Cancer Man pulling away. What to do?

Posted by pinklibra

I would say communicate your wants for more with him, but him avoiding me at a party would put a halt to that thought immediately. I wish I would sleep with someone MORE THAN ONCE, and show up somewhere he acts like he doesn??t know me. His number would likely get deleted right then and there. I read your story and I??m confused on where you sent mixed signals? It almost seems like you??re taking the rap for a guy that got busy with you and is now fading away. When a guy truly likes you he doesn??t act like that, and it doesn??t do you any good to baby him or make excuses for him just because he??s a cancer. Just saying.

Posted by 2BlackIndian3
You should have never did friends with benefits. I notice a lot of women do that, then expect the guy to care for them. You should have waited til you was in a relationship to have sex. At least then, that guy would have respected you more. Trust me on this, if a Cancer guy really cares about you, you WILL know. You won't even have to question our love. If he truly desires you, he'll make an effort to be in your life. For now on, no more sex until a solid relationship is formed 1st. That's for all the women who see this. Don't get a guy your cookie, if he ain't worked for it for at least 2months. So if he values you, he won't disappear like that. Plus would you even want someone who does that women?? I don't think so. Throw astrology out the window for now, because real men Cancer or not don't leave his woman at all. Hope i helped

Posted by miha
i think you are too attached to the outcome...
you slept with him and now you are blaming yourself... don't let anybody [neither him, nor the people on here judge that]. mistake or not, too soon or not, unexpectedly or not, it is sth which happened and this is the reality you start now from.
personally, i woudn't have insisted on putting a lable on the thing we had. i'd have waited [as long as it would have been comfortable for me] for him to put a lable on it.
i think you rushed. be a little more secure in yourself.
step back a little. don't withdraw...just step back. he will come after you.
from an aqua involved with a cancer guy....and by the way...he also told me i swing from one side to the other...it's hillarious hearing this from a cancer...

Posted by Este8
Men will play you if you let them. The best way to avoid this trap is only to allow yourself to get close to men who are dating you. That's right. Asked you out. Courting you. Treating you right. When men are in the "playing" mode they do exactly what you described. They sweet talk you but never tell you they are attracted to you and want to date you. They give you all kinds of mad attention until you take the bait and show them you dig them. You just gave them the validation they were looking for and so now it's on to the next one. Typical player move. Also, the fact he kept this game going so long and never asked you out leads me to suspect strongly that he had a girl in the picture already. But whether or not that is the case, you got played. A man who is serious about you will ask you out, will court you, will explain himself to you, will be consistent. Don't let anything fester in the dark when it comes to men. If they are sending out romantic signals for awhile, ask them their intention. That's the last thing a player wants you to ask them. They want things undefined because it keeps THEIR options open and leaves them an easy exit when they've grown bored. I'm sorry you got played but most all of us have been there. And, with the fullness of time, and a little wisdom, I've come to learn that these men we think are so awesome are really just cads. They are love predators who prey on the weak and naive and they do this for the emotional validation. It's all a one-sided street. Keep stepping and know you deserve better.

Posted by ScorpioFish

Posted by Este8
Men will play you if you let them. The best way to avoid this trap is only to allow yourself to get close to men who are dating you. That's right. Asked you out. Courting you. Treating you right. When men are in the "playing" mode they do exactly what you described. They sweet talk you but never tell you they are attracted to you and want to date you. They give you all kinds of mad attention until you take the bait and show them you dig them. You just gave them the validation they were looking for and so now it's on to the next one. Typical player move. Also, the fact he kept this game going so long and never asked you out leads me to suspect strongly that he had a girl in the picture already. But whether or not that is the case, you got played. A man who is serious about you will ask you out, will court you, will explain himself to you, will be consistent. Don't let anything fester in the dark when it comes to men. If they are sending out romantic signals for awhile, ask them their intention. That's the last thing a player wants you to ask them. They want things undefined because it keeps THEIR options open and leaves them an easy exit when they've grown bored. I'm sorry you got played but most all of us have been there. And, with the fullness of time, and a little wisdom, I've come to learn that these men we think are so awesome are really just cads. They are love predators who prey on the weak and naive and they do this for the emotional validation. It's all a one-sided street. Keep stepping and know you deserve better.

Excellent points, and the women who behave like this are just as terrible.
It is clear that the OP is a good person, which is why I am hopeful she recovers soon and finds the company of decent human beings rather than these jerk types.

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Posted by ScorpioFish
Listen, If the guy had sex with you, and then tried to FRIEND ZONE you....He is NOT being responsible or considerate of you in the least. He is being SELFISH. You need to delete his number and not look back. Anyone who would FRIEND ZONE you after being intimate with you will only hurt you again.

Posted by Este8

Posted by ScorpioFish

Posted by Este8
Men will play you if you let them. The best way to avoid this trap is only to allow yourself to get close to men who are dating you. That's right. Asked you out. Courting you. Treating you right. When men are in the "playing" mode they do exactly what you described. They sweet talk you but never tell you they are attracted to you and want to date you. They give you all kinds of mad attention until you take the bait and show them you dig them. You just gave them the validation they were looking for and so now it's on to the next one. Typical player move. Also, the fact he kept this game going so long and never asked you out leads me to suspect strongly that he had a girl in the picture already. But whether or not that is the case, you got played. A man who is serious about you will ask you out, will court you, will explain himself to you, will be consistent. Don't let anything fester in the dark when it comes to men. If they are sending out romantic signals for awhile, ask them their intention. That's the last thing a player wants you to ask them. They want things undefined because it keeps THEIR options open and leaves them an easy exit when they've grown bored. I'm sorry you got played but most all of us have been there. And, with the fullness of time, and a little wisdom, I've come to learn that these men we think are so awesome are really just cads. They are love predators who prey on the weak and naive and they do this for the emotional validation. It's all a one-sided street. Keep stepping and know you deserve better.

Excellent points, and the women who behave like this are just as terrible.
It is clear that the OP is a good person, which is why I am hopeful she recovers soon and finds the company of decent human beings rather than these jerk types.

Yes women can be players too. Sad but true. But, at the end of the day, what do players really win? A hollow validation of their sexual prowess?

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Posted by 2BlackIndian3
You should have never did friends with benefits. I notice a lot of women do that, then expect the guy to care for them. You should have waited til you was in a relationship to have sex. At least then, that guy would have respected you more. Trust me on this, if a Cancer guy really cares about you, you WILL know. You won't even have to question our love. If he truly desires you, he'll make an effort to be in your life. For now on, no more sex until a solid relationship is formed 1st. That's for all the women who see this. Don't get a guy your cookie, if he ain't worked for it for at least 2months. So if he values you, he won't disappear like that. Plus would you even want someone who does that women?? I don't think so. Throw astrology out the window for now, because real men Cancer or not don't leave his woman at all. Hope i helped

Posted by miha

Posted by misswhitlock
Thanks @pinklibra ! And no, he told me it's been 2 years since he's had any, but I get what you mean. And I think I watched the movie adaption of that book? I'm unsure though.
I guess I am just hella naive and trusting. And he seemed like a very genuine person, just shy. I'll attempt to talk to him about it to get some peace of mind finally. thanks guys, even though it's hard to realise all this stuff I appreciate the point of view. It's very different from what my friends tell me (I guess friends don't want to hurt your feelings), but all of them tell me the opposite

do your friends know him?

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Posted by ScorpioFish
Listen, I am going through the exact same pain as you, only with a Cancer woman.
Thing is, some of them are really, really nuts.
Not saying ALL of them are, but some of them really are.
Want to know what I mean by NUTS?
Nuts is defined as irrational and hurtful behavior toward others with selfishness and other negative traits thrown in there.
If the guy had sex with you, and then tried to FRIEND ZONE you....
He is NOT being responsible or considerate of you in the least. He is being SELFISH.
You need to delete his number and not look back.
Anyone who would FRIEND ZONE you after being intimate with you will only hurt you again.
The Bad Crabs out there do this all the time. They get intimate with you, and then hurt you over something stupid. Why? Because these awful people are too selfish to talk about whatever bothers them so that you can BOTH improve things together. They would rather just destroy what could be a beautiful relationship over the stupidest shit rather than tweak things a little through thoughtful discussion.
Stop me if I am wrong, but no one will because people know I am right on the money.
There are good Crabs out there, but you really won't know the good from the bad without a LOT of time and energy.
The unfortunate thing is that the awful ones have the exact same demeanor and attractive qualities as the good ones, but the difference is that the awful ones wear masks and you don't know who you are dealing with.
Only when you tell them your true feelings (which is extremely risky, but F it, I would rather be open than closed about stuff like that) will you know who you are dealing with (good or ROTTEN).

Posted by misswhitlock
scorpiofish, we were both close friends, and i want to be friends with him again too, we agreed that i need some time off-- possibly a few months and if i can still talk to him then and be friends with him without it hurting me then thats fine, but if i cant i definitely wont do it.
i just feel so empty right now idk.