Cancer Ex Boyfriend, Please Help???

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by momomei106 on Friday, February 28, 2014 and has 21 replies.
Hi Everyone, first time on this forum. But I really appreciate it if you guys can help me out.
Last week, my ex broke it off with me when he found out I had problems with our relationship and didn't go to him about it. He found out from a third party as the third party never got my consent in doing it, they thought it was helping me out. I originally wanted to tell him last week but I waited a week because we were having a great time together and didn't want to ruin the moment together. I went in saw him last week and we had our talk. He said I didn't respect him enough to come to him about the issue and he had to find that out from someone else. I broke down in tears and emotionally couldn't handle it well. When I was crying, he held my hand and kept saying I'm sorry because respect and loyalty means a lot to him and thats one thing he values the most in life. He told me to think of this as a break from eachother and he needs his time and space in order to forgive me. He drove me home and of course I didn't want to leave. He kept apologizing and told me he liked me but he couldn't do it once I betrayed him since he gets angry when he sees me. Before I left his car, he held my hand tightly, I knew he didn't want to let go. He said also, we may or may not get back together and to think of this as a break from each other, he doesn't know but he wants us to remain as friends and I can come to him about my problems. Is there a chance of him coming back to me?
He's born on the Cancer/Leo cusp and I'm a libra.
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You were probably doing the girly thing and complaining about minor shit to your girlfriends.
Never do that. Stand by your man and talk to him.
I hope you weren't complaining about something sexual..I can see a guy walking away and never looking back.
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I don't think a guy would've gone to her bf to tell him about it. That's woman territory all day, every day.
It would explain his loyalty comment though.
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Posted by J9

10% She cheated and that's the thing she wanted to talk to her cancer man about.
49% The third party is her ex.
60% The "complaint" was of sexual and private nature.
85% The third party is male.


You sure you aren't a Virgo?
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It's not the excessive thinking, it's putting it into percentile Tongue
Libra, watch out. The Cancer guys have their pincers out.
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"I had problems with our relationship and didn't go to him about it"
You make him seem like a fool in front of your friend. I have a cancer moon and I understand him very well
You make him feel shameful in front of your friend and this is that can't forgive you . I think that he have a very prideful attitudine regard problems.
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Posted by J9
Posted by xMoonMan
Ladies, never....never... confide in a male "friend" about any personal issues you're having with your boyfriend, girlfriend is ok (to a point), but never another guy, even if you've known this male friend longer than your boyfriend. If I found out my girlfriend spoke about us to another guy and not me, I would be most pissed off.


+1
I think this is what happened here too. But I think there's more to it.
10% She cheated and that's the thing she wanted to talk to her cancer man about.
49% The third party is her ex.
60% The "complaint" was of sexual and private nature.
85% The third party is male.
click to expand


I'm thinking similarly.
I noted the sign of the OP.
There is always something "left out" when Libras post here about their relationships.
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Posted by Arki
"I had problems with our relationship and didn't go to him about it"
You make him seem like a fool in front of your friend. I have a cancer moon and I understand him very well
You make him feel shameful in front of your friend and this is that can't forgive you . I think that he have a very prideful attitudine regard problems.


If that's all it was, that could be forgiven.
But the "third party" I suspect is a guy.
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Damn it Libra, come back and tell us more!
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Sorry, just to clear up some misinterpretations on this. The third party is a best friend of mine and she is also a mutual friend of my ex. This problem came up and occurred to me on the week of Valentine's day. I wanted to tell him that day, but we only met up for 15 mins and he had to head back to work. We met that Sunday and we were having such a great time because we went to a show and he enjoyed it. I didn't want to ruin the perfect moment together. I thought it could wait another week. I wanted to tell him last week about it but my best friend already told him before i got the chance to. We only meet once a week because he's busy with 2 jobs and school.
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Posted by momomei106
Sorry, just to clear up some misinterpretations on this. The third party is a best friend of mine and she is also a mutual friend of my ex. This problem came up and occurred to me on the week of Valentine's day. I wanted to tell him that day, but we only met up for 15 mins and he had to head back to work. We met that Sunday and we were having such a great time because we went to a show and he enjoyed it. I didn't want to ruin the perfect moment together. I thought it could wait another week. I wanted to tell him last week about it but my best friend already told him before i got the chance to. We only meet once a week because he's busy with 2 jobs and school.


I am going to respond based on the assumption that your problem with the relationship does not involve an affair, or another dude.
He's probably hurt because (from his point of view): you could not trust him enough to express yourself and address what problem you had, and instead discussed it with a mutual friend.
There is still something missing here...
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This relationship has never involved another guy and i didn't cheat on him. It was my first relationship as well, we were together for 2 1/2 months. He told me I hurt him by not coming to him about the problem and instead went to someone else. I didn't respect him enough to go to him in the first place. I initially told him I needed to talk to him and out of frustration and my best friend assume he was lying throughout the relationship and was only just using me, I accidently accused him of lying to me because thats the one thing I hate the most about people. This is all my fault, is there any way to let to him come to forgive me? and is there another chance between the both of us?
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Posted by momomei106
This relationship has never involved another guy and i didn't cheat on him. It was my first relationship as well, we were together for 2 1/2 months. He told me I hurt him by not coming to him about the problem and instead went to someone else. I didn't respect him enough to go to him in the first place. I initially told him I needed to talk to him and out of frustration and my best friend assume he was lying throughout the relationship and was only just using me, I accidently accused him of lying to me because thats the one thing I hate the most about people. This is all my fault, is there any way to let to him come to forgive me? and is there another chance between the both of us?


Ok.
Then he is hurt. You might want to apologize. (Still don't know the specifics of "the problem")
Don't do anything more than that.
BTW- this mutual friend- how well does she know this guy, and has she ever expressed at some point an interest in the guy?
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Posted by CancerOnTheCusp
Posted by momomei106
This relationship has never involved another guy and i didn't cheat on him. It was my first relationship as well, we were together for 2 1/2 months. He told me I hurt him by not coming to him about the problem and instead went to someone else. I didn't respect him enough to go to him in the first place. I initially told him I needed to talk to him and out of frustration and my best friend assume he was lying throughout the relationship and was only just using me, I accidently accused him of lying to me because thats the one thing I hate the most about people. This is all my fault, is there any way to let to him come to forgive me? and is there another chance between the both of us?


Ok.
Then he is hurt. You might want to apologize. (Still don't know the specifics of "the problem")
Don't do anything more than that.
BTW- this mutual friend- how well does she know this guy, and has she ever expressed at some point an interest in the guy?
click to expand


I apologized to him but for him, actions speak louder than words. So I'm giving him time and space to the point where we both have evening classes and we get off at the same stop. I'm taking another route for a while to respect his wishes. The problem is that he doesn't communicate often during the week and sometimes doesn't respond back because he is busy. All I wanted from him is to talk to me a bit more during the week when he is free. But I know guys need their alone time to rejuvenate from all the chaos that might have happened in a day.
This mutual friend, we all grew up together. Before, she lived 2 floors below him and they used to hangout alot as kids. She told me she would never go and date him because of how he is naturally. She moved away in elementary and now lives across the country. As of this moment, the 2 guys she was close with, is friends with me and we are alot closer. Other than my ex, there'e this other best friend of mines, is there a chance she is jealous? She told me in the beginning that we won't work out. In case your wondering, she's an Aquarius.
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You're going to have to get used to the idea that he will not communicate as often as you would like him to.
You apologized for your accusation. Let it go and he will have to sort it out.
Sounds like its an honest break, rather than what "a break" typically means
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It was, we're still friends and I'm gonna give him what he wants right now. What are the chances he will come back?
Once I like someone, I don't go looking for another because my heart is only set to one person at a time. He told me to look at other people, and I can't. I gave it a shot before, but didn't work out. Physically I was there but mentally and emotionally, I wasn't.
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Well it is hard to hear that your partner has an issue with you from someone else. I realize you did this because you were afraid to confront him and were looking for insight from another person. Maybe you were just venting that day? But yeah it will feel like betrayal to him and I'm not that surprised that he broke away (for awhile). Thing is, if the love is there and it sounds like it is, he'll be back. But you gotta learn the lesson. Keep your private life private and confide in him when you have an issue. If there's genuine love between you two, this could be something that brings you closer together. I've made the same mistake you have. I've also been on the receiving end, knowing that my boyfriend complained about me to a friend, a female friend in my case, and I was none too happy about it. I loved him and wasn't going to end the relationship over that. I later learned that he was so in love with me and afraid of losing me (in the beginning) that he confided in friends. In other words, it wasn't the betrayal I thought it was. Still, if you have an issue, you need to raise it to him. Live and learn. I don't think this is over. He apologized, held your hand and reassured you the he still cares. So take a chill pill and let this settle for awhile. It sounds like he wants to make sure you don't do this again and taking a break is his way of doing that and giving him time to process what feels like a betrayal. Good luck and give him time to come to you. Namaste.
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Thanks everyone, I really appreciate it the help here.
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Posted by Este8
Well it is hard to hear that your partner has an issue with you from someone else. I realize you did this because you were afraid to confront him and were looking for insight from another person. Maybe you were just venting that day? But yeah it will feel like betrayal to him and I'm not that surprised that he broke away (for awhile). Thing is, if the love is there and it sounds like it is, he'll be back. But you gotta learn the lesson. Keep your private life private and confide in him when you have an issue. If there's genuine love between you two, this could be something that brings you closer together. I've made the same mistake you have. I've also been on the receiving end, knowing that my boyfriend complained about me to a friend, a female friend in my case, and I was none too happy about it. I loved him and wasn't going to end the relationship over that. I later learned that he was so in love with me and afraid of losing me (in the beginning) that he confided in friends. In other words, it wasn't the betrayal I thought it was. Still, if you have an issue, you need to raise it to him. Live and learn. I don't think this is over. He apologized, held your hand and reassured you the he still cares. So take a chill pill and let this settle for awhile. It sounds like he wants to make sure you don't do this again and taking a break is his way of doing that and giving him time to process what feels like a betrayal. Good luck and give him time to come to you. Namaste.


I understand your point of view, and your right. He does want me to learn this and take it in as a lesson when we separated. Right now I want to give him what he wants, I'm kinda in a way avoiding him because we live in the same area, we get off at the same bus stop. I'm giving him space and time, hope he doesn't misinterpret that I don't like him anymore. But thanks for your feedback and hope he will come back to me again.
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Posted by aquavita
do u know catherine zeta jones. she s a libra sign actress . she shows no emotion. then think meryl streep. she is a cancerian sign actress . see how much emotion she shows. does not mean you have to tell or show your boyfriend absolutely everything either! but something so serious should always be addressed. i think u need to start going to the bus stop. yes you do. don t go out of your way for a man. u already did this: by hiding your feelings. you are doing it again. you are hiding. you are going out of your way. you are hiding your love. you should be free to go to the bus stop. he s most likely looking for you how can he come back if u re hiding again ? if he does not approach you that will tell you something else was going on. so you should not regret then. if he does approach you: then you will know there was nothing else imporatnt and you should never question it again.


Thank you for your insight, sorry, i'm still young, just turned 20 not too long ago. I was insecure and afraid. I once loved someone not too long ago and it hurt me when he didn't love me back. He cut all connections from me before I was able to tell him anything, he was a pisces. For the cancer man, it was a new beginning for me. I didn't take risk to tell him when I was with him but went to another person because I wanted insight. I did this because I was afraid of losing him and i was also at the same time falling in love with him. I was also afraid of getting hurt and this pain i experienced before hurt me so much, it almost ruined my life. When I met with him that day, he asked for space and time away from eachother, thats why i'm not going to the usual bus stop, but I won't be doing that forever. I'm at most giving it a month since he told me it takes him a very long time to forgive someone. Those moments we were together to me was magical, we connected not only physically but also emotionally.
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He showed me ways that he's accepting me slowly into his world because he had a rough past and loved someone that didn't love him back. Before he left, he told me to learn from this and think of this as a break, not a breakup. I've done wrong and I want him to trust me again thats why I am respecting him by giving him what he wants right now. I know that "two-face" you were referring to as well, I admit I do have that inside of me. I know i don't want to get hurt again, thats why I have this other side of me and also because of the environment I grew up in. To be honest here, I am a very emotional person as I cry easily. But my other emotions, I keep them under cover because I can become from a sweet person to a very unpleasant person to be around and people told me I can make a room silent and follow my mood into it if it ever happens. But thank you for your feedback, I'm not offended by anything you say and see your point of view in this. This is a lesson I need to learn myself and only I can change those negative traits inside me.
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