cancer boys, help a pisces girl out
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by zoezoe on Friday, January 2, 2009 and has 25 replies.
The hot and cold thing you do. It really tests my anxiety and insecurity. I am bold inspite of it and I say things that are difficult, I'm vulnerable. You were all over me and making out with me. I feel like it's too fast and I kiss you forever. I look forward to kissing you. I tell you that I miss you. I spend time with my extended family over the holidays and you tell me to travel safe. I come early for New Year's wanting to spend it with you, but instead I get a message saying "Happy New Year's" late at night. I suck it up. I ask about this weekend and you suggest lunch dates where the public displays of affection you were doing - you won't do.
I feel like I'm losing my cool. I hate being a chic. I hate being emotional and vulnerable and most of all I hate feeling like I'm falling for you and you might just be pushing me away.
cancer guys r weird?? lol
Combating... Cancer men want you more when you dont want them"
LOL....I think this applies to all MEN and women! Why so much to Cancer men?
LOL....I think this applies to all MEN and women! Why so much to Cancer men?
zoezoe...why not just come right out and ask him during general conversation what he is looking for ..? Stop your guessing, wondering, analyzing and just ask. It may hurt, but at least you will know.
I didn't get the chance to ask him anything.
He started talking to me about my week and what not. Then he did the oddest thing he started picking on me about my background at work. Not like he was picking a fight, but just picking on me, then he says "you're cute when you're angry."
Then he knew I was travelling up north (it's within driving distance for him) and offered to visit me there one night that week.
It's conflictory. I don't know if he was trying to pick a fight with me or not. Then he wants to visit me while I'm on travel - and he volunteered to do this. The back and forth confuses me for certain.
Also he asked me to msg him and tell him what's going on for tonight.
Okay, so the communication thing is clearly in disarray.
I need to think about this.
He started talking to me about my week and what not. Then he did the oddest thing he started picking on me about my background at work. Not like he was picking a fight, but just picking on me, then he says "you're cute when you're angry."
Then he knew I was travelling up north (it's within driving distance for him) and offered to visit me there one night that week.
It's conflictory. I don't know if he was trying to pick a fight with me or not. Then he wants to visit me while I'm on travel - and he volunteered to do this. The back and forth confuses me for certain.
Also he asked me to msg him and tell him what's going on for tonight.
Okay, so the communication thing is clearly in disarray.
I need to think about this.
iamcancer: thank you for your insight, I do appreciate it.
You wrote: "are you in to him?"
I'm very in to him, but a lil' confused by his behavior. I'd like to get farther ... in his pants, but that's a convo for him and myself later
I guess what made his picking on me such a red flag - was that he didn't let me finish a sentence - he kept interrupting me. That wasn't funny as much as it felt a little disrespectful, but I kept my cool and put it aside. If I did not know any better, I'd have the inexplicable suspicion his out of left field criticism was some weird test to see what I would do.
*shrugs* I adore him, but as much cancers want to be safe and secure, I'm just a terrified and fearful of rejection. In spite of it, I'm the one taking the risks, being reassuring and VERY vulnerable with my feelings and yes, it creates a lot of anxiety for me. I still take the shot.
thanks again, hope that explains where I'm coming from.
You wrote: "are you in to him?"
I'm very in to him, but a lil' confused by his behavior. I'd like to get farther ... in his pants, but that's a convo for him and myself later
I guess what made his picking on me such a red flag - was that he didn't let me finish a sentence - he kept interrupting me. That wasn't funny as much as it felt a little disrespectful, but I kept my cool and put it aside. If I did not know any better, I'd have the inexplicable suspicion his out of left field criticism was some weird test to see what I would do.
*shrugs* I adore him, but as much cancers want to be safe and secure, I'm just a terrified and fearful of rejection. In spite of it, I'm the one taking the risks, being reassuring and VERY vulnerable with my feelings and yes, it creates a lot of anxiety for me. I still take the shot.
thanks again, hope that explains where I'm coming from.
Oh I forgot to add - the whole reason I say I have to think about it, or why I question it...
A month ago, he invited me to his house and was making out with me on his couch, in his bed. No, we didn't have sex, but a lot of heavy petting, as it were.
Since then, no invites to his house and again - the last 2 dates aren't intimate - it's lunch, etc.
So it confuses me, as does his volunteering to see me up north - last time I was on travel, I invited him and he said he couldn't make it.
What has had my head in a fog lately is that he was once all over me and now, not so much?
A month ago, he invited me to his house and was making out with me on his couch, in his bed. No, we didn't have sex, but a lot of heavy petting, as it were.
Since then, no invites to his house and again - the last 2 dates aren't intimate - it's lunch, etc.
So it confuses me, as does his volunteering to see me up north - last time I was on travel, I invited him and he said he couldn't make it.
What has had my head in a fog lately is that he was once all over me and now, not so much?
SisterGemini...damn....too bad I couldn't have a second chance to be able to reject the cancer guy I just had drama with! HAHA.
And you are right, now that I think of it, there was a few times when there was a debate on him driving over to see me, I "took it away" and he promptly said " Screw it~I am coming over right now". Makes sense.
I agree with mooneyes, hold off for a few days and let him wonder...
When your GUT/INSTINCTS tells you something...listen. It is usually right on.
And you are right, now that I think of it, there was a few times when there was a debate on him driving over to see me, I "took it away" and he promptly said " Screw it~I am coming over right now". Makes sense.
I agree with mooneyes, hold off for a few days and let him wonder...
When your GUT/INSTINCTS tells you something...listen. It is usually right on.
Zoe...don't be so available to him, don't do anymore invites.
From what I read, some of these guys go super slow, others full speed ahead.
"Geesh, sorry, can't do lunch but may be available for dinner next week on XXX...let me check my schedule"
Take it away for while, hhe knows you are readily available and asking him to meet somewhere...so step on the brakes and let him come to you.
From what I read, some of these guys go super slow, others full speed ahead.
"Geesh, sorry, can't do lunch but may be available for dinner next week on XXX...let me check my schedule"
Take it away for while, hhe knows you are readily available and asking him to meet somewhere...so step on the brakes and let him come to you.
My issue isn't that I pull away. I've been out of town for 3 days at a time, etc.
He started out hot and heavy and now - slow.
The only choice that I have now, is to just wait it out.
He started out hot and heavy and now - slow.
The only choice that I have now, is to just wait it out.
That's the way they work.
Although mine was under different circumstances (I "spooked him" and then things got overly exaggerated by family), they pretty much seem to do the same thing.
Sit back, relax ...could be a testing process going on...do not start chasing him if he goes into his shell...that will scare him more. Let him know you are moving on, busy girl, and if he wants to talk or see you, you will check your schedule. Don't always answer his texts or calls also...let him simmer a bit.
Although mine was under different circumstances (I "spooked him" and then things got overly exaggerated by family), they pretty much seem to do the same thing.
Sit back, relax ...could be a testing process going on...do not start chasing him if he goes into his shell...that will scare him more. Let him know you are moving on, busy girl, and if he wants to talk or see you, you will check your schedule. Don't always answer his texts or calls also...let him simmer a bit.
Sit back, relax ...could be a testing process going on...do not start chasing him if he goes into his shell...that will scare him more. Let him know you are moving on, busy girl, and if he wants to talk or see you, you will check your schedule. Don't always answer his texts or calls also...let him simmer a bit.
Sophie, you just about hit it nail on!
I would only like to add, don't hold your breath waiting on him. You would do so much more with your life and time by just moving on and enjoying YOUR life to the fullest. Leave him straight out of it. Why? Because the more available you are to him, the more he will forget about you. LOL!
I truly believe out of ALL men (I am not referring to zodiac signs) the Cancer man is the weirdest, most challenging creature on the planet. THe ONLY remedy is to challenge him or his behavior will get the best of you.
I agree with Gemini- if you sit up waiting on him and putting your life on HOLD- your are going to be one lonely woman.
Sophie, you just about hit it nail on!
I would only like to add, don't hold your breath waiting on him. You would do so much more with your life and time by just moving on and enjoying YOUR life to the fullest. Leave him straight out of it. Why? Because the more available you are to him, the more he will forget about you. LOL!
I truly believe out of ALL men (I am not referring to zodiac signs) the Cancer man is the weirdest, most challenging creature on the planet. THe ONLY remedy is to challenge him or his behavior will get the best of you.
I agree with Gemini- if you sit up waiting on him and putting your life on HOLD- your are going to be one lonely woman.
My life is not on hold for any body.
My patience however is in short supply, he makes these suggestions on the onset and then does the opposite. I'm told cancer needs a LOT of reassurance.
so do I.
My patience however is in short supply, he makes these suggestions on the onset and then does the opposite. I'm told cancer needs a LOT of reassurance.
so do I.
My life is not on hold for any body.
My patience however is in short supply, he makes these suggestions on the onset and then does the opposite. I'm told cancer needs a LOT of reassurance.
so do I.
Giving ANY man constant reassurance is only going to make you eventually APPEAR desperate for attention yourself. It is good to let him know you have SOME interest in him but not to the point you are going to constantly reassure him that you NEED him in your life.
IDK, read some other posts. ALL the women who I have read who constantly reassure their CANCER man eventually sing the blues. BAD! But, you will NOTICE all Cancer men are not the same so they say.
My patience however is in short supply, he makes these suggestions on the onset and then does the opposite. I'm told cancer needs a LOT of reassurance.
so do I.
Giving ANY man constant reassurance is only going to make you eventually APPEAR desperate for attention yourself. It is good to let him know you have SOME interest in him but not to the point you are going to constantly reassure him that you NEED him in your life.
IDK, read some other posts. ALL the women who I have read who constantly reassure their CANCER man eventually sing the blues. BAD! But, you will NOTICE all Cancer men are not the same so they say.
Okay some things are embellished here. I'm just confused about HIS behavior. It causes some anxiety.
I've only posted about this for 2 days; so for anyone to say that I am 'constantly' doing anything is a projection from another thread or another situation.
Yes, I am in doubt about his intent b/c of HIS behavior. I reassure him by returning calls, etc. That's what my reassurance entails.
I've been out of town and I don't call or message. So this advice isn't helping.
That being said, I'm waiting it out, in the event it is my being impatient or he is questioning things in his own mind.
I've only posted about this for 2 days; so for anyone to say that I am 'constantly' doing anything is a projection from another thread or another situation.
Yes, I am in doubt about his intent b/c of HIS behavior. I reassure him by returning calls, etc. That's what my reassurance entails.
I've been out of town and I don't call or message. So this advice isn't helping.
That being said, I'm waiting it out, in the event it is my being impatient or he is questioning things in his own mind.
CombatingMyGeminiSister, OH LAWD! You know exactly what she is talking about. Need you ask. He pushes and pulls away! I truly believe men (ALL) do this when the woman is putting to much meaning into a man's behavior. The man can sense the woman wants more than he is willing to give right now. So, he pulls away and the woman pursues him.
Then my dear the ball is in HIS court because he is in the position of being the choser of the woman when it should be the other way around.
Then my dear the ball is in HIS court because he is in the position of being the choser of the woman when it should be the other way around.
So update:
He's e-mailed me twice and texted me once. Both were explanations he volunteered for me about why he did not return the text he asked me to send on the onset. I love technology, FYI.
He says - he wants to put his hands on me, but having a cold, being sick gets in the way.
My interest is starting to fade somewhat, b/c you know if your cold doesn't stop you from hanging out with friends, but it stops you from seeing me, then I have to read the writing on the wall for what it is.
I'm not even upset about it right now - I'm disappointed.
For those that are salivating to say "DON't contact him." This is not my problem. This is an aside, but the whole "no contact" also means perpetuating a communication gap and reeks of game-playing and manipulation to salve an ego.
FYI - My rules: I don't call, e-mail or text unless:
1. He ased me a question that requires a response.
2. He asked me to do text, email, call etc.
Going forward:
I'm only abiding by rule 1, dich number 2.
He knows how I feel and he does the indirect thing. He hopes to meet a dog I fostered - (who was adopted by my mom). Some segue that some day he hopes to meet my mom. *shrugs* I'm not holding my breath.
Maybe I'll be proven wrong, but for now he's sick. So when he decides he's better, maybe I'll hear from him and maybe I won't.
It's just a shame, b/c we were off to an amazing start. Follies of the heart and what not.
I love being a pisces, sometimes.
He's e-mailed me twice and texted me once. Both were explanations he volunteered for me about why he did not return the text he asked me to send on the onset. I love technology, FYI.
He says - he wants to put his hands on me, but having a cold, being sick gets in the way.
My interest is starting to fade somewhat, b/c you know if your cold doesn't stop you from hanging out with friends, but it stops you from seeing me, then I have to read the writing on the wall for what it is.
I'm not even upset about it right now - I'm disappointed.
For those that are salivating to say "DON't contact him." This is not my problem. This is an aside, but the whole "no contact" also means perpetuating a communication gap and reeks of game-playing and manipulation to salve an ego.
FYI - My rules: I don't call, e-mail or text unless:
1. He ased me a question that requires a response.
2. He asked me to do text, email, call etc.
Going forward:
I'm only abiding by rule 1, dich number 2.
He knows how I feel and he does the indirect thing. He hopes to meet a dog I fostered - (who was adopted by my mom). Some segue that some day he hopes to meet my mom. *shrugs* I'm not holding my breath.
Maybe I'll be proven wrong, but for now he's sick. So when he decides he's better, maybe I'll hear from him and maybe I won't.
It's just a shame, b/c we were off to an amazing start. Follies of the heart and what not.
I love being a pisces, sometimes.
Translation: for those that are anxious - no I didn't respond to any of his texts or e-mails. So stop with the 1/2 hassed observations that I'm chasing anyone.
we dont like games but if we sense some are being played we can play with the best of them :-)
Good Grief.
I'm not playing games if I'm only responding to texts that ask for information from me. Otherwise I'm sending texts out there that go unanswered or ignored. That info I gave about (rules) was given for those accusations that I'm "chasing" and need to back off. If I'm only texting when there's a question from him, then I'm not chasing or reading in to why or why not he's returning messages.
A little defensive, imacancer...
I'm not playing games if I'm only responding to texts that ask for information from me. Otherwise I'm sending texts out there that go unanswered or ignored. That info I gave about (rules) was given for those accusations that I'm "chasing" and need to back off. If I'm only texting when there's a question from him, then I'm not chasing or reading in to why or why not he's returning messages.
A little defensive, imacancer...
update... yep. Another week and he still has a "cold."
3 weeks on and off with a cold. It has not stopped him from hanging out with other friends and he's not sick enough see a doctor for it. Yes, the idea of making out with someone that is congested and coughing isn't pleasant, so I understand that. It's that it hasn't stopped him from hanging out with friends. He shared that with me and I can't pretend it does not hurt me that he'll go out with friends, but he won't go out with me.
When I asked him if there is something else he's not telling me, he said there are no hidden messages, he wants to fondle me, but a cold puts a damper on things.
I feel like it's passive-agressive rejection.
So update #1 - I'm still waiting.
3 weeks on and off with a cold. It has not stopped him from hanging out with other friends and he's not sick enough see a doctor for it. Yes, the idea of making out with someone that is congested and coughing isn't pleasant, so I understand that. It's that it hasn't stopped him from hanging out with friends. He shared that with me and I can't pretend it does not hurt me that he'll go out with friends, but he won't go out with me.
When I asked him if there is something else he's not telling me, he said there are no hidden messages, he wants to fondle me, but a cold puts a damper on things.
I feel like it's passive-agressive rejection.
So update #1 - I'm still waiting.
ZOE`` Stop waiting. Go out and do things and the moment you forget about cancer (because you are such a busy girl) is the time he pops back into your life.
To me...this is a game he is playing...a cold for 3 weeks? C'mon. Making the effort to make excuses why he cannot see you when you have not even asked him? I dunno
To me...this is a game he is playing...a cold for 3 weeks? C'mon. Making the effort to make excuses why he cannot see you when you have not even asked him? I dunno
"I'm sorry, what is it you want here exactly?"
I want to know what it is that he wants from me. I am very busy and the moments I do get to spend with him, are moments that bring me a lot of joy and comfort. When he blows me off for an on and off cold, but it doesn't stop him from sharing that he hung out with other friends, I cannot pretend that doesn't hurt me. It feels a lot like rejection.
I don't want this to be about my pride and ego however. I did ask the question - if there was something he's not telling me. He says there isn't, he wants to fondle me but a cold puts a damper on things. No a damper is that you forego the cold to hang out with friends, but you'll tell me that you're sick. I cannot pretend that doesn't hurt and I cannot pretend that I don't feel like I'm being duped. Even the when I want to give him the benefit of doubt - I'm the one feeling badly about it.
I have a horrible work week in front of me with some unpredictability. This layer of "cold" stuff doesn't engender warm and fuzzy feelings.
Yes the practical side of me would argue - "Zoe, he doesn't want to blow snot on you b/c he can't breathe while he's kissing you." Yet my intuition tells me that I'll get disappointed again if I wait this out, as much as I want to and want to be with him. He's a hard person to know. He wants to impart his knowlege on every subject, as if he were the authority on the subject, but he won't tell me how he feels about me. I miss kissing him. It makes me feel pathetic, as does reaching over in bed and him not being there, just reminds me that I feel lonely - inspite of how hectic my life is.
I want to know what it is that he wants from me. I am very busy and the moments I do get to spend with him, are moments that bring me a lot of joy and comfort. When he blows me off for an on and off cold, but it doesn't stop him from sharing that he hung out with other friends, I cannot pretend that doesn't hurt me. It feels a lot like rejection.
I don't want this to be about my pride and ego however. I did ask the question - if there was something he's not telling me. He says there isn't, he wants to fondle me but a cold puts a damper on things. No a damper is that you forego the cold to hang out with friends, but you'll tell me that you're sick. I cannot pretend that doesn't hurt and I cannot pretend that I don't feel like I'm being duped. Even the when I want to give him the benefit of doubt - I'm the one feeling badly about it.
I have a horrible work week in front of me with some unpredictability. This layer of "cold" stuff doesn't engender warm and fuzzy feelings.
Yes the practical side of me would argue - "Zoe, he doesn't want to blow snot on you b/c he can't breathe while he's kissing you." Yet my intuition tells me that I'll get disappointed again if I wait this out, as much as I want to and want to be with him. He's a hard person to know. He wants to impart his knowlege on every subject, as if he were the authority on the subject, but he won't tell me how he feels about me. I miss kissing him. It makes me feel pathetic, as does reaching over in bed and him not being there, just reminds me that I feel lonely - inspite of how hectic my life is.
More simply put - I want him to be consistent - he had his hands all over me 2 months ago and now, the opportunity isn't there for me to even hold his hand - and I did cave and ask him about this weekend. After a week, I thought it okay.
Okay - so if insight doesn't work and there's no empathy - just simple projection.
1. I haven't had sex with this dude - so please funnyleo or furryleo keep that projection to yourself. All over this site it talks about how Cancers are afraid of rejection and he is indirect with me when he asks me out.
Though I posted this thread, to keep an open mind that it's not my pessimism at work. We were doing dates that you can't kiss or be romantic. So when he tells me a cold prevents him from making out with me - I get it. 3 weeks, though I don't.
And if you're agreeing with that it's doubtful, he's being honest about being sick - that say that - and not all the other nonsense you are throwing in there that had nothing to do with my post.
peace.
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