I am a Libra sun, Gemini moon, Venus Leo.
I met a cancer man (scorpio moon and venus cancer) almost about a year back. We were both in relationships with different people. I was *newly* married but not happy and sort of in the process of separating. He was in a long unhappy relationship. We clicked instantly. We both were travelling for work and we were together for two weeks. everything happened very fast and we enjoyed each other's company a lot. The week after he left, he invited me to travel with him for a weekend, everything was perfect. Then he broke up and I moved out to new city away from my husband. We travelled a few times and we used to write to each other quite lot in the beginning *emails then. After a month or two, I felt him pulling back. Then we had moved on to texts. He then responded by saying he isn't much into texting. We live in different cities.
I read quite a bit about cancer men and I was being patient and letting him have his space. I had made it clear that I am in love with him but he never said anything, only that he likes me a lot. But his actions proved otherwise when we were alone. He would take care of me, hug and take me to places that I wanted to see, he would keep an eye on details and do things that were special. He spent the whole of my birthday with me, picked me up, waited for hours, he took me to his favourite places, he gave me his books and cds that he liked (he being a cancer, if he tried all of that, it made me feel like he really interested in pursuing this too and just needed more time to process this). and I have always told him that I don't need an answer, I just liked spending time with him and I don't want a committment. I would always catch him staring at me.
Then he actually started avoiding me for about 2-3 months started around October-till January. He would respond but didn't seem very much into trying to keep up the conversation. He visited my city in December to see his friends (I knew it was just a layover and super short) but he never tried to tell or even have 5 minutes to see me. I was hurt but never mentioned it to him.
As he kept on avoiding me I stopped with texting him as it seemed that I was bothering him (I am a libra, and normally I am super apologetic all the time). I visited his city for work around feb but didn't tell him. We met then at work and he insisted on dropping me in the train station, and he looked into my eyes and said that you never told me you are coming because I didn't tell you when I visited your city. I felt that he cared and did want to see me.
The communication picked up again. He would message and try to talk.
I would get occasional calls late in the night when he'd say he misses me. I would get drunk and message him bunch of things that I am totally in love with him (this has happened many times and I know I behaved like a child).
Then he was coming over to my city for a few days to see his friends and party, initially he said he'd stay over with me, but later said it isn't wise. We aren't open with our relationship (or whatever it is). Then he said, he isn't looking for a relationship and doesn't want me to think that way if we get involved, he indicated having a friends with benefits relationship. I said, if that's how I get to be a part of his life, its ok with me. Then we all went partying and the whole night he kept dancing around with other women, I wasn't comfortable and I left. Then he called me at early morning asking if he could come over. and he stayed. This happened both the nights. But I was always caring towards him, I made him breakfast, and did everything to make him feel special. then I travelled with him halfway with food and icecream, he layed his head on my head. hugs me, his body language speaks to me differently when we are alone together.I would make really nice romantic gestures, like getting him things that he likes based of his interests. remembering things that he likes. saving tickets of places we went together.
Then we were back to texting, I asked if we could meet again, he said maybe in a few months. But the communication was daily, I was drunk again one night and we talked about getting a home here, a dog, etc etc. He wasn't participating in the discussion but kept saying ok and at one point he said not this place, we will stay there. I kept asking if I am talking too much, he said I am listening to you.
Then one night again, I texted him a lot of stuff about me being in love with him. Then he's gone. No answers nothing. I apologized the next morning over text, he read it, no response. called him twice, no answer. I sent him a picture of my new bike one week later, saying that I wanted to show this to him, no response. Sent him a picture of a beer saying that he'd like it (also said, that I know you don't like me anymore but I had to show you this, he is a fan of beer), no response. Its been more than a month and no response, I stopped pestering him and its been a month since I wrote to him.
A part of my head says he is taking time to think, a part of it says he was playing with me. I don't know if I should stay or move on. And I don't want to move on to be honest. Its super painful and I am trying to keep myself busy but I just don't know what or how to get out of this. I don't want to meet new people, I don't want to see anyone else. I get flashbacks and keep asking myself if I did anything wrong. My friends say he's a douchebag but I am not convinced that he is one. I felt the connection. And I did tell him earlier that whatever you do, please don't ghost me, to which he said he always closes things properly with the women he has dated (but did we date?) And this was the guy who would tell me that, he went to this place and its beautiful and he knows I will love it.
He always told me that he isn't looking for a relationship after he broke up. He said earlier that its going too fast and he wants to be alone, and we could keep meeting and in future we will see how it goes. He has been very on and off. Every time he would want me around, I'd make sure to drop everything and be there for him. But he would tell me that he misses me, he likes me. I wasn't pushing him to become my boyfriend or anything but I would tell him that I love him. I would even tell him if I felt jealous, that I feel jealous. not in an angry manner but in a questioning manner asking how do I deal with this, I am honest to a fault. and I'd feel that he liked it.
Please don't be mean to him and thank you if you read this long story but any perspective? I am driving myself insane.
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Jun 20, 2014Comments: 1 · Posts: 3847 · Topics: 1
He's not interested in having a relationship with you. He told you this. What part did you not understand?
He only offered you a FWB contract. This means he wants to stick his dick in you whenever is convenient and he does not want any emotional ties or responsibilities with you.
You thought that by being the 'perfect woman' to him that you would change his mind. Dropping everything to be available for him whenever he wants. Telling him you are utterly in love with him. Chasing and pursuing him. Making the effort to get in things he likes. The only time he's made an effort for you was when he knew it would make you open your legs for him.
He's unlikely to be a bad person. Most people are not intentionally bad. You're just choosing to look over there when you should be looking right here.
I think you need to take time out for yourself. Stop thinking about what he is doing or what he wants and have time on your own. You said you were newly married but unhappily and that you and the cancer guy got together while with your respective partners. Any decision to marry someone is a serious commitment. To marry someone you clearly don't want to marry or who isn't right for you but to go ahead anyway is irresponsible.
You sound like you have some issues here to work on but you can't do that while you're still chasing after unsuitable dick. You'll just keep getting the same upsetting and emotionally troubling results.
Do yourself a favour and invest in you. Stop all contact with this guy. Focus day by day or even hour by hour on something else more positive and fruitful. Work, family, friends, hobbies, studies, travel, sports... Then later once you have healed from your marriage and this guy and any other stuff, you can move on to a more worthy guy yet this time you'll be bringing a better, happier, more stable you to the table. That's a far more attractive proposition for a worthy guy.
Harsh but the truth.
My marriage, I didn't provide enough back story to justify why I wanted to end it, but I prefer to keep it that way.
We caught feelings way too fast, I stuck with it, he realized and pulled back and just wanted the fun part of it. We met each other at very low points of our life. I believe in the fairytale crap, guess I need to get out of that world.
But thank you. I really appreciate your response.
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Jun 27, 2016Comments: 975 · Posts: 5791 · Topics: 44
I think he likes your attention, but doesn’t see a long term relationship with you. So he will keep you around, date other girls, and live whatever life he wants to until he finds the perfect girl he’s secretly looking for.
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Dec 11, 2018Comments: 863 · Posts: 1596 · Topics: 10
I’m not reading all that but come on!! Someone ghosts you they’re out of your life for good. They are no one to take serious.
Set better boundaries with the next person.
Stop being “super apologetic” that’s not going to get you anywhere and will let people think they can come and go and you will just apologize.
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Oct 11, 2017Comments: 3 · Posts: 3193 · Topics: 7
You never mentioned if you are now divorced from your husband. Are you divorced yet? If not, I can see why this guy would be reluctant to go further than sex with you. You married fast and was in an affair with him shortly thereafter. That is not the type of woman a man will want to commit to. You can say you think he wants a relationship with you but isn't saying it with words but with actions. A man can act as sweet as cake but until he actually says "I want to be exclusive with you" it's not happening.
I am working out the divorce proceedings, and I was in a relationship with my husband for 8 years (a long distance one) before that, so it wasn't a quick thing. And I have only dated my husband and this guy now. So he knows that I am not the person who jumps from person. In fact, he helped me go through the separation phase, and when we talked about taking things further, he said since we both have broken up from really long relationships, we need to spend some time alone, keep meeting each other meanwhile as see how it goes.
I totally understand you pain! I have been through this with a cancer man, it seems we speak about the same person lol
He would also say to me"i have never met someone like you before, our connection is crazy" crap 😂
And it was a strong connection, felt it and still feel if he's thinking about me, we will same thoughts in the same moment, we will text each other from nowhere at the exact time saying we miss each other.
The hugs and energy...like a DRUG!
But one day he started to back off, had some discussions and me not wanting to delete some messages he wanted and boom, blocked everywhere! And that was it! Just because I did not do what he wanted😁
Now, not sure if something is missing from your story, but as libras we give so much love and pour our souls to the person we love...Doing everything and anything, sometimes too much, we get obsessed !
Now with these guys, I heard and after my experience, I really think they need to be treated like SHIT and they LIKE it. Then they will pursue.
So, the moral of the story? He did not have the courage to even give me a message, or answering on the phone, I was left in the dark with broken heart. I did not matter to him. Not a tiny bit.
I know he will receive what he deserves at some point in life for what he's done, because I was so genuine.
I am not going to tell you what to do, because that will not change how you feel about him.
I know is hard to be alone, I know you may be scared, but everything is happening with a reason.
Please do not allow him to destroy your self esteem!
Bear hug from me🐼
Honestly, this story gives me tears. I can't believe cancer man can be like that. But most of the comments are right its clear the man is only for FWB not serious relationship with you.
Not all cancer man are like that. His not just the right one or not your soulmate. I'm not an expert in relationship or sex, but I'm pretty sure its not a good idea to have a man help you move on from a broken marriage or relationship.
I had a cancer man online relationship a month and half ago. I am Single for 11 years and counting. I'm not perfect but we woman are stronger than we can imagine.
Being alone doesn't need to be equal to loneliness. Life is fun if you give value to your existence.
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Sep 03, 2016Comments: 36034 · Posts: 40656 · Topics: 321
Quincunx moons..........totally misunderstanding each other
I've heard an astrolger say the quincinx aspects don't "see" each other
It's like ...... 🤔