Sexy Beast Horoscopes

This topic was created in the Astrology forum by VirgoDragirl on Tuesday, April 7, 2015 and has 4 replies.
Hi All, I read this from a blog and thought of sharing it with all of you. Enjoy!!!
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My friend Jane was telling me how she is fine going long periods of time without sex, but when she can get it, she needs a lot??_like stocking up, ???And then I go into hibernation.??
I said, ???So your sex life is a bear.??
What kind of animal is your sex life?
Aries ??? Rabbit. You just go at it. Spreading like wildfire. That??s not always a good thing. Actually, it??s only a good thing to you??_until you get the herps.
Taurus ??? Mouse. When you go for the cheese, you really go for it, but then you just fucking nibble on it, and you??re perfectly content. The cheese, however, is not.
Gemini ??? Monkey. You??re not too good to fling poo.
Cancer ??? Bear. Jane is a Cancer. That??s why.
Leo ??? Badger. That honey one. You??ll attack anything. Honey badger don??t give a shit.
Virgo ??? Dog. You take whatever comes your way, and you aren??t too proud to beg. Or pant. Or hump a leg.
Libra ??? Cat. Sex for you is a means to something else. Love, affection, etc. Like a cat, you??re only affectionate to get affection. And validation. When you??re good, you go lick yourself.
Scorpio ??? Shark. When sharks mate, they just sink. It??s like the only time they aren??t swimming. They stop swimming for sex or death. Sex has to be worth that pause in your life.
Sagittarius ??? Pig. Your sex life is seemingly vile and filthy and gluttonous, but really it is clean, intelligent, and loveable. Until you decide to roll around in the mud. Circumstantial.
Capricorn ??? Butterfly. You start off as a caterpillar, and then you need to go through some kind of transformation before you are the free-flying slut you were born to be.
Aquarius ??? Panda. You??re pretty content without it. Your kind was on the verge of extinction because you??d rather eat than procreate. It??s a good thing you??re so fucking cute.
Pisces ??? Duck. Ducks mate for life. There??s also record of a male duck fucking a dead male duck. You can fly, walk, and swim. You??re just all over the place.
Posted by VirgoDragirl

Capricorn ??? Butterfly. You start off as a caterpillar, and then you need to go through some kind of transformation before you are the free-flying slut you were born to be.


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Posted by VirgoDragirl

Capricorn ??? Butterfly. You start off as a caterpillar, and then you need to go through some kind of transformation before you are the free-flying slut you were born to be.


*Cough* Surprisingly true for some reason. But yes, I need the right kind of guidance and patience to get to the point where I will be the one to wear you out. Big Grin
Cancer ??? Bear. Jane is a Cancer. That??s why.


I was surprised at first when my Cancer girlfriend told me she could go for months on end without getting off outside of a relationship. Can't even fathom how someone can do that.
Virgo ??? Dog. You take whatever comes your way, and you aren??t too proud to beg. Or pant. Or hump a leg.


In fact they love to beg for it. I had to tie her down sometimes and that only made her hornier.
Scorpio ??? Shark. When sharks mate, they just sink. It??s like the only time they aren??t swimming. They stop swimming for sex or death. Sex has to be worth that pause in your life.


Well, it's either you won't even get the promise of sex unless they find you worthy or bloody murderous rampage where they take everything they can.
Sagittarius ??? Pig. Your sex life is seemingly vile and filthy and gluttonous, but really it is clean, intelligent, and loveable. Until you decide to roll around in the mud. Circumstantial.
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Surprisingly/disappointingly clean in my experience.
Posted by SirHorns
Posted by VirgoDragirl

Capricorn ??? Butterfly. You start off as a caterpillar, and then you need to go through some kind of transformation before you are the free-flying slut you were born to be.


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