Cancer-Cancer Relationship

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by beautifulnpink22 on Sunday, April 23, 2006 and has 7 replies.
Hello everyone: I am currently in a relationship with a guy who is a cancer 7/17 and I am also a cancer 7/22. I really like this guy and enjoy spending time with him but there are some things that I just cannot figure out. Now we have been together for a few months now and things are going ok, the only thing is it's a bit harder than I thought let me explain; I thought since him and I are both cancers that it would be really easy to read him since we are supposed to have a lot of similarities, but boy was I wrong. The thing with him is it's really hard to figure him out, he is the type that just does not open up or tell me anything and most people say that it's really easy to talk to me and most feel they can open up and tell me things that they may not be able to tell anyone else, but not with him. I want to know more, I want him to open up to me and feel comfortable but I just don't know how to get him to that point. He is also nochalant about everything, it's like nothing phases him and I know sometimes I am like that because I don't want others to see my weak side, however people do end up seeing it no matter how much I try to conceal it. Do you think that's what he is doing? I am trying to be the kind of girl who gives him his space and not ask him anything I just wait for him to do and say things willingly. Being a cancer I know when in a relationship I need that security, I need to know that this person is here and is not going to hurt me. And I remember one day he told me it's going to take a lot to get his heart and for him to love someone. Now how can I get him to the point where he can open up to me and talk to me? I want to give him that sense of security and let him know I am not here to harm him. What are some things that I can to get this cancer man's heart? Please Help
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hi beautifulnpink22
i'm also a cancer, and i dated a cancer 4 years..very hard!!!
i know how u feel
but they are discreet as hell..he was able to tell how his father died after 3 years (just to give u an example)and we were a kind of a couple who see eachother every single day and again he was able to be mysterious!!!
i mean i was crazy for that guy and i was very young like 18, now i'm 23 when i go back and look at myself i turned out to be a crazy detective looking and searching for little cue..at the end i was able to solve him (somehowsmile) but i was really tired all those sacrifices, thinking, putting all my energy, i made him the center of my life just because of curiosity.. i am also just like you everyone i mean everyone comes and opens up to me they feel very comfortable but cancer guys are like just the opposite i think
he wont talk like u talk (forget it) but do not take it personally i mean really, its not about you its just the way they are..i'm sure he really likes you.
but be prepared they can be very selfish and vindictive, if u make something he doesnt want you to do, he will punish u and he will show you with his behaviors no talk again! just drives me crazy. so i was the one who should figure out (ok now he is behaving like that? why? did i do something wrong?bla bla bla)
so my advice dont think of this so much dont put all ur energy (i know u don't) bc at the end u will be bored and tried, just let it go naturally..be patient in some point he will start to open up but they need time..by the way if u want to talk to him about ur own experiences, problems (i mean everything under the sun) go a head and tell him they are great listeners and very good observers..u have to communicate a lot to make him communicate with you they are like babies they eventually start to talk but little by little
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But the weird thing about it is I feel that I cannot express to him my true feelings and tell him more things about me because he makes me feel a bit uncomfortable with his nochalant attitude. Since he comes off as not being phased by anything it just seems to me that he just would not care about what it is I have to say. On several occasions I would either tell him something that may have happened to me or expressed my feelings and the response I would get is "I hear ya" it's like he could care less of what I have to say and it's pretty bothersome but I don't say anything to him about it, I just go back into my little shell and give the silent treatment. Then the next minute he wants to be all sweet and attentive and it makes me wonder sometimes if he really does care about me. On one occasion he caught me crying because of something that had happened and he asked me "do you feel I don't care about you?" and I told him "yes I feel that you don't care" and that's when he puts on the voice and says to me I do care about you but once my tears stopped he goes right back to having a nochalant attitude. Or if I was to have an attitude with him and he always knows because I would give him the silent treatment and the face (lol), at first he'd sit as if he doesn't care and then the next thing you know he's in my face trying to give me hugs and kisses and I don't think that I react like that to others, especially those I care about. Now don't get me wrong if something is wrong he will continue to ask me until I finally decide to reveal it to him but then all I get is "I hear you" when I expect more of a response and a reaction, it's like what was the sense of hassling me if that was all I was going to get? I know when I care about someone they know it not only from my actions but I also express my feelings, although sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. I guess the best thing I can have is patience huh?
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Is there anyone else who can shed light on my situation? Please help, I can use all the advice I can get.
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heh i have his birthday im 7/17 also.. my bf is also a cancer.. i understand what you are going through..but im the one who kinda keeps my feelings hidden im not sure why it happens but i know with myself im just extremely emotional and i try not to let people see it unless i want them too idk its a game and we cancers are tough nuts to crack but once you do u may have wished u never had
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as for advice goes i'd say to have patience with him .. once u get furthur into the relationship and u start to trust eachother little things will seep out like his romantic and sensitive side all us cancers have deep down.. little by little he will show his feelings you just cant push or be too hard on him or he will retract into himself ..the key words here are patience and affection - have those and he will become putty in your hands eventually.. oh yeah and a lot of laughter and fun helps too ie: leave silly jokes or cute sayings on sticky notes n stick them to his car or bathroom mirror or something he sees daily or even surprise him with a mystery picnic .. even if it seems cheezy he'll appreciate your sense of humor and creativity, it may just open him up to you a little more.. but seriously make yourself forget about the little things and see the big picture enjoy your time together and things will fall into place.
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if your bday is 7/22 that makes you a leo in fact...
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