Cancer man left his family

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Dsc31 on Sunday, July 12, 2015 and has 19 replies.
Hi everyone. I need some help in trying to figure out what to do. I was in a relationship with a cancer guy for 10 years. We met in Europe and I left my family and my country to move here with him. He was the most wonderful man on the face of the earth. The nightmare begun 4 and a half years ago, 2011. I was pregnant with our daughter and was leaving the dream. I felt that he was growing distant of me, only to find out that he was cheating with another girl. The shock was so incredible that I went into instant labor and I gave birth 9 weeks earlier. I thought that becoming a father will change his perspectives. But it didn't. He took a break from the other girl for about 3 months and than it was back. He was leaving a double life. Always lying about going out of town, just to stay at her house for a few days. After catching him over and over, he moved in with her when after my daughter turned one. He lived there for 4 months. He came back home after everybody was telling him that he is making a mistake. After he moved back, he continued the relationship with her for another 8 months. Wanting to show him how serious I was about having our family, I asked my father to borrow him $ 90,000 to build our dream house. He stopped seeing her 2 years ago. He built a gorgeous house , in which I hoped we would have more children and be happy. Instead he just slowly pushed me away. He never wanted to do anything like a family, just to hang out with his friends. September of last year, he stopped sleeping with me, even though I bagged him so many times, and he insisted he is not sleeping with somebody else, but he just doesn't feel anything. He kept telling me lots of times that our relationship is over, and I just kept trying to convince him to give this family another chance. Now I'm standing here feeling like to completely took advantage of me, used me and moved on. He now has a gorgeous house, a business that I helped him grow and is in love. And I am left with nothing. My daughter wants he parents together, but I don't know if he will ever change. I don't even want him as the man he is, but I would love to have back the man that I fell in love with. How can he be so cold hearted, so selfish and have no regard that he caused so much pain to me and his daughter. My father is also a cancer, but he never cheated on my mom, and he never in a million years would have walked out on his family. Would he come back as a changed man, or should I not expect anything from him
He's a narcissist. Look it up and research it. Yes he used you. He waited until he thought you couldn't leave because you were in a different country and had a kid before he showed you his true self. He will do the same thing to his other women. don't believe him about him not seeing someone else. He's lying. Hopefully he never domestically abused you, even verbally, but if he started that, it's common, too. I should know. I was married to one. It has nothing to do with astrology and signs. He's just a disgusting, selfish piece of shit and not worthy of the title "man".
He told you over and over again that he didn't want you and he proved it by leaving..I'm confused..what part of I DON'T want you that you don't get? Your daughter is too young to know anything about misery, but your lack of reality, depression and negative energy will feed into her. Why in the hell would you want your daughter to grow up not having a back bone when it comes to men? You need to set a better example for her if nothing else. Her dad is a jerk and you are allowing him to trample all over you. Is that what you want your daughter to think is normal behavior by a man? If her dad doesn't love her enough to be a better father, then you need to love her enough to let her know this is not normal behavior of a real man or father. And for God's sake, why in the fuq would you even want someone like that back????Get yourself together and move on with your life!! Your daughter deserves better.
I'd like to offer you advice, being a married Cancer man. He's only treating you that way because he knows that you are forever his safety net. He may feel that he can have something more or even better than what he has with you and he'll continue to reach higher. He is definitely USING you and he's doing it because he can. He knows that you're not going anywhere and you'll always be there for him. You're begging and begging but it's adding to fuel to the flames. The best way to catch his attention is to move-on, drop all communication and let your actions speak louder than your words. Show him that he's no longer need, no longer wanted and no longer has any power or control over you emotionally. He'll feel like a piece of himself is missing and he'll hate it daily. When you get that random text, email, message or phone call from him, just know that he's at that vulnerable state and he needs to reassure that he still has control over you.

DON'T GIVE HIM THAT CONTROL OR ASSURANCE!
What a bad father. I can stand being hurt by other people but not my family, especially my child/children. I'll fight to death.
Bad husband too. Just concentrate on your daughter's future. No more chances for this guy, he hurt you so many times, leave yourself some pride.
This story is heartbreaking and I hope things work out for you dsc31 your child and even her father.

First of all, thank you all for taking the time to read through my post, and thank you for taking the time to answer me.

I completely agree with what you all said, he is just the worst role model for my child. And I do not want him back in my life, unless he can somehow become the wonderful, caring and loving man that I fell in love with. My daughter deserves the best, and she should grow up knowing that nobody should take advantage of her, or hurt her on purpose.

Unfortunately I cannot completely cut all comunication with him. I have to make him pay back all the money that I asked my dad to give him. And then he calls and texts me whenever he wants to see my daughter, when he "has time". When I asked if cancer man return to their family, it was because I couldn't imagine my sweet daughter growing up without one parent, and spending her childhood between 2 houses.

I could never imagine a human being could be so selfish, so self centered and so mean.
Posted by Dsc31
First of all, thank you all for taking the time to read through my post, and thank you for taking the time to answer me.

I completely agree with what you all said, he is just the worst role model for my child. And I do not want him back in my life, unless he can somehow become the wonderful, caring and loving man that I fell in love with. My daughter deserves the best, and she should grow up knowing that nobody should take advantage of her, or hurt her on purpose.

Unfortunately I cannot completely cut all comunication with him. I have to make him pay back all the money that I asked my dad to give him. And then he calls and texts me whenever he wants to see my daughter, when he "has time". When I asked if cancer man return to their family, it was because I couldn't imagine my sweet daughter growing up without one parent, and spending her childhood between 2 houses.

I could never imagine a human being could be so selfish, so self centered and so mean.


Definitely DO NOT let him off the hook with being financially responsible for your daughter. He has an obligation regardless of what he wants. Also, If he wants a relationship with his daughter, please do not deny him as long as he's RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL. Set the boundaries up front and be very clear and firm with him. Your daughter will be fine just like the majority of all children of divorced or separated parents. Just be upfront and honest with her and let her know that she is loved by both parents. Hopefully, his selfish azz will do the right thing, but never turn her against her father because as she gets older and get used to his patterns whether good or bad, she will be able to form her own opinion without you having to say anything negative about him. Anyway, I wish the best for you and your baby girl.
What a piece of trash! Even if he didn't want you, he should have been man enough to come out and say his true feelings. No need to lead you on and for sure not have you borrow that money. I would have a third person be your mediator until you are healed and able to deal with him without the emotions. He still needs to be a father to the daughter and repay the debt. Don't think let him off the hook, to ride off into the sunset (possibly with the new woman ) while you stay holding the bag. Aaaaaah no way! He made his bed ... now has to lay in it. He had a child and borrow money to built a house ... just cos he's bored of playing house with you, doesn't mean he can get off easily. From your side, stay strong, reduce your contact, do no contact if you can't emotionally handle it now, have someone else mediate the child visition and the money issues. And don't worry about your daughter, as many have already mentioned she's young enough she won't be feeling it much and nowadays divorce is common, she won't feel strange. I wish you the best.
I'm missing the part where he used you. If he's a user then why would you want him to come back? Why would he come back a changed man when he knows he can put his dick in another woman and STILL get you to buy him a house?

Seems to me you bribed a cheater to stay with a lifestyle he didn't earn. Those things you did to keep your family together were the things you do for faithful partners. Even after he made it clear he doesn't want you.

If he does come back and you want to find out if he has changed then learn how to balance. But he'll never change so it doesn't really matter.
Posted by Dsc31
First of all, thank you all for taking the time to read through my post, and thank you for taking the time to answer me.

I completely agree with what you all said, he is just the worst role model for my child. And I do not want him back in my life, unless he can somehow become the wonderful, caring and loving man that I fell in love with. My daughter deserves the best, and she should grow up knowing that nobody should take advantage of her, or hurt her on purpose.

Unfortunately I cannot completely cut all comunication with him. I have to make him pay back all the money that I asked my dad to give him. And then he calls and texts me whenever he wants to see my daughter, when he "has time". When I asked if cancer man return to their family, it was because I couldn't imagine my sweet daughter growing up without one parent, and spending her childhood between 2 houses.

I could never imagine a human being could be so selfish, so self centered and so mean.


To be honest he isn't the only one setting a poor example. You don't want your daughter to grow up and to waste her energy and resources on someone who has no respect for her. How much more would you have enjoyed that first year of her life had you let him go and stay gone instead of catching him with another woman?
I hope you by the time you have to deal with him directly you have taken full responsibility for your involvement. Otherwise this cycle will continue in time if not immediately.
I am now afraid of all this bad issues about cancer men. My cancer man and I had a planned next month or Sept'15 we are going out and do fun together.
I am worried it will turn out like OP suffered. My brother, sister and my late father are all born under this sign. Somehow, I get along them very well.


MoonArtist, Will Pm you.
Posted by M143
I am now afraid of all this bad issues about cancer men. My cancer man and I had a planned next month or Sept'15 we are going out and do fun together.
I am worried it will turn out like OP suffered. My brother, sister and my late father are all born under this sign. Somehow, I get along them very well.


MoonArtist, Will Pm you.

What are you worried about? Not all Cancer men are evil, you start thinking something bad will happen it will happen so cut that out, we know how your Scorpio mind goes in overdrive.
Posted by M143
I am now afraid of all this bad issues about cancer men. My cancer man and I had a planned next month or Sept'15 we are going out and do fun together.
I am worried it will turn out like OP suffered. My brother, sister and my late father are all born under this sign. Somehow, I get along them very well.


MoonArtist, Will Pm you.

So you're dating the OP's shady guy? If not then I doubt you have anything to worry about.


Dear people,

STOP GENERALIZING EVERYONE IN ONE BOX BY A CERTAIN BIRTH DATE!

xoxox

KMG
Stihl and kitty,

Ok. I am fine. lol. will see. I should have not to worried.

thank you guys.. I am falling in love with him. argggh. arggghh

M
I know! Just breath! Read some don Miguel Ruiz. Breath again!
please tell me the gorgeous house you speak of him having is not the one your father helped you build with 90, 000 dollars...I would say get some money back, cut all ties, and move on with your life a man like that will never truly be happy or make anyone good to him happy either!
Geesh! ...and I thought I had problems! No one is perfect, but this guy takes the cake. I hope you recover from all this.