Cancer man told me he wants to just be friends

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by houston26 on Wednesday, May 29, 2013 and has 14 replies.
I've known this Cancer man for almost two years. We went on one date the first time we met, then another date after a year, then another date after another few months, then started seeing each other in March of this year. He told me last Thursday that he had met another woman and was going to start an intimate relationship with her. Therefore, he knew I would not accept it, so he wanted to just be friends with me. He said he cared a great deal for me and wanted me to hang with him. He wanted everything to remain the same, but not be intimate. Now how do you go from intimacy to just friends? I left the restaurant almost in tears. I did wait to get to my car before I cried. I was no longer out of the parking lot when he was texting me. He reiterated how much he cared about me and thanking me for my kind words. He said he still wanted to be friends and for me to think about it, because I had told him no way at dinner. He said he needed to think things through too. I did not respond until the next morning. I told him that I appreciated his honesty, but could not be friends with him, I liked him too much. I also told him how much I cared for him and how hurt I was. He didn't respond for 5 days. He says he keeps reading my messages and has nothing else to say. He said he still thinks I'm wonderful. I have not responded and don't think I will. I don't know what to make of it. Will he contact me again if I do not respond to his text this morning?
Im going to be honest with you right now. He's not into you. I know it sucks and it sucks bad. Already I got a red flag when I was reading your post about how the second date wasn't until after a year and the third after a few months. It's almost as if he was waiting for the BBD (bigger better deal). Why I say this is because look at how long his ass dragged the dates out for! What the hell!?! Then he meets someone else. Ok fine. Pack your shit and thats it. Dont look back.
What sign are you anyways?
I will give you some advice. I know I have my man troubles believe me but put your big girl panties on and whip that hair and DO NOT call or text him anymore. EVER. No more "hey I was just checking in to see how you are" or random nonsense message. You DON'T call and you don't text. I know its hard to accept but the last thing you will give to him is your self worth and pride. Time to go on other dates.
Reading so many books over the past few months I have really started to pay attention to male body language and actions. Simple enough its just being a woman sometimes we can make things much more complicated than they are due to the emotions involved.
I hardly know you but I will say im proud that you walked out with your dignity. You didn't cry until you got into the car. Good! Don't let him ever see you shed a tear for him. What he won't do someone else will. Have a good cry, eat your caloric treats because right now you need to get it out. It's ok to feel this way, but when you are done youre done. DON'T let him come back, don't dwell. Last thing you want to do is date but get yourself out there.
Some days all you want to do is cry in your bedroom and lay around it takes every ounce of strength just to start the day but as women we excel in this area. You're strong.
Let me leave you with this. There are how many men in this world? Someone is out there wanting to treat you the way you need to be. Even though its cliche I keep telling myself this over and over.
I am a strong Leo woman. Let me go back a little on the details, not that it will change your opinion. I met him online and the first date was just okay. I wasn't into him either. The second and third dates he kept saying I had a wall up and that he couldn't break through it. Which I did. I feel that he has issues with commitment. My gut is telling me that when he gets close to me, he pulls away. He cannot handle that feeling of closeness, so he runs and gets out of the relationship to not get close. However, he wants to keep me on the sidelines just in case he needs me. I also think he genuinely likes me and doesn't want to lose me. I have a lot of intuition, so this morning I woke up about 2:30 AM and felt him thinking about me. Sure enough...I had a message when I woke up.
Again that doesn't matter. I mean no disrespect but he is with someone else now. Just cause he sends you some message doesn't mean you are up for the role of new girlfriend. He's keeping you as Plan B just in case something goes sour with this new girl. He can text you all he damn wants, you can say "oh yeah hes thinking about me" yeah probably about the guilt. Get rid of him. If you don't you will be right where you are for an eternity. Just a friend.
And this whole "when he gets close to someone he runs off" youre thinking like a female and projecting YOUR thoughts as a female. Men are never this complicated. It is what it is. Hes just not into you. You arent up for the GF role and he chose someone else. I dont mean to be rude but im trying to get you to see what is it and not what you would like it to be IE: excuses for a man that just told you he basically doesn't want your ass but wants to be friends just in case Plan A goes in the shitter and he doesn't have to feel so guilty about doing it to you.
Yep! That is what I'm hearing. I just wanted to make sure. I really like the guy, but he has been wishy washy from the beginning. The new girl is only there for the moment. I actually had another friend who dated him and he did the same thing. He only gets involved until he finds another girl, then goes back and forth. I have never known him to date anyone for longer than about 3 months. He definitely wants me as a back up plan. When I was telling him no...he was back peddaling. However, after your message, I will not respond to his message.
What if he keeps contacting me? Will he leave me alone if I do not respond to his message?
Yes eventually. But you cant be there for him. Once he made the decision to move on thats now HER job not yours. Plus men seem to always present the idea of "can we be friends" so they don't feel like such an asshole for pulling the shit they did.
Don't respond to him. Vanish. Take him off every Facebook, Twitter, Blog, phone, etc. And replace it with "replaced me" or something with like "Douchebag" so you dont get the urge to call or text. Remind yourself where he left you. You take him off everything because when he chose someone else he relinquished that right to be all in your business.
Do NOT respond to anything. Trust me this will not only give YOUR ego a boost because you went silent and now hes freaking out that wow what is he going to do with no back up plan now? OMG! Call her like crazy! Dont be surprised if he starts to flip out, ignore it. Not your damn problem now. Get mad girl. Stay there, use that anger to make better decisions as in DON'T CONTACT HIM. There is NOTHING wrong with you or the girl before.
If this is what he does why would you want his ass anyways?
Men don't respond to words they respond to no contact. So you cut him off. If he goes overboard you keep ignoring him. Smile to yourself while you read his BS messages and find someone else to date.
Also Ive been going through this similar type thing lately. A guy I was talking to was really fucking up hardcore and wasnt over his ex. Hes now in the no contact zone. Normally hes used to girls all over him and now that im not doing it he cant understand why. Too damn bad.
NEXT!
Xin gives good advice. I agree with her. Cut your losses and rejoice!!!!!!
Thanks Xin! I hope I can do it. Whew!!!! Just so you two can see what he said:
Good morning. Sorry, I'm not ignorning your text from last week..... I have read through it several times, including this morning, and I just don't know what else to say. I still think you're wonderful. Hope you have a great day :-)
I will be rejoicing!!!! Jerkola!!!!!
Onward!
I need to use the no contact zone more often. Yeah buddy! You go girl!
ONWARD INDEED! NEXT ROLL IN THE MOTHER FUCKIN STAND INS!
Omg I love Nene!! Tongue
Dude, atleast he was an honest human being and didnt two time you ladies. Be grateful. I know letting go sucks but trust me itll be easier with a bit of time. Youll go on.
If you want a bf start dating other guys and trust that youll find someone that suits you better.
Im sure in due time when you find someone new to share your feelings with you two will become friends Winking.