CANCER MAN CASUAL RELATIONSHIP ISSUES
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by HappyRiot on Friday, February 8, 2013 and has 27 replies.
Hi everyone!
Im a 31 year old Sagittarius female in love with a 23 year old Cancer male. I dont know all the details of our astrological signs and stuff... And have yet to figure it out hahaha...
The Story: We've slept together for a year and a half. Started out as casual friends with benefits, but as time progressed, he would text non stop, all hours of the day. I loved the attention but I always kept my guard up knowing that friends with benefits DO NOT allow emotions to cloud up judgement.
That didnt work. I fell for him and told him. He's told me he's loved me a few times. We've exchanged sentiments and have told eachother we are all the other needs. He always says he misses me and always keeps tabs on me.
My interaction with him is minimal. I dont initiate text or call him, because we are still only "friends with benefits". He recently told me that we are more than that, but we still dont know what we are to eachother...And its been working this way for the past year and a half.
The clincher is anytime we have an emotional loving night of passionate love making or revealing another intimate layer of ourselves, he disappears for a couple days after. That bothers me to no end. I miss him, but scared to pursue him for fear of him rejecting me.
Is this normal for Cancer men? I know he loves me and cares for me... but hes reluctant to share his feelings... and im always so quick to tell him how i feel, but im also super passive in trying to contact him during the week, knowing he is a busy man. I also have a couple of careers and enjoy working hard. but hes always on my mind.
I love him and dont want to let him go. Im fine with our status. it works. but why does he disappear for a couple days after we share a great time together?
Im a 31 year old Sagittarius female in love with a 23 year old Cancer male. I dont know all the details of our astrological signs and stuff... And have yet to figure it out hahaha...
The Story: We've slept together for a year and a half. Started out as casual friends with benefits, but as time progressed, he would text non stop, all hours of the day. I loved the attention but I always kept my guard up knowing that friends with benefits DO NOT allow emotions to cloud up judgement.
That didnt work. I fell for him and told him. He's told me he's loved me a few times. We've exchanged sentiments and have told eachother we are all the other needs. He always says he misses me and always keeps tabs on me.
My interaction with him is minimal. I dont initiate text or call him, because we are still only "friends with benefits". He recently told me that we are more than that, but we still dont know what we are to eachother...And its been working this way for the past year and a half.
The clincher is anytime we have an emotional loving night of passionate love making or revealing another intimate layer of ourselves, he disappears for a couple days after. That bothers me to no end. I miss him, but scared to pursue him for fear of him rejecting me.
Is this normal for Cancer men? I know he loves me and cares for me... but hes reluctant to share his feelings... and im always so quick to tell him how i feel, but im also super passive in trying to contact him during the week, knowing he is a busy man. I also have a couple of careers and enjoy working hard. but hes always on my mind.
I love him and dont want to let him go. Im fine with our status. it works. but why does he disappear for a couple days after we share a great time together?
Posted by HappyRiot
Hi everyone!
The clincher is anytime we have an emotional loving night of passionate love making or revealing another intimate layer of ourselves, he disappears for a couple days after.
I'm not a Cancer man but this 'used' to be pretty normal for me. Big emotions can effect a Cancer to the core. When we are vulnerable, we often have to go into the shell and get a handle on the emotions. Sort them out, apply reason, not let them get us too crazy, lol. We also tend to fantasize and relive moments of passion and intimacy and it gives us a chance to build on our feelings for our lover/partner.
This might be especially true if security is not clear in the relationship.
I'm sure you'll get different answers, but this is my 2cents.
ps... I think the label FWB is very loaded. There are many, many shades of relationships. If you are exclusive to each other but in an undefined union, I believe there is a difference.
He knows I love him even though I dont initiate contact. And he told me on Monday night (today's the Friday after) that he's attached to me. Why's it so hard for him to keep going with the flow? Because I haven't heard from him since Tuesday night.
Bahahaha Hey Shellshocker!!! Thanks so much for replying hehehe...
I appreciate your two cents...
We are exclusive.. But yes, I have discovered that when I might say something rude he disappears... and then i "move on"... and he comes back even stronger...
im trying to keep my chin up and know he'll be back. He has my heart. I want to be there to help him, he's very emotionally fragile.. and i feel our bond is almost like "family" if that makes sense..
Im new here and happy that i've actually got a response! hahah thanks again
I appreciate your two cents...
We are exclusive.. But yes, I have discovered that when I might say something rude he disappears... and then i "move on"... and he comes back even stronger...
im trying to keep my chin up and know he'll be back. He has my heart. I want to be there to help him, he's very emotionally fragile.. and i feel our bond is almost like "family" if that makes sense..
Im new here and happy that i've actually got a response! hahah thanks again
^^^^ I should probably clarify my last sentence. If you want to know where you stand and where this is heading with him... you should talk about it. If this 'thing' has been going on for a year and a half.. it's probably time for both of you to let go of fears and have an honest discussion.
You're right.
approaching the subject is a bit touchy. because i am older and have personal goals i want to accomplish and he's a busy guy in school and full time job, etc. etc. we always just say ehhhhh we're just really really close friends with benefits who so happen to love eachother... We're both in denial.
I met him as his rebound. his ex devastated him. so much so that he would cry when we would hang out. I'm not sure how fresh those wounds still are, but fear is a huge huge obstacle for him.
approaching the subject is a bit touchy. because i am older and have personal goals i want to accomplish and he's a busy guy in school and full time job, etc. etc. we always just say ehhhhh we're just really really close friends with benefits who so happen to love eachother... We're both in denial.
I met him as his rebound. his ex devastated him. so much so that he would cry when we would hang out. I'm not sure how fresh those wounds still are, but fear is a huge huge obstacle for him.
Posted by HappyRiot
Hi everyone!
Im a 31 year old Sagittarius female in love with a 23 year old Cancer male. I dont know all the details of our astrological signs and stuff... And have yet to figure it out hahaha...
The Story: We've slept together for a year and a half. Started out as casual friends with benefits, but as time progressed, he would text non stop, all hours of the day. I loved the attention but I always kept my guard up knowing that friends with benefits DO NOT allow emotions to cloud up judgement.
That didnt work. I fell for him and told him. He's told me he's loved me a few times. We've exchanged sentiments and have told eachother we are all the other needs. He always says he misses me and always keeps tabs on me.
My interaction with him is minimal. I dont initiate text or call him, because we are still only "friends with benefits". He recently told me that we are more than that, but we still dont know what we are to eachother...And its been working this way for the past year and a half.
The clincher is anytime we have an emotional loving night of passionate love making or revealing another intimate layer of ourselves, he disappears for a couple days after. That bothers me to no end. I miss him, but scared to pursue him for fear of him rejecting me.
Is this normal for Cancer men? I know he loves me and cares for me... but hes reluctant to share his feelings... and im always so quick to tell him how i feel, but im also super passive in trying to contact him during the week, knowing he is a busy man. I also have a couple of careers and enjoy working hard. but hes always on my mind.
I love him and dont want to let him go. Im fine with our status. it works. but why does he disappear for a couple days after we share a great time together?
Love + Sex = Couple
Friends + Sex = Fukk Buddy
Love + Friends = It's complicated
Love + Friends + Sex = Perfect couple
Try to hit dead center and it'll be beautiful.
i love this... ^^^ thanks muff....
Hahahah there's plenty of us out there PM 
I am definitely no expert on cancers, but I have dated a few. Seems like everytime they share some intimate thought and conversation (feelings) with you, they go into typical cancer mode of retreating into their shell. Sometimes letting those feelings out causes them to retract to regroup and think.
Caps (opposite sign) are somewhat like this if we share too much, then feel insecure about what the other is going to do with the informaiton or if we share something personal we feel we shouldn't have and feel vulnerable. So, we retreat to rethin, analyze, wait for your actions, whatever. Once we feel stronger about things, we come back around.
I understand it, but, it sucks for the other person.
Just my 2 cents. I may or may not be onto something. Just offering an alternate point of view.
Caps (opposite sign) are somewhat like this if we share too much, then feel insecure about what the other is going to do with the informaiton or if we share something personal we feel we shouldn't have and feel vulnerable. So, we retreat to rethin, analyze, wait for your actions, whatever. Once we feel stronger about things, we come back around.
I understand it, but, it sucks for the other person.
Just my 2 cents. I may or may not be onto something. Just offering an alternate point of view.
think, not thin. lol!
Thanks truecap!
This has happened pretty often, like anytime I say something hurtful (which I apologize perfusely afterward) or if he opens up about how "close" we are getting...
I've gotten used to it. But the first time he was silent for a 2 weeks, I moved on. And he wasn't happy.
I had no idea he was still interested!
So I'm biding my time... Twiddling my thumbs until he comes back. And I can't wait!
Thanks again for your input
This has happened pretty often, like anytime I say something hurtful (which I apologize perfusely afterward) or if he opens up about how "close" we are getting...
I've gotten used to it. But the first time he was silent for a 2 weeks, I moved on. And he wasn't happy.
I had no idea he was still interested!
So I'm biding my time... Twiddling my thumbs until he comes back. And I can't wait!
Thanks again for your input
@pssymonstaa
Welp, started at art school... We were in similar programs. Sort of met him through a friend, added him on Facebook and he messaged me.
We hung out a few times, a couple casual dates, and the physicality happened.
Then he told me just a few weeks before him and I met, his ex left him.
I understood from that moment on that i was the cushion that softened the blow to his ego.
So we decided on fwb.
I continued dating. He got jealous wanted me all to himself and here we are hahah
Other than the times he internalizes his feelings and gets silent, I can say I'm pretty happy.
I'm not wanting marriage or to move in. I dont feel the need to check on him or know every single one of his friends.
And I think he likes that about me.
I guess I'm a bit jaded so I'm always ready to move on
Welp, started at art school... We were in similar programs. Sort of met him through a friend, added him on Facebook and he messaged me.
We hung out a few times, a couple casual dates, and the physicality happened.
Then he told me just a few weeks before him and I met, his ex left him.
I understood from that moment on that i was the cushion that softened the blow to his ego.
So we decided on fwb.
I continued dating. He got jealous wanted me all to himself and here we are hahah
Other than the times he internalizes his feelings and gets silent, I can say I'm pretty happy.
I'm not wanting marriage or to move in. I dont feel the need to check on him or know every single one of his friends.
And I think he likes that about me.
I guess I'm a bit jaded so I'm always ready to move on
Posted by HappyRiot
Thanks truecap!
This has happened pretty often, like anytime I say something hurtful (which I apologize perfusely afterward) or if he opens up about how "close" we are getting...
I've gotten used to it. But the first time he was silent for a 2 weeks, I moved on. And he wasn't happy.
I had no idea he was still interested!
So I'm biding my time... Twiddling my thumbs until he comes back. And I can't wait!
Thanks again for your input
They especially retreat into their shell when they are hurt!! They are very sensitive.
Posted by pssymonstaa
Would you mind sharing where and how you guys met?
Just so I have a frame of reference to relate to when I bump into my 31 year old?
Playa!!
lol!
@trucap
Yah I'm usually pretty brash and loud :/ I've learned to tone it down if i wanna keep him hahaha
@crabcakes
Whoa I've always wondered if I lived closer (we live about 1.5 hours apart from eachother) would things be different... Would he still be able to ignore me...
Hahaha and now considering your advice, I guess he still could manage to "ignore me"
It's so difficult for me, and takes a lot of patience... I'm a ham, and want his attention when I want it, ya know?
But yes you're right. I'm gonna shut up and let him recoup
Thanks
Yah I'm usually pretty brash and loud :/ I've learned to tone it down if i wanna keep him hahaha
@crabcakes
Whoa I've always wondered if I lived closer (we live about 1.5 hours apart from eachother) would things be different... Would he still be able to ignore me...
Hahaha and now considering your advice, I guess he still could manage to "ignore me"
It's so difficult for me, and takes a lot of patience... I'm a ham, and want his attention when I want it, ya know?
But yes you're right. I'm gonna shut up and let him recoup
Thanks
@PM
I hope he considers himself lucky! haha but i do what I can for him. He's an amazing guy.
No probs lol
I hope he considers himself lucky! haha but i do what I can for him. He's an amazing guy.
No probs lol
Not sure if you're still checking this topic but I stumbled upon this post doing a Google search because I'm a Cancer guy who's into a Sag girl right now. She's not the first, either. I don't know what it is about you ladies, but I'm drawn to you like a moth to the flame. Or a crab to the pot, perhaps. And this time around (and because I'm a little older and wiser) I recognize a lot more about our dynamic than with the others who came before.
Having said that, it should be noted sun signs are a terrible way to determine compatibility. You really need to check each other's birth charts. There is much more to a person than just their sun sign and it's everybody's unique mix of planets at the time and place of their birth that really makes up who they are as individuals. For instance, I'm a cancer sun, but a leo rising. My sun is my inner world, my private life, the side my closest friends and family get to see. My ascendant is the face I show to the world. It's how I am in public and at parties, etc. For me that means a constant tug-of-war between my cancerian need for privacy and my leo need to be the center of attention. I am also a leo venus and venus is the planet that really tells you about how the person handles themselves in romance and love. It's much better if you know each other's venus signs and then compare those for compatibility.
Ok, phew. Listen. I've confused the hell out of plenty of girls in my life. And I know how intense a Sag girl can be for an emotional cancer. You guys are fun-loving and flirty and don't like to be domesticated, generally speaking. You're also not terribly emotional. Cancerians live in their private world. They live there with their emotions. We are intense lovers sometimes, especially if we love and completely trust the person. And that's another thing, we are not very trusting people. It takes a long time, sometimes years, to really come to fully trust someone in our lives.
Now, you're a sag girl. This means you love the attention with which a cancer man is able to shower you. This also means when he withholds it for a period of time you spend a lot of time wondering what's going on. But you know what? Secretly, you love that part, don't you? Hmmmm? Yes, I think you do. You love the push and pull in an affair. You love the mystery of "What's he thinking now?" You love to be kept guessing every now and then. And, if he's smart and he's done his homework, then he knows this is what he has to do to keep a Sag
Having said that, it should be noted sun signs are a terrible way to determine compatibility. You really need to check each other's birth charts. There is much more to a person than just their sun sign and it's everybody's unique mix of planets at the time and place of their birth that really makes up who they are as individuals. For instance, I'm a cancer sun, but a leo rising. My sun is my inner world, my private life, the side my closest friends and family get to see. My ascendant is the face I show to the world. It's how I am in public and at parties, etc. For me that means a constant tug-of-war between my cancerian need for privacy and my leo need to be the center of attention. I am also a leo venus and venus is the planet that really tells you about how the person handles themselves in romance and love. It's much better if you know each other's venus signs and then compare those for compatibility.
Ok, phew. Listen. I've confused the hell out of plenty of girls in my life. And I know how intense a Sag girl can be for an emotional cancer. You guys are fun-loving and flirty and don't like to be domesticated, generally speaking. You're also not terribly emotional. Cancerians live in their private world. They live there with their emotions. We are intense lovers sometimes, especially if we love and completely trust the person. And that's another thing, we are not very trusting people. It takes a long time, sometimes years, to really come to fully trust someone in our lives.
Now, you're a sag girl. This means you love the attention with which a cancer man is able to shower you. This also means when he withholds it for a period of time you spend a lot of time wondering what's going on. But you know what? Secretly, you love that part, don't you? Hmmmm? Yes, I think you do. You love the push and pull in an affair. You love the mystery of "What's he thinking now?" You love to be kept guessing every now and then. And, if he's smart and he's done his homework, then he knows this is what he has to do to keep a Sag
well they are queens duhhh uhh,lol.
Well i think Cancers need a strong fire sign like sagittarius. We can learn a lot from them, well fire signs in general. I like that with sagittarius or any fire sign, you always know how they feel. They always show & tell you. I think they can be just as caring as any water sign match. Just be mindful of your Cancers feelings. Always make him feel comfortable & safe. It's not what you say, it's how you say it.
Posted by aquavita
( my ego ... i am trying to control here):/. it is not good for ego to blow up. all a sag girl needs is just a little and she thinks she s the queen. that s the problem for sags:/.
So the texting every day worked? What did he text? Just little flirty things? Personally that would drive me nuts, but maybe you sag ladies like it? How much attention is too much for you?
I think one good phone call a day is wayy better than texting. I can't stand those. I rather hear that persons voice.
Posted by caster721Posted by aquavita
( my ego ... i am trying to control here):/. it is not good for ego to blow up. all a sag girl needs is just a little and she thinks she s the queen. that s the problem for sags:/.
I'd say a sag lady is more like a princess at heart who needs a cancer man to take her to the throneclick to expand
Just make sure the throne is mobile and can take her to exotic places
Well You shouldn't have to do all that crazy stuff just to be with anyone. It's seems unnatural to me. But Cancers usually go out of their way for their partner. But If we not getting the same in return, it's done. I'm sure if the Sag choose to be with the Cancer in the 1st place, they probably loved them for who they already was. I wouldn't speak for all the Sags either. You have to be direct & sincere at the same time for some Cancers. Talk things out without the drama you know.
There was a sagittarius woman on here awhile back before i took my lil break. She was deeply in love with her Cancer Man. She probably had water placements too, but she definitely cared for him. Not all Sags are super flirty. I think a Cancer is just what they need to cool down. Once they get them a sweet Crab, there's no need for anybody else
@HappyRiot...
I understand what you are going through. My advice would be is DON'T OVER THINK THIS. Your relationship seems to be going fine and if he really does care for you the way he says he WILL make the commitment if you give enough encouragement.
There is something with us women when things are not going our way in a relationship we can get antsy and try to gain more control either by chasing or manipulating. I think it stems from our insecurities.
You are good enough (more than) and if he can't see that then he's not good enough... which it seems like he is. Just give him time to do his thing. He already knows how you feel. And instead of rushing and looking for more (because we always want more) just appreciate the time you have with him and enjoy the ride.
Think of it this way... he's a youngin' and if you guys do commit thats a chance he's losing out to explore his youth. If you really love him you will think of his situation and what he'd be missing out on. You have to consider both parties in mind. If you REALLY love him I think you'll wait until he's ready. If you can't wait I don't think you really do love him... because then all you're really thinking about is yourself. Consider where he is, put yourself in his shoes and try to get out of your own head for once.
I understand what you are going through. My advice would be is DON'T OVER THINK THIS. Your relationship seems to be going fine and if he really does care for you the way he says he WILL make the commitment if you give enough encouragement.
There is something with us women when things are not going our way in a relationship we can get antsy and try to gain more control either by chasing or manipulating. I think it stems from our insecurities.
You are good enough (more than) and if he can't see that then he's not good enough... which it seems like he is. Just give him time to do his thing. He already knows how you feel. And instead of rushing and looking for more (because we always want more) just appreciate the time you have with him and enjoy the ride.
Think of it this way... he's a youngin' and if you guys do commit thats a chance he's losing out to explore his youth. If you really love him you will think of his situation and what he'd be missing out on. You have to consider both parties in mind. If you REALLY love him I think you'll wait until he's ready. If you can't wait I don't think you really do love him... because then all you're really thinking about is yourself. Consider where he is, put yourself in his shoes and try to get out of your own head for once.
LOL, but don't forget don't think about it too much LOL
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