Cancer Man Interested but Ignorant

He has the hots for me, but at times he blatantly just ignores me & gives me lame excuses so that I leave him alone, but how far & how long should I endure this?

And what do you think of a Cancer guy with the following chart?
Aquarius Moon
Leo Mercury
Leo Venus
Scorpio Mars

How old is he? And he seems like an awkward dork.

I'm cancer and i never ignore or tell people to leave me alone,i always try to talk when i feel like i want to be alone,i need to be alone somtimes,but i let them know how i feel and ask for understanding,if he ignores you leave him alone,he doesn't want you,or he's scared of you or scared of his feelings for you,try to talk to him and tell you how you feel and what you want from him and leave,if he thinks he can give you and feels somth for you,he will contact you,might take some time tho.

Oh well. I later learned that his mind was preoccupied with a pending coursework. Noticed he was seeking my attention but adamant until I prodded him in a friendly (non-hostile) way to make him tell me. This is how his behaviour work!

I had given up on him (worn my patience off) until he came back bouncing with positive responses to me again. He made it up with such genuinity I want to trust & give us the chance. He's 32 & does seem a little awkward than a typical guy with killing charms. I guess we need more time to learn, trust & open up to each other, although he's so much more work, more difficult than the guys I've dealt with in my past

whats your sign? 🙂 earth and water go easy,fire and air are more complicated in understand a cancer or any other water sign

My Cancer ex would be blatantly and unremorsefully rude to chicks he didn't want to be around. Regardless of how hot the girl was, he would be a complete jerk to them if he found them even remotely off-putting.

That Aquarius Moon probably doesn't help things.

I'm a Taurus Sun. I can give patience if that's what he wants but sometimes I'm not sure if he wants space or he wants to be prodded until he opens up. He has a lot of squaring of signs if you see from the placement of his personal planets so I think he is sort of a conflicted personality himself. For example, as a Cancer with a Scorpio Mars, I would think that he craves deep emotional connection but his Aquarius Moon is probably insisting a certain independence & individualism. I want to build on us with more open communication & sharing but it is difficult if he doesn't respond as much.

The same pattern repeats itself. I'm feeling like a total fool for falling for it again & again. I don't know what he wants but I can't bear to just get ignored again indefinitely... When he comes back, he lifts my hopes high & then just as swiftly he shatters them. Yeah, he doesn't want me intruding into his space & he's not at fault but I'm just gullible & demanding. It hurts.

I told him I feel hurt by him blatantly ignoring me. Now I see he improves on his responsiveness 😄

There you go. A closed mouth never gets fed -a Sag told me that saying. 😄

😄

Not sure though how far should I rejoice? Is this a good sign that he cares? Because most of the time, it still feels like he doesn't bother to keep in touch...

Posted by taupixie
😄

Not sure though how far should I rejoice? Is this a good sign that he cares? Because most of the time, it still feels like he doesn't bother to keep in touch...

I know exactly your situation. I'm quite independent, but when I really like smeone I need constant validation (which I actually don't like in myself that I can be that dependent)
What he does is ...He hasn't decided yet on you. Reposition yourself from his life and find joy in yours. YOu'll see if he really decides on you. I know for sure. Cancer guys who has made up their mind they want that girl in their life - they DO ACT and you WILL DEFINITELY FEEL CONSTANT ATTENTION. But before that no amount of trying, explaining will help.

Yes it's true I need constant validation because it matters a lot to me that the feelings are mutual. The problem with him is that we have long enough period between us for him to decide, although majority of the time we hadn't had the chance to spend closely but rather acquaintance from far. We were constantly at the topic of sleeping with each other & since more than a year ago I have let him known I really like him a lot & today I finally prodded him & he revealed that he does like me, does find me hot & that I'm the only 1 he wants to sleep with (beside another celebrity added in)... But emphasis on that he JUST want to sleep with me (implying a no strings attached arrangement). So I ask why is that we cannot be in a relationship (become a couple) & so far he has kept quiet... Is this how his Mars in Scorpio operates? It seems he's adamant at keeping his feelings hidden & the way I see it it could really swing any sides... How do I get him to reveal? Am I risking killing it all by being blunt?

I think he did reveal.. he said he wanted no strings attached. This is the reason for his behavior. So as you continue to go after him don't forget that and get your feelings hurt

I know I have entered a very stupid arrangement now that I promised to him & he to me, that we will save up to each other until we meet (he's currently overseas & won't be back until a few months later), but he insisted this is casual (he won't let me call him bf) & we will see from there after we did it. What I don't understand is why he insisted this is casual when in fact we can promise to be faithful to each other. I told him that I do not want to end up getting hurt by him & what happens if I miss him, to which he replied that I should know he is missing me too but that he is overseas for study. Everything he says tells me that he does regard me very highly with affection. I'm trying to get around understanding his way of loving...

We are not acting like we are in a relationship. Well, I want that but it takes 2 hands to clap & he simply doesn't agree to it. I don't know I've never experienced nor heard of this kind of arrangement anyway I suspect his Aquarius moon is at full work here. At least he checks with me on the 'rules'. He accepts that I don't allow him to sleep with others even if it's just a fling with no feelings... (& in this regard, it speaks volume because it implies I'm special in that he HAS feelings for me!). We set the rules (expectations) for each other & he is fine, only not wanting to be called my bf.

I blew up again whatever I am having or gonna have with Cancer. In the end, I couldn't be patient enough, my Leo moon, Aries Mercury & Venus & Gemini Mars wouldn't take being ignored & engaging in this 1-sided communicative relationship. Yes, I may have really love him a lot & I thought I could endure but no, the thought of such treatment for a lifetime leaves me feeling upset & dissatisfied. Absolutely the anti-thesis of my lifelong dreams. I may find it very hard to find another to love... But what have I got to lose other than someone who doesn't love me hence doesn't deserve me at all.

I'm trying to understand why my need for constant validation is u health? Like I said it matters to me that the feelings are mutual. I'm willing to give so much I only ask the same in return. He can be unsure & fearful, so do I when I can give out so much.

If he is put off, if he is those less-mindful type, then he is not who I want.

Is this too much to ask for?

seraph, thank you for your words of wisdom, for your time. I cannot say I do not agree with you. Ideally, people would want to attain such emotional independence & I can imagine the wonderful internal peace that comes with such accomplishment.

But I am only who I am, & by understanding myself, I know so well the enormosity of the romantic relationship I require. I have accepted not every1 can match my expectation & I passed up many potential suiters because I sense I could not receive that much from them & I also know it isn't fair to put such burden on them when it's not in their nature to be able to be such.

With this Cancer, I feel the kind of intensity & commitment & devotion I know he is capable of to match mine. But I may be disillusioned, I become unstable & unsure when my small expectation is not validated. I'm afraid I may be wrong about him. At worst, it doesn't help that he doesn't seem to care the least about us.

Yes, seraph, it's the same guy I'm dealing with. You have a very good memory to be able to recall this. I understand what you are getting at. Many of you will not understand my persistence with this guy. The more things unravel I'm learning that there's more to this & I see the worth in all it, perhaps. Besides, I didn't solely sulkingly waited for him. I did go on other dates & moved on but there were just no suitors who sparked enough interest for me to want to take it further, so here I am dealing with Cancer guy still...

Posted by seraph

Posted by taupixie
I'm trying to understand why my need for constant validation is u health? Like I said it matters to me that the feelings are mutual. I'm willing to give so much I only ask the same in return. He can be unsure & fearful, so do I when I can give out so much.

If he is put off, if he is those less-mindful type, then he is not who I want.

Is this too much to ask for?

Validation and "mutual feelings" aren't the same thing.

Almost any emotional "constant need for" something, is at its core (or as far as you'll be concerned) a liability. Sooner or later you'll get yourself trapped in it.

By themselves these are just thoughts and feelings over which we have magnificent ownership – equanimity is always there, but which most of the time goes unrealized and uncultivated. So we end up having lousy relationships with these thoughts and feelings.

A constant need for validation indicates something in you that can only be satisfied externally. So you're constantly prey to the vicissitudes of external circumstances. If this need only arises in the context of relationships, then it's no better, because you're dependent on the other party to always be willing and able to give you this validation, so you'll always be fixated on it, and you'll end up judging the quality and content of the relationship from that skewed position.

click to expand

I think that requiring emotional validation within relationships is perfectly healthy. I agree with the following:



He is not validating, however, because he doesn't want to be in one, but there is nothing wrong with looking for this type of validation from people initially because it's what our natural processes entail when searching for a partner.

@taupixie I wouldn't try to attribute his often-times lack of response/ communication to any of his placements as they in no way determine how communicative and cooperative a person is.

Lmao. Sounds like me. In my case I don't play the take a hint and chase me game. I don't even react to what I consider to be childish flirting and mind games.

I honestly feel bad for this one girl. She comes into my night job all the time trying to get my attention. At first I ignored because I was seeing the Pisces at that time.

Shortly after I found out she was married this girl started bringing in random dudes and seeing how I reacted. I didn't but those types of games caused her to be blacklisted. She still comes in but gets pouty and storms out when I don't adknowledge her flirting. Once again I feel bad simply because she can't move on.

Posted by clare

Posted by seraph

Posted by taupixie
I'm trying to understand why my need for constant validation is u health? Like I said it matters to me that the feelings are mutual. I'm willing to give so much I only ask the same in return. He can be unsure & fearful, so do I when I can give out so much.

If he is put off, if he is those less-mindful type, then he is not who I want.

Is this too much to ask for?

Validation and "mutual feelings" aren't the same thing.

Almost any emotional "constant need for" something, is at its core (or as far as you'll be concerned) a liability. Sooner or later you'll get yourself trapped in it.

By themselves these are just thoughts and feelings over which we have magnificent ownership – equanimity is always there, but which most of the time goes unrealized and uncultivated. So we end up having lousy relationships with these thoughts and feelings.

A constant need for validation indicates something in you that can only be satisfied externally. So you're constantly prey to the vicissitudes of external circumstances. If this need only arises in the context of relationships, then it's no better, because you're dependent on the other party to always be willing and able to give you this validation, so you'll always be fixated on it, and you'll end up judging the quality and content of the relationship from that skewed position.

I think that requiring emotional validation within relationships is perfectly healthy. I agree with the following:



He is not validating, however, because he doesn't want to be in one, but there is nothing wrong with looking for this type of validation from people initially because it's what our natural processes entail when searching for a partner.

@taupixie I wouldn't try to attribute his often-times lack of response/ communication to any of his placements as they in no way determine how communicative and cooperative a person is.

click to expand

That is a good read. Thank you for sharing. At least I learned about my own self better.

I have to agree that Cancer man doesn't want to be in a relationship hence he isn't putting effort. I hope I can understand though why.

Posted by seraph

Posted by taupixie
Yes, seraph, it's the same guy I'm dealing with. You have a very good memory to be able to recall this. I understand what you are getting at. Many of you will not understand my persistence with this guy. The more things unravel I'm learning that there's more to this & I see the worth in all it, perhaps. Besides, I didn't solely sulkingly waited for him. I did go on other dates & moved on but there were just no suitors who sparked enough interest for me to want to take it further, so here I am dealing with Cancer guy still...

I understand, and that's fine. You'll pursue this for as long as you're getting some satisfaction from doing it, regardless of the actual results.

But ask yourself whether this person is putting even 1/10th the effort into thinking about this and envisioning a future with you, as you are (with him.) There might be a deep wanting in you, but if it isn't there in him, then all that's happening is that you're attributing qualities and possibilities to the situation that don't actually exist.

At any rate, best wishes, and I hope you find what you're looking for.

click to expand

I know he has a deep wanting for me too, but he isn't showing it in the typical way that is conventional. I'm trying my best to understand him. I can't be sure if I'll ever.

Posted by ScorpioStarGazer
I think it's true that a cancer man will put in his all when he has decided on the girl for him. My cancer dad used to call my mom everyday when they were dating/courting or whatever you want to call it. My mom used to say "God I wish he'd just leave me alone. I don't like him!" Her mother told her to watch out because she might be eating those words one day. Sure enough they ended up married and have been married for 44 years now. So they definitely go after what they want.

It'll be nice if this Cancer part of him surmises. What is your dad's Mars sign?

You are busted lady, what in the world are you up to? Come on now just because you have an air moon doesn't mean nothing to how someone should be treated or treating you with some kind of respect and straight foward. Fixed elements still don't play games will detach and become less expressive.

Oh hey @seraph, yeah you don't know me but hm., how are you doing? @Taupixie- This person here is the best too for advice. Should really listen to..

And respect yourself...Even if you are the type to want fwb just make sure you can detach right away. This could be your thing and it's okay but don't get disrespected or disrespectful with a fwb. They aren't ours.

Posted by taupixie
We are not acting like we are in a relationship. Well, I want that but it takes 2 hands to clap & he simply doesn't agree to it. I don't know I've never experienced nor heard of this kind of arrangement anyway I suspect his Aquarius moon is at full work here. At least he checks with me on the 'rules'. He accepts that I don't allow him to sleep with others even if it's just a fling with no feelings... (& in this regard, it speaks volume because it implies I'm special in that he HAS feelings for me!). We set the rules (expectations) for each other & he is fine, only not wanting to be called my bf.

you are. in a weird relationship. are you satisfied with that? If not, ask you need more and then you have to decide whether you want this man in your life or not.

Honestly I'm starting to think I'm crazy too >

Posted by rakac
whats your sign? 🙂 earth and water go easy,fire and air are more complicated in understand a cancer or any other water sign

Yes... Air just turns all that water into seltzer lol

Posted by taupixie
The same pattern repeats itself. I'm feeling like a total fool for falling for it again & again. I don't know what he wants but I can't bear to just get ignored again indefinitely... When he comes back, he lifts my hopes high & then just as swiftly he shatters them. Yeah, he doesn't want me intruding into his space & he's not at fault but I'm just gullible & demanding. It hurts.

I'm in the same boat with mine; he shares his world like he's going to let me in, then as soon as I head for the door; BAM right in my face. I dunno, I just think they are very protective of letting someone in, so they play this back forth thing... It's infuriating, frustrating and can make you go crazy!

I'm good can't complain and thanks for sharing your insights..

Posted by ScorpioStarGazer

Posted by taupixie

Posted by ScorpioStarGazer
I think it's true that a cancer man will put in his all when he has decided on the girl for him. My cancer dad used to call my mom everyday when they were dating/courting or whatever you want to call it. My mom used to say "God I wish he'd just leave me alone. I don't like him!" Her mother told her to watch out because she might be eating those words one day. Sure enough they ended up married and have been married for 44 years now. So they definitely go after what they want.

It'll be nice if this Cancer part of him surmises. What is your dad's Mars sign?

Mars in Scorpio

click to expand

That reminds me my own dad is Scorpio Mars too & he is devoted & I think can be 'manipulative' to get what he wants.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
And respect yourself...Even if you are the type to want fwb just make sure you can detach right away. This could be your thing and it's okay but don't get disrespected or disrespectful with a fwb. They aren't ours.

I do not want an fwb, it's not my thing. I learned that he didn't too, he said he didn't understand how people who are not attached can sleep with each other. But that was the basis of our conversation that managed to have him talk to me otherwise he wouldn't even want to go out on a date with me & no trivial conversations get him talking when he's doing the push-pull thing. I think by agreeing to sleep with him without condition, giving myself to him completely builds the assurance in him. I see a tremendous positive turn to his behaviour now 🙂

Posted by TaurusMarine

Posted by taupixie
We are not acting like we are in a relationship. Well, I want that but it takes 2 hands to clap & he simply doesn't agree to it. I don't know I've never experienced nor heard of this kind of arrangement anyway I suspect his Aquarius moon is at full work here. At least he checks with me on the 'rules'. He accepts that I don't allow him to sleep with others even if it's just a fling with no feelings... (& in this regard, it speaks volume because it implies I'm special in that he HAS feelings for me!). We set the rules (expectations) for each other & he is fine, only not wanting to be called my bf.

you are. in a weird relationship. are you satisfied with that? If not, ask you need more and then you have to decide whether you want this man in your life or not.

click to expand

I think this is what it takes when I'm dealing with an extremely unconventional guy. Our history goes a long way back. I've had time to think through a lot of things & I don't blame him for being very guarded. I have to be very patient

Posted by GemiGirl78

Posted by taupixie
The same pattern repeats itself. I'm feeling like a total fool for falling for it again & again. I don't know what he wants but I can't bear to just get ignored again indefinitely... When he comes back, he lifts my hopes high & then just as swiftly he shatters them. Yeah, he doesn't want me intruding into his space & he's not at fault but I'm just gullible & demanding. It hurts.

I'm in the same boat with mine; he shares his world like he's going to let me in, then as soon as I head for the door; BAM right in my face. I dunno, I just think they are very protective of letting someone in, so they play this back forth thing... It's infuriating, frustrating and can make you go crazy!

click to expand

Yes, Cancer guys are very protective they have fear an immense of rejection(?). Consistently provide reassurances & soothes his fears

Posted by Koniucha
I'm just curious, what makes you say that he has a deep wanting for you?

I based it on the things he has said & the subtle things that have happened between us now & from many years ago. He vocally stated he has always wanted to sleep with me & I'm the only 1 (besides another female celebrity) he wants to sleep with. Of course he may just be bluffing but I have learned to have faith in his spoken convictions

Posted by taupixie

Posted by GemiGirl78

Posted by taupixie
The same pattern repeats itself. I'm feeling like a total fool for falling for it again & again. I don't know what he wants but I can't bear to just get ignored again indefinitely... When he comes back, he lifts my hopes high & then just as swiftly he shatters them. Yeah, he doesn't want me intruding into his space & he's not at fault but I'm just gullible & demanding. It hurts.

I'm in the same boat with mine; he shares his world like he's going to let me in, then as soon as I head for the door; BAM right in my face. I dunno, I just think they are very protective of letting someone in, so they play this back forth thing... It's infuriating, frustrating and can make you go crazy!

Yes, Cancer guys are very protective they have fear an immense of rejection(?). Consistently provide reassurances & soothes his fears

click to expand

I know one cancer dude who was so insecure about relationship with the girl he really liked that he hooked up with the another one who was constantly stalking him and pushing herself on him.

@TaurusMarine My Cancer guy did too. He had ended up sleeping with a girl we used to hang out with then. I was angry about it but there weren't nothing between us then so I moved along. But he had always been honest to me about this mistake & I understood how it happened I told him quite clearly I forgave him... Haha. I also noticed he tends to end up with girls who were more aggressive so I learned not to wait on him bit to lead on. But then, this Cancer guy I'm dealing with is a bit tricky too straight-forward charge doesn't work.

Posted by taupixie
@TaurusMarine My Cancer guy did too. He had ended up sleeping with a girl we used to hang out with then. I was angry about it but there weren't nothing between us then so I moved along. But he had always been honest to me about this mistake & I understood how it happened I told him quite clearly I forgave him... Haha. I also noticed he tends to end up with girls who were more aggressive so I learned not to wait on him bit to lead on. But then, this Cancer guy I'm dealing with is a bit tricky too straight-forward charge doesn't work.

It depends on what he wants. If only intimacy then he'll accept any straightforward aggressive move on him and will be satiated.
If he wants and chooses you in a relationship, then no too forward thing will satisfy him. He'll just retreat.
But again they all possess some insecurity. He might feel he's not good enough to be with you (by you I mean anyone) and here we are - the girl who's simple and has low standards and comes onto him - he will probably choose her, no matter how in love he might be with you.
So unless he's over his own insecurities and sure what he wants and chooses, he'll play (maybe even subconsciously) that notorious push-pull game.

@TaurusMarine ironic that he now chooses "exclusive intimacy with me.

Posted by taupixie
@TaurusMarine ironic that he now chooses "exclusive intimacy with me.

Have you discussed a nonexclusive intimacy?
I'm sorry I'm not happy for you unless you're in an exclusive relationship.

@TaurusMarine he's the one who came up with the rules of an "exclusive intimacy". He asked me to honestly tell him if I sleep with anyone. So I asked him what would he do if I did, & he said that he would do the same. But anyway, I have repeatedly told him I'll wait for him (meaning I'm not gonna sleep with anyone else). And at our first discussion he had said I'm the only one he wanted to sleep with. But anyway, just for the sake of it, I did threw the reverse back at him asking him if I don't sleep with others that he won't too & he said yes... Weird, I know. 🙂

Posted by taupixie
@TaurusMarine he's the one who came up with the rules of an "exclusive intimacy". He asked me to honestly tell him if I sleep with anyone. So I asked him what would he do if I did, & he said that he would do the same. But anyway, I have repeatedly told him I'll wait for him (meaning I'm not gonna sleep with anyone else). And at our first discussion he had said I'm the only one he wanted to sleep with. But anyway, just for the sake of it, I did threw the reverse back at him asking him if I don't sleep with others that he won't too & he said yes... Weird, I know. 🙂

Questions:
1. Did you sleep together? Is it a relationship?

2. Are you sure he didn't promise that 'exclusivity' to other girls?

@TaurusMarine
1. We have never yet slept together. We are not a romantic relationship, if that's what you're asking.

2. I'm pretty sure I can trust him on it based on his character.

Posted by taupixie
@TaurusMarine
1. We have never yet slept together. We are not a romantic relationship, if that's what you're asking.

2. I'm pretty sure I can trust him on it based on his character.

Ok, but still he's feeding you with mixed-type signals. If you don't wanna be in an exclusive mixed-type relationship, comunicate your 'wants' to him. If he's still insecure and you exactly know what you will or will not accept.
I'm not saying he's bad, neither i'm saying he's good. He just doesn't challenge himself to be with you. You need to alter te routine.