Black Zodiac: all the horrors of the zodiac signs

This topic was created in the Astrology forum by GemStar05 on Wednesday, October 30, 2013 and has 41 replies.
ARIES: You are nothing but a primate. You charge headlong like a brute and you don't have a clue what subtlety could mean. Moreover, you are a public danger because you are aggressive and totally unconscious, not to mention your excessive naivety, and your simplistic and rough vision of things. The virtues of persistence seem to be totally unknown to you, which would boil down to a blunt: " The hell with the consequences! ". In short, people only see in you some sort of rabid and quite simple-minded beast. To speak the truth, there is not much to add, for your nature is devoid of any interesting complexity.
TAURUS: Your heaviness is matched only by your legendary slowness. Let's not forget that you are as stubborn as a mule. However, isn't it said that "only idiots don't change their minds"? You are a fat materialist and you can't see further than the end of your nose. You are greedy for profit, hence your possessive and even stingy side. "Let's live to eat and let's not eat to live" could well be your motto. Intellectual and abstract matters are well beyond you, since you are coarsely down to earth and simple. Lastly, you have no interest other than food and comfort, just like an animal that pigs out, and that is unable to think of anything else.
GEMINI: It is said that you are curious about everything and highly adaptable. Actually, it is a lack of profundity and consistency that characterizes you. You are absolutely unable to focus on anything, and your intellectual process is very superficial. Everything you say is totally uninteresting. It's just hot air in any case. You don't believe a single word you utter, and you forget everything you say a few minutes later. You hop from one subject to another to carry out a conversation in order to appear knowledgeable and interesting. However, it is quite clear that, under your scholarly veneer, you are a mediocre and shallow person. You have no emotions and no compassion. You resemble an intelligent robot, which repeats what it has been taught, or what it has experienced, without thinking by itself.
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CANCER: The big beloved Mummy's baby! This is something you have probably heard very often when people would refer to you. Your hyper-sensitivity is very irritating because people can never tell you what they really think of you without having you sobbing your heart out. Indeed, you have no control over your emotions, and your entourage, as well as yourself, find it very difficult to put up with your moods. Your mental age is eight years and you still live in a stage of childhood. Actually, you live more in your head than in the real life. You cannot confront the world and you vegetate in your snug and warm little universe. Your memory is far too good, and you are unable to get rid of your depressing nostalgia. In brief, you are a faint-hearted, passive, psychotic and selfish little thing.
LEO: Watch out! Expect no praise, you who are so self-centered and so full of yourself! Being a Leo is far from flattering, contrary to what you might think. Besides, you are convinced that you are an exceptional person, whilst you are appallingly ridiculous because it is clear to everyone that you try hard to appear a much better person than what you really are. Actually, you have a huge inferiority complex. You live only through other people because, deep down, you know that you are not worth much. You throw compliments at yourself, and then you don't understand why others remain skeptical in your face. Of course, you also behave like a little tyrant vis-??-vis your court of hypocrites without realizing that their flatteries totally lack sincerity. Clear-sightedness is not among your qualities, should you have any. You behave like a spoiled brat, despotic, self-absorbed, and bossy.
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VIRGO: You have so many flaws that it is very easy to enumerate them. For instance, you are well known for your inferiority complex (which is not only a complex, but tangible truth, as you know; besides, you must be given credit for your lucidity). Your entire life is limited to being a servant, a right-hand person, in brief, a doormat with no sense of self-value. Let's add that you are uptight and that you control yourself to death because you loathe anything that might upset your petty dull life. Your obsession with tidiness and details is bordering on mania, and even on neurosis, which is quite frightening to witness. Your room must always be in perfect order, to the extent that one becomes uncomfortable and anxious. These two last traits are also parts of your character, which you are perfectly aware of. Is it really necessary to carry on? Better not, lest you end up as some sort of unchecked psychopath (the mad Virgin, you know!), which is something you wouldn't want, not at any price, would you? Finally, you always go from one extreme to another, and that's the last straw!
LIBRA: Since it is the symbol of Libra, the very word "Balance" makes you feel sorry to be born under this sign. Having an ordinary object to represent your sign must not feel too flattering, indeed. In addition, you don't know how to assert yourself. Because solitude is your phobia, you line up with people who are the strongest ones since you are convinced that they will not let you down. You don't really have a private life. You live for others and according to what they think of you. You strive to please, which implies that you are hypocritical and hesitant about everything you say... You probably constantly feel that you are on the razor's edge: not a single word missing, or in excess, not a single mistake. Otherwise war will break out, and this... No need to add more! Your self-proclaimed artistic bent is nothing but vapidity and mawkishness. In truth, you are too intellectual and cold. A calculator with a charming smile is the description that fits you best.
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SCORPIO: There is little that could be added to your bad reputation. However, we believe it interesting to twist the knife still deeper. You are a sly, inquisitive and aggressive person. Strangely enough, you remind of scorpions (no pun intended!), but also of sewer rats, perverse, petty and frightening. You revel in other people's sufferings, so please don't purport that it is because you want to help them transcend their ordeals and know themselves better, because we know very well that your evil and cunning nature enjoys attracting attention and stirring up ill-feeling. You are believed to have an intense sexual energy. However, it has more to do with a regrettable tendency to release your impulses, since you are unable to control them. You also cultivate a high opinion of yourself, and to make yourself interesting, you play the mysterious and rebellious personage. Nevertheless, it is obvious that you feel unloved, which drives you almost paranoid. You see evil everywhere, and to protect yourself against it, like a spider setting its cobwebs, you keep on manipulating everyone in your entourage (you should admit that it is awfully difficult for you afterwards to get out of the mess you have created).
SAGITTARIUS: Don't think that your good reputation will prevent us from making a complete list of your numerous flaws! Firstly, you claim to be a philosopher endowed with open-mindedness. Actually, it is only a way to escape everyday realities that you find boring. It is more accurate to say that you have no inner life. Your interest in culture and spirituality is nothing but an interest, as we have mentioned already! Indeed, you have no reflection of your own. You stupidly repeat what you have read or heard, and you proudly think that you can appear to be a wise person who has an immense knowledge of the world. In addition, you never go very deep, and while you boastfully display your knowledge, you show no critical or analytical mind. You are a real drought and you are restless, which translates into irritating fickleness, lack of stability, and no sense of commitment or loyalty... Lastly, you are unable to fulfill your promises. You exaggerate everything in order to impress your entourage (yes, you are proud, definitely), and you don't have a clue what the word "tact" means. Many among you are just big petty-bourgeois...
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CAPRICORN: We feel like summing your character as follows: you are a little snitch! Indeed, you do everything you can in order to go unnoticed, and your lack of self-confidence is just sickening. You are baleful, as pleasant as a warder, as dumb as a tomb, as cold as a corpse and as rigid as a skeleton. As if you wanted to make up for your flaws, you try to use humor, or rather some kind of pathetic and deadpan self-mockery, but you don't convince anybody, not even yourself. Besides, is there anything in which you believe? Your career? Well, yes. You are a social climber, an ambitious person, in brief, a shark. Your burning desire to succeed and to crush your victims in your way indicates that you are very patient and calculating. Since you plan for the longer-term, you forget to live in the present. You are entirely focused on yourself and on your work (so, you are selfish in addition), and you don't know what it is like to have fun. Indeed, you are never caught clowning around because it would be incongruous from your part. In short, you are boring to death, and on top of that, pessimistic... No, don't shoot yourself because, as incredible as it may seem, there may be some people who love you!
AQUARIUS: You try to look like an eccentric and rebellious person, some sort of prophet who would offer "the" truth. Actually, you so completely lack profundity that you do everything you can in order to compensate this flaw. You are deeply aware of the fact that you are only one sheep among many others, but you just can't accept this idea! Therefore, you desperately strive to stand out of the crowd, and you display your nonconformism, but sometimes the situation gets out of control, and you become a misfit, totally maladjusted to your environment. So, don't complain that no one wants to be your friend! To you, friendship is a sacred value, but have you got an idea of what it actually is? You are so deeply detached and impersonal (and yes, your apparent eccentricity compensates this) because you are too cerebral and you steer clear of intimate relationships and personal secrets. It is even worse when it comes to love relationships! Your chronic independence would hurt a great many partners... You claim to be generous and altruistic, but don't you think that these values don't belong to theories and should spring from the heart? Stop believing that you are an inventive genius in the vanguard because otherwise, one of these days, you will end up in a psychiatric
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hospital...
PISCES: Fog, doldrums, chaos??_ these are the words which describe you best. Clarity, sharpness and common sense are not your assets??_ You are like a jellyfish in the sea, and you let the tide carry you without your knowing where to, how, and why. Besides, you couldn't care less, could you? Indifference is also one of your characteristics. You don't know exactly what you think, or who you are. Under such circumstances, it is obvious that it is difficult for you to remain true to yourself, which translates into instability, unfaithfulness (you are never certain that you really love a person) and opportunism. You revel in psychodramas and you master the art of shady mix-up, as well as delirious mythomania. Your sentimentality makes life complicated for you. It is like a roller coaster ride, now going into a mystical trance, now falling into the most severe depression. Your apparent softness and generosity conceal your lack of firmness as well as the fact that you've got no backbone. You don't know how to say no, and because you are a sucker, you get lumbered with all the underdogs, with whom no one wants to deal. Needless to say that you lack willpower and that you are anything but the sporty type!
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Posted by oldman
http://13ghosts.wikia.com/wiki/The_Black_Zodiac lol


I like posting it thank you...
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This has probably been posted before anyway...
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Ya so?


Go scuttle back under your rock crab! LOL! :-P
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LMAO none of these are "money". Sarcasm is the word of the day... I know if it had been a Sag who posted this you would have said "the Sag one is money", etc. LOL!


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Thanks for sharing!! I love this Winking
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Posted by Rabbit
I'd this supposed to be offensive?
I'm flattered Tongue


+1
PM
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LMAO @ thinking this was supposed to offend anyone sheesh people where's your sense of humor?
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Posted by capinc
I've dated me a few Geminis and have been saying this very thing for years.
Money.


Don't be bitter because you got your little heart broken by a Gem. Life is good! :-)
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Posted by GemStar05

AQUARIUS: You try to look like an eccentric and rebellious person, some sort of prophet who would offer "the" truth. Actually, you so completely lack profundity that you do everything you can in order to compensate this flaw. You are deeply aware of the fact that you are only one sheep among many others, but you just can't accept this idea! Therefore, you desperately strive to stand out of the crowd, and you display your nonconformism, but sometimes the situation gets out of control, and you become a misfit, totally maladjusted to your environment. So, don't complain that no one wants to be your friend! To you, friendship is a sacred value, but have you got an idea of what it actually is? You are so deeply detached and impersonal (and yes, your apparent eccentricity compensates this) because you are too cerebral and you steer clear of intimate relationships and personal secrets. It is even worse when it comes to love relationships! Your chronic independence would hurt a great many partners... You claim to be generous and altruistic, but don't you think that these values don't belong to theories and should spring from the heart? Stop believing that you are an inventive genius in the vanguard because otherwise, one of these days, you will end up in a psychiatric


Bull. Aquarians get deemed as "different" from others 1st. Constantly being deemed as different from others allows an Aquarius to finally start believing that there must be some truth to that reputation. I was labeled "different" by everyone else before I even 1st started considering that I may be different. You can't call someone "different" than snap on the person for finally agreeing with you.
A person who is naturally book smart & therefore stands out academically b/c he is book smart is not trying to stand out. Trying to be different means trying to act like you exhibit traits that you actually don't even have as a means to convince people that you have them. Aquarius IS actually intellectual & since everybody is not naturally intellectual, we are deemed as "different" by default!
You're absolutely right. We don't give our entire heart, soul & mind to you in the beginning. How arrogant are you to believe that you deserve everything that you haven't earned yet? You might be the kind of person that gives all of yourself only to get half of another person, but I am not that way. And
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You might be the kind of person that gives all of yourself only to get half of another person, but I am not that way. And I thank God for that!!!
Aquarians have many friends. A person that can have just as much fun & fulfillment from self is not usually harping on how others feel about them. It's not that we're "pretending" not to care. No, it's that we really don't! How about YOU accept that! lol
In real life, some people will want to be your friend while others won't. No matter what you do or how much you give, some people STILL won't feel that it's good enough; some people STILL won't want you in their circle. That's a truth Aquarius accepted a long time ago, thus explains the reason we are more appreciative of our small circle of real friends vs. feeling depressed or left out b/c we don't have 50 friends.
If the few friendships I have are real & genuine, I focus on that. I'd rather have 1 real friend than 2 fake friends any day. I get that some people are the complete opposite. And hey, that's fine. Some people measure their worth by how many people want them or need them. I DON'T though. Sorry
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Gosh, I'm depressed now....
JK!!!
That describes my ex-husband to a Tee! lol!!!
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Come on Krys, it's all in fun.
None of us like ours, but we see the humor in it because it does hit on some truths about our negative sides.
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Unflattering but totally and completely true for each of the signs. Very nice read.
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that was fucking hilarious!
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actually i have to agree that aquarians i know try very hard to be different, and i didn't even know that was an aquarius thing...i agree with most of what it said about aquarius people actually... as well as pisces and cancer somewhat but everything else is more nonsense than truth!
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Posted by ANRivas
actually i have to agree that aquarians i know try very hard to be different, and i didn't even know that was an aquarius thing...i agree with most of what it said about aquarius people actually... as well as pisces and cancer somewhat but everything else is more nonsense than truth!


Aquarians really don't try anything, it may look like we're trying so hard to some but we aren't. There's this thing inside that pushes you to go left when everybody else is going right, it's NOT a conscious choice...it's an automatic reaction. Many of us don't even know why we do the things we do tbh.
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Posted by krysrenee7
You might be the kind of person that gives all of yourself only to get half of another person, but I am not that way. And I thank God for that!!!
Aquarians have many friends. A person that can have just as much fun & fulfillment from self is not usually harping on how others feel about them. It's not that we're "pretending" not to care. No, it's that we really don't! How about YOU accept that! lol
In real life, some people will want to be your friend while others won't. No matter what you do or how much you give, some people STILL won't feel that it's good enough; some people STILL won't want you in their circle. That's a truth Aquarius accepted a long time ago, thus explains the reason we are more appreciative of our small circle of real friends vs. feeling depressed or left out b/c we don't have 50 friends.
If the few friendships I have are real & genuine, I focus on that. I'd rather have 1 real friend than 2 fake friends any day. I get that some people are the complete opposite. And hey, that's fine. Some people measure their worth by how many people want them or need them. I DON'T though. Sorry


+1 on this.
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Try this one (Uncyclopedia) for another fun version. Tongue
"Capricorn
One day a Capricorn will take a risk and the world will stop in shock. They are cool to the point of frozen; self-possessed to the point of Leonardo DiCaprio ; and skeptical to the point of not even believing in themselves. They are the old-fashioned type - stuck in another era - when wood shoes were hot. They are staid and conservative , tight-fisted and mean. They have no true emotions. Except in bed...
Personality
Capricorn is the sign of the goat - wild, capricious and at home on the mountainside. Rubbish. Capricorn is really the sign of the mountain lion - dangerous, predatory and mean. They are a hot-blooded cat - ambitious, ruthless, determined and cunning if they haven't exposed themselves already as the sharpest knife in your back. In their thinking they have all the flexibility of a steel rod - you try getting one to change their mind. They are a fixed sign - fixed in thought, word and deed. They do nothing spontaneously. If it hasn't been diaried then they won't do it. They do like order - in fact they make the Virgo seem positively reckless and messy. They are supposed to have a very dry sense of humour. See Vince Vaughn They are miserly, dour, pessimistic and a bit of a kill joy. They are fastidious about dirt - Howard Hughes was a Capricorn, no surprises there then."
(more at the link)
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And since we are talking about Aquarius anyway Tongue
Aquarius
"Aquarians really ought to care a little more about who they sleep with - especially in this day and age. They are laid-back, organized and cool - these are also the attributes of any good confidence trickster. They never appear to do any work but they always have plenty of money - they must be sponging off someone. They are lazy and indulgent. They could try repaying some of their debts some time. They hate cuddly toys.
Personality
The most stubborn sign in the zodiak, willing to go to the gallows rather than admit they were wrong, lose face, back down, or compromize. They make a stand about things we'd consider trivial. Again and again the word barking crops up whenever anyone is describing this most unorthodox of signs. And barking is what they are. They may look pretty normal but inside there is an alien's brain. They make good Zen monks as they already march to the sound of one hand clapping. They are stoic and feel no pain. They look down on anyone who does. They are driven, determined, ruthless zealots and fanatics. They are, in fact, quite utterly insane.
Leave them to get on with their own private world and just serve them, obey them, worship them and devote yourself to them and they will be entirely happy. They won't of course reward you, talk to you or notice you, but this does not matter. You will be serving a higher life form. They won't answer you and can't be bothered with the likes of a petty earthling.
They don't tick like us. If we tick they tock. They march to another drumbeat entirely, one that is playing inside their head and no one else can hear, not even other Aquarians. They are unique - and who would want any more of them?
Aquarius in Love
If you are unlucky enough to fall for one of these then you aren't going to be wooed or romanced or wined and dined much. You will however get lectured, pontificated at, talked down to and patronized.
Aquarius in Business
They can't do paperwork or detail or even turn up on time. But give them a decent science lab and they'll produce a cure for cancer or design an interstellar rocket ship powered by thought or hot air or paperclips. They are obsessed with the past and love nothing better than digging up tombs, graves, archaeological sites, bones, dinosaurs, and incriminating evidence."
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Posted by WaterCup
Posted by ANRivas
actually i have to agree that aquarians i know try very hard to be different, and i didn't even know that was an aquarius thing...i agree with most of what it said about aquarius people actually... as well as pisces and cancer somewhat but everything else is more nonsense than truth!


Aquarians really don't try anything, it may look like we're trying so hard to some but we aren't. There's this thing inside that pushes you to go left when everybody else is going right, it's NOT a conscious choice...it's an automatic reaction. Many of us don't even know why we do the things we do tbh.
click to expand


I feel my aqua Mars pulling me left, away from the crowd. And that's just the mars, so I can only imagine what it feels like to be an aqua sun or have a lot of aqua placements. I kind of like the mars placed in aqua. Better to go against the grain than be a sheep! smile
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Plus one last thing, the things that people see as aquarius trying to be different, are actually normal to the aquarius. Aquas don't do things FOR people (put on a show), we do what's normal to us & whatever else we feel like doing. It may be strange to some but not to us. And it's always the other people that point out how strange & different the aqua is anyway...we're not aware, honestly speaking.
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Posted by truecap
Posted by WaterCup
Posted by ANRivas
actually i have to agree that aquarians i know try very hard to be different, and i didn't even know that was an aquarius thing...i agree with most of what it said about aquarius people actually... as well as pisces and cancer somewhat but everything else is more nonsense than truth!


Aquarians really don't try anything, it may look like we're trying so hard to some but we aren't. There's this thing inside that pushes you to go left when everybody else is going right, it's NOT a conscious choice...it's an automatic reaction. Many of us don't even know why we do the things we do tbh.


I feel my aqua Mars pulling me left, away from the crowd. And that's just the mars, so I can only imagine what it feels like to be an aqua sun or have a lot of aqua placements. I kind of like the mars placed in aqua. Better to go against the grain than be a sheep! smile
click to expand


I'm glad you understand & I'm sure others with aqua placements know the feeling too.
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Posted by TigerCap
Try this one (Uncyclopedia) for another fun version. Tongue
"Capricorn
One day a Capricorn will take a risk and the world will stop in shock. They are cool to the point of frozen; self-possessed to the point of Leonardo DiCaprio ; and skeptical to the point of not even believing in themselves. They are the old-fashioned type - stuck in another era - when wood shoes were hot. They are staid and conservative , tight-fisted and mean. They have no true emotions. Except in bed...
Personality
Capricorn is the sign of the goat - wild, capricious and at home on the mountainside. Rubbish. Capricorn is really the sign of the mountain lion - dangerous, predatory and mean. They are a hot-blooded cat - ambitious, ruthless, determined and cunning if they haven't exposed themselves already as the sharpest knife in your back. In their thinking they have all the flexibility of a steel rod - you try getting one to change their mind. They are a fixed sign - fixed in thought, word and deed. They do nothing spontaneously. If it hasn't been diaried then they won't do it. They do like order - in fact they make the Virgo seem positively reckless and messy. They are supposed to have a very dry sense of humour. See Vince Vaughn They are miserly, dour, pessimistic and a bit of a kill joy. They are fastidious about dirt - Howard Hughes was a Capricorn, no surprises there then."
(more at the link)


That's scarily accurate. lol!
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Posted by WaterCup
Posted by ANRivas
actually i have to agree that aquarians i know try very hard to be different, and i didn't even know that was an aquarius thing...i agree with most of what it said about aquarius people actually... as well as pisces and cancer somewhat but everything else is more nonsense than truth!


Aquarians really don't try anything, it may look like we're trying so hard to some but we aren't. There's this thing inside that pushes you to go left when everybody else is going right, it's NOT a conscious choice...it's an automatic reaction. Many of us don't even know why we do the things we do tbh.
click to expand


i've had aquarians literally say to me that they were trying to be different, which is why i said that
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obviously not all try so hard, so maybe it's just the worst of the aqua.s.
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lol@ the aqua's catching feelings over this..only hit dogs holler
and i cracked up over this lil quip..

Posted by GemStar05
CANCER: Your memory is far too good, and you are unable to get rid of your depressing nostalgia. In brief, you are a faint-hearted, passive, psychotic and selfish little thing.




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Posted by MellyMel909
...It's an internet opinion article, not a police report.
It's not like this shit's going in your "permanent file" or anything...


Thank you! :-)
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Posted by narbil
45 years old. Fresh material next time!
The cancer one is spot on. Selfish little 8 year old babies who live in their heads and believe only what they wanna. Lol


Post your own article next time. Some haven't seen it and if it's 45 yrs old then you're an old
coot anyway so what do you know?...hmph! LOL
j/k don't go chop a finger off or something...
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Posted by WaterCup
Posted by ANRivas
actually i have to agree that aquarians i know try very hard to be different, and i didn't even know that was an aquarius thing...i agree with most of what it said about aquarius people actually... as well as pisces and cancer somewhat but everything else is more nonsense than truth!


Aquarians really don't try anything, it may look like we're trying so hard to some but we aren't. There's this thing inside that pushes you to go left when everybody else is going right, it's NOT a conscious choice...it's an automatic reaction. Many of us don't even know why we do the things we do tbh.

I agree the Aquas I know are very original and don't tend to go with the flow. They are their own
person and dance to their own tune--no one else's.
click to expand
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Posted by ANRivas
Posted by WaterCup
Posted by ANRivas
actually i have to agree that aquarians i know try very hard to be different, and i didn't even know that was an aquarius thing...i agree with most of what it said about aquarius people actually... as well as pisces and cancer somewhat but everything else is more nonsense than truth!


Aquarians really don't try anything, it may look like we're trying so hard to some but we aren't. There's this thing inside that pushes you to go left when everybody else is going right, it's NOT a conscious choice...it's an automatic reaction. Many of us don't even know why we do the things we do tbh.


i've had aquarians literally say to me that they were trying to be different, which is why i said that
click to expand


That is weird because it's not like there's something to gain out of it. Maybe he or she is one of those that'll end up in the Psyche ward.
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Posted by DAMEN VI
lol@ the aqua's catching feelings over this..only hit dogs holler
and i cracked up over this lil quip..

Posted by GemStar05
CANCER: Your memory is far too good, and you are unable to get rid of your depressing nostalgia. In brief, you are a faint-hearted, passive, psychotic and selfish little thing.





click to expand


We are not Pisces, boetie. Talking doesn't mean any of us are heartbroken over this. Are you kidding me?
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^^the majority of people in here just laughed at it,you aqua's on the other hand started explaining yourselves..or maybe thats just another form of you guys being different
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Haha I agree with pretty much all of them, it's a worst case scenario kinda thing, which I'm sure we have all met a crappy version of each sign lol
I usually love Leo's, I'm one myself, but the ones most people I know don't like have those flaws amplified hah.
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According to this thread, aquarius is apparently the easiest sign to troll
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This was a good read ^.^
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