shit or another. He's become more aggressive and me more introverted. It has nothing to do with him but more so that I don't think he's understand where I'm coming from. I've tried to talk to him but he doesn't get it. He's sympathetic but he doesn't get it or me. So I kinda stopped trying to talk to him and just deal with it as it comes. That being said it wasn't until now that I realized that his aggression is actually frustration.

I should have thought of that before huh?
Anyway, when we spend the time away from each other that we need to cool down there will be a disscussion about alot of things. Putting things on hold will get brought up but I already know from his end he'll see this as me trying to cut ties. The wedding IS the 24th so..... yikes huh?
There is alot of fire in this relationship already and before we'd tiptoe around each other when one or the other was mad to avoid the shit that's going on now. I know it will never ever ever be an easy relationship. NEVER but we do really love each other. There are no doubts there. Sometimes I think it's each other that makes us act so crazy. If I didn't really love him I wouldn't care enough to even be disscussing this.

I need to work on my trust issues and he needs to work on this possessiveness that has suddenly appeared.

You make some great points FB and I really really appriciate the feedback and thought provoking points.

No prob, Ginger.

I'm usually reluctant to give out advice when its not asked for. As it did cost me the best friend I ever had. In some instances I'm wrong. But 95% of the time, I'm usually right on the money fortunately or unfortunately LOL

As accurate as astrology is, I think people use it too much as a crutch in diagnosing problems. Cause I've seen a dude who was a double - (sun and moon) Sag be a psycho jealous idiot. And sags are supposed to be the least possessive signs of the lot, mind you. It goes to show immaturity comes in all forms.

What is also important is the way someone was raised and their level of emotional maturity.

On a whole, I feel people in their 20's are in too much of a hurry to grow up. They take on too much, too soon and it shows. They start having major issues as they are getting close to or hit 30. And those problems flow over into both their friendships and relationships

A major mistake people also make in getting married is peer pressure. "Everyone else is doing it, I need to as well" That is wrong on so many levels. Everybody has their own destiny to live. I just went to my 10 year class reunion over the weekend. Which I'll make a separate post on later. From what I saw there though, I've never been more vindicated in my decision in not getting married now. There was so many unhappily married people there.

From what you're describing, Aries guy is the one really driving getting married. He's 100% enthusiastic, while you are too, but not to the extent he is. That's never a good sign. Both people need to be on the same page.

I agree, no relationship is perfect. BUT, there needs to be a very decent amount of common ground to walk on. Even though he loves you, there is a lack of understanding regarding your side of things. While I may disagree with someone, I can always understand and see their point of view.

If he's this way now, can you imagine how it will be in 5 years? It speaks volumes to me, there is already a breakdown in communication and you're not even married yet. Ask yourself this question as well. Does he support your dreams and ambitions for love? If he does, is it 100% ? Or is it more about how it works within his scheme of things.

Its not a easy road I'm suggesting here, but might work out in the long run for both of you. You should think about at least getting couples counseling. Have a deep heart to heart with him. Finish this next post..

I've got to say my new favorite person is Flying!! You give such great insight and advice and I completely agree with you!!
I was married at 25 and I'm now a different person. If the relationship can roll with the changes, then wonderful. If not, it can become very difficult.

Reassure you love him and are not leaving. But you think there is too many issues going on with this relationship that cant be ignored. And you dont want to jump into marriage with this boiling under the surface.

Just say you want to get counseling so this doesnt explode later on. In being fair, say you're willing to let him pick the therapist or counselor.

I know you're very concerned about hurting him. But dont you think it would be better to take action on this now? Instead of down the line when it can really emotionally devastate him?

I want to reemphasize here, not telling you to break up with him. But to put the wedding on hold till you both get things straightened out.

If he cant even give what is being suggested consideration that leads to this next question. Is he really in love with you then? Or is he more in love with the IDEA of being in love? Love requires being 100% supportive of each other. If its not being met on another persons end fully, then there is a major problem.

*covers face in embarrassment* Aw, thanks Ramfish.

I'm not perfect either. I've been guilty in the past of jumping into relationships that werent healthy for me. Cause I craved companionship. Its a harder time for me when I'm single due to only taken/married women showing interest. Then once every 4 months, maybe one single girl. Not trying to make this about me, just I can relate to what Gingscorps saying.

BTW This sentence - "Does he support your dreams and ambitions for love?" was miswritten.


Should have been this - "Does he support your dreams and ambitions for LIFE?


I couldnt get into a serious LTR relationship with a girl in the military who keeps getting deployed to places like Afghanista. I worry enough about a girl serious with walking alone and getting kidnapped and raped. It's too much stress for a worrywart like me.

Posted by FlyingBurritos80
*covers face in embarrassment* Aw, thanks Ramfish.

I'm not perfect either. I've been guilty in the past of jumping into relationships that werent healthy for me. Cause I craved companionship. Its a harder time for me when I'm single due to only taken/married women showing interest. Then once every 4 months, maybe one single girl. Not trying to make this about me, just I can relate to what Gingscorps saying.

BTW This sentence - "Does he support your dreams and ambitions for love?" was miswritten.


Should have been this - "Does he support your dreams and ambitions for LIFE?


I couldnt get into a serious LTR relationship with a girl in the military who keeps getting deployed to places like Afghanista. I worry enough about a girl serious with walking alone and getting kidnapped and raped. It's too much stress for a worrywart like me.

Aren't you a Ram too, Flying? I thought I remember reading you were. If so, then your last paragraph is pretty much what us rams do and need. That's the reason I've been in relationships since I was 15. I agree about the military thing. I could NOT do that.

Noope. I'm a Sag Mooner with Scorp sun and Leo Rising. Being a sag mooner has brought me into conflict with other scorps (with certain ones being an obvious exception).

It feels like I'm Heath Ledger's Joker (without the sociopathic tendencies, well on second thought, maybe not) Here's how it goes with me and fellow scorps a majority of the time.

I'm like *does best Joker voice* "Why so seriousssss?" And acting in true Batman style , the other scorps sit silent, and just grunt. All in all, just a huge chunk of awkward.

I'm pretty lighthearted and for better or worse, (likely worse) dont take things too seriously. Guess that's why i always got on better with Fire and Air signs unless they have moon in scorp that is 😉

I'm not of the scarcity mentality anymore. Thankfully all that idiocy occurred in the good ole young, dumb and full of cum early twenties. I dont mind being alone. But with all the fire in my chart lack of sex is well how I do put it, nightmarish.

And can drive me to do morally questionable things when going through an extremely long dry spell. Hey anyone, take my sign, please. No really, I mean it.

Even though I'm one of them dirty bleeding heart liberals, my respect runs deep for our troops. I'm a huge supporter of those guys and ghouls. But to expect me to run a hole in the floor in my room everyday worrying if my dearest is alive or not? Sorry Alex, but I'll take non-military for $ 500 please.

LOL!
Oh, my mistake. I would not have placed you as a scorp, that's for sure. Must be your moon.

"But with all the fire in my chart lack of sex is well how I do put it, nightmarish."

Ah yeah man, I bet!


"Even though I'm one of them dirty bleeding heart liberals, my respect runs deep for our troops. I'm a huge supporter of those guys and ghouls. But to expect me to run a hole in the floor in my room everyday worrying if my dearest is alive or not? Sorry Alex, but I'll take non-military for $ 500 please."

Agreed! I'm the same way.

Yeah most people think I'm lying out of my ass when I do tell them my sun's scorp "But, but you're so MELLOW" they say.

Yeah, till someone pushes that one little hard to find button. And look out world, for the irish Hulk will come out LOL.

I do hate having my moon and mars in sag though. Cause I always somehow, someway put my foot directly in mouth around people.

Sorry for the TMI regarding the sex thing. Thats my fun little sag moon doing its dirty work.

But doing the right thing in resisting taken/ married women's advances is hard though when there's no singles in your path.

I think I'm fixing to cave to be honest with you. Im not a total jerk, just plan to have a quick F.A.R. The gal will know upfront this is a one-time, no repeat exercise since she is of the taken persuasion.

After that, I'm through with the dating game. It has gotten much, much too frustrating for me. I'm already a jaded jerk when it comes to relationships no need to turn into a complete Iceman.

Just curious Ramfish, does having that gem moon put your sex drive down to 50% instead of 100? None of my business mind you, just curious. Cause if it does, can we trade moon signs? I'd rather have my moods change every 5 mnutes then think about sex every 10 😉

Hey FB!! I can't tell you enough how I appriciate your advice and comments. All are well spoken. 🙂

I'm a little tired at the moment and I'm afraid my brain can't think of anything overly intelligent to say. LOL I will get back to you when I've gotten some rest and a little clearer headed. It's been a long week.

I will say one thing though that a relationship with someone in the military is never never easy. It hard because I didn't even know where he was or when he'd call. Anyway, I was just really proud of him so I took strength from that and kept my chin up. I'm better then most at the independence thing but it wasn't easy. I'm one of the lucky ones that got him home safe (banged up a little) but safe. Sometimes I look at his scars and I get scared all over again and he reassures me with
"Hey chicks dig scars right? I'm not a stupid man 😉 I knew what I was doing. " LOL
He's an Aries... born to be a warrior.

Posted by FlyingBurritos80
Yeah most people think I'm lying out of my ass when I do tell them my sun's scorp "But, but you're so MELLOW" they say.

Yeah, till someone pushes that one little hard to find button. And look out world, for the irish Hulk will come out LOL.

I do hate having my moon and mars in sag though. Cause I always somehow, someway put my foot directly in mouth around people.

Sorry for the TMI regarding the sex thing. Thats my fun little sag moon doing its dirty work.

But doing the right thing in resisting taken/ married women's advances is hard though when there's no singles in your path.

I think I'm fixing to cave to be honest with you. Im not a total jerk, just plan to have a quick F.A.R. The gal will know upfront this is a one-time, no repeat exercise since she is of the taken persuasion.

After that, I'm through with the dating game. It has gotten much, much too frustrating for me. I'm already a jaded jerk when it comes to relationships no need to turn into a complete Iceman.

Just curious Ramfish, does having that gem moon put your sex drive down to 50% instead of 100? None of my business mind you, just curious. Cause if it does, can we trade moon signs? I'd rather have my moods change every 5 mnutes then think about sex every 10 😉

I just love you Flying!! You make me smile 🙂
Cave away darlin'!
Never be sorry for TMI! I love to know what makes people tick and TMI is the only way you ever find out.
I actually think it's pretty admirable that you don't sugar coat your "needs" situation. It's so much better to be upfront and honest, then pretend there could be something more when really that's not the case. That's so NOT scorp of you! I know women out there who do the same thing.

Regarding the sex thing...as you know I'm 28 so age is helping. As I get older, my sex drive has definitely increased. But, yes it's much lower with that damn moon. I'd trade you moons any day! I feel close to Sagis anyway cause I can relate to the whole foot in mouth syndrome.

FlyingBurrtos,
Just wanted to add that you're bingo! regarding 26-29 being the MOST INTENSE CHANGING period of a person's life!
My 20s were serene, even at 24. When I hit 25, suddenly it wa a whirlwind of changes. Values, self discovery, etc. Like a high speed train.
My guy is also a Sag moon/mars and I'm waiting for him to grow up from a 3 yr old to maybe pre-adolescence in mindset. And this is the period where he is growing up fast!
But hey, extremely good advice. I can also see that breakups are more frequent during this stage because we go from what should be to what I want it to be, from material values to spiritual values. Alot of time, partners dont keep up with one another.

It is a sad sad day when one grows up faster and has to halt his/ her growth to wait for the other to grow out of milk teeth.

I always admire people, especially men who can grow up mentally/emotionally a bit earlier, because they're damn well not redy for relationships before that. To get involved with one immature/unready is suicide.

I just wanted to add, to Gingscorp, that Aries man-Scorpio woman (not the other, way, mind you) is one of the most stable relationships I have encountered. There is an immense respect for each other, which is the key to a great relationship. My parents are that combi, and I just dont know how they keep it going. Basically theres no resentment, jealousy or any of that passionate crap in their relationship. Youd think itd be apparent in martian signs, but no. Its one of the more serene, low drama relationships. strange but true. Sometimes I wish that my eventual relationship can live up to the calibre of my parents'.

Oh, also, I must add that its because of our saturn return at 29-30. Alot of times its better to marry after 30 because Saturn returns cause havoc on personal lives.