Cancer, family and religion

Hello all. I need your insights on this situation.

Considering how important family seems to be for most cancerian people and knowing that they are also attached to traditions and the past, do you think a cancer would be likely to go against his family will if it happens that the family would never allow him to be with someone for religious reasons?

To make it short, I fell in love deeply with a cancer guy. Love at first sight. Felt irresistibly drawn to him. Pursued him insanely. I was driven by a very strong feeling that the connection between us is mutual. I felt intense energy between us although he kept pushing me away until he finally told me he likes me a lot but he is coming from a very religious and strict family who will never accept me. ( We didn't even have time to become friends that he was thinking right away about marriage...waow..).

For some unknown reason, my attraction to him is so strong and so unusual, it didn't even bother me to see myself married to him anyway... I didn't give up and kept calling him. He seemed to enjoy our chats and finally said he would like to see me again. Unfortunately, I had to leave his country and he sent me a text the day be4 I left to tell me that he kept thinking of the way we both look at each other and that he did feel something different in him and his mind but couldn't explain his feelings, and that he hopes I understand. Totally boosted by this msg, I kept calling him every week from abroad. We became closer in the first month, and ..suddenly,around december, he switched to his original position: "we are friends, my family will never accept this etc.."... After analyzing this over and over, I think he started to grow colder after a conversation about religion in which i was quite blunt and I might have offended him..(I am aries and maybe too straightforward). By the way, we are not from different religions. It's just that he is, let's say, from an orthodox and strict traditional background whereas I am quite secular in the way I see religion. I favor the spirit of a sacred text over blind dogmas. Plus, of course I am super sensitive about how religion has been used to push women down so I can become quite ferocious about that. The thing is that I can feel that he doesn't necessarily disagree with my ideas, but he seems to place his family before himself, therefore not giving himself permission to even listen to his heart.

(me:aries sun, scorpio moon, taurus venus, aqua rising)

Oy. It's hard for me to know how to handle delicate issues in relationships surrounding religious belief. I'm American so we're all over the place and only a fraction of the country puts such strong emphasis on religion. Even then, I commonly see couples still marry where their beliefs differ, or where one is religious and the other not so much.

I can only tell you the cancerian side of things that I experience personally so I'll go with that.

My SO is a cancer and he's pretty textbook. His family means the world to him and they (we; he counts me as family now) are at the top in his priorities. However, in the end, they still do not rule his love life. He was married once and it happened FAST. Seriously, within 6 months they went from dating to wedded bliss. His family hated his decision (not her), let him know their thoughts, but he was headstrong. Turns out they were right but he does draw the line on their interference. He listens to them a little more now, because he doesn't trust his judgment as much anymore, but unless they make a huge deal he won't budge.

Thank you Ninjamu. It's good to know that although the family can be a priority it doesn't mean that one cannot choose to make his/her own choice. In the case of my cancer, i think there are different parameters that interfere. He is probably unsure of me and might think its better to play it safe and go with what he knows better (his family's ways). He seems to have a lot of respect for me and probably he is intimidated. There is also a major age difference. I am older although it's not visible but it is another issue for him. I feel that he doesn't dare to believe that he can live his life differently, probably because that will outcast him. His family seems religious in an uneducated way if u know what I mean. But he seems to be interested in different ideas (probably his gemini moon) so for now he is very ambivalent. I just hope that he has guts because that's the only thing that could save him from not being true to himself. But maybe he is being true to himself by following and adopting his family's ways. Not sure where he stands exactly. He listens a lot but doesn't really say what he thinks. It's probably wise to remain friends as he is suggesting. His cancer ways are good for me to learn how to slow down....

Listen, Cancers (especially the women) tend to be very loyal to their families.

Try not to be headstrong toward them about that, as in many cases the behavior may not make any sense.

IE... If a Cancer's mother has a psychological problem or something, accept the fact that the Cancer will be loyal to them anyway regardless of how strange the behavior may seem. Take a look at Lindsay Lohan. She is fiercely loyal to her mother, even though her mother is a huge and direct reason why Lindsay's life is so screwed up. All those alcohol and drug parties were initiated by her mother's constant insistence that they attend them. Anywho....

Try not to expect a Cancer to EVER change religion. That's like asking them to change their eye color or something.

A Cancer female, especially, is highly unlikely to change her religious identity for ANY man, so it's an uphill battle if you think that can happen.

Then again, it may happen if she really loves the guy, so who knows.

Cancers are an enigma, wrapped in a mystery.

Thanks Scubafish. I have no intention to ask him to change his religion. We actually have the same one. Except that I do not follow the dress code that orthodox people see as a sign of their faith. He knows the way I live my life. He knows that I am a good person but he is not familiar with straightforward and independent women. He, himself is not that independent, although he made a big move by choosing to live far away from his family, which the family highly disapproves. So he is able to live his own life but he still has some hesitations about going further like choosing a partner with a different background. That would cause a major conflict for sure within his family. So yeah, I know that I have to learn how to express my opinions without hurting his feelings or giving him the impression that I would be a major troublemaker if I was ever introduced to his family. I am actually just a bit passionate about how women are supposed to do so many things for the sake of a so called honor or respect or whatsoever. I might have been a little bit too strong in expressing my views about that. I know I can find a different and better way to express myself if I want to be understood. At least, I am willing to improve that side of me although it can be seen as a quality as well. I am not afraid to stand up against hypocrisy. But I know he is just trapped in this system. So I have to refine my communication skills. BTW, I like the example you used to explain their loyalty to their family no matter how strange they can be. I think that's the case with him.

My family is christian. I am pagan. So in a sense, only my religion matters when i am dating someone. But i ask whatever it is, keep it from my family as i do.

CG, didn't get what you mean, could you explain "keep it from my family as I do"..

ariesamazone- I Kinda feel the need to please my family, So my family is christian,and i am pagan. If my family knew they may disown me. So i keep it from them, I hide that part of me. So if i love someone, and they are not of my familys or even my religion i wont hold it against them. I just ask they keep it hidden from my family like i do.