Need advice re: Aries male

howdy.

i've been seeing an aries (i'm a cap) for four weeks, and he suggested exclusivity after a week (not very long i know, but we both felt it was right for us). he is expressive with his intentions and with his feelings and always wants to spend time with me. he always makes plans for future dates.

depending upon how we continue to click, he is such a great guy, so together, no drama or issues that i've seen thus far, and i could really see myself with him for very long term. i would like this to work.

i am very loving towards him, affectionate, and when he asks me about where i see "us" going or how i feel, I express the bare minimum....this is typical cappy behavior. i mainly do that due to my fear of him not being interested once the chase is over, or fear of becoming too vulnerable too soon. just this morning he asked about christmas plans, and my response was this: "i would love to spend time during the holiday with you, but you should do what you would like to do...and if i fit into them then great - if not, we will connect sometime." ..... he also asked me to save new year's eve for him. we practically have the whole month of december planned - all but one "date" was suggested or planned by him.

i am sure not to be aloof, again...i am very responsive physically and we are always talking about things - mostly about him, but nonetheless, we are talking. he asks my opinion about things and how i feel, etc but not much else about me...nothing from childhood, friends, etc... but i ask him all the time.

i suppose my question is this: am i doing the right thing by remaining a bit "underinvested emotionally" with him? i would like to express myself better (i do say "i like you, i love spending time with you, i am very happy when i'm with you", etc) but i fear that when asked specifically how i feel that he is looking for more.... should i give him more emotionally? should i keep the chase with a little bit of uncertainty going?

if it helps, he is an aries with a sag moon, 50 and i am a cap with a scorp moon, 35. thanks so much xoj

Thank you, Firey. 🙂 i am definitely out of my comfort zone with him because we caps tend to be more serious, but i have always thought i need "lighter" in my life in order to balance me out... i keep reminding myself to have fun and not be so serious. he always says how much i make him laugh and how much he enjoys me, so i know i can't be as serious as i think i am. 🙂 i don't ever say "i love you" unless i mean it so i know it will come out when i'm ready...and he will too.

Thank you, Ovi. that's helpful if you have the same sun/moon sign... i know he likes me; i just don't want to screw it up just because i am so used to being closed off emotionally until i feel very safe, and he appears to be sensitive and very inquisitive as to what i think and feel about him and us, and expressive about it. also, do you have a tendency to make everything about you? do you never ask questions of your friends/family about them? if not for him telling me how much he likes me and enjoys me and wants to be with me and making advance plans, based on his seemingly disinterest in my life i would think he doesn't care at all.

thanks for the input. 🙂

Hey Cappie - I'm curious...I noticed there's a bit of an age difference between the two of you. I'm dating a man 10 years older than myself, he's 50, I'm 40. I'm an aries and he's a sag...ANYWAY...do you find the difference a problem regarding likes and dislikes? Energy level? Just stuff in general?

I'm not judging by any means; just curious; as there are times when the difference is noticeable, i.e., I like to stay out late sometimes, have fun, he on the other hand likes to turn in earlier at times...I dunno.

Sounds like you're doing all the right things. I know Aries can be a little self centered at times, not asking about the other person's history etc...that's when you need to let us know, "hey, you never ask about me, don't you want to know about me?"...then the light will go on in our head. Sometimes we need a little guidance - a reminder if you will.

hey run. 🙂 well, i have always identified and gotten along better with people older than me as i have sisters who are 13, 12 and 4 years older than me. also, he's never been married, doesn't have any kids, so (and i don't mean to generalize or stereotype in any way) he's like a kid still himself. he survives on 4 hours of sleep, he is always instigating new things, wanting to go and do, etc....so we are quite balanced energy-wise. i keep asking him, "are you sure you're 50?" because his energy level is equal to mine....EXCEPT when it comes to getting things done around his house! lol 🙂 i've never been one for the nightclubs but anytime i want to stay out late for dinner or a play or movie, he's always game. ...so no problems there yet.

thing is....i DID mention it to him - at one time i said, "are you sure you like me? i mean, you never ask me questions about myself like i ask you.." ....and his response was, "i learn about you from the questions you ask me." ......um.....ok? i didn't say anything after that but i kinda thought he's either very clueless or very selfish. maybe both... but i know him to be a very thoughtful and kind man, so the very heart of him is beautiful. maybe he's just clueless. i dunno.

how long have you been dating your sag? how do i handle it if i want to discuss difficult issues, i.e., it kinda hurts my feelings that you don't ask me questions...etc... without coming across as drama-filled or too sensitive or too needy?

Cappie - I understand your question. The best thing about Aries, we love it when you are honest and "cut to the chase". You need to say exactly what you said to me above - straightforward, no drama, no whining, just frank and honest, and sincere. Yes, we are a little clueless and selfish, but it's not meant to harm you or on purpose. Say exactly what you said "it hurts my feelings when you don't ask me...." Just be honest. Seriously.

My sag and I have been dating about 2 years and it's been GREAT. Just every once in a while, our energy levels get a little off. He was married once, no kids, I was married once, and have a 7 year old little CAPRICORN girl. Man, you caps can be STUBBORN!!!

We aren't big partiers. He gets up super early during the week for work and it runs over to the weekends - so sometimes, it's hard to stay out late when ever the opportunity arises. He's a trooper no doubt and I understand how he could be tired - we make it work. Older men are definitely the way to go in my general opinion.

Keep me posted.

lol, yes....we are very stubborn! good luck with that one! 🙂

i agree - i love older men....maturity, intellect, know-how 😉, etc.... i'm really enjoying this. my last two relationships were with men 7 years older and 16 years older.

i will try to do what you say....i guard my words carefully so that i don't come across as whiny or dramatic....but that doesn't mean he's always receptive. i think it will just take us getting to know each other....never before have i been in a relationship where it was as challenging to simply communicate, and i'm afraid it falls on my shoulders to mold to his way at first (which is VERY DIFFICULT for us stubborn cappies!) but i like him, and want to see where this goes because we connect on so many other levels. thanks for the advice!

Hey Cappie -

What are your other placements? What are his? That also makes a HUGE difference and has actually help me communicate better with my Sag - he's got a moon in Cancer, which can be a biotch for someone with a lot of fire, as I've got sun, moon and venus in Aries - but now that I understand his placements and how it affects his personality - I can slow it down and approach situations differently than I usually would.

For example, his ascendant is in Pisces-he tends to swim away from conflict, but he can get really emotional and upset at just the tone of my voice at times (cancer moon coming out); his venus is in Scorpio which means very INTENSE affection; almost possessive in nature.

Us Aries have lots to learn when it comes to communicating and others feelings. One thing for sure, the older we get the more we understand about ourselves. A 20 yr old Aries is night and day compared to a 50 yr old Aries.

Anyway...curious to see what other placements you guys have.

oh, firey...you crack me up - it IS all about you, but that only makes me smile and shake my head in amusement. i am taking a lot of what you said to heart...and i've decided to take a step back and just get back to the magic and excitement of a new relationship in the beginning stages. it should be more fun! so...i have regrouped, and am not so serious about what he's all about, and decided to just be myself and be light and merry - 'tis the season! thanks xoj

run...i must admit that i am still learning about charts. i've run both of ours, and they are below...if you can read it. if you have any spare time on your hands, i'd greatly appreciate your opinion (good and bad). or did you need the aspect chart? personally i wish he had more earth and water in his chart since i tend to get along better with those signs... would be great if i understood more 🙂 xoj

Him:
Sun Aries 7.14 Ascendant Cancer 11.32
Moon Sagittarius 0.17 II Leo 0.57
Mercury Aries 8.37 R III Leo 22.52
Venus Taurus 9.24 IV Virgo 20.22
Mars Gemini 22.58 V Libra 25.56
Jupiter Sagittarius 1.50 R VI Sagittarius 5.59
Saturn Capricorn 6.46 VII Capricorn 11.32
Uranus Leo 12.26 R VIII Aquarius 0.57
Neptune Scorpio 6.20 R IX Aquarius 22.52
Pluto Virgo 2.08 R Midheaven Pisces 20.22
Lilith Taurus 14.41 XI Aries 25.56
Asc node Libra 13.02 XII Gemini 5.59


Me:
Sun Capricorn 27.05 Ascendant Aquarius 4.46
Moon Scorpio 23.21 II Pisces 15.34
Mercury Aquarius 2.24 III Aries 22.20
Venus Aquarius 7.14 R IV Taurus 21.22
Mars Taurus 9.16 V Gemini 15.28
Jupiter Aquarius 18.09 VI Cancer 8.30
Saturn Gemini 29.17 R VII Leo 4.46
Uranus Libra 27.40 VIII Virgo 15.34
Neptune Sagittarius 8.51 IX Libra 22.20
Pluto Libra 6.49 R Midheaven Scorpio 21.22
Lilith Capricorn 17.15 XI Sagittarius 15.28
Asc node Sagittarius 28.21 XII Capricorn 8.30

Hey Cappie -

I'm not really experienced enough to give opinion on other's charts - still learning myself. Astro.com is a great place to start. It will let you put in both of your's information and do a comparison.

Just looking at the placements briefly - I think his Sag moon could be a challenge for you and your Scorpio moon could be too watery at times for his Aries fire. Definitely go to astro.com for more details - heck just google "sag moon" or "scorpio moon"...Venus and Mecury very important as well.

i feel like the age difference is kinda good in this case. an aries man always seems younger than his real age and a lot of them mature later and settle down later too. from my experience with capricorns, many of them are old souls (i mean that in a good way!!). don't give him more emotionally then you are ready for. aries are impatient but they can certainly wait for you in that department. many aries have a hard time opening up and talking about the significant things while they charge ahead with everything else.

i hate to admit but i can be overly "me" oriented. it's not that i have a total disinterest in other people, i really just don't realize im doing it. an ex boyfriend brought it up to me and i felt so horrible that i came off as disinterested in his life when i felt the opposite. i do still have to remind myself to be more attentive to others but i guess my periodic "MeMeMe" moments are something you either learn to love or hate 😉

the good news is that your guy has his 7th house is in capricorn which means you're the kind of person he's attracted to. you have SO much air in your chart haha but luckily fire signs get along well with air. keep us updated on how you guys are doing. we see the aries and capricorn pairing all the time but it's not often that we hear about the good sides of it 🙂

hey run! thank you so much! i did google it and whoooooaaaaaaa are we different emotionally... this could be very interesting. i know i've become less emotional over time, so maybe since he's older he may be more emotional than he was at an earlier age (since women and men reverse due to hormone levels). ...but thank you so much...i learned so much looking at our houses and planets.

hi ewe, i've been told the age difference is good because of the very reason you stated.... you know, i'm finding out that his selfish self-focus might be a good thing for me. cappies can be melancholy and sometimes when allowed to focus too much introspectively we can get lost in ourselves, or at least i can. i'm finding it is refreshing to have the focus taken off of me. i think i was just worried that he's 50, never settled, and i feel like since he hasn't asked too many personal questions that he might just like the idea of me more than me as a person. only time will tell. yes, i think having air in my chart does help associate with air and fire signs....i do have friends that are fire and air signs and we get along well...they take a lot of patience...and i can't be as emotionally bare with them - they don't know what to do with it. thanks, ewe...

Hey Cappie: Here's a description I found regarding someone who is Aries Sun/Sag Moon - this may shed some light as well:

1-9 Aries/Sagittarius
The combination of your Sun and Moon sign produces independence of thought, action, and speech. This is a position of dynamic ideals and popular appeal. You believe in the truth with an almost absolute devotion. This belief is perhaps not in the truths of scientific investigation, but more likely in the proper philosophies of life and other large issue abstractions. The natural tendency for Aries to be the pioneer, the fighter, the doer, and the initiator new concepts and ideas is not greatly modified by this combination. Yet the Sagittarius Moon does impose a personal code of ethics and honor that may not always be present in the brash Aries native. In you, executive powers are strongly marked, taking the form of controlling others with ideas and principles. The proper path that should be followed is so clear to you that you are not one ever to mince words in plotting the course. Your intensely emotional approach to getting something accomplished can sometimes limit your awareness of the feeling of others and you can be tough on those around you. The human frailties of pettiness, emotionalism, and jealousy are not well understood by you, and do not relate well with your totally open and frank personality. You are definitely a leader of men, though you may not always understand them, conversely, people may completely respect you, but fault you for a lack of sensitivity. In all types of dealings there is tendency to employ a broad brush approach often finding it difficult to come down to the real and personal everyday issues. Your best fields of endeavor will be found in the professions.

and here is yours:

10-8 Capricorn/Scorpio
The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign produces in you an extremely strong inner drive and a keen sense of your own importance as an individual. A certain rigid inner pride keeps your self-respect always at a high level. Early on, temperament may be a problem, but as you mature cooperation is learned and a judicial and rather stern nature rules the personality. A very reserved individual, you often express yourself in quiet ways, always remaining perfectly capable of communicating disapproval without saying even a word. Most people think of you as a very reasonable person and in may ways you are. It is very difficult, however, to ever persuade you that you are wrong

YOURS CONTINUED (ran out of room)

It is very difficult, however, to ever persuade you that you are wrong because of a highly inflexible core within. Often you may use the tactic of appearing not to understand the other person's point of view, even when it is quite clear to you. You are very honorable, loyal, and devoted, with a keen sense of the sobriety of life, and of your duty as a part of it. Right or wrong, you hold to your first impressions of people, especially if those first impressions were not good. You are a very understanding of people and their problems, and while you usually can remain very much detached, you are a good listener and provide sound advice. Emotions never seem to interfere with your reasoning power.

wow, run - mine is SPOT ON. so weird! and funny about the first impression thing...i've been telling my friends that for years. if i like a person's vibe straight off the bat there is little they can do to lose my loyalty...however, if the vibe i get is bad it will take moving mountains and much time for me to change my opinion. sad but true....but it has always served me well when choosing friends/lovers. also, it is very hard to persuade me if i think i'm right, and i do tend to listen to reason/head more than heart - wasn't always the case but as i get older i find it is better to be a little more detached sometimes in order to make a good decision. thanks so much - you are so helpful! xoj

"The human frailties of pettiness, emotionalism, and jealousy are not well understood by you, and do not relate well with your totally open and frank personality. You are definitely a leader of men, though you may not always understand them, conversely, people may completely respect you, but fault you for a lack of sensitivity. In all types of dealings there is tendency to employ a broad brush approach often finding it difficult to come down to the real and personal everyday issues."

these are already showing through....only time will tell if we will be able to relate in the long run. again, i really think it helps that there is a 15 year age difference...if he were the same age as me i think he wouldn't be as apt to try to communicate as well with me. i really appreciate your input - thank you for being so helpful...this really helps me to have patience communicating with him. xoj

Not to get off course here - but the "it's very hard to persuade you if you think you're right" statement. THAT'S my daughter - the little cap that she is!! She can be sooo hard headed and stand steadfast on something, even if it's wrong and she thinks it's right. It takes actual proof in front of her eyes to change her mind - usually after the fact. Poor thing, she's only 6 and she's got such an inflexbility about her. Very challenging at times to an Aries parent. Her moon is in Gemini (which I'm learning about); it explains her emotions being all over the place at times - I find myself telling he to focus!!

Anyway...

His Sag moon sometimes prevents him from getting close and personal, and showing depth of emotion. My sister has a Sag moon and sometimes I swear, I wonder if she CARES about anything; sometimes the sensitivity just isn't there. I've learned to accept THAT is the way she is - she can't help it at times.

Having a Scorpio moon that you do - emotions are important to you. That's what I'm saying - his lack thereof at times, may be a problem for you. Understanding is key.

Here's a comparison of your Venus'....

How You, venus in Taurus, Relate to a Partner with Venus in Aquarius: Both of you are strong individuals with rather fervent ideas of what you want in a partnership, and those ideas clash in many ways! You are somewhat more traditional in your view of partnerships. You value constancy and dependability in your relationships. On the other hand, your partner resists doing things that are tried and true, preferring to forge out a new track rather than traveling along the "beaten track". You want your love life to be uncomplicated, sensual, and comfortable. Your partner knows how to stick with things, as you do, and isn't especially attracted to complications as well. However, he or she doesn't find comfort in a partnership that stays the same and doesn't seem to be going somewhere. Ideally, you'll find a common ground, although it is difficult to predict who is going to budge, as you both can be somewhat stubborn! The only option is to try to learn from each other. Your partner's quirkiness can be fun and even electric. You can remind your partner how wonderful simple pleasures can be. With effort, your partnership can certainly work.

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
You have a 0 degree conjunction between your Mars and his Venus, that in itself is probably the single most powerful attraction aspect in your synastry chart..

Ewe, Aries guys actually age pretty badly for the most part..they do keep a certain baby-like look till they're 25 or so, but after their Saturn return they start aging pretty badly..

Goes for aries girls too 😛 in general cardinal signs are the worst aging of all, except capricorn obviously who look like little grandpas and grandmas and talk like them when young and look and act like teenagers when old..the old saturn trick 😛

Shaka laka? more like Shaka Caca

Posted by Run262
Not to get off course here - but the "it's very hard to persuade you if you think you're right" statement. THAT'S my daughter - the little cap that she is!! She can be sooo hard headed and stand steadfast on something, even if it's wrong and she thinks it's right. It takes actual proof in front of her eyes to change her mind - usually after the fact. Poor thing, she's only 6 and she's got such an inflexbility about her. Very challenging at times to an Aries parent. Her moon is in Gemini (which I'm learning about); it explains her emotions being all over the place at times - I find myself telling he to focus!!

Anyway...

His Sag moon sometimes prevents him from getting close and personal, and showing depth of emotion. My sister has a Sag moon and sometimes I swear, I wonder if she CARES about anything; sometimes the sensitivity just isn't there. I've learned to accept THAT is the way she is - she can't help it at times.

hey, run! that's soooo funny that your daughter is already so hard-headed! oh but watch hurting her feelings....i wonder if she is sensitive too? oh, and please!!! get off course! i'm not one to feel weird if we segue into something else...like how your little cap is... 😉

you know, i thought his sag moon would do that to him too....he IS so all over the place, but we hit a major turning point this weekend. we have good communication, and this whole time i've been thinking it was completely due to my having so much patience with him, which it probably still is, but ... i discovered the guy is actually very sensitive to other's feelings....he doesn't like crying (i didn't cry, he just mentioned it) but he made a remark that we have such great communication skills and i pointed out a few things.... he was very receptive. ...he is falling for me though, so that might have something to do with it....

Posted by Run262
Having a Scorpio moon that you do - emotions are important to you. That's what I'm saying - his lack thereof at times, may be a problem for you. Understanding is key.

you are correct....emotions are VERY important to me. i said this above, but we did talk about it and i actually made a comment that i think maybe, outside of just the differences between being male and female and the emotional differences that entails, maybe i am too emotional and that it might lead to problems down the line.... his response was that he wasn't so sure about that...and a day later he brought it up again and said he thought about it and still thinks he is more emotional than i give him credit for.

i'm finding that if i have enough patience to calmly say my point or suggestion and even if he dismisses it at the time, it doesn't take him long to return to the topic and discuss it with me, and point out that he heard me and we talk about it...

Posted by Shaka_laka_boomboom
You have a 0 degree conjunction between your Mars and his Venus, that in itself is probably the single most powerful attraction aspect in your synastry chart..

Ewe, Aries guys actually age pretty badly for the most part..they do keep a certain baby-like look till they're 25 or so, but after their Saturn return they start aging pretty badly..

Goes for aries girls too 😛 in general cardinal signs are the worst aging of all, except capricorn obviously who look like little grandpas and grandmas and talk like them when young and look and act like teenagers when old..the old saturn trick 😛

hi shaka.... he looks and acts younger... 🙂 hey what do you mean about the Mars and Venus? i don't understand and i've tried looking it up...... thanks

hi, love.... as a true cap, i am serious a lot, but honestly...i LOVE to laugh! i'm always up for a joke, and love cracking people up, but i do know that i do have a tendency to be more serious than most. i usually refer to it as "heavy"...but that could be because my moon sign is scorp as well so emotions run very deep. also, you are spot-on with the different communication style s....i don't tend to share unless asked, and he tends to just say whatever is on his mind, even telling me stories i've heard a hundred times over again. we've talked about our different communication style s and because i know i need to get over the whole idea of "if people were really interested, they would ask" but he is bending and really tries to ask questions in order to get me talking. it seems we are communicating well after all, due to patience on both sides. as far as giving him too much of myself, point taken. he's moving at a much faster pace than i am, but i am giving little snipits along the way to let him know i am interested, i do like him a lot, etc.... he might be the one leading but i am the one holding the reins. 🙂 thank you so much for your advice. if you ever want to expand on your statement of "unfortunately you??re going to have to make your Aries work a little if you want him to stay with you", i would look forward to it. xoj

I don't see the problem. He likes spending time with you. You like spending time with him. Why worry about a strategy and all these weird games? Why not just be happy?

Aries guys are pretty simple and heart of their sleeve. He will resent you more if you try to manipulate him. If he asks where you see things going, just be honest. I am really, really happy and I hope things continue the way they are.

love, thank you for clarifying. i am still me, and am going at my own pace, though i am learning to be more open and expressive earlier in this relationship. thank you!

little sparrow, thanks for your input. i completely disagree with your take on it, though... i am in no way manipulative; that word is so destructive to relationships of any kind and i resent that comparison. i am not trying to play games or manipulate.... i was seeking input/advice due to my personality and traits of being a cap, and i admittedly regret that as one i am sometimes closed off emotionally until it is too late. i wanted to learn how to give more of myself but keep it real for me, so that i'm still the same person and remaining true to myself. i am trying to learn to be more open during all stages, and just wanted an aries take on how to communicate better so that i don't make the same mistakes i have in the past since he is absolutely lovely. thank you again for your input - i appreciate all takes on the situation, and thank you for your well wishes.





update: things are progressing very nicely - i have never been happier! there are still differences that i've not encountered in other relationships/friendships which makes me wonder how things would turn out should our relationship progress to long term, but he is a great communicator and more emotional than i gave him credit for in the beginning. we love spending time together, our friends love and accept each other, and we can't believe how lucky we both are to have found each other. thanks to all for your input, and if this thread should continue or revive at some point, i will always welcome more! xoj