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Apr 11, 2018Comments: 0 · Posts: 529 · Topics: 38
Hello to all of you 😊
So I have been having this issue for a long time now.
My sun in sagittarius in 11th
My rising is Capricorn
And my moon is Capricorn too in 12th.
Everything else is mainly Capricorn, and Aqua
Saturn my chart ruler is in Aries in 3rd house.
The things is I have been really struggling to accept how Capricorn like I am.
Even now I find it difficult. I don't even know how to channel this energy. And it really plays both Sag and Cap out on me.... But a lot of times Cap is stronger.
When I was in school I was in full Capricorn mode. The one that you do what your parents and everyone else tells you cause thats what you are supposed to do and actually believe you are good if you accomplish the things that are expected from you, even though you really struggle.
But after that when I got in college 3 years ago Aquarius and 12th house planets (Moon, Mercury, Mars) came out and the girl who did everything she was been told to disappeared. A rebel came out and a girl lost in her thoughts, fears, and past issues got her place and made me even more confused about everything. For the first time the image I projected had really cracked.
Now I am really more confused than before.... Cause being Capricorn like is considered good.
I begin to recognize and learn Capricorn just like all signs has actually both good and bad qualities and I find in myself both.
I mean it has its own strengths I can tap into if I decide that I want to.
But in general I always felt i was supposed and expected to be someone.... I have had this expectation of myself too.... but all it feels like now is faking. Faking to be strong, to have it all together or whatever. Being closed, detached, withdrawn, alone and appear so full and self sufficient does not serve me anymore.
And now I really don't know even what I want.
I may want Capricorn things that it's more difficult to get and need more time but probably are more valuable. But then Sag sun and Venus, Mars conjuct Ascendant mentality come off and tell me just relax and try the easy and fast way out.
Plus I am 21 which is an age everyone around me is so cool about experimenting with everything while I am actually stuck to the things I want and not seem to easily get or properly go for in the first place.
A last example.... I have my rising, moon, mercury, venus, Mars and Neptune in Capricorn and I state all the time I want a relationship... Doesn't need to be long.. I dont want a marriage lol.... But it's going to be my first relationship and I would like it to last for some time.... As you understand I am talking about something real.... And then everyone else is like lets make out, have sex and that's it.
I am not like that.... And then I get anxious I miss out on smt or that I should experiment more with this life style even though I don't feel like I want to.
I don't know if this post makes any sense.
Do you feel or have you ever felt the same way. I would like to know. 😘
no worries, it makes sense; sorry to hear that you are struggling but have to put on a mask and fake being ok to get through the day :/ Perhpas you can take this time to figure out the "thoughts, fears, and past issues" that are plaguing you. seems like its been fermenting inside you for quite a while but you've been suppressing it maybe even unconsciously.
As for being alone, do you have friends or people you can trust? Sometimes it helps to open up a little and just trying to articulate the things you have in your head may help you clear them up or see them in a new light.
"I may want Capricorn things that it's more difficult to get and need more time but probably are more valuable."
Girl you are only 21! you have time its ok! lol that was meant to be reassuring but from personal experience i know those kind of words dont really help no matter how many times you tell them to yourself lol. i think for now try to enjoy what your sag sun and venus brings you, make a space for them. is it really an either/or situation btw your sag desires and cappy goals? think about that...
As for being cool and fitting in with your peers, dont let them get to you, as you said, you dont even really want that kind of life style anw. Forcing yourself to act some way because of fear of missing out or fear of regret - please reconsider.