Cancer man: processing thoughts of just dishonest?
This topic was created in the Astrology forum by wondering scorpio on Monday, April 27, 2009 and has 13 replies.
I met this Cancer guy during my trip to Asia this winter. It was a nice and sweet friendship: elephant rides, swimming together, shopping, restaurants, romantic walks, sweet talks. His English is terrible, but the connection between us was perfect ??? very emotional and we could read each others minds! No sex, no messing around even when we slept in the same bed (it happened twice). He is 10 years younger, and I did not want to spoil anything by moving things too fast. I felt we were getting closer and closer, I sensed he was pulling me away from the rest of the group, smiling, calling me ???his girlfriend??, ???princess??, ???perfect woman?? - outside I acted like the one, but inside did not take it seriously. Thinking back I realize I probably provoked his jelousy too because I thought he was too passive.
The actual nightmare happened during the New Year beach party ??? he smoked a joint and got into jail for it. I know for sure it is not his first joint, but the alternative was to leave him in this nightmarish Asian jail for at least 3 months or bail him out for 1000 Euro. Well, I preferred the last option, staying one more day in this hell would have killed him for sure.
He came back home safe, called me in January, spoke very emotionally, talked about his mom crying over what has happened to him, about his dogs, wanted to return the money, was concerned about it. This amount equals his monthly salary, and I did not pressure him. Than he vanished for 3 weeks and re-appeared in February writing that he has got the money and again ??? sweet, long, very emotional, admiring telephone talks. I told him I would have liked to come and visit him in April, and we agreed to move our communication to a webcam the next day (it was his initiative).
And what?? He never called and just vanished! It has been 2,5 months since I heard from him. He did not transfer the money, never returned my call (I left a message once), did not respond to my recent email with a slight reminder about the debt. He cut me off! He is still among my facebook friends and I can see he has been there at least twice during this time, so the guy is alive. But when I call (even from hidden number), I get the answering machine.
My mind is boiling while trying to find different explanations. Reading about Cancerians, I can see that they vanish when they "process" emotions. Can this take that long - 3 months? My question is whether he could have moved on and forgotten about me an
The actual nightmare happened during the New Year beach party ??? he smoked a joint and got into jail for it. I know for sure it is not his first joint, but the alternative was to leave him in this nightmarish Asian jail for at least 3 months or bail him out for 1000 Euro. Well, I preferred the last option, staying one more day in this hell would have killed him for sure.
He came back home safe, called me in January, spoke very emotionally, talked about his mom crying over what has happened to him, about his dogs, wanted to return the money, was concerned about it. This amount equals his monthly salary, and I did not pressure him. Than he vanished for 3 weeks and re-appeared in February writing that he has got the money and again ??? sweet, long, very emotional, admiring telephone talks. I told him I would have liked to come and visit him in April, and we agreed to move our communication to a webcam the next day (it was his initiative).
And what?? He never called and just vanished! It has been 2,5 months since I heard from him. He did not transfer the money, never returned my call (I left a message once), did not respond to my recent email with a slight reminder about the debt. He cut me off! He is still among my facebook friends and I can see he has been there at least twice during this time, so the guy is alive. But when I call (even from hidden number), I get the answering machine.
My mind is boiling while trying to find different explanations. Reading about Cancerians, I can see that they vanish when they "process" emotions. Can this take that long - 3 months? My question is whether he could have moved on and forgotten about me an
Well one, don't you even sit there & try to convince yourself that this man played you out of your money & disappeared b/c he is just oh so emotional about the two of you. We both know that's bull! This man obviously doesn't have a problem spitting out his emotions b/c every time he talks to you, he says everything you want to hear & more. There are STILL alot of men who will lead you on & tell you everything you want to hear even though they never had any intentions on using you or being with you. Sure, it's kind of odd that this guy never had sex with you but just b/c a man doesn't have sex with you doesn't mean that it's b/c he cares. If anything, give yourself some credit: the reason he probably didn't even try to sex you down was b/c somewhere a long the line you gave him the impression that you weren't one to be used in that way.
This guy took your money & had no intentions on paying you back & that should've been obvious when he spent all of his conversations with you discussing all that sweet talk versus a payment plan on how he was going to get the money to you. If he really cared, he would've payed you back & not ignored you. He knows how important that money was to you, that's why he agree to pay it back. The very fact that he won't answer his calls or won't talk to you should SHOW you his real intentions & his true colors, more than he can tell you any day. He's not answering his phone b/c he doesn't have your money & doesn't have anything else to say to you b/c he knows now that you're just concerned about the money. This guy is really showing his true colors right now & I think you shouldn't over analyze what he's said in the past. No, look at his actions in the NOW b/c people's intentions & emotions change every single day. But no, his actions are the closest thing to measure how he's really feeling inside. You said yourself that you really didn't know him for that long before all this happened, so one you have to take responsibility & quit being in denial about the fact that this guy has probably been in jail & in trouble before. Men like that are constantly on the chase for the next woman who they can use. And men like this are usually the types that appear to be very nice, very sweet, always respectful & being "too good to be true." You know what they say, "it's always the people you least expect."
The question is, what are you going to do from here on out? You should know by now that the chances of getting your money back is slim
This guy took your money & had no intentions on paying you back & that should've been obvious when he spent all of his conversations with you discussing all that sweet talk versus a payment plan on how he was going to get the money to you. If he really cared, he would've payed you back & not ignored you. He knows how important that money was to you, that's why he agree to pay it back. The very fact that he won't answer his calls or won't talk to you should SHOW you his real intentions & his true colors, more than he can tell you any day. He's not answering his phone b/c he doesn't have your money & doesn't have anything else to say to you b/c he knows now that you're just concerned about the money. This guy is really showing his true colors right now & I think you shouldn't over analyze what he's said in the past. No, look at his actions in the NOW b/c people's intentions & emotions change every single day. But no, his actions are the closest thing to measure how he's really feeling inside. You said yourself that you really didn't know him for that long before all this happened, so one you have to take responsibility & quit being in denial about the fact that this guy has probably been in jail & in trouble before. Men like that are constantly on the chase for the next woman who they can use. And men like this are usually the types that appear to be very nice, very sweet, always respectful & being "too good to be true." You know what they say, "it's always the people you least expect."
The question is, what are you going to do from here on out? You should know by now that the chances of getting your money back is slim
Oh he's been getting your calls. Don't ever assume that someone is "accidentally" ignoring you. It would be different if he didn't owe you money & just randomly pulled the disappearing act. If that were the case, then I'd say there is room for discussing how men like this are as Cancers. But no, coincidentally, he owes you money and won't answer your calls. This type of thing happens every single day. You see the court shows on tv, you probably have friends that this has happened to. It's more common than you know.
The minute you agreed to feel sorry for him & give in & pay his debt to society FOR HIM, he immediately knew that he could take advantage of you. He might've started out really caring about you & really wanting something with you, but it's possible that the minute you opened up your wallet to him, from then on out, he only saw you as someone he could use to get him out of a situation he's probably been in several times before. It's not different than when a woman has sex with a guy too soon. Sure, he might've started out hoping he'd end up loving her & being with her, but the minute she showed weakness or vulnerability, he made it up in his mind that from then on out he'd only use her for sex. It sucks, but it happens every day in more ways than one.
The minute you agreed to feel sorry for him & give in & pay his debt to society FOR HIM, he immediately knew that he could take advantage of you. He might've started out really caring about you & really wanting something with you, but it's possible that the minute you opened up your wallet to him, from then on out, he only saw you as someone he could use to get him out of a situation he's probably been in several times before. It's not different than when a woman has sex with a guy too soon. Sure, he might've started out hoping he'd end up loving her & being with her, but the minute she showed weakness or vulnerability, he made it up in his mind that from then on out he'd only use her for sex. It sucks, but it happens every day in more ways than one.
krysrenee7,
Thanks for your honest reply, I guess my romantic feelings needed a cold shower. I was wondering myself whether he was a scam, why then - would he give me his home address from day one and add me to his facebook where I could get access to all his relatives? I actually did not give him the money, I paid the bail to the police, so he never got rich out of it. At the same time I am wondering why would he call me when he got back home asking for the ways he could pay off his debt? Isn't it much easier just to vanish from the start?
"The question is, what are you going to do from here on out? You should know by now that the chances of getting your money back is slim"
I am thinking about going to his country this summer for a language course anyway. Why not paying him an unexpected visit just to talk it out? We always had a good communication.
What concerns me is the fact that one's altruistic actions can backfire in such a manner and it really hurts. I admit I still have feelings and dillusions about this guy and it was not about money after all. But tell me: would it be better off if I'd closed my wallet and let him stay in this terrible place with gang rapes and 75 people in 10 meter cells sleeping on a cement floor? How human would it be? I would like a man (perhaps a good-hearted Cancerian man) to honestly answer this question as well: is it such a big turn off??? If so, I really need to rethink my values. Although at this point of time I would rather lose this money or any money than to turn my heart into ice.
Thanks for your honest reply, I guess my romantic feelings needed a cold shower. I was wondering myself whether he was a scam, why then - would he give me his home address from day one and add me to his facebook where I could get access to all his relatives? I actually did not give him the money, I paid the bail to the police, so he never got rich out of it. At the same time I am wondering why would he call me when he got back home asking for the ways he could pay off his debt? Isn't it much easier just to vanish from the start?
"The question is, what are you going to do from here on out? You should know by now that the chances of getting your money back is slim"
I am thinking about going to his country this summer for a language course anyway. Why not paying him an unexpected visit just to talk it out? We always had a good communication.
What concerns me is the fact that one's altruistic actions can backfire in such a manner and it really hurts. I admit I still have feelings and dillusions about this guy and it was not about money after all. But tell me: would it be better off if I'd closed my wallet and let him stay in this terrible place with gang rapes and 75 people in 10 meter cells sleeping on a cement floor? How human would it be? I would like a man (perhaps a good-hearted Cancerian man) to honestly answer this question as well: is it such a big turn off??? If so, I really need to rethink my values. Although at this point of time I would rather lose this money or any money than to turn my heart into ice.
which part of asia country is he from? with teribble english and all?
He is actually French, I also live in Europe.
The whole story happened in Thailand, but does it matter after all... :0(
Interestingly enough, just called him, for the first time got through... He is rambling about that his house being taken down and him having to move in one month, not having internet connection and not checking his emails. Promised to call me in 5 minutes--- 20 minutes have passed... Wow-wow! What is going on...
Inbelievable, so much pain for actually doing a good deed. Pain for him and his doing, pain for myself for being used like a "wallet". It's not about money at all... I wonder weather he will ever have that guilty conscious to stew in...
Inbelievable, so much pain for actually doing a good deed. Pain for him and his doing, pain for myself for being used like a "wallet". It's not about money at all... I wonder weather he will ever have that guilty conscious to stew in...
Posted by WinterBorn"too good to be true." You know what they say, "it's always the people you least expect."
Now he's testing you to see if you will send him more money, to *save* his house and internet.
What a piece of shite this man is.click to expand
DOnt know if i edited this absolutley correctly, but, it is always when you are not looking and least expect it and from those you least expect it from, blind sided, beotch slapped, man, hate it when it happens like that, sorry to hear you are going through this, times like these can be so confusing!
What concerns me is the fact that one's altruistic actions can backfire in such a manner and it really hurts. I admit I still have feelings and dillusions about this guy and it was not about money after all. But tell me: would it be better off if I'd closed my wallet and let him stay in this terrible place with gang rapes and 75 people in 10 meter cells sleeping on a cement floor? How human would it be? I would like a man (perhaps a good-hearted Cancerian man) to honestly answer this question as well: is it such a big turn off??? If so, I really need to rethink my values. Although at this point of time I would rather lose this money or any money than to turn my heart into ice."
Well first of all, he's a citizen of that country & he's well aware of the laws there & the punishment for breaking those laws. Just like you, he knew how bad those prisons & jails were YET he decided to break the law in the moment anyways. He's a grown man & he made the mistake of breaking the law, therefore he has to suffer the consequences. You can't save the world. And even if you could, are you sure you'll be saving him or will your BENJAMINS be saving him? Big difference. If you want him to see your value, then try to get him to see it in other ways. Always sticking your hand out, & always preparing to help him out financially is not the key to a man seeing you as his queen. There are lots of women who would pay HIS (keyword) debts for him. But are there lots of women that'd actually say no out of more love for self, than for someone whom hasn't given them a reason yet to think otherwise? This is about more than just you handing out money to a prison system. You have some serious rejection problems & it just turns out that the one guy you really liked really brought that out in you. BUT, it had to have already been there. And b/c it was already there before him, that means that he is not the key to helping you through this.
Well first of all, he's a citizen of that country & he's well aware of the laws there & the punishment for breaking those laws. Just like you, he knew how bad those prisons & jails were YET he decided to break the law in the moment anyways. He's a grown man & he made the mistake of breaking the law, therefore he has to suffer the consequences. You can't save the world. And even if you could, are you sure you'll be saving him or will your BENJAMINS be saving him? Big difference. If you want him to see your value, then try to get him to see it in other ways. Always sticking your hand out, & always preparing to help him out financially is not the key to a man seeing you as his queen. There are lots of women who would pay HIS (keyword) debts for him. But are there lots of women that'd actually say no out of more love for self, than for someone whom hasn't given them a reason yet to think otherwise? This is about more than just you handing out money to a prison system. You have some serious rejection problems & it just turns out that the one guy you really liked really brought that out in you. BUT, it had to have already been there. And b/c it was already there before him, that means that he is not the key to helping you through this.
Don't make this situation worse than what it really is. I mean, I understand you. You really like this guy, you started to have feelings for him, so much so that you began to convince yourself that being his #1 fan & supporter would get him to feel the same way about you. But honey, there are plenty of women who give their all & wear their hearts on their sleeves & end up coming out crying b/c the other person wasn't emotionally and/or maturely on the same level they were. And what can you do? What's the point of sitting at home & allowing (by choice) to let your heart turn to ice. How dare you give yourself that weak of an ultimatum: Either be naive and help him OR turn my heart cold. You are better than that & you need to work on SELF love before you go about trying to profess love for someone else.
I know it hurts, but honey you need to face reality. The reality is that this guy just up & left you high & dry. Sure, it's okay to be mad. But anything more or other than that is giving him too much power. Don't ever let someone who only had a few months of good conversation determine how black or white your heart becomes even after them. Take the loss. Look in the mirror & take the loss. And even if he did come back to you or call you back randomly, you'd never ever really know the real reason for why he got back into contact with you. That's how celebrities feel all the time; they never know someone's true intentions. I think you need to put your pride down & accept defeat. Stop arguing with the facts. Who cares that he gave you his address. Trust me, he took all that into consideration when he was pushing "IGNORE" all of those times on his phone. THAT'S what you need to be analyzing. You can analyze something that is unknown. But what IS known is that he ditched you, left you high & dry & the end. It's pointless to harp over the questions you'll never know the answer to. Start facing the realities of the answers you DO have.
I know it hurts, but honey you need to face reality. The reality is that this guy just up & left you high & dry. Sure, it's okay to be mad. But anything more or other than that is giving him too much power. Don't ever let someone who only had a few months of good conversation determine how black or white your heart becomes even after them. Take the loss. Look in the mirror & take the loss. And even if he did come back to you or call you back randomly, you'd never ever really know the real reason for why he got back into contact with you. That's how celebrities feel all the time; they never know someone's true intentions. I think you need to put your pride down & accept defeat. Stop arguing with the facts. Who cares that he gave you his address. Trust me, he took all that into consideration when he was pushing "IGNORE" all of those times on his phone. THAT'S what you need to be analyzing. You can analyze something that is unknown. But what IS known is that he ditched you, left you high & dry & the end. It's pointless to harp over the questions you'll never know the answer to. Start facing the realities of the answers you DO have.
Everyone wants love & no one on the face of this earth wants to believe that the person they invested their time & energy into scammed them out of not only money, but of their time & energy. BUT, the reality is that people in this world are heartless & will do what they've got to do to make it. And it just so happens that you came into contact & really started to like one of those types of people.
I know you really enjoyed your conversations with him & all that. But honey, you were just in the honey moon stages with him anyways (the stages where that person can do no wrong & when they look like GOLD to you). But what about after those honeymoon stages are over? Can you deal with the fact that it's in his character to leave someone who cares about him high & dry & with no respect to even respond? That's not just something that happened to you as a personal thing. He's probably done this to many people. And of course, you don't know about it b/c he only told you what he wanted you to know.If you really want this guy to respect & want you, then back off. No, don't go pay him any unexpected visits. Why put any energy into finding him when he didn't even think enough of you to pick up the darn phone??? You didn't ask him for a million dollars, for a mansion or for the cure for cancer. You simply asked him to pick up the phone & he couldn't even do that. Are you sure he's the kind of person (with that vindictive of a personality & charcter) in the long run? Let's say that he comes back into your life & says everything that you want to hear. Sure, you might have him back in your life finally, but later on the reality will set in & can you say that you'll ever really be able to trust him again? If you can't even trust someone with your money, how in the hell can you trust them with your HEART, the one thing that's not replaceable or that can be bought? Think about it.
I know you really enjoyed your conversations with him & all that. But honey, you were just in the honey moon stages with him anyways (the stages where that person can do no wrong & when they look like GOLD to you). But what about after those honeymoon stages are over? Can you deal with the fact that it's in his character to leave someone who cares about him high & dry & with no respect to even respond? That's not just something that happened to you as a personal thing. He's probably done this to many people. And of course, you don't know about it b/c he only told you what he wanted you to know.If you really want this guy to respect & want you, then back off. No, don't go pay him any unexpected visits. Why put any energy into finding him when he didn't even think enough of you to pick up the darn phone??? You didn't ask him for a million dollars, for a mansion or for the cure for cancer. You simply asked him to pick up the phone & he couldn't even do that. Are you sure he's the kind of person (with that vindictive of a personality & charcter) in the long run? Let's say that he comes back into your life & says everything that you want to hear. Sure, you might have him back in your life finally, but later on the reality will set in & can you say that you'll ever really be able to trust him again? If you can't even trust someone with your money, how in the hell can you trust them with your HEART, the one thing that's not replaceable or that can be bought? Think about it.
Thank you everyone for empowering me.
You are so right in everything you say...
Just one thing crosses my naive mind: no matter how wicked a person is, would he be able to sell his soul for as cheap as 1000 Euro? For me it's just the money, just paper, but can one live after this with such consciousness? To the rest of his life? Do you actually believe it is possible?
A few links about the hell he managed to escaped with my "benjamins"(by the way, his name is also Benjamin and he is French, not a local Thai boy):
www.radio.cz/en/article/89528
www.youtube.com/watch
www.thaivisa.com/forum/Bri...46887.html
What I saw in this jail was pure hell! I was vomiting from stress when I saw all those Aussies/Europeans behind the bars - males and females locked like monkeys in the zoo, toilet sink in the middle of the cell, cement floors. Next day they were supposed to be moved to the ???real?? jail with the real criminals and experience all the local ???fun?? ??? gang bang, TB, violence. I could not take it, would do anything to help... I simply could not allow a fellow European to go through this, please understand me... Perhaps deep inside I had a bit more reason for helping him escape than my low self-esteem and inability to say "no"...
But I promise I will keep all your advise in mind! Immature men are a-holes, should not be trusted??_
You are so right in everything you say...
Just one thing crosses my naive mind: no matter how wicked a person is, would he be able to sell his soul for as cheap as 1000 Euro? For me it's just the money, just paper, but can one live after this with such consciousness? To the rest of his life? Do you actually believe it is possible?
A few links about the hell he managed to escaped with my "benjamins"(by the way, his name is also Benjamin and he is French, not a local Thai boy):
www.radio.cz/en/article/89528
www.youtube.com/watch
www.thaivisa.com/forum/Bri...46887.html
What I saw in this jail was pure hell! I was vomiting from stress when I saw all those Aussies/Europeans behind the bars - males and females locked like monkeys in the zoo, toilet sink in the middle of the cell, cement floors. Next day they were supposed to be moved to the ???real?? jail with the real criminals and experience all the local ???fun?? ??? gang bang, TB, violence. I could not take it, would do anything to help... I simply could not allow a fellow European to go through this, please understand me... Perhaps deep inside I had a bit more reason for helping him escape than my low self-esteem and inability to say "no"...
But I promise I will keep all your advise in mind! Immature men are a-holes, should not be trusted??_
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