are cancer men always this indecisive?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by pisces1981 on Sunday, November 6, 2011 and has 14 replies.
i'm a pisces female having dated a cancer male. we get along great and have lots in common that we don't have with anyone else but each other. however, i was having a hard time with getting him to let me in to the point where we would see each other once a week, despite a couple of months and me giving him alot of patience. then late september a few days after taking a day trip and him not responding to my emails or texts, he sends me an email trying to break up with me stating that there's no spark, and that he was flip flopping for a few weeks (he never told me about this, so it was a surprise to me) and that he's making a big mistake, etc. a few days later, i wrote him back stating that he's not giving me a chance and we agreed to to continue. despite our talk, he still mislead me that i was going to meet his parents and that i had nothing to worry about when it came to us. also, sometimes he would make plans and then cancel them at the last minute because he was "anxious" and "confused." he said he would be fine earlier in the day, and then get anxious and told me that he would sit there like a bonehead listening to me when it came time. why say you meet me when you don't really want to. this scenario happened again last tuesday, and i was pissed and wrote him an email that wednesday night stating how i was frustrated with him not giving me a chance and letting me in. no response. anxious to see how i stand with him, i called him on friday night and he dumps me again. he stated all the above what he said to me in september, and that there is nothing about me that he doesn't dislike (so why break up with me in the first place?), no spark (despite him not giving me a chance to se him more) and that i made him depressed because he was confused about us. he initiated our convsersations 9 out of 10 times, so he gave me no indication about anything and still continued to lead me on. i did state to him on the phone that he never gave me a chance and, yes, he is making a big mistake. i'm still really confused why he did that if he still wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me...he should have ended it earlier if he though that way all along, instead of stringing me along. i tried and tried to communicate with him all the time. i talked to a friend about this, and he said cancer boy may be insecure about stuff, so he broke up with me. cancer boy and i ended the conversation saying we'll talk again and that we'll be in each other's lives.
we'll remain friends for sure. so is it true that cancer men are indecisive and come back around? or should i just move on?
Cancer men can be very indecisive at times. I dated a Cancer who said that he didn't want anyone with kids (found this out after courting for a while - long story) but then he would talk and ask about my kids, say he didn't want a relationship but acted way out of character at times as if we were together (kept having to check him) so anyway, yes.
Should you remain friends...I don't like the whole ping pong thing. I will try and have patience initally to try and understand the other person but all the going back and forth way too many times and getting stood up is over my head. I would move on if I were you. You have been patient with him and expressed how you feel and he has yet to give you a stable answer. Way too much too soon...
Should you remain friends...I don't like the whole ping pong thing. I will try and have patience initally to try and understand the other person but all the going back and forth way too many times and getting stood up is over my head. I would move on if I were you. You have been patient with him and expressed how you feel and he has yet to give you a stable answer. Way too much too soon...
Posted by Cancer87
Should you remain friends...I don't like the whole ping pong thing. I will try and have patience initally to try and understand the other person but all the going back and forth way too many times and getting stood up is over my head. I would move on if I were you. You have been patient with him and expressed how you feel and he has yet to give you a stable answer. Way too much too soon...
i actually think being friends will be easier since it seems like he can't handle for being in a relationship for some reason, and we have a good base. i can't control his feelings, but he never gave me a chance in the first place. he also told me that i was a special person when he dumped me twice. why??? i don't get it.
Just remain his friend and try to keep those boundaries up. Don't have the "friends" title and still play the relationship dialouge(sp). He does sound confused to me.
i know right. he said we'll talk again, too. so that's why i don't think it's technically over, but not holding my breath either. should i wait for him to contact me again?
Hell NO, go on with whatever you need to do for you. Don't wait on him, hell if you all talk then cool and if not that is cool too. I have been in a few "dumb" positions before being blinded by whatever reason but I will tell you, hurt feelings, sad and disappointed... I WILL WALK AWAY. My bff always says "Playing the fool is not the problem (not calling you a fool), STAYING the fool is the problem when you find out what is going on." He needs to be consistent period so don't wait on him.
No don't sit around waiting for no man to contact you. He proably know you want more from him so instead of informing you he is not ready to commit ( he dump you).
He is letting you no he is not ready for a relationship. You want more from him so he is indiectly and directly telling you with his actions he can't see youbeing his girl. He will "shut down" on you because you want to prove to him you can be what you hope he want in a woman.
Sorry but no man want a woman who is begging him for a chance. Just saying it has made him lose his "spark" with you. He want a woman with game. You dump me (where's your boy).
From reading your post he is seeking a challenge you aren't giving to him. Move on
He is letting you no he is not ready for a relationship. You want more from him so he is indiectly and directly telling you with his actions he can't see youbeing his girl. He will "shut down" on you because you want to prove to him you can be what you hope he want in a woman.
Sorry but no man want a woman who is begging him for a chance. Just saying it has made him lose his "spark" with you. He want a woman with game. You dump me (where's your boy).
From reading your post he is seeking a challenge you aren't giving to him. Move on
The first time around, I was merely pointing out that he didn't give me a chance. I'm not asking for one now, of course. Sorry I'm such a boring person. Haha. However, it's misleading to say when dumping someone to say they are special and he might be making a mistake (by dumping me). I'm still confused....
"then late september a few days after taking a day trip and him not responding to my emails or texts, he sends me an email trying to break up with me stating that there's no spark, and that he was flip flopping for a few weeks"
When he said that, it was over for him and your response to that should've been okay, I don't want to break up, wish it would've worked out, wish him the best and get on with your life.
Hey some guys won't feel it no matter what you say or do and as you get older you'll realize not to waste your time trying to get him to feel something he doesn't feel. So next time a guy says I don't feel a spark MOVE ON, don't even try to figure out why b/c you'll never ever be able to change his feelings so don't try, wish him well and get on with your life without him.
"he stated all the above what he said to me in september, and that there is nothing about me that he doesn't dislike (so why break up with me in the first place?), no spark (despite him not giving me a chance to se him more) and that i made him depressed because he was confused about us. he initiated our convsersations 9 out of 10 times, so he gave me no indication about anything and still continued to lead me on."
Again he said no spark, he tried, he tried by initiating contact 9x's out of 10 and he made plans and b/c he didn't feel a spark he backed out, he tried and now that he's tried and he realize he just don't feel it, he's done. He wasn't trying to string you along, he was just trying to give you a chance like you asked, if you had accepted the break up in the first place you wouldn't feel strung along by him.
Try bowing out gracefully next time when a man says he isn't feeling it for you, have some pride, don't stay in it with a man that says he wants out, maybe he didn't give you a proper chance but talking him out of breaking up won't make things better, in this case he was sure he wanted to break up with you in the beginning, the indecisiveness came after you managed to talk him out of the break up, next time accept what he a man want (if he want to break up) and let him go.
When he said that, it was over for him and your response to that should've been okay, I don't want to break up, wish it would've worked out, wish him the best and get on with your life.
Hey some guys won't feel it no matter what you say or do and as you get older you'll realize not to waste your time trying to get him to feel something he doesn't feel. So next time a guy says I don't feel a spark MOVE ON, don't even try to figure out why b/c you'll never ever be able to change his feelings so don't try, wish him well and get on with your life without him.
"he stated all the above what he said to me in september, and that there is nothing about me that he doesn't dislike (so why break up with me in the first place?), no spark (despite him not giving me a chance to se him more) and that i made him depressed because he was confused about us. he initiated our convsersations 9 out of 10 times, so he gave me no indication about anything and still continued to lead me on."
Again he said no spark, he tried, he tried by initiating contact 9x's out of 10 and he made plans and b/c he didn't feel a spark he backed out, he tried and now that he's tried and he realize he just don't feel it, he's done. He wasn't trying to string you along, he was just trying to give you a chance like you asked, if you had accepted the break up in the first place you wouldn't feel strung along by him.
Try bowing out gracefully next time when a man says he isn't feeling it for you, have some pride, don't stay in it with a man that says he wants out, maybe he didn't give you a proper chance but talking him out of breaking up won't make things better, in this case he was sure he wanted to break up with you in the beginning, the indecisiveness came after you managed to talk him out of the break up, next time accept what he a man want (if he want to break up) and let him go.
Posted by tiki33
"then late september a few days after taking a day trip and him not responding to my emails or texts, he sends me an email trying to break up with me stating that there's no spark, and that he was flip flopping for a few weeks"
just to clarify, he was the one who wanted to get back together at first. i just replied my points and how i felt about things (i never told him to take me back). i had no expectation of getting back together, and would have been fine if we broke up then and there. if so, i wasn't going to let him get away with an email. but no, he said he wanted to be with me more and that he actually didn't want to break up with me then. despite that, he still lead me on telling me that i'll meet his parents and i had nothing to worry about. even when he dumped me the second time, he said he might be making a big mistake again. i have no control over his feelings towards me. however, it's confusing to me lead me on and say one thing and then do another. that's what i'm still trying to understand at this point.
Yeah but you didn't say that in the beginning, stop making excuses about this to try and make it fit...Go back and read what you wrote. "then late september a few days after taking a day trip and him not responding to my emails or texts, he sends me an email trying to break up with me stating that there's no spark, and that he was flip flopping for a few weeks (he never told me about this, so it was a surprise to me) and that he's making a big mistake, etc. a few days later, i wrote him back stating that he's not giving me a chance and we agreed to to continue."
Nowhere in there did you mention that he initiated getting back together, you made it appear he broke up with you and then you stated to him that he didn't give you a chance thus he changed his mind after the talk and then he went into relationshp mode, meeting his parents etc etc, I have no doubt in my mind that he wanted to break up and you convinced him to stay.
You won't understand his point, the REAL VALID point is he's dumping you and that should be enough for you to leave him alone until he sort himself out, he's having a bout of commitmentphobia, they typically flip flop around a lot, go in and out, create confusion and drama, can't commit to dates and it's frustrating and confusing.
Accept the advice or reject it and stay confused but you've been given some pretty sound advice by everyone, if you can shift out of denial, be honest with yourself it'll make things much easier on you and alleviate the confusion and help you help yourself.
Nowhere in there did you mention that he initiated getting back together, you made it appear he broke up with you and then you stated to him that he didn't give you a chance thus he changed his mind after the talk and then he went into relationshp mode, meeting his parents etc etc, I have no doubt in my mind that he wanted to break up and you convinced him to stay.
You won't understand his point, the REAL VALID point is he's dumping you and that should be enough for you to leave him alone until he sort himself out, he's having a bout of commitmentphobia, they typically flip flop around a lot, go in and out, create confusion and drama, can't commit to dates and it's frustrating and confusing.
Accept the advice or reject it and stay confused but you've been given some pretty sound advice by everyone, if you can shift out of denial, be honest with yourself it'll make things much easier on you and alleviate the confusion and help you help yourself.
I don't know Pisces, I would take a man informing me he didn't have spark to heart. He wouldn't have to "think" about me anymore because I would be out on his a $ $ .
I know I am beautiful so he wound my pride. My self esteem wouldn't allow it. No more conversation for us EVER. I don't have room in my life for male friends.
I know I am beautiful so he wound my pride. My self esteem wouldn't allow it. No more conversation for us EVER. I don't have room in my life for male friends.
I am with the other ladies on this one. Dude is so NOT worth this. I'd rather be alone sweetie. Stay focused on you!!
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