Cancer Man Poll!

Hey guys....here wondering the most popular reason for the infamous Cancer self sabotaging in relationships

Have u ever fell quickly for a girl and couldnt express to the girl what u were feeling and how deep those feelings are? Have u felt love but took awhile before u could tell her? If so, the reason for that mostly being......

a) u are just honestly that shy/confused

b) u didn't want to feel vulnerable

c) u assume it's unattractive to a girl that a guy feels deeply so quick

d) u'd rather her open up to u 1st

e) u know u want her and therefore become nervous to screw up so become extra analytical and shell away to analyze to put your best foot/game forward

f) wanted to test the limits of the girls' patience

g) none of the above/other


If (e) is the answer what exactly were u analyzing?


If any of u experienced a Cancer man who u knew fell for u but was like pulling teeth/ it took a long time for him to eventually say how deep those feelings were, the reason they explained for the shy behavior is appreciated as well...thx in advance!

And guess I should say *see if* there is a very popular reason....

Posted by WaterboyCancepio
"here wondering the most popular reason for the infamous Cancer self sabotaging in relationships".. infamous? self sabotaging? Since when??

numerous threads all over this forum of women saying their Cancer man shelling up/Cancers admitting they push away the ones they love.....ive been here since Feb, i think.....

And I dont think it's really a secret about water signs (in particular Cancer & Scorpio) having their dark, mistrustful side on this forum and off.....years and years this has been the popular script....

Posted by WaterboyCancepio
nice save.

I wouldn't describe it as self sabotage though.


Have u ever fell quickly for a girl and couldnt express to the girl what u were feeling and how deep those feelings are?
No.

Have u felt love but took awhile before u could tell her?
Yes & No.

If so, the reason for that mostly being......

a) u are just honestly that shy - +1000, confused - +1

b) u didn't want to feel vulnerable - +1*million

c) u assume it's unattractive to a girl that a guy feels deeply so quick - +1* quintillion

d) u'd rather her open up to u 1st - +1*infinity.

e) u know u want her and therefore become nervous to screw up so become extra analytical and shell away to analyze to put your best foot/game forward - Meh

f) wanted to test the limits of the girls' patience No.

g) none of the above/other


If (e) is the answer what exactly were u analyzing?

I don't think I ever wanted anyone that little, as in I like them but I'm still nervous around them. If I was really attracted to someone, its because I like them that much and i'm extremely comfortable around them. The more comfortable I am, the more direct I will be towards them. So liking them and not being that comfortable around them/direct with them sounds like a very contradictory thing, to me at least.

+ every man is different.

Wow, was really just looking for a most common 1 choice answer....really appreciate u taking the time to go down each possibility. thanks

Really intrigued by the + 1 trillion of thinking a girl would be turned of by a guy falling so quickly. That was the last thing on my mind when dealing with my Cancer man b/c hes so open emotionally w/ me regarding pretty much everything else, but in regards to his emotions and feelings to me he's so shut off. Even told me his gut was telling me he thought I viewed him as a b***ch when i confronted him. Im actually turned on by how deeply u Cancer men feel...

Saying the behavior is self sabotage behavior isnt meant to be offensive, but being on the receiving end on the zipped lips treatment, that is how it feels. Because in my eyes communication is vital, and when i (and from many other girls pov) havent gone out of our way to be shady or mean to evoke the emotion of fear out of u guys there is really no other way to describe it.

You wouldn't describe it as self sabotage.....if u could describe

it 7 words or less how would u describe the behavior?

Posted by WaterboyCancepio


Have u felt love but took awhile before u could tell her?
Yes & No.

If so, the reason for that mostly being......

a) u are just honestly that shy - +1000, confused - +1

c) u assume it's unattractive to a girl that a guy feels deeply so quick - +1* quintillion


If I was really attracted to someone, its because I like them that much and i'm extremely comfortable around them.

I feel a contradiction there..... u say u fall in love with the girl b/c u were extremely comfortable around her......


With comfort and security increasing why isnt shyness/fear of judgement being diminished? Why the guard neccesary when already established u are already this specific girl makes u extremely comfortable?

Is it really fear of rejection or fear of what the future holds should the exclusivity of relationship become established?

Not to shame u, make u feel awkward, wimpy or anything, sorry if thats the case....the behavior just honestly baffles me


In a nutshell I got "I feel extremely comfortable, she makes me feel comfortable, but I will carry out actions as if I'm insecure"

You don't see or can understand how that can be perceived as manipulative, game playing, passive aggressive, shady behavior?

Do u care?

Posted by rudescorpscorp01

Posted by WaterboyCancepio


Have u felt love but took awhile before u could tell her?
Yes & No.

If so, the reason for that mostly being......

a) u are just honestly that shy - +1000, confused - +1

c) u assume it's unattractive to a girl that a guy feels deeply so quick - +1* quintillion


If I was really attracted to someone, its because I like them that much and i'm extremely comfortable around them.

I feel a contradiction there..... u say u fall in love with the girl b/c u were extremely comfortable around her......


With comfort and security increasing why isnt shyness/fear of judgement being diminished? Why the guard neccesary when already established u are already this specific girl makes u extremely comfortable?

Is it really fear of rejection or fear of what the future holds should the exclusivity of relationship become established?

Not to shame u, make u feel awkward, wimpy or anything, sorry if thats the case....the behavior just honestly baffles me


In a nutshell I got "I feel extremely comfortable, she makes me feel comfortable, but I will carry out actions as if I'm insecure"

You don't see or can understand how that can be perceived as manipulative, game playing, passive aggressive, shady behavior?

Do u care?

click to expand

The more you trust, the more comfortable you get, the more you let your guard down and come out of your shell; the more devastating the rejection.

No matter how much you may trust a person, it's still possible that things wont end well. Whether through circumstance, misunderstanding or betrayal, sometimes happiness just isn't in the cards, and for people like us who feel so intensely and have such a hard time letting go...

That's my take, at least at the moment. I admit to a slightly jaded point of view, but there you have it.

Posted by ZenBear

Posted by rudescorpscorp01

Posted by WaterboyCancepio


Have u felt love but took awhile before u could tell her?
Yes & No.

If so, the reason for that mostly being......

a) u are just honestly that shy - +1000, confused - +1

c) u assume it's unattractive to a girl that a guy feels deeply so quick - +1* quintillion


If I was really attracted to someone, its because I like them that much and i'm extremely comfortable around them.

I feel a contradiction there..... u say u fall in love with the girl b/c u were extremely comfortable around her......


With comfort and security increasing why isnt shyness/fear of judgement being diminished? Why the guard neccesary when already established u are already this specific girl makes u extremely comfortable?

Is it really fear of rejection or fear of what the future holds should the exclusivity of relationship become established?

Not to shame u, make u feel awkward, wimpy or anything, sorry if thats the case....the behavior just honestly baffles me


In a nutshell I got "I feel extremely comfortable, she makes me feel comfortable, but I will carry out actions as if I'm insecure"

You don't see or can understand how that can be perceived as manipulative, game playing, passive aggressive, shady behavior?

Do u care?

The more you trust, the more comfortable you get, the more you let your guard down and come out of your shell; the more devastating the rejection.

No matter how much you may trust a person, it's still possible that things wont end well. Whether through circumstance, misunderstanding or betrayal, sometimes happiness just isn't in the cards, and for people like us who feel so intensely and have such a hard time letting go...
That's my take, at least at the moment. I admit to a slightly jaded point of view, but there you have it.

click to expand

Thanks sweetheart..... it's funny I remember at one point I used to say even tho I can see myself spending the rest of my life with this guy I wish he didnt feel the way he does for me....feel like if he liked me less everything would be better and I'd see more of him lol. Sounds crazy as hell to everyone else but seems to make so much sense to us waterbabies lo

Posted by Ligeia

Posted by rudescorpscorp01

If any of u experienced a Cancer man who u knew fell for u but was like pulling teeth/ it took a long time for him to eventually say how deep those feelings were, the reason they explained for the shy behavior is appreciated as well...thx in advance!

I've had a couple that pined for me for years.

Their admission was usually brought on by me

cornering them or their inebriated state.


The common denominator with these Cancer guys

were. They said, they were hella shy. I was

intimidating, didn't know how to approach me.

They're comfortable at a slower pace. My ex

fiance pretty much followed suit in the beginning.

click to expand

I hear u, I had to corner mine too just to get out of him that he mad he wasn't seeing enough of me....frustrating he wouldn't just say it, but so adoable too lol

If I get the courage will post a letter I sent and hope u lovely cancer men could grade.and suggest communication tips 🙂

Posted by acrabbycrab12
b,d, bit of e, and a sprinkle of f. But yeah mainly b and d

Interesting that u choose e.....suppose u are/had dated two girls at the same time and fell in love with both.....1 goes with the flow, doesn't pry too much while the other pries and wants to hear u say the words....on one hand girl 1 lets u process, but u can interpret that as not being as invested....meanwhile girl 2 can be annoying but you know she cares more cUz she wears her heart on her sleave and initiates...... does 1 girl hold greater value than the other?

Posted by rudescorpscorp01
Hey guys....here wondering the most popular reason for the infamous Cancer self sabotaging in relationships

Have u ever fell quickly for a girl and couldnt express to the girl what u were feeling and how deep those feelings are? Have u felt love but took awhile before u could tell her? If so, the reason for that mostly being......

a) u are just honestly that shy/confused

b) u didn't want to feel vulnerable

c) u assume it's unattractive to a girl that a guy feels deeply so quick

d) u'd rather her open up to u 1st

e) u know u want her and therefore become nervous to screw up so become extra analytical and shell away to analyze to put your best foot/game forward

f) wanted to test the limits of the girls' patience

g) none of the above/other


If (e) is the answer what exactly were u analyzing?


If any of u experienced a Cancer man who u knew fell for u but was like pulling teeth/ it took a long time for him to eventually say how deep those feelings were, the reason they explained for the shy behavior is appreciated as well...thx in advance!

I've never been unable to tell a girl how I feel about her. I'm just rarely willing to make the leap and tell her if she isn't showing strong signs of interest in me. As I've gotten older I've grown a thicker shell and so taking emotional risks is getting easier, but it still isn't easy.

If I get the courage will post a letter I sent and hope u lovely cancer men could grade.and suggest communication tips



You've got an interested reader here 🙂

Oops, tried to make the second paragraph of ^^^ into blockquote, but didn't work lol 😛

Hmmm...I'm not too sure about this whole self-sabotage thing. Maybe that is just the way he communicates. Just because you find it damaging to the relationship doesn't mean he's intentionally, consciously/unconsciously, trying to damage the relationship. Or that he even knows he's damaging the relationship. He's probably just doing what feels safest and natural to him. They are called crabs for a reason. That sideways gait is no joke.

When I first began dating my Cancer boyfriend, he was like that, I had to guess and/or coax information out of him. I never once thought that he liked me so much that he was intentionally ruining the relationship. Hehe...I had to chuckle a bit at that. Personally, with my cancer moon and mars, I HATE having to spell things out. I arrogantly just want my partner to feel what I'm feeling, which obviously isn't realistic.

My advice would be to talk about problems immediately, don't wait for him to retreat into his shell. Catch him right when you sense something is wrong. I find that if I let my boyfriend brood, he examines the issue from every angle and blows it up to be bigger than it actually is. If he still needs to retreat after the talk, than at least he has your reassurances bouncing around in his head along with his worries.

It's interesting that you say you have to "corner" him, my scorpio ex used to do that to me all the time.
Why can't you scorps just be gentle? lol Although that brashness does have its purposes...

I am a cancer venus, so I am just speaking for that.

A lot of A. I'd say I am definitely shy/confused. I spend time with a cancer guy but we live far away and agreed that we could see other people in our respective locations. So every time I see him, I don't know if he's started to see someone else or not and he doesn't know about me either. So every time we hang out, we both start off very aloof, like we are really just friends and why are we even hanging out together because we are both being so awkward. Slowly, we might brush up against each other and we reciprocate a little more and more and by the end we are kissing and cuddling and I am kicking myself for not initiating physical contact sooner!

I definitely do this because I want to see if he will initiate contact first 🍹, I want him to want me and do it first, to see if he still sees me that way, or if he is really just my platonic friend now. Theoretically, I don't know that I am afraid of being vulnerable, because in texts, I will say all sorts of silly things to him. In person though, I freeze up and even if I wanted to say something, I just can't get myself to do it, so I think's it's a shy thing. I definitely feel a lot of D.

Also, (E)I do get nervous, when I first see and talk to him I have to swing my arms around cause I just feel like all this energy from talking to him and can't stand still and then he will do the same. His friends say it is funny to see us talking to each other cause we are both doing weird stretches involuntarily while having a 'small talk' conversation. At that point, even if I am nervous, I am way too excited to be overanalyzing anything.

I have a bit of all of them except the testing one. I guess I do try and see if he will make a move first, but I am definitely not testing his patience or trying to frustrate him, I want him to want me enough to come right out and touch me or say something to me. But I want it to be him because.. I dunno maybe I feel like he is the guy and owes me that? At the same time he probably thinks I am dating other people, which I'm not, so maybe he feels I owe him that I should initiate. Who knows!

Is it safe to assume a cancer man wouldnt invite a woman over to his place for 1 on 1 dinner & wine unless he had romantic feelings and possibly sees exclusive relationship her?

weeps.....being asked to reunite and it feels so good 😭 😭 😭 :-) lol

Posted by RoseTheTaurus
Hmmm...I'm not too sure about this whole self-sabotage thing. Maybe that is just the way he communicates. Just because you find it damaging to the relationship doesn't mean he's intentionally, consciously/unconsciously, trying to damage the relationship. Or that he even knows he's damaging the relationship. He's probably just doing what feels safest and natural to him. They are called crabs for a reason. That sideways gait is no joke.

When I first began dating my Cancer boyfriend, he was like that, I had to guess and/or coax information out of him. I never once thought that he liked me so much that he was intentionally ruining the relationship. Hehe...I had to chuckle a bit at that. Personally, with my cancer moon and mars, I HATE having to spell things out. I arrogantly just want my partner to feel what I'm feeling, which obviously isn't realistic.

My advice would be to talk about problems immediately, don't wait for him to retreat into his shell. Catch him right when you sense something is wrong. I find that if I let my boyfriend brood, he examines the issue from every angle and blows it up to be bigger than it actually is. If he still needs to retreat after the talk, than at least he has your reassurances bouncing around in his head along with his worries.

It's interesting that you say you have to "corner" him, my scorpio ex used to do that to me all the time.
Why can't you scorps just be gentle? lol Although that brashness does have its purposes...

yeah he's even said something to me to the effect of "i feel like why do i need to answer if u already know" lol *roll eyes* thanks for the advice!

Posted by rudescorpscorp01
Is it safe to assume a cancer man wouldnt invite a woman over to his place for 1 on 1 dinner & wine unless he had romantic feelings and possibly sees exclusive relationship her?

weeps.....being asked to reunite and it feels so good 😭 😭 😭 :-) lol

*havent seen each other in 1.5 yrs, but have been in contact in that time span*
*he knows my feelings for him and what I need to hear*

Posted by rudescorpscorp01
Is it safe to assume a cancer man wouldnt invite a woman over to his place for 1 on 1 dinner & wine unless he had romantic feelings and possibly sees exclusive relationship her?

weeps.....being asked to reunite and it feels so good 😭 😭 😭 :-) lol

and i feel like he waited to have his own place b/c ultimately knows he gonna have to show me his vulnerability and wants ultimate privacy for that (while we regained contact early this year he had a roommate).

Posted by rudescorpscorp01

Posted by rudescorpscorp01
Is it safe to assume a cancer man wouldnt invite a woman over to his place for 1 on 1 dinner & wine unless he had romantic feelings and possibly sees exclusive relationship her?

weeps.....being asked to reunite and it feels so good 😭 😭 😭 :-) lol

and i feel like he waited to have his own place b/c ultimately knows he gonna have to show me his vulnerability and wants ultimate privacy for that

click to expand

please.. please don't do this!

"he gonna have to show me his vulnerability"...

REALLY? who says he has to do that?... you. and please don't tell me i don't understand what you mean... or I'm confused by your wording. I'm not.

you are walking in with an expectation of 'how it's going to be and what's going to happen'
and if it doesn't happen.. you are going to do/say/try to manipulate what you want to happen.. into happening..

and WHEN.. not IF.. you try and do this.. you will be disappointed. Then you may feel tempted to take out that stinger and poke. OR you may start to overanalyze and ruin what could have been a very, nice evening. I'd say to just relax, go and enjoy.. but you tell me.. are you capable of that?

urgh...

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by rudescorpscorp01

Posted by rudescorpscorp01
Is it safe to assume a cancer man wouldnt invite a woman over to his place for 1 on 1 dinner & wine unless he had romantic feelings and possibly sees exclusive relationship her?

weeps.....being asked to reunite and it feels so good 😭 😭 😭 :-) lol

and i feel like he waited to have his own place b/c ultimately knows he gonna have to show me his vulnerability and wants ultimate privacy for that

please.. please don't do this!

"he gonna have to show me his vulnerability"...

REALLY? who says he has to do that?... you. and please don't tell me i don't understand what you mean... or I'm confused by your wording. I'm not.

you are walking in with an expectation of 'how it's going to be and what's going to happen'
and if it doesn't happen.. you are going to do/say/try to manipulate what you want to happen.. into happening..

and WHEN.. not IF.. you try and do this.. you will be disappointed. Then you may feel tempted to take out that stinger and poke. OR you may start to overanalyze and ruin what could have been a very, nice evening. I'd say to just relax, go and enjoy.. but you tell me.. are you capable of that?

urgh...

click to expand

lol awww...when i say "he gonna have to show me his vulnerability" there is no intensity behind those words at all.
Basically what I was saying is...I believe his feelings for me were/are more than what he lead on when he pushed me away. At this point he has come to terms with his guard/misinterpreting fear/parnoia as "gut feelings" and he is ready to show me his heart.

He knows this is what I want to hear from him, so why invite me over for dinner and wine after all this time knowing damn well I've been hurt from not hearing what I know....

No intentions of manipulation and very capable of going and enjoying...


After the small talk if he hasnt explained the mean behavior to me I was going to say......so what is it u think I need to hear from u now? w/ a cute little smirk lol Bad idea?

My concern is if I act like shit never happend/walk on eggshells he'll lose respect for me,think Im desperate for neglecting my wants/needs just to be in good standing with hi

cut off ugh...
My concern is if I act like butter never happend/walk on eggshells he'll lose respect for me,think Im desperate for neglecting my wants/needs just to be in good standing with him.

Interpret the action of dinner and wine as respecting me and wanting me, but why is it so offensive to have a standard of actions AND words...advice for the best way to have those needs met so we BOTH happy and secure with each other? 🙂

Posted by shellshocker

Posted by rudescorpscorp01

Posted by rudescorpscorp01
Is it safe to assume a cancer man wouldnt invite a woman over to his place for 1 on 1 dinner & wine unless he had romantic feelings and possibly sees exclusive relationship her?

weeps.....being asked to reunite and it feels so good 😭 😭 😭 :-) lol

and i feel like he waited to have his own place b/c ultimately knows he gonna have to show me his vulnerability and wants ultimate privacy for that

please.. please don't do this!

"he gonna have to show me his vulnerability"...

REALLY? who says he has to do that?... you. and please don't tell me i don't understand what you mean... or I'm confused by your wording. I'm not.

you are walking in with an expectation of 'how it's going to be and what's going to happen'
and if it doesn't happen.. you are going to do/say/try to manipulate what you want to happen.. into happening..

and WHEN.. not IF.. you try and do this.. you will be disappointed. Then you may feel tempted to take out that stinger and poke. OR you may start to overanalyze and ruin what could have been a very, nice evening. I'd say to just relax, go and enjoy.. but you tell me.. are you capable of that?

urgh...

click to expand

in a nutshell, HE expecting/planning an intimate vulnerable experience and wants HIS own place and 100% privacy because its not a side he shows to just anyone

sounds like you have an action plan...to get BOTH your needs met but funny.. you're only talking about yourself

hope it works out for you and you get a chance to *enjoy* the evening somewhere in that agenda

Posted by shellshocker
sounds like you have an action plan...to get BOTH your needs met but funny.. you're only talking about yourself

hope it works out for you and you get a chance to *enjoy* the evening somewhere in that agenda

actually......he cant handle straightforward bluntness *hence* me saying I'll let him dominate and lead the convo, and give him the opportunity to open up the topic of him pushing me away before i dive head 1st into the ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM.....and with a little smile on my face.....

receipts on page 2.....

Posted by aurora

Posted by rudescorpscorp01
Hey guys....here wondering the most popular reason for the infamous Cancer self sabotaging in relationships

Have u ever fell quickly for a girl and couldnt express to the girl what u were feeling and how deep those feelings are? Have u felt love but took awhile before u could tell her? If so, the reason for that mostly being......

a) u are just honestly that shy/confused

b) u didn't want to feel vulnerable

c) u assume it's unattractive to a girl that a guy feels deeply so quick

d) u'd rather her open up to u 1st

e) u know u want her and therefore become nervous to screw up so become extra analytical and shell away to analyze to put your best foot/game forward

f) wanted to test the limits of the girls' patience

g) none of the above/other


If (e) is the answer what exactly were u analyzing?


If any of u experienced a Cancer man who u knew fell for u but was like pulling teeth/ it took a long time for him to eventually say how deep those feelings were, the reason they explained for the shy behavior is appreciated as well...thx in advance!

I never knew that Cancers are famous for that.

One time I was scared when I just started dating with my current boyfriend who is Leo. He was, and still is so intense, so open, so normal, that I thought, ok this is too good to be true. He probably has some dark secret lol, or he is going to get bored after a while, and be gone for good. So it was fear and suspicion. But that's it. No sabotaging.

click to expand

thank u for this sweetie! really gives me the strength to gives this sweetheart Cancer man another shot b/c deep down i know how insecurities/fear get the best of us!!!

Posted by aurora

Posted by rudescorpscorp01
Hey guys....here wondering the most popular reason for the infamous Cancer self sabotaging in relationships

Have u ever fell quickly for a girl and couldnt express to the girl what u were feeling and how deep those feelings are? Have u felt love but took awhile before u could tell her? If so, the reason for that mostly being......

a) u are just honestly that shy/confused

b) u didn't want to feel vulnerable

c) u assume it's unattractive to a girl that a guy feels deeply so quick

d) u'd rather her open up to u 1st

e) u know u want her and therefore become nervous to screw up so become extra analytical and shell away to analyze to put your best foot/game forward

f) wanted to test the limits of the girls' patience

g) none of the above/other


If (e) is the answer what exactly were u analyzing?


If any of u experienced a Cancer man who u knew fell for u but was like pulling teeth/ it took a long time for him to eventually say how deep those feelings were, the reason they explained for the shy behavior is appreciated as well...thx in advance!

I never knew that Cancers are famous for that.

One time I was scared when I just started dating with my current boyfriend who is Leo. He was, and still is so intense, so open, so normal, that I thought, ok this is too good to be true. He probably has some dark secret lol, or he is going to get bored after a while, and be gone for good. So it was fear and suspicion. But that's it. No sabotaging.

click to expand

and yeah, after your and others comments on here i see "self sabotaging" might be the wrong terminology, "fear/suspicious behavior" better

Cancer Forum BUMP Day!