How do you deal with self doubt?
This topic was created in the Aries forum by AriesFireKnight on Wednesday, May 25, 2016 and has 6 replies.
Ok, aries guy here (lot of aries in my chart, also the moon) struggling right now with a sudden drop in self esteem that is affecting my mindset in this new dating process I'm in with a leo girl. The question here, how do you deal with a huge unexpected wave of self doubt and snap back in the confident state we are loved for? In this moment I just can't help it and I feel the urge to become aloof and distant, disappearing for a while, but in the same time I like her and I know this will be strange.
STORY: I had this first date with this girl after she heavily liked my stuff on Facebook. Turned out we have some common friends and we hanged out a few times, first interaction was great, i asked for a date and after 2 days I walked with her for an hour or so talking, everything was great. Afterwards we hang out whit some friends, but I still kept an eye on her... all was fine, and all this time I've been in the normal confident self that she seems to like. She was a nice girl but when I get her to her home I had the feeling that she was expecting a kiss... And this was the moment when my self doubt strike for the first time: I wasn't comfortable to kiss her (yes, it may sound strange for some guys, but it takes me a while to feel comfortable with someone and get intimate, I have to spend like a week or so in their presence, cancer ascendant) so I go for a slightly awkward kiss on the cheek when she hugged me. She seemed to like it, we smiled afterwards and go home talking about seeing each other tomorrow.
The thing is that my best friend told me that I should've kissed her, I check the Internet and most of the people out there say that you should kiss her in this kind of situations so I started to feel guilty... Like I was failing at the end. And old insecurities came back to light slowly. The next day it was a damn rainy day and i didn't wanted to go out... You know, one of those days when you just want to chill without thinking at her (because the feeling of failure made me think a lot of her and somehow I'm feeling like I become attached and insecure). Just wanted to clear my mind and go out again a few days later. But no... My best friends calls me out 'because he have something important to tell me' (nothing in fact) and he brings her and one more friend too... She was so happy to see me in the beginning, so we chated about school, childhood, computer games and stuff. The conversation was ok but I was starting to feel like I am talking to much. This time self doubt strike again, my brain started to flood with ideas like 'you should've kissed her dumbass, now you will never get the chance again' and 'everyone is right, you gonna fail this time too and get friendzoned'... This isn't the way I normally think and this thoughts transform me into an old insecure me that I just hate. At the end of the night I just became aloof and I wanted to go. I didn't walkd her home, I just said goodbye and later I texted her asking for the name of...
STORY: I had this first date with this girl after she heavily liked my stuff on Facebook. Turned out we have some common friends and we hanged out a few times, first interaction was great, i asked for a date and after 2 days I walked with her for an hour or so talking, everything was great. Afterwards we hang out whit some friends, but I still kept an eye on her... all was fine, and all this time I've been in the normal confident self that she seems to like. She was a nice girl but when I get her to her home I had the feeling that she was expecting a kiss... And this was the moment when my self doubt strike for the first time: I wasn't comfortable to kiss her (yes, it may sound strange for some guys, but it takes me a while to feel comfortable with someone and get intimate, I have to spend like a week or so in their presence, cancer ascendant) so I go for a slightly awkward kiss on the cheek when she hugged me. She seemed to like it, we smiled afterwards and go home talking about seeing each other tomorrow.
The thing is that my best friend told me that I should've kissed her, I check the Internet and most of the people out there say that you should kiss her in this kind of situations so I started to feel guilty... Like I was failing at the end. And old insecurities came back to light slowly. The next day it was a damn rainy day and i didn't wanted to go out... You know, one of those days when you just want to chill without thinking at her (because the feeling of failure made me think a lot of her and somehow I'm feeling like I become attached and insecure). Just wanted to clear my mind and go out again a few days later. But no... My best friends calls me out 'because he have something important to tell me' (nothing in fact) and he brings her and one more friend too... She was so happy to see me in the beginning, so we chated about school, childhood, computer games and stuff. The conversation was ok but I was starting to feel like I am talking to much. This time self doubt strike again, my brain started to flood with ideas like 'you should've kissed her dumbass, now you will never get the chance again' and 'everyone is right, you gonna fail this time too and get friendzoned'... This isn't the way I normally think and this thoughts transform me into an old insecure me that I just hate. At the end of the night I just became aloof and I wanted to go. I didn't walkd her home, I just said goodbye and later I texted her asking for the name of...
... one movie she recommended me. I watched the movie, and it was great (laughed a few times even if I was feeling like hell) so I told her that I liked it, she was happy about it then I get to bed.
Now here I am writing this message, because my mind is aware that all is fine, but my inner self is just freaking me out whit ideas like 'all is lost' or 'I'm doomed to the friendzone' and this thing make me the insecure and weak person I was struggling to get rid on this years. If I don't somehow snap back, I know that my bad thoughts will act like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Can you please write this the things you do when a wild wave of self doubt strikes like this, and maybe give me some advice for my particular situation?
Now here I am writing this message, because my mind is aware that all is fine, but my inner self is just freaking me out whit ideas like 'all is lost' or 'I'm doomed to the friendzone' and this thing make me the insecure and weak person I was struggling to get rid on this years. If I don't somehow snap back, I know that my bad thoughts will act like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Can you please write this the things you do when a wild wave of self doubt strikes like this, and maybe give me some advice for my particular situation?
I understand the self doubt and criticisms. When I was in a relationship with a Virgo, I was way more affectionate than him (he was a bit more controlled so it was hard to read him sometimes) and I would get in my head thinking I was annoying but then I would just ask him. "Does it bother you when I do x, y, z things?" & he would say no, he loved that I was so affectionate and silly.
If you feel comfortable with her, just either ask if you're being too talkative. But honestly if she seems responsive to you (I mean, you said she was happy to see you after the rainy day!) and she loves your confidence, there's no need to worry. Be yourself, but also leave room for her to definitely get her thoughts out. I know we Aries can talk a lot depending on who we're with.
DON'T DOUBT YOURSELF ABOUT THE KISS THING!!! It's okay for real. I see it as being a gentleman and not overstepping a possibly boundary. You didn't know her that well beforehand, plus taking your time can lead to great intensity later
My best advice is to go with the flow and really just pay attention to her.
If she friendzones you, it's not the end of the world either. You seem like a nice guy. Keep on being a nice guy, go with the flow and pay attention to her subtle behaviors that shows she's interested. (Touching, being happy to see you, interested in conversation, wanting to be around you more..)
Best of luck!
If you feel comfortable with her, just either ask if you're being too talkative. But honestly if she seems responsive to you (I mean, you said she was happy to see you after the rainy day!) and she loves your confidence, there's no need to worry. Be yourself, but also leave room for her to definitely get her thoughts out. I know we Aries can talk a lot depending on who we're with.
DON'T DOUBT YOURSELF ABOUT THE KISS THING!!! It's okay for real. I see it as being a gentleman and not overstepping a possibly boundary. You didn't know her that well beforehand, plus taking your time can lead to great intensity later
My best advice is to go with the flow and really just pay attention to her. If she friendzones you, it's not the end of the world either. You seem like a nice guy. Keep on being a nice guy, go with the flow and pay attention to her subtle behaviors that shows she's interested. (Touching, being happy to see you, interested in conversation, wanting to be around you more..)
Best of luck!
Signed Up: Oct 29, 2014
Comments: 1 · Posts: 16583 · Topics: 222
Comments: 1 · Posts: 16583 · Topics: 222
Yeah just friendship level though. It will always be amount of compromise and hard work on both.
This one aries guy i know, mars cancer and cancer rising, he would second guess himself alot with me.
Lol he would even ask if he was talking too much.
Just be you. Her positive reinforcement will let you know her intentions. Youre doing the right thing. Observing.
Lol he would even ask if he was talking too much.
Just be you. Her positive reinforcement will let you know her intentions. Youre doing the right thing. Observing.
Thanks for your advices 
I'm always feeling better after I post here, you're a great community and I'm so glad I joined 
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