Cancer dude reappears..what now?

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saharaa
@mgmtlove
13 Years500+ PostsLeo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 512 · Topics: 71
I used to hang out with this Cancer that worked with me. We always had fun hanging out but, we would argue over text sometimes. Our last argument was early September, and he told me to delete him from my phone. I did. But, a few days later I attempted to text him, and he ignored. Now, two months later, he texts me from his new phone, saying how he got a new phone asking "Sahara(my name) is this you?" I respond "Ya". he continues asking questions and I answer in short responses.I haven't heard from him today. This is his second time disappearing on me, and I'm hesitant to even let him back in my life. What's up with him? What should I do?
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saharaa
@mgmtlove
13 Years500+ PostsLeo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 512 · Topics: 71
Posted by Kim31
Stop responding until he apologizes. If you decide to address his disappearing crap, leave your emotions out of it. Otherwise he will only feed off of your emotions and probably ignore you some more.



He apologized the next day randomly, and we've been texting and hung out a couple times. Now we've kinda become fwb I guess, and now he's making weird statements, asking questions.

Things like:
"What do you want?"
"Do you want a boyfriend?"
"Would you be mad if I told you I was hooking up/sleeping with another girl?"(I answered no)
"Well I'm not if that makes you feel better"
"Do you have a crush on anyone?"
"What are insecure about?"
"What do you like about yourself?"
"Would you wanna be roommates with me? It would be the perfect scenario if we've liked each other..but we don't *laughs*"
All these questions occurred at his house last night from like 1-4:30 am...I just wanted to sleep. Now I'm just confused.
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SidesteppingArguments
@SidesteppingArguments
12 YearsCancer

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Be very careful! VERY VERY careful! Sounds like he is retreating into his shell and he only pops out when he's looking for fun with someone (that would be you). On the other hand, if you sent him mixed signals he may genuinely be interested and he's just afraid to come out and say it because of the things that have happened in the past. If you like him then don't leave any doubts, no desperation, but no doubts. Be strong about your approach, take control, he's a cancer and he'll let you. If you're in control and he disappears again that means that he was only interested in hookups with you to begin with.
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saharaa
@mgmtlove
13 Years500+ PostsLeo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 512 · Topics: 71
Posted by SidesteppingArguments
Be very careful! VERY VERY careful! Sounds like he is retreating into his shell and he only pops out when he's looking for fun with someone (that would be you). On the other hand, if you sent him mixed signals he may genuinely be interested and he's just afraid to come out and say it because of the things that have happened in the past. If you like him then don't leave any doubts, no desperation, but no doubts. Be strong about your approach, take control, he's a cancer and he'll let you. If you're in control and he disappears again that means that he was only interested in hookups with you to begin with.



I understand..but we weren't fwb til just a couple days ago. We hung out, but went to the movies and stuff like that. And I don't know how I would tell him that I'm interested, especially after everything he said last night, specifically "It would be the perfect scenario if we liked each other...but we don't" I was kinda like "oh..." like basically he was telling me he didn't like me.
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SidesteppingArguments
@SidesteppingArguments
12 YearsCancer

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You're a leo. The fire, the passion, the commitment to only the best. So hot, I'm smitten by a leo at the moment as well. He might be doing it as a way to protect himself if you don't like him enough for a relationship. He's saying stupid stuff about seeing other people and you're saying things that make him think you aren't emotionally involved. If he's anything like me, he hates tense situations and you two have had that before. Be honest with him. Tell him how you feel if you want more than fwb and his actions after you say it (a few days) will tell you everything he doesn't tell you with words. Open communication is very important if you want something serious.
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saharaa
@mgmtlove
13 Years500+ PostsLeo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 512 · Topics: 71
Posted by SidesteppingArguments
You're a leo. The fire, the passion, the commitment to only the best. So hot, I'm smitten by a leo at the moment as well. He might be doing it as a way to protect himself if you don't like him enough for a relationship. He's saying stupid stuff about seeing other people and you're saying things that make him think you aren't emotionally involved. If he's anything like me, he hates tense situations and you two have had that before. Be honest with him. Tell him how you feel if you want more than fwb and his actions after you say it (a few days) will tell you everything he doesn't tell you with words. Open communication is very important if you want something serious.



I know but it's tough..He started mentioning we don't go out, and it's like I GET IT. So yesterday he asked if I liked him I said "as a friend", because I feel he doesn't like me. Then today we were talking about how to work on ourselves and he mentioned things that annoyed him about me:
1. We were trying to go to the store, it was dark in the house and I was struggling to open his door that I'm unfamiliar with, so I stepped aside, to just let him open it. (He got annoyed cuz I couldn't open the door)
2. We were fooling around and I was pretty drunk. I laughed and said "What if I farted?"(The fart joke annoyed him--and it was unattractive)
3. We were talking and I accidentally laughed loud "like 3 times"
like he's finding stuff to get annoyed at so it makes me thing he doesn't like me. He was like "In order for me to like you, you'd have to change your personality" Idk where to go from here.
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saharaa
@mgmtlove
13 Years500+ PostsLeo

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Posted by Iwill
??Kay. How old are you guys?

Don't mean to bring you down or accuse of the "girl, start loving yourself" speach, just be careful you don't get in too deep.
When you answer "I like you as a friend" BECAUSE he doesn't seem to be interested in you, that's bad.....

It was a good opportunity though to say, that you possibly like him more. But hey man: I know! It's scary! And when something is scary, sometimes it takes a lot of effort to build up to finally doing it! Just don't get caught up in there.

But what do you mean, when you say you guys got in a fight about it? About what? And how? And why?
Why did he even dissapear on you the first time? Telling you not to contact him?
I mean, the ONE cancer guy I dated, said that to me once too, but that was because of a major break of trust. Understandable. Why did this guy say it?



I'm 21, and he's 20. I know I messed up with that answer, I eventually I bought it up I was like "Ik this is random but if I even like you again, you'll know..." he asked how and I told him. Then I said "I just mentioned it because for me, that type of thing isn't definite" He said "I doubt you will so it's whatever...but I doubt you'll like me again the reasons you liked me before will probably never come back" (I never told him why but ok??)
We got in a fight like we just kept going back and forth because I felt the examples he used of why he didn't like me were petty, and that he always had to find something about me to get annoyed over. He kept saying that it was criticism but it wasn't I felt he was just being petty. He disappeared the first time after he quit working at the same place as me..he never told me why. He called a couple of times, but when I'd pick up, he would hang up. So I figured to leave him alone.
And why he said I'd have to change my personality? I have no clue. Like at all...I guess I'm annoying to him or something.
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DwellingOnMove
@DwellingOnMove
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I found the YouTube video in
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/the-man-cave/the-hot-crazy-matrix-5037622/ interesting.

So to me it is up to a woman's intuition to find out whether he sees her in fun, dating or wife zone.

He wouldn't say a word. Cause he has more "youth time" than you.
He can stay in the fun and dating zone until 60. Then all of a sudden he marries someone in wife zone.

Any emotional responsibility is on the woman's side. Not by rule. Just by experience.
Like they take care of elders, children and the sick in most cultures.
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saharaa
@mgmtlove
13 Years500+ PostsLeo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 512 · Topics: 71
Posted by Iwill
Why do you wanna keep having sex with this guy— With him being so openly criticle of you? The youth today, I don't get it😄

When he says, there is something about your personality you need to change, before he would like you, well then that's exactly what he means probably.

This seem to be the two of you not really knowing what you really want, so you just take whatever you can get for the moment being. I'm not into that, so I can't really help you there. Only thing to do, if you want this situation to move, is to straight up ask and talk about it all....

That doesn't guarantee it moving to a better place, but it will take it somewhere else for sure.



Oh no...we only slept together once, lol but at this point I'm completely turned off. I think you're right for me idk if I want a relationship or not. I'm open to one definitely, but I'm just unsure. I'm not gonna change for him, so friends it is! lol.
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saharaa
@mgmtlove
13 Years500+ PostsLeo

Comments: 1 · Posts: 512 · Topics: 71
Posted by DwellingOnMove
I found the YouTube video in
https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/the-man-cave/the-hot-crazy-matrix-5037622/ interesting.

So to me it is up to a woman's intuition to find out whether he sees her in fun, dating or wife zone.

He wouldn't say a word. Cause he has more "youth time" than you.
He can stay in the fun and dating zone until 60. Then all of a sudden he marries someone in wife zone.

Any emotional responsibility is on the woman's side. Not by rule. Just by experience.
Like they take care of elders, children and the sick in most cultures.



Haha I've seen this video, I'm not sure, I don't think he sees me as crazy or hot..we haven't dicussed that in detail. I mean he did say I was cool and attractive. Maybe one day I'll get the guts to just ask.
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DwellingOnMove
@DwellingOnMove
17 Years10,000+ Posts

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"I don't think he sees me as crazy or hot..we haven't dicussed that in detail."

discussed? I hope he is honest in his talk.

The point is not crazy or hot.
It is how crazy and how hot. Depending on both values you may be only good for dating. Or maybe good enough to be his wife. For example 80% hot + 60% crazy is good enough to be wife material.

I am not sure if men with lots of flaws have the same evaulation System as in this joke.