cancer man thoughts...

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by vvlv on Wednesday, October 21, 2009 and has 5 replies.
I met a cancer man almost two months ago. We were just friends because he had let me know he was kind of dating someone already and I was fine with that. We ended up getting along really well and talked basically everyday but at the same time he was still dating someone else and when I would bring her up in conversation, he always played it down and never referred to her as his girlfriend.. it was always someone he was "kind of dating".. We hung out a couple times and then one night he invited me to his house to hang out. He told me how he just likes hanging out with me and just being there even though we may not say much because its comfortable. I ended up staying overnight and he tried to kiss me. I kind of brushed it off and said I couldn't do it because I know he's with someone else and didn't want to mess up that situation. He was fine about it and we ended up cuddling the night. The next morning it was fine and went off to work. I didn't hear from him for about a week so I ended up texting him and asking how things were. He said "busy, sorry... ttyl." Two days later, I asked if everything was okay and he said "Everything is cool. I'm with my girlfriend." It sort of hurt me because he would never admit that it was his gf before and now all of a sudden, it feels like he said to make a point. We haven't talked since and I'm not sure what to do or feel about it. We were suppose to be friends from the beginning and I just feel like I may not hear from him again and I'm just confused....
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Hmm... so I heard back from cancer man earlier this week...it had been about a 1.5 months since we've really talked.. it was out of the blue and he wanted to know how i've been, whats been going on with me, and if i've been dating someone. He brought up the last night we hung out and how I slept over his house. he told me how he thought i hated him for making a move on me but recently he's been thinking about it more and how it wasn't necessarily the case. he asked if i would hang out again and i said okay. we ended up hanging out, and seeing him and talking to him.. it just brought back how i felt all over again. i know we have a connection, and its really hard to brush it off.. he ended up telling me him and his gf are on a break, and he feels like its over but they are still friends. he just kept saying that he thought i hated him.. and wants to know if i've been dating other people, etc. We ended up hooking up that night. I'm just not sure if he just wants a hook up or if he wants more. My gut instinct feels like he wants to leave his gf but also has a sense of loyalty and guilt to leave her..but torn at the same time because he has feelings for me. We haven't really talked since then... (its been like 4 days).. should I just let him go to avoid getting hurt? I don't know if he is playing games or is just confused.. any advice would be appreciated..
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It looks like this guy is using you Sad
I think it was smart that you told him you couldn't kiss him because he was with someone else.
Telling you he and his girlfriend are on a break seems to be his way of getting his cake and eating it too. What will happen
when the "break" is over?
Where does that leave you?
If he wanted to end things with his GF he would've. I don't think guilt is a factor in staying with her since
guilt didn't stop him from trying to cheat.
You were the one that stopped him from kissing you and most likely going as far as you would've been willing to go.
Now he is taking a "break" so he can have sex with you without having to leave her.
Some times people can say the most beautiful words to you and make you feel close to them but when
they only follow up with ugly actions it's meaningless. I think you should go be with someone better.
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Well you said the key words. How coincidental is it that as soon as him & his girlfriend take a "break," he's all of the sudden remembered your number? It does sound like this guy is using you. He's using the "I thought you hated me" line as just a way to get back into your good graces. He knows good & dang on well that you didn't hate him b/c after all, had you hated him you wouldn't have texted him & tried to get in contact all of those times that he ended up brushing you off. He just used that line b/c he wanted to see where you're head was. He's also all of the sudden interested in who you are dating now b/c he's trying to decide if you're at the right place (mentally/emotionally) to deal with him. This guy stopped messing with you after the 1st night b/c you didn't give him what he wanted. One minute he acted like he didn't have a girlfriend..the minute he realized you weren't "giving it up" his memory all of the sudden came back. He wants to know who you are dating, not b/c he wants to be the next man on your "relationship" list but b/c he wants to see if it's even worth him trying to "re-try" to get back into your pants. He's trying to feel you out..He picked up on the fact that you were kind of cautious b/c he had a girlfriend, so it's no wonder that the minute he was trying to get into your pants & see how far you'd let things go that he all of the sudden bailed. If he was really & genuinely interested in you, it wouldn't have been anything for him to leave his girlfriend & decide to puruse you with his undivided attention. Instead, he tried to have his cake & eat it too. Say & do what he's got to do (throwing those lines at you that he knows will make you fall for him all over again) so that he can have some company while his girlfriend is mad at him. That's just how the game goes. There are ALOT of red flags about this guy & his intentions with you just from what you've shared. If I were you, I'd move on. There's not much you can do with a man whose in & out of a relationship with the same woman anyways. You 2 can have a good connection all day long BUT all that matters is that he must not feel as strongly about it b/c if he did, his girlfriend wouldn't even still be a topic in your conversation with him.
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Sounds like this guy is a player. Imagine if you were his "sorta kinda girlfriend" & you found out that your man was at another woman's house feeling all up on her & when asked about you, you found out that he didn't even rep. you as his woman. That would hurt. No, he didn't have sudden memory loss when he was at your house the 1st night. He wanted to have sex with you/hook up with you (whatever you want to call it) & the only reason he at the time had a "sorta girlfriend" was b/c he knew that him confirming/admitting that he was commited to someone else would've made it THAT much harder for him to get what he really wanted. This guy was fully ready & willing to take it "there" had you let him, so at this point it shouldn't matter how strong you feel the connection..at this point all that matters is that this guy can't be trusted & THAT's not something worth overlooking just b/c you've got your feelings all caught up in him. If you let your emotions & your desire to have him despite what you could be messing up (his relationship) then you'll just end up being on the other side of the stick & end up getting played just like his girlfriend is getting played. The minute his tricks/game didn't work & when you STILL didn't give him what he wanted, he all of the sudden bailed on you & acted like you didn't exist. And now, just 1 month later him & his girlfriend are already having problems. Well one, just on the outside looking in, that's not a good thing. The fact that he all of the sudden remembers you exist now just b/c him & his girlfriend are having problems means that he doesn't consider you a priority. He wasn't all that busy before you made the decision not to give it up to him. He wasn't busy when he was "baiting" you so honey, don't fall for his game. Tell him that who you're currently dating is NONE of his business. After all, he needs to be more worried about his girlfriend not finding out how much of a sleeze he is. Connection is good, BUT have some standards. Know that you're only going to get hurt if the only way you got a man was to let him & enable him to pry away from who he's already commited to. He's not worth it. Don't short yourself. And don't wait until you fall in love with this man before finally realizing that you were being hard-headed & that he wasn't worth it
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