Infamous Aries temper

This topic was created in the Aries forum by lotuslily on Sunday, November 20, 2011 and has 36 replies.
Hi y'all Big Grin
We all know we reach boiling point in under a nanosecond and then explode and leave those closest to us (in physical proximity) traumatised by the experience (((((secret mischievous giggle))))).
We also know that our tempers bite us in the ass more often than not and most of the time we're left wishing we had a backspace key on our mouth because of how we screw ourselves over by losing our cool.
Like, if only we didn't hang up on one of our best friends while thinking "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, PLEASE DON'T STAY IN TOUCH!" because they cancelled on us at the last minute after we spent a fair amount of money catering for them and their whole family when we asked them that morning (before we went grocery shopping) if they were coming and they said yes.
Or if only we didn't send that irate email to our favourite bedtime playmate for them not answering your messages every now and then, asking them who the fuck they think they are disrespecting you by brushing you off or ignoring you. (I miss him Sad )
I want to know (for the sake of inner growth): How do you guys manage your tempers to keep them at a constructive level and not destructive?
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I have to be prodded a few times before I can be bothered letting rip.
I would rather ignore B/s (pretend it doesn't exist) but I can ramp it up if necessary. And because I don't do it often I like to make it countsmile Save it for something special.
With emails I like to write them out and leave them for a while (day or couple of hours - do something else and come back to it. You can then add to it/delete from it/ whatever. Check for typos - nothing like losing your shit with errors all over the place!!)
Never fear - if it is truly something worth being angry about, the anger will still be there
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Posted by lotuslily

How do you guys manage your tempers to keep them at a constructive level and not destructive?


This is a wonderful and deep topic. Glad we get a chance to discuss it. I am eager to read everyone's tips and strategies.
I have heard it all: "has major anger issues", "bipolar", "too serious (should lighten up)", "touchy", "defensive".
I guess the main thing I do is go deep within myself and spend a lot of time getting myself through the situation. One of the first things I do is start setting aside a lot of time and space to work that out alone in my head.
My goals when I get mad:
1) not blow up and lose something I don't want to lose right now (job, relationship, etc). Get safely away so I can get to working the issue out.
2) not turn the anger into something that will beat me up (yeah it eats you up inside, I refuse to let this make me feel less than).
3) find a way to safely express the anger another way to at least get some of the overblown energy out. Write, work it off, scream into a pillow, talk with someone sympathetic to the situation.
4) go deep inside and get all the personal issues in order. Time to reevaluate myself. Double-check this isn't something triggering something pent up inside me like a past anger issue. The worst thing that could ever happen is to let this become something that repeats, that bubbles up later, and forgive yourself if that occurs and work on it then too.
5) all attention on my health. sleep more, eat better, stay sharp and on task at work, find ways to relax and unwind. Ultimately I am trying to find the answer from my heart, on what to do and it comes when I can hear more than my anger.
6) again, get the math to work out so that you can say, "this is me, this is what I want in life, this is how I am going to handle this situation and get back to my life and get back to being happy again"
7) I try to do clean up my mind from time to time to stay on top of this very issue. I hate having nagging voices in my head saying that I am still so upset about this, or I still can't believe this happened.
I guess what it boils down to, for me, is I know I have to work it out, spend a lot of time, do whatever I have to do, however long, and go deep and find what my heart truly wants. Use it as a way to grow and learn what I do and don't want.
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Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

Never fear - if it is truly something worth being angry about, the anger will still be there


Indeed.
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Punch clowns. It works a treat.
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My temper I think is my biggest flaw, Ive scared so many poeple while blowing up, I think poeples reactions have helped me out with it and also reflection. I really don't want to hurt people and it hurts me knowing Ive lost my temper and possibly hurt someones feelings. I have seen the looks on some people's faces after Ive exploded, its sad. I also look at other people when they lose their temperm and say do I want to be that person. My anger and temper come from past hurts and I know that. The more I deal with the past and let my hurt out the more mellow Ive become, yay me! But when I get angry and I feel like someone is trying to take advantge of my niceness and openess or my innocence all the hurt flashes in front of my eyes and thats what makes me blow up.
When I blow up on someone who deserves it though, I dont get sad just embarrased that I let someone unworthy, make me lose control.
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Posted by AliCar15
1. I've gotten better at managing my temper as I've gotten older. Usually, I can squash whatever thing is bothering my by asking myself, before I blow up, if all the carnage that my temper will cause is really worth it. Do I really want to ruin an entire day because I'm pissed? The answer is usually no.
2. But, when I do blow up, it's ALWAYS short-lived. I get the rage out of my system, then I instantly feel better and want everything to go back to normal. Unfortunately, the person I just blew up on typically isn't ready for things to go back to normal, so I either wait that out or choose to not make the same outburst again based on the carnage I've caused (see #1). I have an agreement with my Aqua boyfriend (who is HEAVY on the Pisces placements) that when I get mad- I mean, really mad- he should leave the house. Take off for an hour or so and then come back, and we can either take about whatever was pissing me off calmly, or we can avoid the entire argument.
3. E-mail. Whenever I'm about to write an angry or irritated email, I end up starting it then saving it in my drafts. I'll come back and reread it later (probably the next day) before I send it. 9 out of 10 times, I'll rephrase my original email and make it more neutral. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. smile


I LOVE your 'Evacuate the building' plan!!!! It's like we should carry around a remote and when we feel it coming we just hit the button and an announcement will be made in the streets saying "Attention, attention. All those within a 2km radius of Lotuslily, please evacuate immediately!" and then there would have to be a very quick countdown to BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then a lot of noise for like 10 minutes and then I storm off and everything will be dead silent for hours. Not because the place is empty but rather because everyone is too scared to death to move in case I come back for round two! Little do they know that within half an hour of storming off, I'm off sharing laughter and bevvies in my happy place again. Tra lah lah!
Email: I've tried to make it neutral, but even my neutral is someone else's idea of me losing it. Do you think humour as an approach to dealing with bs could be an effective option?
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Posted by impresswho
Posted by lotuslily
I want to know (for the sake of inner growth): How do you guys manage your tempers to keep them at a constructive level and not destructive?


I don't. I say what I have to say and I??m done; however, whatever I say is done with respect. I don't like to disrespect people, but sometimes I realize it has to be done.
My thing is people can cry these long tears, be depressed, be happy, be deep, but Aries can??t get angry.

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They say our tempers are very intimidating. Do you think it's because we don't sugar coat shit or paint the turds and be all 'diplomatic' and pussy foot around confrontation like the other signs? There's no forewarning is there really that we're going to explode? We get straight to the point and tell it like it is, and that's what leaves most people shell shocked I think. That, coupled with the noise level... do you get loud at all?
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My friend once told me to count to ten and then still say nothing. It works when I'm annoyed, but when I'm pissed off, it all happens too quickly for me to even remember to try and find a better way to handle it.
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Posted by lotuslily
Posted by impresswho
Posted by lotuslily
I want to know (for the sake of inner growth): How do you guys manage your tempers to keep them at a constructive level and not destructive?


I don't. I say what I have to say and I??m done; however, whatever I say is done with respect. I don't like to disrespect people, but sometimes I realize it has to be done.
My thing is people can cry these long tears, be depressed, be happy, be deep, but Aries can??t get angry.



They say our tempers are very intimidating. Do you think it's because we don't sugar coat shit or paint the turds and be all 'diplomatic' and pussy foot around confrontation like the other signs? There's no forewarning is there really that we're going to explode? We get straight to the point and tell it like it is, and that's what leaves most people shell shocked I think. That, coupled with the noise level... do you get loud at all?
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Yup i get loud and wild
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Posted by venusianbull
Punch clowns. It works a treat.


What has DazedScorp ever done to me?????

Practice, practice, practice, and man do I ever have a long, long ways to go.....
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Posted by dofacc
Posted by venusianbull
Punch clowns. It works a treat.


What has DazedScorp ever done to me?????

Practice, practice, practice, and man do I ever have a long, long ways to go.....
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LOL I meant boogery clowns..creepy clowns. Clowns clearly asking for it. Tongue
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I do have a temper. Everyone has one. What makes us different is that we do not sublimate those feelings and stuff them down, smiling on the outside and seething on the inside.
It is another facet of the straightforward nature of the Aries. If I am happy, you will know it. If I am enthusiastic about a project, you will know it. If I disagree with something, you will know it. So, it follows, if I am angry, you will know it, also.
Once I have expressed my anger, it is out of my system, and I can go on with my day. I hold no grudges or resentment. I just need to get it out in the open. One issue is, as another poster said, is dealing with the shock that other people have from my expression of emotion. I Relate to you, bkbella, about knowing that my outbursts have hurt people. In fact, I have lost more than my share of jobs because of this. But, if I do hurt someone unintentionally I will apologize, if warranted.
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Posted by venusianbull
Posted by dofacc
Posted by venusianbull
Punch clowns. It works a treat.


What has DazedScorp ever done to me?????

Practice, practice, practice, and man do I ever have a long, long ways to go.....


LOL I meant boogery clowns..creepy clowns. Clowns clearly asking for it. Tongue
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Yah, yah, that's right, DazedScorp???
Actually, I am April 7 also. Pretty cool, huh!!!!
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April babies are tremendous. Big Grin LOL No, not Dazed. Don't punch him.
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Posted by dofacc
Posted by venusianbull
Posted by dofacc
Posted by venusianbull
Punch clowns. It works a treat.


What has DazedScorp ever done to me?????

Practice, practice, practice, and man do I ever have a long, long ways to go.....


LOL I meant boogery clowns..creepy clowns. Clowns clearly asking for it. Tongue


Yah, yah, that's right, DazedScorp???
Actually, I am April 7 also. Pretty cool, huh!!!!
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Im April 7 too!
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Posted by lotuslily

I want to know (for the sake of inner growth): How do you guys manage your tempers to keep them at a constructive level and not destructive?



thinking before you speak usually helps. (not meant to sound sarcastic) try applying a "filter" to your mouth, that way when something is about to be blurted out through high stress or a quick flare up, it is automatically not said. had an experience with an Aries female friend with whom i was angry with for something work related. she had told me to come work on a certain day a week ahead of time and then gave the shift to someone else without telling me. i didn't find out until the day before, which due to my Capricorn tendencies, pissed me off greatly. i didn't talk to her for about a week, silent treatment and all. she told my sister that she didn't give a shit if i ever called her again for anything, of course until 5 minutes after receiving the message, i called her, and called her out on it. her viewpoint quickly changed but initially she seemed genuinely upset and was half crying on the phone. (i wasn't disrespectful to her at all) after a couple minutes on the phone though, she quickly apologized and i was able to explain my piece and how she had made me feel. that was probably the only real argument we ever had. been friends with her for 3-4 years.
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leave an aries alone when they lose it if you can because trying
to calm them down can make them even more angry and if you keep
fighting you might say harsh words you could feel terrible about
later on! Sometimes I fight but I would rather not because words
can hurt and Aries are more easily hurt than they look sometimes?
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sometimes a good fight is exciting but be careful that you fight fair!
I'd rather not fight however lol but at times have given in and fought
back just as hard as my aries man but try not to call him bad names if
possible or hit below the belt.Aries can say harsh things but try not
to get to that level because after you have forgotten everything your
ram might still be hurting inside
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Go buy yourself a doll and alot of safety pins and stick em.....OHHHH,OHHHH. That's voodoo is in it. You might not want to do that it might actually work.HEEEHEEEEEE
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that is true apiscesprincess but at times they can still hold onto
the hurt even when they have calmed down and they may bring it up
later.my aries and I don't call each other bad names but have on
a few rare occasions and we also are highly forgiving of one another
but aries have their Ego lol and it's like they have a twin too if
you can't them & their ego lol but yes they are wonderful at getting
over their anger faster than most and they do have a forgiving nature
that I love very much because I am the same way.
with a sincere apology when needed they sometimes melt into your arms
so yes they do have these endearing traits but I hate to hurt my aries
guy because sometimes he thinks I really mean it when I was only angry
and didn't mean it at all.
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Try to be with people you like and you feel calm with.
I use Dxpnet to find my people :p
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by venusianbull
Punch clowns. It works a treat.


Hahahah, this is a good one.
Or those peeps in stupid fluffy/animal/advertsing suits you see outside stores etc giving leaflets out. Tongue
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Perfect! Throw Barney in there too. Big Grin
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LOL I would pay to see that. smile
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smile Don't tempt me. LOL I'd cheerfully pony up for Guinness after too. "Nice ass whoopin', time for a Harp to play."
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Posted by aries415
I have came a very long way! Today I found out that my cap guy is seeing other people. I cooked breakfast for him Saturday morning and noticed an unfamiliar wine in the frigerator, didnt ask i figured he wanted to get me something else other than my usual red wine or Moscatto. He always have my favorite wine chilling for me. So today we both did not go to work he asked me to come over. And again I made breakfast... I could have flipped out when I did not see that wine! And I crazily looked in the trash to see the bottle empty, the lush wench..lol The first thought was to take the bottle and smash him over his head! But because I meditate and try to monitor my anger, I let him know that I saw the wine and that it is no longer there, so did he have company? He lied and said he drunk it, he strictly told me he doesn't do wine, so now he has messed up with me forever! I hurried and put on my clothes, smiled and said goodbye without smacking his face. He will now see that he is no longer an object of my affection and that only a friend because he has done dear things for me and I appreciate, however I always told him upfront that he did not have to lie, even if it hurt me. But it took so much not to attack him when he lied to me..lol oh well it is what it is. On to the next!



LOL at lush wench!!
VB!
We have been sprung - quick - to the Wench Mobile!!
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by venusianbull
smile Don't tempt me. LOL I'd cheerfully pony up for Guinness after too. "Nice ass whoopin', time for a Harp to play."


Hahaha. poor Barney (not), the harp's are playing his swan song. Devil
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Exxxxcellent. *rubbing hands together* Devil
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Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson
Posted by aries415
I have came a very long way! Today I found out that my cap guy is seeing other people. I cooked breakfast for him Saturday morning and noticed an unfamiliar wine in the frigerator, didnt ask i figured he wanted to get me something else other than my usual red wine or Moscatto. He always have my favorite wine chilling for me. So today we both did not go to work he asked me to come over. And again I made breakfast... I could have flipped out when I did not see that wine! And I crazily looked in the trash to see the bottle empty, the lush wench..lol The first thought was to take the bottle and smash him over his head! But because I meditate and try to monitor my anger, I let him know that I saw the wine and that it is no longer there, so did he have company? He lied and said he drunk it, he strictly told me he doesn't do wine, so now he has messed up with me forever! I hurried and put on my clothes, smiled and said goodbye without smacking his face. He will now see that he is no longer an object of my affection and that only a friend because he has done dear things for me and I appreciate, however I always told him upfront that he did not have to lie, even if it hurt me. But it took so much not to attack him when he lied to me..lol oh well it is what it is. On to the next!



LOL at lush wench!!
VB!
We have been sprung - quick - to the Wench Mobile!!
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Where did I leave that damned utility belt?
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Posted by aliennation
I'm so sick of holding in my temper.
Never in my 22 years of life have I ever had the chance to REALLY release my anger. I get so fucking sick of having to always remain calm, keep an indoor voice, and remain detached. When someone pisses me off, I just want to YELL and tell them off to their face. Or throw things or just generally physically intimidate them. I'm assertive and make my needs known, but to me, that's not enough. I physically need to yell, and/or really tell them off. But I don't want to look like I'm crazy, make enemies, or cause drama.
And I was raised in a home where anger was seen as something to just hide and suppress. And even after moving out at 18, I've always lived with roommates, I've always had neighbors (upstairs neighbors, next door neighbors, etc). And of course, at least one roommate is ALWAYS fucking HOME when I happen to be there, and I don't want to look like I have mental issues by exploding.
I crave it, I crave it so, so, SO bad to just be able to find a totally solitary place where NOBODY can hear me just SHOUT, rant and swear.
My main vehicle was a motorcycle until recently, when it got totaled by a drunk driver. So I don't even have the luxury of driving in a car down the freeway just to let myself get angry without anyone ever knowing.
Playing sports doesn't help. Writing things down doesn't help. Music doesn't help. Talking it out doesn't help. Calmly asserting myself doesn't help. I NEED to just have the chance, just ONCE in my life, it's ALL I ask....to just be able to loudly voice my frustrations. Just ONCE, I swear to god.
* coincidentally, I also have a painful chronic craving to freely SING. But I don't want to embarrass myself. These two chronic cravings have constantly made me miserable.



By all means let it out! Because it will come out eventually and it might just really be at an inappropriate time that will really get you into trouble. I use to hold some anger in toward some friends because like you I did not want to scare them..lol It's crazy how I am labeled as so nice but you piss me off OMG...lol it has to come out. When taking anger management class I learned that it was ok to be angry, but you have to monitor it. I am older now so I am better at it, but back in my twenties.... Geesh. So go ahead and let out so that you can release the negative energy.
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The Purple One is going dowwwwwwwn, and I don't mean Prince. Bwahahahaha. Yorkshire is coming for you.
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Posted by aliennation
Never in my 22 years of life have I ever had the chance to REALLY release my anger. I get so fucking sick of having to always remain calm, keep an indoor voice, and remain detached. When someone pisses me off, I just want to YELL and tell them off to their face. Or throw things or just generally physically intimidate them. I'm assertive and make my needs known, but to me, that's not enough. I physically need to yell, and/or really tell them off. But I don't want to look like I'm crazy, make enemies, or cause drama.
I crave it, I crave it so, so, SO bad to just be able to find a totally solitary place where NOBODY can hear me just SHOUT, rant and swear.
Playing sports doesn't help. Writing things down doesn't help. Music doesn't help. Talking it out doesn't help. Calmly asserting myself doesn't help. I NEED to just have the chance, just ONCE in my life, it's ALL I ask....to just be able to loudly voice my frustrations. Just ONCE, I swear to god.
* coincidentally, I also have a painful chronic craving to freely SING. But I don't want to embarrass myself. These two chronic cravings have constantly made me miserable.


WOW! That's amazing! You have definitely done a sterling job of controlling yourself then! I REALLY battle to hold my tongue when I'm angry, so the fact that you are yearning for just one opportunity to properly 'unleash the cracken' is a feat of note!
Well done! I do feel bad for you though, not being able to express yourself in a satisfactory manner!
Re the urge to sing:
Just go get drunk at a karaoke club one night in a neighboring city or something... that way, you will lose your inhibitions of embarrassing yourself and at least if you do something to be embarrassed about, you will never have to see those people again, so you can throw your name away and sing in peace! haha
Maybe try boxing as a sport.... I know a girl who broke someone's nose in a fight! That sounds like it could be a cool release when you're angry! Specially if you win and you get prizes... it's like you're being rewarded for being angry!
Someone also once advised to me that when I'm angry I should get in the car, close all the windows, turn the music up REALLY loudly and scream my lungs out. At least then, you're getting the anger out and it's not directed at anyone and really... nobody will be able to hear you over the music! Try it i
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continued: Try it in your room if you don't have a car. Close your bedroom door, turn the music up and scream and swear into your pillow.
You could also learn to scuba dive and go chill at the bottom of a pool or something when you're angry and scream and swear then. Nobody will be able to hear you screaming or see you throwing punches below the water.
Just a few ideas really... obviously there are details like -- how to scream underwater without getting water into your air pipes and stuff... but this is the aries board and you know how bothered we are with the finer details.....
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Posted by aliennation
I'm so sick of holding in my temper.
Never in my 22 years of life have I ever had the chance to REALLY release my anger. I get so fucking sick of having to always remain calm, keep an indoor voice, and remain detached. When someone pisses me off, I just want to YELL and tell them off to their face. Or throw things or just generally physically intimidate them. I'm assertive and make my needs known, but to me, that's not enough. I physically need to yell, and/or really tell them off. But I don't want to look like I'm crazy, make enemies, or cause drama.
And I was raised in a home where anger was seen as something to just hide and suppress. And even after moving out at 18, I've always lived with roommates, I've always had neighbors (upstairs neighbors, next door neighbors, etc). And of course, at least one roommate is ALWAYS fucking HOME when I happen to be there, and I don't want to look like I have mental issues by exploding.
I crave it, I crave it so, so, SO bad to just be able to find a totally solitary place where NOBODY can hear me just SHOUT, rant and swear.
My main vehicle was a motorcycle until recently, when it got totaled by a drunk driver. So I don't even have the luxury of driving in a car down the freeway just to let myself get angry without anyone ever knowing.
Playing sports doesn't help. Writing things down doesn't help. Music doesn't help. Talking it out doesn't help. Calmly asserting myself doesn't help. I NEED to just have the chance, just ONCE in my life, it's ALL I ask....to just be able to loudly voice my frustrations. Just ONCE, I swear to god.
* coincidentally, I also have a painful chronic craving to freely SING. But I don't want to embarrass myself. These two chronic cravings have constantly made me miserable.


The sport thing is a total crock. Who comes up with this shit? Virgoes?

Have you tried yelling on public transport? You can sometimes get a carriage to yourselfsmile
Google Adele and get hold of her manager. That's some painful chronic singing I would like curbed. And/Or kerbed!
I used to 'sing' in the car, but it sounds like some drunk has cut off that avenue of pleasure for you.
I hate yelling. Hurts the throat. Have you tried sign language? It can be most satisfyingsmile
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Posted by lotuslily
continued: Try it in your room if you don't have a car. Close your bedroom door, turn the music up and scream and swear into your pillow.
You could also learn to scuba dive and go chill at the bottom of a pool or something when you're angry and scream and swear then. Nobody will be able to hear you screaming or see you throwing punches below the water.
Just a few ideas really... obviously there are details like -- how to scream underwater without getting water into your air pipes and stuff... but this is the aries board and you know how bothered we are with the finer details.....



I'm with Bling. Underwater screaming is for advanced students only.
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Posted by ReallyNiceAriesPerson

The sport thing is a total crock. Who comes up with this shit? Virgoes?

Have you tried yelling on public transport? You can sometimes get a carriage to yourselfsmile
Google Adele and get hold of her manager. That's some painful chronic singing I would like curbed. And/Or kerbed!
I used to 'sing' in the car, but it sounds like some drunk has cut off that avenue of pleasure for you.
I hate yelling. Hurts the throat. Have you tried sign language? It can be most satisfyingsmile


LMFAO! Winning! I'm so happy Aries has such great sense of humour to counterbalance our tempers! We're great!
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