Cancer man broke up with me... I’m a Gemini
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by curiousgem23 on Friday, November 3, 2017 and has 3 replies.
Hi everyone! I’m new here, a Gemini girl in her late 20s. I’m here to talk about an older Cancer man I had been seeing for about six months...
When they tell you you shouldn’t dip your pen in the company ink, they truly mean this is a horrible idea. I wish I could learn but alas... I got involved with a guy that works in the same company. Luckily not the same department but anyway. It was an amazing time being with this Cancer... he was sweet and affectionate, I had never been treated the way he treated me. The issue was that I was going through a lot in my life - health issues and just personal issues that were causing me a lot of anxiety and stress - which I suffer a lot from. He eventually left me because I was being too “pushy” wanting to talk about things, wanting to resolve things in the moment (I know cancers are terrible at confrontation so it’s my fault) and I was also lashing out verbally when I’d get stressed or flustered that something I felt was logical/reasonable wasn’t happening the way it should. He didn’t like that I’d say things that I don’t mean when I’m upset, even if I always went back and explained I was just mad.
Our break up led me to go to therapy because my Taurus husband (I’m in an open relationship) asked me to start talking to someone after all of this went down with my Cancer. It turns out that my behavior might have (most likely) been because I have Borderline Personality Disorder. In a way, I always thought I had something. Part of me hoped it was just bad luck that I grew to be like my mom and dad - quick to anger and such. It could still be that but who knows. I’ve had abandonment issues due to my childhood. It wasn’t the worst one but I was neglected by both parents, no one really took care of me emotionally or mentally and I guess I grew up to be insufferable enough to push my Cancer away.
The sad bit is that I know he really cared for me, but whenever I’d get upset or say/ask something he didn’t like or want to speak about, he would tell me to be careful because he didn’t want to “lose his feelings”. This repeated threat always hurt my soul deeply. As a Gemini I thrive off communication and working things out. My Taurus husband always thought it was just a need to have things go MY way but I don’t see how wanting things to be neutral and okay is a bad thing?
Anyway. My Cancer doesn’t speak to me anymore, or look at me when we cross in the hallway at work. He refuses to speak to me in person... it’s been like this for a little under a month and whenever I do try talk to him to him he is short and repeatedly tells me he wants no relationship with anyone and if I want him to talk to me I have to stop being persistent, but I’ve honestly waited very long and he won’t hear me out on why I’ve been like this. He is a very selfish person. He wanted me to understand his moods when things were going on with him, to be empathetic but he never listened to my childhood stories or anything. In the end, I feel like our break up was very unfair but I know I have hurt him somehow - I just wish I could make it up somehow but our relationship will never be again.
Does anyone think he will come back?
When they tell you you shouldn’t dip your pen in the company ink, they truly mean this is a horrible idea. I wish I could learn but alas... I got involved with a guy that works in the same company. Luckily not the same department but anyway. It was an amazing time being with this Cancer... he was sweet and affectionate, I had never been treated the way he treated me. The issue was that I was going through a lot in my life - health issues and just personal issues that were causing me a lot of anxiety and stress - which I suffer a lot from. He eventually left me because I was being too “pushy” wanting to talk about things, wanting to resolve things in the moment (I know cancers are terrible at confrontation so it’s my fault) and I was also lashing out verbally when I’d get stressed or flustered that something I felt was logical/reasonable wasn’t happening the way it should. He didn’t like that I’d say things that I don’t mean when I’m upset, even if I always went back and explained I was just mad.
Our break up led me to go to therapy because my Taurus husband (I’m in an open relationship) asked me to start talking to someone after all of this went down with my Cancer. It turns out that my behavior might have (most likely) been because I have Borderline Personality Disorder. In a way, I always thought I had something. Part of me hoped it was just bad luck that I grew to be like my mom and dad - quick to anger and such. It could still be that but who knows. I’ve had abandonment issues due to my childhood. It wasn’t the worst one but I was neglected by both parents, no one really took care of me emotionally or mentally and I guess I grew up to be insufferable enough to push my Cancer away.
The sad bit is that I know he really cared for me, but whenever I’d get upset or say/ask something he didn’t like or want to speak about, he would tell me to be careful because he didn’t want to “lose his feelings”. This repeated threat always hurt my soul deeply. As a Gemini I thrive off communication and working things out. My Taurus husband always thought it was just a need to have things go MY way but I don’t see how wanting things to be neutral and okay is a bad thing?
Anyway. My Cancer doesn’t speak to me anymore, or look at me when we cross in the hallway at work. He refuses to speak to me in person... it’s been like this for a little under a month and whenever I do try talk to him to him he is short and repeatedly tells me he wants no relationship with anyone and if I want him to talk to me I have to stop being persistent, but I’ve honestly waited very long and he won’t hear me out on why I’ve been like this. He is a very selfish person. He wanted me to understand his moods when things were going on with him, to be empathetic but he never listened to my childhood stories or anything. In the end, I feel like our break up was very unfair but I know I have hurt him somehow - I just wish I could make it up somehow but our relationship will never be again.
Does anyone think he will come back?
Well- I think it was an out. Because you are already married. So what kind of future prospect do you bring to him? He likely manipulated the situation to make it seem like it was your fault- to shift guilt off of him for taking advantage of the situation. But I wouldn't get too hung up on it because you need to look at things objectively. You asked to not have your feelings dismissed. To communicate with someone you were in a relationship with. That's normal. Someone not talking to you because a relationship got "hard" is not. He played the situation for his benefit- and when he was done with it- acted like a jerk- to which you tried to converse and he "blamed you." Step outside yourself and look at the whole thing objectively- and try to heal.
Posted by DarknessDollSo OP is in an open marriage and the other guy is the one taking advantage of the situation? Lol
Well- I think it was an out. Because you are already married. So what kind of future prospect do you bring to him? He likely manipulated the situation to make it seem like it was your fault- to shift guilt off of him for taking advantage of the situation. But I wouldn't get too hung up on it because you need to look at things objectively. You asked to not have your feelings dismissed. To communicate with someone you were in a relationship with. That's normal. Someone not talking to you because a relationship got "hard" is not. He played the situation for his benefit- and when he was done with it- acted like a jerk- to which you tried to converse and he "blamed you." Step outside yourself and look at the whole thing objectively- and try to heal.
OP I don't what to tell you. What were you trying to get with this guy? It's not clear. You're married but you say things like my cancer and pretty much describe with him what could be a normal relationship. But it's not because you have a husband. He was probably just having fun with you. Not to take advantage of you (lol) it's just that you're married, so what kind of relationship could come out of this?
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