jealousy and possessiveness
This topic was created in the Aries forum by xonsie on Tuesday, February 3, 2009 and has 15 replies.
a lot of times those two words are used synonymously, but i think aries can find the distinction. i know i can feel jealous sometimes, but i hardly ever feel possessive. aries are supposed to be the biggest champion of independence, so by that logic wouldn't it be wrong to "own" someone else and take away someone's independence?
...thoughts?
...thoughts?
really? maybe i am off...but aren't we supposed to like a challenge? there really isn't anything more boring than a caged man
i will always set him free and see if i can catch him again...also if he comes back by himself then i guess he truly likes me...
no?
i will always set him free and see if i can catch him again...also if he comes back by himself then i guess he truly likes me...
no?
Evan...I never tire of running or chasing. When I'm old and wrinkly, I'll be pouncing on cougar bait 
coveredinscars, you really have a good point...a relationship is often challenging enough without the drama. i too like the security of knowing someone is there for you...maybe not so much caged...but someone who will stand his ground and still give you enough excitement. i guess i am speaking to the dating part, where there tends to be a lot of drama and jealousy.
once i make the commitment, i am certainly not going to mess around just to make things interesting. but at the same time, i would never see myself getting to the point in a relationship where i would want to "own" someone else. i guess the kind of relationship that fits me is one that will allow me the freedom to be independent...sometimes i just need to feel like i can, not actually do anything with it...that is all.
once i make the commitment, i am certainly not going to mess around just to make things interesting. but at the same time, i would never see myself getting to the point in a relationship where i would want to "own" someone else. i guess the kind of relationship that fits me is one that will allow me the freedom to be independent...sometimes i just need to feel like i can, not actually do anything with it...that is all.
you'll get one, girls know when they see a good thing...the smart ones will know not to pass you up
welcome 
come to think of it, i wasn't even possessive of material things. when i was in preschool, i'd readily share crayons, lunch, whatever...didn't really matter to me. sometimes society is too concerned with drawing boundaries so much so that we bound ourselves in...robbing ourselves of meaningful experiences, interactions...all the good stuff really.
come to think of it, i wasn't even possessive of material things. when i was in preschool, i'd readily share crayons, lunch, whatever...didn't really matter to me. sometimes society is too concerned with drawing boundaries so much so that we bound ourselves in...robbing ourselves of meaningful experiences, interactions...all the good stuff really.
lack of commitment? careful...the word commitment is sooo loaded in our society as it is...unreasonably expecting two people to find each other and somehow freeze who they are, what they are, and how they are forever...completely disregarding the very real factor of growth and change inherit in all of us. if we cannot allow our partners to change, why are we surprised to one day wake up to a completely different person?
no wonder over 50% of marriages end in divorce...who can we blame when we create the expectation that the other person will never shift in the first place, maybe not consciously but well-disguised as "love"...just look around for those who claim to have fallen out of love with someone
happiness to me is in finding that balance and letting the other person evolve without threatening to pull the plug on the relationship...and if you think about it, that's what you are trying to get at by being possessive as well...just different means.
no wonder over 50% of marriages end in divorce...who can we blame when we create the expectation that the other person will never shift in the first place, maybe not consciously but well-disguised as "love"...just look around for those who claim to have fallen out of love with someone
happiness to me is in finding that balance and letting the other person evolve without threatening to pull the plug on the relationship...and if you think about it, that's what you are trying to get at by being possessive as well...just different means.
so by that logic wouldn't it be wrong to "own" someone else and take away someone's independence?
not sure I get this but I don't think you can 'own' humans... the factors are too inconsistent - to own something, you have to be able to control, predict, manipulate, give it life/death.... hence I think no one can actually take away independence from anyone. Possessive doesn't equal commitment --- possessive to me indicates a lack of trust/loyalty hence you have to feel a certain ownership that is very temporary... temporary possession's give most a self-satisfied feeling I guess, as long as it doesn't interfer with the life of the person you feel possessive of.
If you miss a chance, there are so much more opportunities to come by that if you hang on to the feeling that you missed something, the opportunities generally gets less. If you miss an opportunity, there should be a lesson learnt which is the ability to move on, pick yourself up and open yourself to even more opportunities.
We are what we convince ourselves of.
Aries as a sign cannot be possessive because of the regenerative properties. There is always going to be a new beginning as aries lacks the karmic load of the other signs. If you possess, you cling to the old --- it is not an aries characteristic... Adventurers know there will always be new grounds to cover.
Dont you get tired of running away?
this running is not always physical - you can mentally escape too - this regeneration is vital for aries sanity. That's why sometimes you get aries giving a completely different view of things - iconoclastic - a lot of arieses are...
The jealousy is a quick flash --- like all other emotions aries carries, they're fast, not premeditated - over before you know it...
Coveredinscars,
I totally agree that commitment is something that is practiced, not said.
Zen,
"Owning" is at best a figurative term not to be thought of in the literal sense. Some signs do claim to own others, maybe they didn't intend to use such a strong word, but sometimes I actually do think they believe they can own someone. Which to me is ridiculous concept.
Whether they can successfully take another person's independence depends on whether that other person is strong enough to stand up to the demands they constantly throw out. Loads of women find themselves being led and controlled in relationships, admittedly by giving up their own independence to satisfy their partners. To your point they choose to give up their independence, but are bullied to do so out of fear of hurting or upsetting their partners.
Possessiveness does speak to a person's insecurities...stemming from some base desire to ultimately control one's life. And when that person sees someone else as a fixture of his life, he does everything in his power to keep her that way.
If you miss a chance, there are so much more opportunities to come by that if you hang on to the feeling that you missed something, the opportunities generally gets less. If you miss an opportunity, there should be a lesson learnt which is the ability to move on, pick yourself up and open yourself to even more opportunities.
We are what we convince ourselves of.
Right. In economics there is always a trade-off when you make a choice. In choosing to be with one person, you forgo the opportunity to meet many other people during that time. This concept is classic, but where it fails us is in all the accumulated baggage of multiple "failed or missed" relationships...some people walk around all day without even knowing how much this factor weighs into their decision making...where economics ends and human psychology begins.
this running is not always physical - you can mentally escape too - this regeneration is vital for aries sanity. That's why sometimes you get aries giving a completely different view of things - iconoclastic - a lot of arieses are...
Boy can I tell you I am always the first one to escape mentally. Outside of my personal life, I like to tear apart concepts and rebuild...and it is really soothing to be around others who see the benefit of that mindset. As much as I value tradition, I don't hold on to it at the cost of embracing new ideas and concept
I totally agree that commitment is something that is practiced, not said.
Zen,
"Owning" is at best a figurative term not to be thought of in the literal sense. Some signs do claim to own others, maybe they didn't intend to use such a strong word, but sometimes I actually do think they believe they can own someone. Which to me is ridiculous concept.
Whether they can successfully take another person's independence depends on whether that other person is strong enough to stand up to the demands they constantly throw out. Loads of women find themselves being led and controlled in relationships, admittedly by giving up their own independence to satisfy their partners. To your point they choose to give up their independence, but are bullied to do so out of fear of hurting or upsetting their partners.
Possessiveness does speak to a person's insecurities...stemming from some base desire to ultimately control one's life. And when that person sees someone else as a fixture of his life, he does everything in his power to keep her that way.
If you miss a chance, there are so much more opportunities to come by that if you hang on to the feeling that you missed something, the opportunities generally gets less. If you miss an opportunity, there should be a lesson learnt which is the ability to move on, pick yourself up and open yourself to even more opportunities.
We are what we convince ourselves of.
Right. In economics there is always a trade-off when you make a choice. In choosing to be with one person, you forgo the opportunity to meet many other people during that time. This concept is classic, but where it fails us is in all the accumulated baggage of multiple "failed or missed" relationships...some people walk around all day without even knowing how much this factor weighs into their decision making...where economics ends and human psychology begins.
this running is not always physical - you can mentally escape too - this regeneration is vital for aries sanity. That's why sometimes you get aries giving a completely different view of things - iconoclastic - a lot of arieses are...
Boy can I tell you I am always the first one to escape mentally. Outside of my personal life, I like to tear apart concepts and rebuild...and it is really soothing to be around others who see the benefit of that mindset. As much as I value tradition, I don't hold on to it at the cost of embracing new ideas and concept
"you'll get the girl you deserve coveredinscars, just hold on, you sound like a noble person. Its just that that girl that is in your mind is pretty rare these days, sadly.."
Actually, statistically there are more better women out there than men... so coverdinscars you'll find her soon. Sucks for her though 
.
Actually, statistically there are more better women out there than men... so coverdinscars you'll find her soon
. Sucks for her though .ardent !!! sup lady? how's skool?
Been good living up the single life woohoo!!
I've been busy with school, I'm pooped by the end of the day, but I love it.
I've been busy with school, I'm pooped by the end of the day, but I love it.
How have you been Zen?
Well zen, the fact that Aries are supposed to learn the lessons of Libra to gain some sort of evolution means you have to sacrifice some of the typical running away of Aries
so Virgos are supposed to learn the lessons of Pisces to gain some sort of evolution means you have to sacrifice some of the typical criticisms/fact finding of Virgo?
Evan this fact of yours does not even add up --- what do you mean by typical running away? Maturity equals sacrifice? we all view the lessons of the opposite sign or other signs but do we really use it? don't we still intinctively trust our ways?
so Virgos are supposed to learn the lessons of Pisces to gain some sort of evolution means you have to sacrifice some of the typical criticisms/fact finding of Virgo?
Evan this fact of yours does not even add up --- what do you mean by typical running away? Maturity equals sacrifice? we all view the lessons of the opposite sign or other signs but do we really use it? don't we still intinctively trust our ways?
well am aries male and i love rough and violent S.E.X wouldnt want to hurt the women are anything ! i just like that what makes the sex good
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