I fell in love with an Aries Man...

This topic was created in the Aries forum by aliasidealist on Friday, April 27, 2012 and has 22 replies.
Me - Leo Sun, Capricorn Moon, F
HIm - Aries Sun, Taurus Moon, M
We met a few months ago. Things started off so quickly, we were seeing each other, and when we weren't, we were texting from the start of the day till night. We clicked, we acknowledged that, and promised to be open about our feelings to each other. We spent a lot of time with each other, and grew intimate.
Somewhere along the lines, he started to behave coldly. I'm quite sure I became too easy to be around, because I gave him all of my time. Whenever he called me up, I'd be ready to meet him whenever, to be his listening ear and best friend/cuddle friend. It's still the case right now, except I'm trying to detach myself from him, slowly. Though, to be honest, he's on my mind the whole day. We have established that we are merely friends, and he has told me multiple times that "I have no romantic feelings for you", but it seemed that wasn't the case at the beginning.
Here's the part I really can't leave out: He has a girlfriend who is currently overseas, but will be returning soon. He is also seeing someone else at the same time, and I've met her and seen them interact. I was only allowed to because I told him "i don't have feelings for you anymore", which was true, until recently I started faltering again. I don't know what "courage" caused me to be involved in something so sinful and unhealthy, but I guess I am trying my best to detach from him already. Our "best friend" dynamics makes me so happy but kills me at the same time. I just don't know how to make it easier, or faster for me to.
I'm new here. I've been reading so much on the forums that I decided to just give in and have an account, because I'm desperate for help. I know the context of our relationship is so screwed up and wrong, but my irrational heart cannot stop but feel so much. I just need a slap in the face, some advice that I can read over and over again to drill into my stubborn head. I tell myself "maybe we're not good for each other now, but we could be next time, a long time later." Idealistic, isn't it?
Aries men. I know how you work... some of you are manipulative, some of you perfect beyond description. He's somewhere in between, so insecure, so needy, but appearing so strong and so intrepid. And I have really fallen in too deep. Please help me out of this... ?
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Posted by bluemoon9043834
He's a player and I am sorry for your experience with him. The best thing to do for yourself is to probably ease back from a friendship with him and spend time with your other friends. Hope this helps.


Thank you for your advice! I am trying that right now. I haven't initiated texts or bothered to ask him how he is, I hope it isn't giving off the impression that I'm playing hard to get or being downright cold. Ultimately, I still care a lot for him.
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If he told you he sees you only as a friend, then why would you not take his words as the truth? What you know of him you have acknowledged isn't healthy, so either accept him treating you this way or ax him! He seems like he doesn't know what he wants and you don't want to be in the middle of that mess- or do you?
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Posted by Ariess
If he told you he sees you only as a friend, then why would you not take his words as the truth? What you know of him you have acknowledged isn't healthy, so either accept him treating you this way or ax him! He seems like he doesn't know what he wants and you don't want to be in the middle of that mess- or do you?



yes it's true, perhaps he really isn't sure of what he wants and is just going with the flow and the rush of things - do aries do that? live for the moment without thinking about the consequences? because he believes he can get away with anything...
i take his words as the truth, but a part of me yearns. and i have tried to axe him before, but my feelings faltered. i will keep trying though. thank you for your advice!
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Posted by bluemoon9043834
Posted by aliasidealist
Posted by bluemoon9043834
He's a player and I am sorry for your experience with him. The best thing to do for yourself is to probably ease back from a friendship with him and spend time with your other friends. Hope this helps.


Thank you for your advice! I am trying that right now. I haven't initiated texts or bothered to ask him how he is, I hope it isn't giving off the impression that I'm playing hard to get or being downright cold. Ultimately, I still care a lot for him.


Turn the care that you feel for him for yourself. Hug yourself and tell yourself that "I love you" because he just revealed your inner core to yourself...
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thank you. i hope that one day i will. there is a chemistry between leo and aries, that is mutual, even if it isn't mutual love. and i think most fire signs can relate to the idea of extremities - all or nothing. and if i won't have everything, i will drop it all one day and emerge stronger.
love the aries forums. fun stuff!
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Posted by bluemoon9043834
Aries is a sign that lives in the moment and can lack forethought, yes.
We have established that we are merely friends, and he has told me multiple times that "I have no romantic feelings for you", but it seemed that wasn't the case at the beginning.
How long were you two together? It sounds like he dived into this pretty fast and then at some point, the initial feelings wore off...


it's been less than a year since we first met. yes, we both plunged in, except he chose to find the shore shortly afterwards. perhaps it was exciting, the thrill of something new (despite him already having a girlfriend)? i wonder if it stems from a huge insecurity, where he thrives on the attention of females to regain some kind of comfort? or can i assume he knows exactly his worth, even without women's attention, and that this is all just a game? i never knew aries to be game players, because i thought most to be in over their head when they're in love ...
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Posted by aliasidealist
Posted by bluemoon9043834
Aries is a sign that lives in the moment and can lack forethought, yes.
We have established that we are merely friends, and he has told me multiple times that "I have no romantic feelings for you", but it seemed that wasn't the case at the beginning.
How long were you two together? It sounds like he dived into this pretty fast and then at some point, the initial feelings wore off...


it's been less than a year since we first met. yes, we both plunged in, except he chose to find the shore shortly afterwards. perhaps it was exciting, the thrill of something new (despite him already having a girlfriend)? i wonder if it stems from a huge insecurity, where he thrives on the attention of females to regain some kind of comfort? or can i assume he knows exactly his worth, even without women's attention, and that this is all just a game? i never knew aries to be game players, because i thought most to be in over their head when they're in love ...
click to expand


half a year*
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Posted by aliasidealist
Posted by bluemoon9043834
Aries is a sign that lives in the moment and can lack forethought, yes.
We have established that we are merely friends, and he has told me multiple times that "I have no romantic feelings for you", but it seemed that wasn't the case at the beginning.
How long were you two together? It sounds like he dived into this pretty fast and then at some point, the initial feelings wore off...


it's been less than a year since we first met. yes, we both plunged in, except he chose to find the shore shortly afterwards. perhaps it was exciting, the thrill of something new (despite him already having a girlfriend)? i wonder if it stems from a huge insecurity, where he thrives on the attention of females to regain some kind of comfort? or can i assume he knows exactly his worth, even without women's attention, and that this is all just a game? i never knew aries to be game players, because i thought most to be in over their head when they're in love ...
click to expand


Most don't play games. When we're interested/in love, we're all in. It sounds like your Aries has a lot of growing up to do.
And I feel for you with that Cap moon, lady. The Cap moon causes heavy introspection and analyzation. I completely understand why it's so hard for you to let this go. We Cap mooners can't drop things as easily as other fire signs.
My advice, from experience, is to find someone else to hold your interest. Go out and do some dating so you can stop obsessing about this situation. One you're in a new place with a new man, all of this will feel like a very distant memory.
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Posted by aliaries
Posted by aliasidealist
Posted by bluemoon9043834
Aries is a sign that lives in the moment and can lack forethought, yes.
We have established that we are merely friends, and he has told me multiple times that "I have no romantic feelings for you", but it seemed that wasn't the case at the beginning.
How long were you two together? It sounds like he dived into this pretty fast and then at some point, the initial feelings wore off...


it's been less than a year since we first met. yes, we both plunged in, except he chose to find the shore shortly afterwards. perhaps it was exciting, the thrill of something new (despite him already having a girlfriend)? i wonder if it stems from a huge insecurity, where he thrives on the attention of females to regain some kind of comfort? or can i assume he knows exactly his worth, even without women's attention, and that this is all just a game? i never knew aries to be game players, because i thought most to be in over their head when they're in love ...


Most don't play games. When we're interested/in love, we're all in. It sounds like your Aries has a lot of growing up to do.
And I feel for you with that Cap moon, lady. The Cap moon causes heavy introspection and analyzation. I completely understand why it's so hard for you to let this go. We Cap mooners can't drop things as easily as other fire signs.
My advice, from experience, is to find someone else to hold your interest. Go out and do some dating so you can stop obsessing about this situation. One you're in a new place with a new man, all of this will feel like a very distant memory.
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i couldn't help but notice your username!
yes, i've never given much emphasis to my moon sign, i was never much into horoscopes until recently, and i realized it's such a drawback in a way because i find it most difficult to let most things go! great introspection and obsession and an inability to move on, or accept things when change has eroded the past.
perhaps i will, except i don't really have the strength to 'put myself out there' again. i feel that i have good reason to be very cautious with my feelings, though the romantic side of me wishes i could just plunge into a fairytale again.
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continued- (i don't know why it got cut off Sad)
thanks so much for your advicesmile
i don't know how this will help much, but me and him, my mars and venus and in virgo, and his mars and venus, aquarius.
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Posted by bluemoon9043834
His Venus is in Aquarius. He is able to turn off emotions at the drop of a dime. I wouldn't waste time in analyzing him any further because that is the answer and what he has said straight out of his mouth is the truth. If you keep analyzing it, you are only making it harder on yourself in not just moving on. The only benefit of analyzing is when it comes to a relationship, but you two aren't in a relationship. In fact, he is in a relationship with some woman overseas and is carrying on flings with others. The answers are within your own soul, listen to what your soul and heart say. Look within.


I allowed myself to be around him today. I am going absolutely crazy right now... I can't even find the words to describe how messed up I am. I am on the verge of calling him over just to provide me some kind of physical and mental attention (not sex), but just so I can feel some kind of reciprocation.
Yes, everything you say is legit and valid - he's attached, he can detach himself from things easily. But honestly, what makes someone like that tick? How does someone like that ever get truly emotionally and physically attached to someone else? Isn't his aries sun for attention and true love strong enough to counter both cold venus and mars?
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Oh my! Very interesting story. Sad

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Posted by aliasidealist
We met a few months ago. Things started off so quickly, we were seeing each other, and when we weren't, we were texting from the start of the day till night. We clicked, we acknowledged that, and promised to be open about our feelings to each other. We spent a lot of time with each other, and grew intimate.
Somewhere along the lines, he started to behave coldly. I'm quite sure I became too easy to be around, because I gave him all of my time. Whenever he called me up, I'd be ready to meet him whenever, to be his listening ear and best friend/cuddle friend. It's still the case right now, except I'm trying to detach myself from him, slowly. Though, to be honest, he's on my mind the whole day. We have established that we are merely friends, and he has told me multiple times that "I have no romantic feelings for you", but it seemed that wasn't the case at the beginning.
Here's the part I really can't leave out: He has a girlfriend who is currently overseas, but will be returning soon. He is also seeing someone else at the same time, and I've met her and seen them interact. I was only allowed to because I told him "i don't have feelings for you anymore", which was true, until recently I started faltering again. I don't know what "courage" caused me to be involved in something so sinful and unhealthy, but I guess I am trying my best to detach from him already. Our "best friend" dynamics makes me so happy but kills me at the same time. I just don't know how to make it easier, or faster for me to.


OP when you started dating this man did you know he has a girlfriend overseas and the other woman that you met?
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Posted by Love366
Posted by aliasidealist
We met a few months ago. Things started off so quickly, we were seeing each other, and when we weren't, we were texting from the start of the day till night. We clicked, we acknowledged that, and promised to be open about our feelings to each other. We spent a lot of time with each other, and grew intimate.
Somewhere along the lines, he started to behave coldly. I'm quite sure I became too easy to be around, because I gave him all of my time. Whenever he called me up, I'd be ready to meet him whenever, to be his listening ear and best friend/cuddle friend. It's still the case right now, except I'm trying to detach myself from him, slowly. Though, to be honest, he's on my mind the whole day. We have established that we are merely friends, and he has told me multiple times that "I have no romantic feelings for you", but it seemed that wasn't the case at the beginning.
Here's the part I really can't leave out: He has a girlfriend who is currently overseas, but will be returning soon. He is also seeing someone else at the same time, and I've met her and seen them interact. I was only allowed to because I told him "i don't have feelings for you anymore", which was true, until recently I started faltering again. I don't know what "courage" caused me to be involved in something so sinful and unhealthy, but I guess I am trying my best to detach from him already. Our "best friend" dynamics makes me so happy but kills me at the same time. I just don't know how to make it easier, or faster for me to.


OP when you started dating this man did you know he has a girlfriend overseas and the other woman that you met?
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I've known about his girlfriend from the start - Initially, we drew that lines at being friends. But boundaries got blurred, and we got involved a few times. He drew away, and my feelings grew. Over time, we grew very close, I know a lot about him, probably more than anyone else in his life right now. I only found out about the other woman when he started to see her again, or whatever exactly it is that they do together. Now we're distancing... but not leaving. It's been very different since.
Pretty messed up, ay? Never thought I'd allow myself to be in something like that.
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Well, I think that sometimes men and women will throw the bullshit card and the person on the receiving end is not looking at the card and is only looking at the fact a card was just thrown.....Attention!!!! He gave you the attention that was probably needed at the time and wanted and when he took that away ya got little bananas. I understand!
I wouldn??t focus so much on him and really try to look in the mirror and see why is it you want a man like that if what he is doing is not making you happy. If you are happy and enjoy chasing him while he is probably chasing other women then so be it. However, I think this is just an attention thing.
I mean you knew about the women you know about the other stuff so why change how you see the entire relationship now and it??s because he took the attention away that you want. I wouldn??t worry about it too much and don??t beat yourself up just realize that you are looking for attention and he gave that to you.
Now, I would just find someone else to give you that attention and just chill and not sweat the small stuff. Stop beating yourself up and move on to the next if you??re not happy.
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Posted by Love366
Well, I think that sometimes men and women will throw the bullshit card and the person on the receiving end is not looking at the card and is only looking at the fact a card was just thrown.....Attention!!!! He gave you the attention that was probably needed at the time and wanted and when he took that away ya got little bananas. I understand!
I wouldn??t focus so much on him and really try to look in the mirror and see why is it you want a man like that if what he is doing is not making you happy. If you are happy and enjoy chasing him while he is probably chasing other women then so be it. However, I think this is just an attention thing.
I mean you knew about the women you know about the other stuff so why change how you see the entire relationship now and it??s because he took the attention away that you want. I wouldn??t worry about it too much and don??t beat yourself up just realize that you are looking for attention and he gave that to you.
Now, I would just find someone else to give you that attention and just chill and not sweat the small stuff. Stop beating yourself up and move on to the next if you??re not happy.



Well that's a good way to put it, and it makes sense too because I really love having attention spilled all over me. It's largely an insecurity thing, I can't shake it off - if someone pays attention to me, it makes me feel important, and vice versa.
Why I'd want a man like that... well largely what i feel for him has little to do with how he treats me? It might upset me a lot, seeing the context, but I realize the largest emotion I feel towards him is of nurturing, protecting. I don't know if it's weird that i feel this way as a woman, but it stems from how he is, reckless with the things he has in his life, doing things believing he can get away or rather unthinking of the consequences. His free-spirit attitude is both so alluring and shocking, and a small part of me wants to "tie him down" and take care of him when the women in his life make him angry or sad. He rarely voices out his emotions, and he does so with me - I think he is afraid of talking about emotion, and the very fact he can with me makes me feel important.
Despite his "do anything i want" attitude, I remember the moments when we were asleep, or the moments where he really let his guard down and needed reassurance and love -
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- where he'd cuddle with me or hold me in our sleep, and it's almost like I would sometimes play the role of the protector, and feel safe at the same time. I felt like we were both broken, and found each other to heal ourselves. Some days when I am about to lose my head, I think of the possibilities we can have with each other in an alternate universe. I'm perfectly "normal" as I'm writing this now, and I really do mean what I'm saying, however ridiculous sounding. The thought has left my head though, because it's impossible, and as much as I push myself towards the things that are bad for me, I'm slowly trying to draw away.
It's difficult to be angry at him because it's as though he hasn't done anything terribly wrong except cheat on his girlfriend - large of our interaction was a mutual agreement, and he never had the intention to hurt me, always assuming i'd be able to "handle" it. Except I couldn't.
I'm meeting later today with a few friends. I don't know how it's going to go. He likes to behave coldly towards me in front of our mutual friends (I really don't understand why - to give the strong impression that he feels nothing for me? because he cares about his image? yet he can flirt with our mutual friend, despite how we are much closer to each other...),
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and i think he is aware that i am still rather uncomfortable about receiving the treatment. I wonder if it amuses him. An interesting thing to note is that he also appears "bothered" or rather "discomforted" and even boggled when I do actually pay a lot of attention to some other guy. I guess I'll never know what I mean to him - and to a gemini, that is exciting isn't it? But to a leo, wow, this has been a ride.
That was so unhealthy. Sad Wish me luck.
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Yes that was very unhealthy.
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Posted by aliasidealist
some of you perfect beyond description.

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unhealthy
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Sorry to hear this aliasidealist. Not all Aries men are like this - players. I'm not. But my Venus is in Pisces - maybe that is the difference. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stay out of the situation and not spend time with him. That may be all you want to do, but it's not healthy and you're only hurting yourself in the end while he's out "playing". Distract yourself by hanging out with friends or anything but don't call him - it will make him wonder what you're up to...trust me, he knows you are focused on him so he doesn't have to "chase"...begin being unavailable and don't initiate contact and if he cares at all, he'll come running - if he doesn't, don't waste your time he will continue the same behavior and you deserve more than that. You may not be able to be just friends with him and in time you will know that. Good luck!
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