Cancer Man wants me to be patient and wait

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by SagLib on Thursday, September 14, 2023 and has 69 replies.
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I am trying to understand this behavior. I was friends with this Cancer man for 4 years and after much resistance on my end, I gave in and started a romantic relationship with him. It has been 10 months of bliss and lots of "I love you's" and affection... It was amazing, up until 3 weeks ago.


He told me that he was facing a very difficult time in his life and that he was going to need some time to himself. I gave him his time, and he texted me 8 days later, said he was still facing a difficult time and that he would call me to tell me what was going on and that work is stressing him.


I sent him a message telling him that I was worried about what was going on, he said he is ok and that he will call me to explain. It has been 3 weeks! He doesn't respond or view my text messages or call. Last message he said that life is hard and that he will "tell me" everything but I need to be "patient and wait" for him to explain.


I find it unnerving because we had plans to do things like travel and meet family members before the end of the year. Now I am sitting in limbo.


I have no idea if I should be taking this as a sign to move on, because if he cared about me he shouldn't find it this hard to communicate and leave me in complete silence.


What is this?
details
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.


The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.


Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.
details
@IceStorm


Yeah I have no idea what he could be going through! It's so weird, its like whatever it is is so intense that he cannot and will not reach out to me or talk. I don't get it. I feel that I want to be patient as I promised I would be, but this feels ridiculous.


details
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.



The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.



Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.
THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.


And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand
Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.
details
I am trying to avoid the pain and disappointment that can come from a negative space. I want to run but I also don't want to be premature on leaving a relationship that had been making me feel love and secured for some time now.


This is the first time I have ever heard him say he was going through something difficult, he typically is lighthearted and barely sweats under pressure. It makes this coldness and disappearing act is extremely odd and alarming. He said he needed days to himself... but 3 weeks, you can't utter a word?


I told him before we started that I didn't want to ruin our friendship by being in a romantic relationship with him; and now here we are.... just ruining ish.
details
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand

Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.
click to expand
Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.

I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.


I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.


I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
details
Probably doesn't want you to see him in a bad way because you'll lose attraction to him.
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand

Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.





Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.

I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.



I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.



I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand
Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.
details
Posted by Walk_on_by
Probably doesn't want you to see him in a bad way because you'll lose attraction to him.
Whoa... that hit me. I really hope that is not the case. I love him in every form he comes in, the good and the bad.


This comment actually made me sad.
details
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.




Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand

Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.
click to expand
Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.


I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
details
Let me tell you a just a little bit about the Cancer/Capricorn axis. It's all about building material security and stability.
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.



Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand


Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.


Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.
I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
click to expand
Yeah, does sound like he's putting on the breaks a bit with not letting you in and putting you on ice. That's why I said the words "patient and wait" sound like game to me. Who says that?
details
Posted by IceStorm
Posted by SagLib
@IceStorm

Yeah I have no idea what he could be going through! It's so weird, its like whatever it is is so intense that he cannot and will not reach out to me or talk. I don't get it. I feel that I want to be patient as I promised I would be, but this feels ridiculous.



I mean the way my mind works, I would start wondering if he’s facing prison time 😅🤣 but I can be dramatic at times lol
No but really, 3 weeks is a long time and I understand needing space but he also has to be considerate of you. It’s definitely a tough call because you want to be supportive without being naive and these men make it hard to strike that balance 🥴

click to expand
Trust me, I know. These men will have you sipping on crazy juice in a minute.


And I love "dramatics"... Hahahahahah. Not in when it involves me though.

details
Posted by VenusAquarius
Let me tell you a just a little bit about the Cancer/Capricorn axis. It's all about building material security and stability.
I think he has enough. How much security does he need? I has kids and I know he wants to the best for them.


Wait... are we saying that he may really be taking time away because of work???? I feel that is what the conscious is saying now.


Now I am disappointed.
details
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.



Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand


Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.


Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.
I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
click to expand

Yeah, does sound like he's putting on the breaks a bit with not letting you in and putting you on ice. That's why I said the words "patient and wait" sound like game to me. Who says that?
click to expand
Well that's not cool. Because NOW I don't know what I should be doing?

He is definitely not letting me in... but I have a life too!


Who expects to put someone on ice and have them wait around for them? Does he think I will wait on him? I don't get it.


It was good a moment ago. I am hella confused, because I don't see why we all of a sudden have a problem.
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.



Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand


Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.


Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.
I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
click to expand


Yeah, does sound like he's putting on the breaks a bit with not letting you in and putting you on ice. That's why I said the words "patient and wait" sound like game to me. Who says that?


Well that's not cool. Because NOW I don't know what I should be doing?
He is definitely not letting me in... but I have a life too!
Who expects to put someone on ice and have them wait around for them? Does he think I will wait on him? I don't get it.
It was good a moment ago. I am hella confused, because I don't see why we all of a sudden have a problem.
click to expand
Like I said in my first post, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


Being shut out

Put on ice

With holding information

Sporadic communication

Cryptic responses


All a no-go. In a marriage, I'd be on meds.


Sidenote: I know that there is a game to slowly get you used to this shit (the list above) so that when they are really doing something base, you won't know. You accept the behavior, the conditioning, now... expect it regularly.
details
This is him being a Cancer man staying in his shell.... could never understand them
details
Posted by TxOgal
This is him being a Cancer man staying in his shell.... could never understand them
He actually came out of his "shell" a moment ago, and I really don't know how to take it. He is checking up on me because he misses me. This is confusing.... I stood firm on asking why he disappeared and he said he will call me later today.


So this "shell" is really a thing? I understand needing a moment to regroup... but hiding in a cave for this long is odd.
details
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.



Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand


Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.


Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.
I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
click to expand


Yeah, does sound like he's putting on the breaks a bit with not letting you in and putting you on ice. That's why I said the words "patient and wait" sound like game to me. Who says that?


Well that's not cool. Because NOW I don't know what I should be doing?
He is definitely not letting me in... but I have a life too!
Who expects to put someone on ice and have them wait around for them? Does he think I will wait on him? I don't get it.
It was good a moment ago. I am hella confused, because I don't see why we all of a sudden have a problem.
click to expand

Like I said in my first post, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.
Being shut out
Put on ice
With holding information
Sporadic communication
Cryptic responses
All a no-go. In a marriage, I'd be on meds.
Sidenote: I know that there is a game to slowly get you used to this shit (the list above) so that when they are really doing something base, you won't know. You accept the behavior, the conditioning, now... expect it regularly.
click to expand
I honestly hate games... and I really don't like the secrecy. I am an open book and I don't make it difficult for him to know me. As friends, I know him. As a lover.... this is too intense.


We should have stayed friends.... but the connection feels really strong.
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by TxOgal
This is him being a Cancer man staying in his shell.... could never understand them





He actually came out of his "shell" a moment ago, and I really don't know how to take it. He is checking up on me because he misses me. This is confusing.... I stood firm on asking why he disappeared and he said he will call me later today.



So this "shell" is really a thing? I understand needing a moment to regroup... but hiding in a cave for this long is odd.
click to expand
Yeah I don't know either.. All I know is try not to keep waiting, he may call or not, hopefully he does but you get what I mean, keep cool, if it turns into an argument, probably both of you will lose
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.



Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand


Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.


Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.
I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
click to expand


Yeah, does sound like he's putting on the breaks a bit with not letting you in and putting you on ice. That's why I said the words "patient and wait" sound like game to me. Who says that?


Well that's not cool. Because NOW I don't know what I should be doing?
He is definitely not letting me in... but I have a life too!
Who expects to put someone on ice and have them wait around for them? Does he think I will wait on him? I don't get it.
It was good a moment ago. I am hella confused, because I don't see why we all of a sudden have a problem.
click to expand


Like I said in my first post, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.
Being shut out
Put on ice
With holding information
Sporadic communication
Cryptic responses
All a no-go. In a marriage, I'd be on meds.
Sidenote: I know that there is a game to slowly get you used to this shit (the list above) so that when they are really doing something base, you won't know. You accept the behavior, the conditioning, now... expect it regularly.
click to expand

I honestly hate games... and I really don't like the secrecy. I am an open book and I don't make it difficult for him to know me. As friends, I know him. As a lover.... this is too intense.
We should have stayed friends.... but the connection feels really strong.
click to expand
Don't be hard on yourself.. I can totally relate to what you're saying here cause I thought of the same thing about cancer ex bf, but you know what? if it didn't happen, you will keep wondering about it and it will be much more difficult for you thinking about the what ifs..
details
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.



Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand


Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.


Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.
I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
click to expand


Yeah, does sound like he's putting on the breaks a bit with not letting you in and putting you on ice. That's why I said the words "patient and wait" sound like game to me. Who says that?


Well that's not cool. Because NOW I don't know what I should be doing?
He is definitely not letting me in... but I have a life too!
Who expects to put someone on ice and have them wait around for them? Does he think I will wait on him? I don't get it.
It was good a moment ago. I am hella confused, because I don't see why we all of a sudden have a problem.
click to expand


Like I said in my first post, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.
Being shut out
Put on ice
With holding information
Sporadic communication
Cryptic responses
All a no-go. In a marriage, I'd be on meds.
Sidenote: I know that there is a game to slowly get you used to this shit (the list above) so that when they are really doing something base, you won't know. You accept the behavior, the conditioning, now... expect it regularly.
click to expand


I honestly hate games... and I really don't like the secrecy. I am an open book and I don't make it difficult for him to know me. As friends, I know him. As a lover.... this is too intense.
We should have stayed friends.... but the connection feels really strong.
click to expand

Don't be hard on yourself.. I can totally relate to what you're saying here cause I thought of the same thing about cancer ex bf, but you know what? if it didn't happen, you will keep wondering about it and it will be much more difficult for you thinking about the what ifs..
click to expand
Well he sent a bunch of text messages a moment ago.. somewhat revealing what his problem was.

It started off with being work related, and than I pressed him on his silence; asking him if he wanted to break things off. He started off by saying I "deserve better" and that he was not going to go anywhere.


Told him to choose a side and that I am not sticking around to be friends with him.


So this was a mix between work stressing him out and him feeling that I deserve better because he wasn't there for me when I needed him.


Told him that I was disappointed with his antics and if he wanted to break things off he should have took a different approach... a mature one. And he is insisting that he is not breaking it off.


I told him I was going to take some time for myself to re-evaluate the relationship, and he ended it by stating that he "still loves me" and will call me when he is done with work.


Urgh!
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.



Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand


Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.


Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.
I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
click to expand


Yeah, does sound like he's putting on the breaks a bit with not letting you in and putting you on ice. That's why I said the words "patient and wait" sound like game to me. Who says that?


Well that's not cool. Because NOW I don't know what I should be doing?
He is definitely not letting me in... but I have a life too!
Who expects to put someone on ice and have them wait around for them? Does he think I will wait on him? I don't get it.
It was good a moment ago. I am hella confused, because I don't see why we all of a sudden have a problem.
click to expand


Like I said in my first post, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.
Being shut out
Put on ice
With holding information
Sporadic communication
Cryptic responses
All a no-go. In a marriage, I'd be on meds.
Sidenote: I know that there is a game to slowly get you used to this shit (the list above) so that when they are really doing something base, you won't know. You accept the behavior, the conditioning, now... expect it regularly.
click to expand


I honestly hate games... and I really don't like the secrecy. I am an open book and I don't make it difficult for him to know me. As friends, I know him. As a lover.... this is too intense.
We should have stayed friends.... but the connection feels really strong.
click to expand

Don't be hard on yourself.. I can totally relate to what you're saying here cause I thought of the same thing about cancer ex bf, but you know what? if it didn't happen, you will keep wondering about it and it will be much more difficult for you thinking about the what ifs..





Well he sent a bunch of text messages a moment ago.. somewhat revealing what his problem was.

It started off with being work related, and than I pressed him on his silence; asking him if he wanted to break things off. He started off by saying I "deserve better" and that he was not going to go anywhere.



Told him to choose a side and that I am not sticking around to be friends with him.



So this was a mix between work stressing him out and him feeling that I deserve better because he wasn't there for me when I needed him.



Told him that I was disappointed with his antics and if he wanted to break things off he should have took a different approach... a mature one. And he is insisting that he is not breaking it off.



I told him I was going to take some time for myself to re-evaluate the relationship, and he ended it by stating that he "still loves me" and will call me when he is done with work.



Urgh!
click to expand
eh this is typical Cancer man ...sigh


It's really up to you in the end what you want to do, it's good you're going to re evaluate things, this is totally for your benefit
details
I dont have patience for this and rather moved on.
details
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.



Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand


Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.


Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.
I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
click to expand


Yeah, does sound like he's putting on the breaks a bit with not letting you in and putting you on ice. That's why I said the words "patient and wait" sound like game to me. Who says that?


Well that's not cool. Because NOW I don't know what I should be doing?
He is definitely not letting me in... but I have a life too!
Who expects to put someone on ice and have them wait around for them? Does he think I will wait on him? I don't get it.
It was good a moment ago. I am hella confused, because I don't see why we all of a sudden have a problem.
click to expand

Like I said in my first post, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.
Being shut out
Put on ice
With holding information
Sporadic communication
Cryptic responses
All a no-go. In a marriage, I'd be on meds.
Sidenote: I know that there is a game to slowly get you used to this shit (the list above) so that when they are really doing something base, you won't know. You accept the behavior, the conditioning, now... expect it regularly.
click to expand
Read this and read it again. My dumbass took me 3 “situationships” to get the message. The minute you see this played on you RUN, ‘cause it won’t get any better.


details
Wanting you to be okay with being stonewalled is not love. Everyone has a choice to give clarity. Him refusing to give that for you for weeks is not fair and will most likely continue now that this behavior has started it will become a cycle again. If you’re okay with that stress that’s up to you but he sounds like a narcissist who wanted to keep you waiting because they don’t like when people leave their audience
details
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by SagLib
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.



Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand


Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.


Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.
I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
click to expand


Yeah, does sound like he's putting on the breaks a bit with not letting you in and putting you on ice. That's why I said the words "patient and wait" sound like game to me. Who says that?


Well that's not cool. Because NOW I don't know what I should be doing?
He is definitely not letting me in... but I have a life too!
Who expects to put someone on ice and have them wait around for them? Does he think I will wait on him? I don't get it.
It was good a moment ago. I am hella confused, because I don't see why we all of a sudden have a problem.
click to expand


Like I said in my first post, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.
Being shut out
Put on ice
With holding information
Sporadic communication
Cryptic responses
All a no-go. In a marriage, I'd be on meds.
Sidenote: I know that there is a game to slowly get you used to this shit (the list above) so that when they are really doing something base, you won't know. You accept the behavior, the conditioning, now... expect it regularly.
click to expand


I honestly hate games... and I really don't like the secrecy. I am an open book and I don't make it difficult for him to know me. As friends, I know him. As a lover.... this is too intense.
We should have stayed friends.... but the connection feels really strong.
click to expand


Don't be hard on yourself.. I can totally relate to what you're saying here cause I thought of the same thing about cancer ex bf, but you know what? if it didn't happen, you will keep wondering about it and it will be much more difficult for you thinking about the what ifs..




Well he sent a bunch of text messages a moment ago.. somewhat revealing what his problem was.
It started off with being work related, and than I pressed him on his silence; asking him if he wanted to break things off. He started off by saying I "deserve better" and that he was not going to go anywhere.

Told him to choose a side and that I am not sticking around to be friends with him.

So this was a mix between work stressing him out and him feeling that I deserve better because he wasn't there for me when I needed him.

Told him that I was disappointed with his antics and if he wanted to break things off he should have took a different approach... a mature one. And he is insisting that he is not breaking it off.

I told him I was going to take some time for myself to re-evaluate the relationship, and he ended it by stating that he "still loves me" and will call me when he is done with work.

Urgh!
click to expand

eh this is typical Cancer man ...sigh
It's really up to you in the end what you want to do, it's good you're going to re evaluate things, this is totally for your benefit
click to expand
What's typical? The avoidance?

details
Posted by Disneygirl
Wanting you to be okay with being stonewalled is not love. Everyone has a choice to give clarity. Him refusing to give that for you for weeks is not fair and will most likely continue now that this behavior has started it will become a cycle again. If you’re okay with that stress that’s up to you but he sounds like a narcissist who wanted to keep you waiting because they don’t like when people leave their audience
I guess you have to exit Stage Left when things like this happen. I am really contemplating leaving him.

He is better today, but I am honestly turned off from his behavior.
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by SagLib
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
Posted by SagLib
Posted by VenusAquarius
I don't know what level of friendship you had before dating but I would say with 4 years as friends first; the fact that he is being cryptic, would be insulting to me. It would fill me with anxiety so much that I would let him fade himself.

The words "patient and wait" sounds like game to me.

Nevertheless, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.


THIS IS WHAT I AM FEELING!!!!!! I am highly insulted. And when I reached out to our mutual friend he said "he's probably chasing money" as if that is an answer.
And I do question the "love" at this point, because he would just send emojis. Like what kind of stress are you under?!?!?!
click to expand


Unless he's a stockbroker, lawyer, doctor, corporate exec., or drug-dealer.... don't know what's so stressful he can't express it.



Does multiple entrepreneur count? 5 businesses and counting. But that ain't new.
I have never seen him stressed about work. He is so stressed that he messaged "Hey" instead of "Hey babe" and it made me furious.

I am also busy, not 5 businesses busy... but still busy. But not to the extent of not making time to talk or message. And I would never send him cryptic messages that does not explain the pressure I am under.

I am under a lot of stress myself these days. I would never think to behave in this way.
click to expand


Yeah, that most definitely counts, lol. That's some serious business there. I feel him now.


Hahahahaha... WHY!?!?! He has left me with no where to go. I am supposed to be planning our trip for next month and he is supposed to meet my parents in November.
I feel that he is trying to break up with me without letting me know.
click to expand


Yeah, does sound like he's putting on the breaks a bit with not letting you in and putting you on ice. That's why I said the words "patient and wait" sound like game to me. Who says that?


Well that's not cool. Because NOW I don't know what I should be doing?
He is definitely not letting me in... but I have a life too!
Who expects to put someone on ice and have them wait around for them? Does he think I will wait on him? I don't get it.
It was good a moment ago. I am hella confused, because I don't see why we all of a sudden have a problem.
click to expand


Like I said in my first post, I look at people's behavior when they claim "love" and see if it fits with my definition of love, especially in times of difficulty. If it doesn't fit, it's a no-go for a serious commitment.
Being shut out
Put on ice
With holding information
Sporadic communication
Cryptic responses
All a no-go. In a marriage, I'd be on meds.
Sidenote: I know that there is a game to slowly get you used to this shit (the list above) so that when they are really doing something base, you won't know. You accept the behavior, the conditioning, now... expect it regularly.
click to expand


I honestly hate games... and I really don't like the secrecy. I am an open book and I don't make it difficult for him to know me. As friends, I know him. As a lover.... this is too intense.
We should have stayed friends.... but the connection feels really strong.
click to expand


Don't be hard on yourself.. I can totally relate to what you're saying here cause I thought of the same thing about cancer ex bf, but you know what? if it didn't happen, you will keep wondering about it and it will be much more difficult for you thinking about the what ifs..




Well he sent a bunch of text messages a moment ago.. somewhat revealing what his problem was.
It started off with being work related, and than I pressed him on his silence; asking him if he wanted to break things off. He started off by saying I "deserve better" and that he was not going to go anywhere.

Told him to choose a side and that I am not sticking around to be friends with him.

So this was a mix between work stressing him out and him feeling that I deserve better because he wasn't there for me when I needed him.

Told him that I was disappointed with his antics and if he wanted to break things off he should have took a different approach... a mature one. And he is insisting that he is not breaking it off.

I told him I was going to take some time for myself to re-evaluate the relationship, and he ended it by stating that he "still loves me" and will call me when he is done with work.

Urgh!
click to expand

eh this is typical Cancer man ...sigh
It's really up to you in the end what you want to do, it's good you're going to re evaluate things, this is totally for your benefit





What's typical? The avoidance?


click to expand
Yes! and throwing the ball in your court
details
Posted by cersei
Idk I feel like he is doing his best to reach out to you even if it’s for weeks at a time, at least he didn’t ghost you. Because he’s having a difficult time just try to be patient for a while. If you love him you can try to keep yourself busy. Some ppl shut themselves off from the world when they’re going through something. It does make it hard for the ppl around them for sure, but how much do you like him? If he’s good to you and you like him just wait for him for a bit, I’d say give it a few weeks and then reach out to him and ask him where you guys stand. Just be completely honest with him and tell him you are confused where the relationship is going, and that you need to know where you stand. That will probably give you your answer
This is sound advice. Admittedly I was starting to mentally prepare for breaking it off, and it not only hurt but made me angry, as this seems like a small pity thing to be upset about.


The thing that bothers me is not the "busy-ness" it's the defeat and change of heart I felt he went through. The statement "you deserve better" is what is unnerving. It's like he won't even try or fight, he just gave up.


I will take my time, I don't want to be too hasty, but I don't like this feeling at all.

details
Just think about how you want to be treated if being treated this way is okay with you because you like him that much then it’s up to you but definitely don’t allow yourself to be cast aside and picked up whenever he feels like it going forward in my opinion. How are things now?
details
Posted by Disneygirl
Just think about how you want to be treated if being treated this way is okay with you because you like him that much then it’s up to you but definitely don’t allow yourself to be cast aside and picked up whenever he feels like it going forward in my opinion. How are things now?
I am not okay with being treated this way, and I told him so.


I am just sitting with confusion. He left this morning on a business trip and I didn't get to see him. He told me that he wants to talk "in person" when he comes back in 2 weeks. I felt overwhelmed with not knowing what he wants now, I told him if he wants to break up he should just say so and not drag it out. He said that is not a topic he is currently talking about and said that we should talk in person.


I ended up snapping at him, telling him that it was unfair that he is leaving me in limbo.


This situation is letting me know that I also have things that I need to work out with myself. It's brought to light that I have some insecurities and issues. I love him dearly, however I don't know if this is healthy, with me feeling this unsettled. I don't like being left in the dark like this, it's very uncomfortable for me. Not only did I get weeks of silence and "you deserve better". Now I am getting I don't want to break up, but we need to talk in person.
details
It’s emotionally cruel because you always have the option to give a person clarity. Refusing to give that to you and making you now wait more weeks is almost emotional abuse. He has the capacity to tell you to wait therefore he could just as easily tell you what the actual problem is. It’s definitely not healthy but unfortunately is a pattern I’ve seen with them
details
Posted by Disneygirl
It’s emotionally cruel because you always have the option to give a person clarity. Refusing to give that to you and making you now wait more weeks is almost emotional abuse. He has the capacity to tell you to wait therefore he could just as easily tell you what the actual problem is. It’s definitely not healthy but unfortunately is a pattern I’ve seen with them
Can you elaborate on this? Because I am not understanding how they function.

The only thing that I have heard about Cancers is that they are sensitive and hide in "shells". But this I don't understand.


I understand that work was hard from him and that is what occupied him for the most part. But I don't understand the distance, silence, the avoidance, thinking that I deserve better, and putting me on hold.


He went from hot to cold.. and at times he lingers in between before he vanishes again.


He says he doesn't want to break up, but he sure is acting like it.
details
When someone wants to believe what they’re doing is right or how they’re handling something is right they make it so they can’t hear opinions about it. Therefore with cancers they will shut you out, avoid speak to you to dismiss you or just enough to keep you there. His feelings for you are probably uncertain now who knows what caused it but instead of telling you that he’s just treating you that way and making sure how he’s handling it keeps him in control for example being distant avoidant stonewalling keeping you in limbo all these things keep him in control of you guys communication. Therefore he can keep treating you this way and you have to deal with it because he’s made it so you can’t get his behavior to change or get the clarity of “why” by not being willing to participate in a conversation about it until weeks from now or “in person”. The concerning thing is that once this pattern starts with them it’s a tortuous thing to deal with and truthfully can drive you crazy bc they make things so much harder than they need to be by acting this way. Instead of allowing him the call the shots like asking if HE wants to break up and waiting for HIM to talk instead if I were you I would mirror and take back the control. He can become the one to seek clarity from you. He’s not an icon he’s a regular human being who isn’t above yoi so why should he get to mistreat you this way and you follow along and wait in return? No I would take him literally. He wants to avoid you dismiss too keep you on hold…? Then be dismissed. Don’t reach out again do not seek him or his conversation.
details
Are you going to give it a time limit and then insist he be honest with you?


I would …
details
Posted by Disneygirl
When someone wants to believe what they’re doing is right or how they’re handling something is right they make it so they can’t hear opinions about it. Therefore with cancers they will shut you out, avoid speak to you to dismiss you or just enough to keep you there. His feelings for you are probably uncertain now who knows what caused it but instead of telling you that he’s just treating you that way and making sure how he’s handling it keeps him in control for example being distant avoidant stonewalling keeping you in limbo all these things keep him in control of you guys communication. Therefore he can keep treating you this way and you have to deal with it because he’s made it so you can’t get his behavior to change or get the clarity of “why” by not being willing to participate in a conversation about it until weeks from now or “in person”. The concerning thing is that once this pattern starts with them it’s a tortuous thing to deal with and truthfully can drive you crazy bc they make things so much harder than they need to be by acting this way. Instead of allowing him the call the shots like asking if HE wants to break up and waiting for HIM to talk instead if I were you I would mirror and take back the control. He can become the one to seek clarity from you. He’s not an icon he’s a regular human being who isn’t above yoi so why should he get to mistreat you this way and you follow along and wait in return? No I would take him literally. He wants to avoid you dismiss too keep you on hold…? Then be dismissed. Don’t reach out again do not seek him or his conversation.
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by Disneygirl
When someone wants to believe what they’re doing is right or how they’re handling something is right they make it so they can’t hear opinions about it. Therefore with cancers they will shut you out, avoid speak to you to dismiss you or just enough to keep you there. His feelings for you are probably uncertain now who knows what caused it but instead of telling you that he’s just treating you that way and making sure how he’s handling it keeps him in control for example being distant avoidant stonewalling keeping you in limbo all these things keep him in control of you guys communication. Therefore he can keep treating you this way and you have to deal with it because he’s made it so you can’t get his behavior to change or get the clarity of “why” by not being willing to participate in a conversation about it until weeks from now or “in person”. The concerning thing is that once this pattern starts with them it’s a tortuous thing to deal with and truthfully can drive you crazy bc they make things so much harder than they need to be by acting this way. Instead of allowing him the call the shots like asking if HE wants to break up and waiting for HIM to talk instead if I were you I would mirror and take back the control. He can become the one to seek clarity from you. He’s not an icon he’s a regular human being who isn’t above yoi so why should he get to mistreat you this way and you follow along and wait in return? No I would take him literally. He wants to avoid you dismiss too keep you on hold…? Then be dismissed. Don’t reach out again do not seek him or his conversation.





click to expand
Thank you. I really appreciate this. I will try. I can't believe that this is where we are right now. Things were so good a moment ago. Now I feel lost and confused.


So disappointed that it has come to this, but it's for the best. I need my sanity.


I will try and be strong about this. Thanks for the advice.
details
Posted by MyStarsShine
Are you going to give it a time limit and then insist he be honest with you?
I would …
I should give a time limit, but I don't want to waste any more time. He already had 3 weeks.
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Are you going to give it a time limit and then insist he be honest with you?
I would …





I should give a time limit, but I don't want to waste any more time. He already had 3 weeks.
click to expand
Maybe give it another week and take it from

there?
details
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Are you going to give it a time limit and then insist he be honest with you?
I would …




I should give a time limit, but I don't want to waste any more time. He already had 3 weeks.
click to expand

Maybe give it another week and take it from
there?
click to expand
He is responsive now... he messaged to check on me and wished me a good day.

He also explained a little of what was going on with him and work, and said he will explain the rest when we see each other. Even ended the conversation with "Love you" and a heart.


Twisted.. now I feel like the crazy one.
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Are you going to give it a time limit and then insist he be honest with you?
I would …



I should give a time limit, but I don't want to waste any more time. He already had 3 weeks.
click to expand


Maybe give it another week and take it from
there?


He is responsive now... he messaged to check on me and wished me a good day.
He also explained a little of what was going on with him and work, and said he will explain the rest when we see each other. Even ended the conversation with "Love you" and a heart.
Twisted.. now I feel like the crazy one.
click to expand
You're not crazy. You're just being conditioned.
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Are you going to give it a time limit and then insist he be honest with you?
I would …



I should give a time limit, but I don't want to waste any more time. He already had 3 weeks.
click to expand


Maybe give it another week and take it from
there?
click to expand

He is responsive now... he messaged to check on me and wished me a good day.
He also explained a little of what was going on with him and work, and said he will explain the rest when we see each other. Even ended the conversation with "Love you" and a heart.
Twisted.. now I feel like the crazy one.
click to expand
Sometimes a little bit of time ….


When are ye meeting up?
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Are you going to give it a time limit and then insist he be honest with you?
I would …



I should give a time limit, but I don't want to waste any more time. He already had 3 weeks.
click to expand


Maybe give it another week and take it from
there?
click to expand

He is responsive now... he messaged to check on me and wished me a good day.
He also explained a little of what was going on with him and work, and said he will explain the rest when we see each other. Even ended the conversation with "Love you" and a heart.
Twisted.. now I feel like the crazy one.
click to expand
You’re not crazy he’s manipulating you. I would match energy and you be the one to “need space” for a week or two. That’s exactly how a lot of them work with the gaslighting then pulling back now lovebombing. He gives you just enough info to keep you hanging on to stay me awhile who knows what the actual truth is. Work stuff shouldn’t make anyone stonewall you for weeks or need to be given info about “in person” like huh..??
details
TBH he sounds covertly abusive. I would get out of the relationship
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Are you going to give it a time limit and then insist he be honest with you?
I would …



I should give a time limit, but I don't want to waste any more time. He already had 3 weeks.
click to expand


Maybe give it another week and take it from
there?
click to expand


He is responsive now... he messaged to check on me and wished me a good day.
He also explained a little of what was going on with him and work, and said he will explain the rest when we see each other. Even ended the conversation with "Love you" and a heart.
Twisted.. now I feel like the crazy one.
click to expand

Sometimes a little bit of time ….
When are ye meeting up?





click to expand
First week of October. It's a bit of a wait... he left the country for work.
details
Posted by IceStorm
Posted by SagLib
Posted by Disneygirl
Just think about how you want to be treated if being treated this way is okay with you because you like him that much then it’s up to you but definitely don’t allow yourself to be cast aside and picked up whenever he feels like it going forward in my opinion. How are things now?


I am not okay with being treated this way, and I told him so.
I am just sitting with confusion. He left this morning on a business trip and I didn't get to see him. He told me that he wants to talk "in person" when he comes back in 2 weeks. I felt overwhelmed with not knowing what he wants now, I told him if he wants to break up he should just say so and not drag it out. He said that is not a topic he is currently talking about and said that we should talk in person.
I ended up snapping at him, telling him that it was unfair that he is leaving me in limbo.
This situation is letting me know that I also have things that I need to work out with myself. It's brought to light that I have some insecurities and issues. I love him dearly, however I don't know if this is healthy, with me feeling this unsettled. I don't like being left in the dark like this, it's very uncomfortable for me. Not only did I get weeks of silence and "you deserve better". Now I am getting I don't want to break up, but we need to talk in person.
click to expand

As a nurse, I’m wondering if he has a new (serious) diagnosis. See, this is how my brain works as an overthinker. lol
But seriously.. 🤔
He’s saying it’s not that he wants to break up, but says he is going through some things and is emotionally distant and avoiding having a hard conversation. It must be a serious conversation that he wants to have because he wants to have it in person. I hope it’s not a serious diagnosis. Just try to keep an open mind. Not saying you need to “wait” on anyone but definitely try to keep your mind open to other possibilities that have nothing to do with you.
click to expand
Must admit, I did have this thought cross my mind. I am also an overthinker.

I really hope that is not the case.


I spent a number of days trying to figure out what it could be, and now I have finally given up.


I have had a multitude of scenarios go through my head, and I realize that no matter what I may think I won't know until he tells me.


I don't know how things just took a turn like this. It was all good a moment ago.

I really feel that it's something really silly to be honest. He is a sensitive individual and can easily be offended by anything.... he's a softy that way. That part of him I never understood.


I am keeping myself busy, so I don't make the time to mule over this.


Time will tell.
details
Posted by SagLib
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by SagLib
Posted by MyStarsShine
Are you going to give it a time limit and then insist he be honest with you?
I would …



I should give a time limit, but I don't want to waste any more time. He already had 3 weeks.
click to expand


Maybe give it another week and take it from
there?
click to expand


He is responsive now... he messaged to check on me and wished me a good day.
He also explained a little of what was going on with him and work, and said he will explain the rest when we see each other. Even ended the conversation with "Love you" and a heart.
Twisted.. now I feel like the crazy one.
click to expand


Sometimes a little bit of time ….
When are ye meeting up?




click to expand

First week of October. It's a bit of a wait... he left the country for work.
click to expand
At least if you meet him face to face you can suss out the situation and decide what to do….maybe get some closure?
details
how are things with this guy now?
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