CANCER MEN RESPONSES PLEASE-- take hint or be patient??
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by CalmCrab22 on Friday, November 6, 2015 and has 44 replies.
Posted by CalmCrab22
He does get jealous and keep me near or tell his boys to back off if they didn't see that we were together. He normally makes it pretty clear we are. He was going to intro me to his mom 3 weeks ago but she had left before I got to where they were. He invited me to come to the next place he was after his stepdads birthday dinner & he was waking me to the dinner spot but they had just left.
We've never been on a traditional date. Last year no holidays together (including Valentine's Day) and probably the same this year. I feel we need to spend a little more time together. Have traditionally dates and more in depth conversations. Maybe a label so I have a sense of security or at least me knowing we're on the same page.
Should I go into hiding? Should I lay my emotional cards on the table and walk away? Should I continue being patient? Should I wash my hands of this? Does he care or am I nothing? How do I ask him without him having a hissy fit? If he avoids the question or gives another crap answer like "going with the flow" do I end it? I am very serious about him/us.
You have to understand that the both of you are Cancers, so you're expecting the same from each other. Basically, both of you want to sit in the passenger seat, but nobody wants to get behind the steering wheel, point out the directions and drive your vehicle of a relationship to it's destination. Your goal is to get him to understand that you're there for him and you'll support him through the journey. Help him navigate and keep him focused. When he's says, "we are going with the flow" it's probably because he's "driving without a map or directions" and he might be trying to figure things out as you two are rolling along. Just be honest and genuinely upfront with him and let him know that you don't feel comfortable with just joy riding and wasting gas. Crazy analogy, but I hope you get the point.
@truecancermale thank you and it all makes perfect sense!! I've been wanting to be open and honest and help him feel secure in moving along with us. However, I've been reluctant because I read cancer men are traditional old fashion type and if I took the wheel he'd be turned off. I think you're right and I should femininely guide him in the right direction.
My first error at worries me is the fact that I never thought I'd have feelings for him so I didn't make him put in hardly any work to sleep with me when most men I make suffer months of chasing me.
Definitely hoping everything works between us!! He is my dream come true :-)
My first error at worries me is the fact that I never thought I'd have feelings for him so I didn't make him put in hardly any work to sleep with me when most men I make suffer months of chasing me.
Definitely hoping everything works between us!! He is my dream come true :-)
Yea I dunno....mine is 7 mos of being on the fence, wanting to move in together and screwing me over..you cant pressure them cuz they'll run..you can't do anything. Their way or the highway...i thought I could get him to change. Wrong.
Posted by CalmCrab22
@truecancermale thank you and it all makes perfect sense!! I've been wanting to be open and honest and help him feel secure in moving along with us. However, I've been reluctant because I read cancer men are traditional old fashion type and if I took the wheel he'd be turned off. I think you're right and I should femininely guide him in the right direction.
My first error at worries me is the fact that I never thought I'd have feelings for him so I didn't make him put in hardly any work to sleep with me when most men I make suffer months of chasing me.
Definitely hoping everything works between us!! He is my dream come true :-)
Sounds like it can work. Just remember DO NOT RESORT TO EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION or ultimatums. They won't work with Cancer on Cancer. He'll read it before you even begin to use that approach. Yes, we are truly the traditional old fashion type because we live in past.
My recommendations: Be upfront with with your words but indirect with your actions and try speaking to his emotions through those actions......uhhh cook for him (((cough* cough*))) Do subtle things to make him feel comfortable coming home to you or being with you. It's hard but it'll be worth it. Trust me.
@truecancer male. Big Question here.... In your opinion would he have said he loves me & not meant it? I mean he wasn't going to gain more than he was already getting (sex & TLC) so I see no ulterior motive. Thoughts please!
I've cooked a few times, clean his place whenever I'm there (not hat he's dirty), massage him, never embarrass him, no PDA (not sure if this is good or bad), compliment his character & talents & I definitely give him space. I've been told I gave him way to much space by him (in the beginning) and by others. In the last 2mos I've been changing this though by reaching out to him instead of awaiting him. I do zero chasing with him bc I hate needy when I know it's not real love & my X chased me for years before & after our relationship so I'm accustomed to men doing all the reaching out. (Told I was wrong for that belief).
Slightly confused as to how to be direct verbally yet indirect with actions. Just because cooking and such is directly showing love and acceptance in my mind. Also as a cancer I feel much safer doing than saying.
I kinda want to just take 30days to love him the way I want to, as if I were confident in his love for me & not afraid of being hurt. Maybe it would make him feel secure or make him feeling I have low self esteem & clingy. I've never been called clingy.
I'd call/text verbally express my feelings, take him on a few dates & maybe get a gift or 2. Gifting him is hard since he makes 6fig & I def don't not to mention cancer men love high end things
I've cooked a few times, clean his place whenever I'm there (not hat he's dirty), massage him, never embarrass him, no PDA (not sure if this is good or bad), compliment his character & talents & I definitely give him space. I've been told I gave him way to much space by him (in the beginning) and by others. In the last 2mos I've been changing this though by reaching out to him instead of awaiting him. I do zero chasing with him bc I hate needy when I know it's not real love & my X chased me for years before & after our relationship so I'm accustomed to men doing all the reaching out. (Told I was wrong for that belief).
Slightly confused as to how to be direct verbally yet indirect with actions. Just because cooking and such is directly showing love and acceptance in my mind. Also as a cancer I feel much safer doing than saying.
I kinda want to just take 30days to love him the way I want to, as if I were confident in his love for me & not afraid of being hurt. Maybe it would make him feel secure or make him feeling I have low self esteem & clingy. I've never been called clingy.
I'd call/text verbally express my feelings, take him on a few dates & maybe get a gift or 2. Gifting him is hard since he makes 6fig & I def don't not to mention cancer men love high end things
Truecancermale thank you so much your a wonderful help! And I know how wonderful cancers are (not just bc I'm 1 lol) so I would be he luckiest lady to be with him
There are no options. It is 99.8% impossible for me to like someone & that's why I've been in 2 relationships, single 6 years & hate letting go to someone I vibe with.
@truecancermale ^^^^
Posted by CalmCrab22
@truecancer male. Big Question here.... In your opinion would he have said he loves me & not meant it? I mean he wasn't going to gain more than he was already getting (sex & TLC) so I see no ulterior motive. Thoughts please!
I've cooked a few times, clean his place whenever I'm there (not hat he's dirty), massage him, never embarrass him, no PDA (not sure if this is good or bad), compliment his character & talents & I definitely give him space. I've been told I gave him way to much space by him (in the beginning) and by others. In the last 2mos I've been changing this though by reaching out to him instead of awaiting him. I do zero chasing with him bc I hate needy when I know it's not real love & my X chased me for years before & after our relationship so I'm accustomed to men doing all the reaching out. (Told I was wrong for that belief).
Slightly confused as to how to be direct verbally yet indirect with actions. Just because cooking and such is directly showing love and acceptance in my mind. Also as a cancer I feel much safer doing than saying.
I kinda want to just take 30days to love him the way I want to, as if I were confident in his love for me & not afraid of being hurt. Maybe it would make him feel secure or make him feeling I have low self esteem & clingy. I've never been called clingy.
I'd call/text verbally express my feelings, take him on a few dates & maybe get a gift or 2. Gifting him is hard since he makes 6fig & I def don't not to mention cancer men love high end things
I agree with you 100% when he said he loves you, YES he most definitely meant it. That word isn't something most Cancers would play around with, because there's no purpose. Especially if he had nothing to gain from saying it in the first place. Plus, the fact that he was PROACTIVE with it.
Now, I hope this doesn't confuse you but bare with me....
So, only be direct verbally about the important things YOU DON'T WANT. By using this approach, you still put him in the driver seat and in control of things, and he won't feel like you're trying to grab the steering wheel from the passenger seat (nobody likes a side seat driver!). If you are too direct about the things YOU DO WANT FROM HIM, it may still come off as ultimatums or you want too much control over things and of course he'll start to back down and give you the "we're just going with the flow" vibe (because he's trying to feel things out). So, only be direct verbally about the things YOU DON'T WANT.
Yes, you're right, "cooking and such is directly showing love and acceptance in my mind;" however, there's a huge difference in the approach. If you're too direct with your actions, it may seem like you're only doing things for the moment or trying to win him over. For example, if you call him and invite him over for dinner or tell him "he
For example, if you call him and invite him over for dinner or tell him "hey I want to cook for you" (too direct) it seems too premeditated and like your plotting and planning things in advance. Instead be subtle indirect, when he comes over or if you're hanging out at his place, ask him if he's hungry or if he wants you to make him something to eat. In fact, always ask him these things!!!!. It will speak VOLUMES to a Cancer man **WIFEY ALERT.** Just to keep it simple, you can never lose, if you ASK him first.
PDA isn't a bad thing, but don't be so accustomed to him reaching out ALL THE TIME. It shows lack of reciprocation, which could be perceived as you don't appreciate him or the things he does for you and it doesn't matter to you at all. It has to go both ways.
I don't think you should go hardcore with the "30days to love him the way you want" until it's official and the two of you are in a committed relationship. I think it's a risky move for any woman to take, especially when things aren't official. Besides, only 30days? You don't think that would program him into believing that this is who you are and how things are going to be for awhile? So, when the 30days are up, you're just going to stop or return back to the old you? You know us Cancers have a looooong memory and it's all based on the emotional connection. He'll definitely pick up on the change in behavior. Nothing wrong with gifts, but the best kind of gifts come from using your heart and not from using your credit/debit card. It'll make more of a meaningful impact.
PDA isn't a bad thing, but don't be so accustomed to him reaching out ALL THE TIME. It shows lack of reciprocation, which could be perceived as you don't appreciate him or the things he does for you and it doesn't matter to you at all. It has to go both ways.
I don't think you should go hardcore with the "30days to love him the way you want" until it's official and the two of you are in a committed relationship. I think it's a risky move for any woman to take, especially when things aren't official. Besides, only 30days? You don't think that would program him into believing that this is who you are and how things are going to be for awhile? So, when the 30days are up, you're just going to stop or return back to the old you? You know us Cancers have a looooong memory and it's all based on the emotional connection. He'll definitely pick up on the change in behavior. Nothing wrong with gifts, but the best kind of gifts come from using your heart and not from using your credit/debit card. It'll make more of a meaningful impact.
I've always been a little put off by the old "Cancers are old fashioned/traditional" stereotype.
Maybe it's my Uranus in the 7th house, but regarding relationships, I am anything but traditional or old fashioned.
Maybe it's my Uranus in the 7th house, but regarding relationships, I am anything but traditional or old fashioned.
@truecancermale THANK YOU SO MUCH!! You've been a tremendous help!! Well put. I full understand & it makes perfect sense. I relate so i know you're on to something. Seems I'm on the right track with everything especially since I finally decided to start reciprocating. Now I do need to hone in on changing my verbal more towards DO NOT want vs DO want.
30days thing definitely cancer emotions talking, but I'm too good at controlling them so no worries on stupid moves like that.
30days thing definitely cancer emotions talking, but I'm too good at controlling them so no worries on stupid moves like that.
Posted by CalmCrab22
@truecancermale THANK YOU SO MUCH!! You've been a tremendous help!! Well put. I full understand & it makes perfect sense. I relate so i know you're on to something. Seems I'm on the right track with everything especially since I finally decided to start reciprocating. Now I do need to hone in on changing my verbal more towards DO NOT want vs DO want.
30days thing definitely cancer emotions talking, but I'm too good at controlling them so no worries on stupid moves like that.
No worries. I really hope everything works out and wish you two the best of luck, because both of you have something genuine worth fighting for! Cancer on Cancer......lucky couple.
@truecancermale I need your opinion on to prove my dedication & fight for our relationship or sit back & wait for him to come back around. Only reason I'm asking is bc my 8 yr relationship mostly began& lasted bc he always tried to prove his love to me no matter how much I pushed him away.......
Thursday 2 of his artist had a show & bc of a fight he said he prob wasn't going. I had already invited my girl so I told him we were going elsewhere. He told me I could go & show love he didn't care if I went. (they entertain a dif kind of crowd so I only go bc of him). The night went on we talked all was good.
Fri a new artist of his invited me to his bday gig. My girls stood me up I was already there & 2 of his artists were there. He came in hugged me & took 2 female friends of his to get a drink @ the bar. A European guy I knew was there we started talking biz & my guy left 10min later & wouldn't respond to my texts.
Sat another bday gig 4 same guy. I go with my girl all his artists are there we go to 2 venues. Then he shows up at after hours venue with 2 females I don't know & one is all over him but he didn't touch her back. He came talked to me, everything is cool. Club gets raided for liquor lic & everyone he's to leave. He didn't check on me so I go up to him & say you're just leaving? He responds "I came with someone" I respond "w/someone like you're with me"? He smiles and walks off.
Monday the guy who had the bday told me when he told my guy I was going to the bday he flipped out on the artist. So he thought I was talking to him. Later Monday night when everyone was going home I got in his car and asked "are we done?" He said no. I said tell me you don't care. He responded "I do care, why are you following my boys"? I explained I was there showing love & he told me to. He said we'd talk later & I told him I'd come over fri (due to holiday) We went our separate ways. He text & FaceTime me making sure I was home and not going to the hotel party. Once he verified I was home convo was over.
Yesterday (fri I was suppose to come over n talk) I text him to say what time I'm coming over. He didn't respond so I fig all is well. I get there he asks why did I just pop up, told/showed him I text & we said mon id come fri. He asks what I'm there for I remind him he wanted to talk & tell him I'm confused. Blah blah about that then he says look if you need a bf or somethings else then get what you need to be with who you want to be with. I said I only want to be with you no one else & so that means you don't care about me & he says that I'm putting words in his mouth.
There were a bunch of guys there & so I take the hint he is done & leave.
Thursday 2 of his artist had a show & bc of a fight he said he prob wasn't going. I had already invited my girl so I told him we were going elsewhere. He told me I could go & show love he didn't care if I went. (they entertain a dif kind of crowd so I only go bc of him). The night went on we talked all was good.
Fri a new artist of his invited me to his bday gig. My girls stood me up I was already there & 2 of his artists were there. He came in hugged me & took 2 female friends of his to get a drink @ the bar. A European guy I knew was there we started talking biz & my guy left 10min later & wouldn't respond to my texts.
Sat another bday gig 4 same guy. I go with my girl all his artists are there we go to 2 venues. Then he shows up at after hours venue with 2 females I don't know & one is all over him but he didn't touch her back. He came talked to me, everything is cool. Club gets raided for liquor lic & everyone he's to leave. He didn't check on me so I go up to him & say you're just leaving? He responds "I came with someone" I respond "w/someone like you're with me"? He smiles and walks off.
Monday the guy who had the bday told me when he told my guy I was going to the bday he flipped out on the artist. So he thought I was talking to him. Later Monday night when everyone was going home I got in his car and asked "are we done?" He said no. I said tell me you don't care. He responded "I do care, why are you following my boys"? I explained I was there showing love & he told me to. He said we'd talk later & I told him I'd come over fri (due to holiday) We went our separate ways. He text & FaceTime me making sure I was home and not going to the hotel party. Once he verified I was home convo was over.
Yesterday (fri I was suppose to come over n talk) I text him to say what time I'm coming over. He didn't respond so I fig all is well. I get there he asks why did I just pop up, told/showed him I text & we said mon id come fri. He asks what I'm there for I remind him he wanted to talk & tell him I'm confused. Blah blah about that then he says look if you need a bf or somethings else then get what you need to be with who you want to be with. I said I only want to be with you no one else & so that means you don't care about me & he says that I'm putting words in his mouth.
There were a bunch of guys there & so I take the hint he is done & leave.
@truecancermale 5 min later he texts me "Not sorry or nothing" I say I'm driving text I'll you. He replied immediately "I'm sorry u not apologizing for popping up at my house"
I text back 25 min later....Of course I'm sorry. I told you that I didn't mean any harm by it. I expected you to tell me no if it wasn't ok.
I've never popped up before. And clearly I'll never make the same mistake. I'm also sorry I was with your music Fam & you didn't invite me. I meant no disrespect actually the opposite. I was being supportive in my mind. I told you I'm your girl & even if you don't feel that way my heart won't change just bc of your words. I'm sorry if I hurt you or you felt disrespected. I don't want anyone else & you should never think that.
That was the end of our contact.
I text back 25 min later....Of course I'm sorry. I told you that I didn't mean any harm by it. I expected you to tell me no if it wasn't ok.
I've never popped up before. And clearly I'll never make the same mistake. I'm also sorry I was with your music Fam & you didn't invite me. I meant no disrespect actually the opposite. I was being supportive in my mind. I told you I'm your girl & even if you don't feel that way my heart won't change just bc of your words. I'm sorry if I hurt you or you felt disrespected. I don't want anyone else & you should never think that.
That was the end of our contact.
Annnnnd I did this 2 days later… sent text
"I have been contemplating for 2 days if I should send this I wondered when the right time might be but I'm not sure if there is one… I asked you Monday & you said "no it's not over" Friday you tell me you don't care if I'm with someone else. Since you told me "when loving you to always remember that your a cancer" & As a cancer & having close cancer male friend for 13 years I find it hard to believe you don't care about me or what I do. I never invested myself into just anyone that comes along so when I take the time/heart to do so I tend be not to close the door impulsively/ prematurely. With that being said.... Is this what you really want, you want me gone? I miss you but I'll respect if so."
"I have been contemplating for 2 days if I should send this I wondered when the right time might be but I'm not sure if there is one… I asked you Monday & you said "no it's not over" Friday you tell me you don't care if I'm with someone else. Since you told me "when loving you to always remember that your a cancer" & As a cancer & having close cancer male friend for 13 years I find it hard to believe you don't care about me or what I do. I never invested myself into just anyone that comes along so when I take the time/heart to do so I tend be not to close the door impulsively/ prematurely. With that being said.... Is this what you really want, you want me gone? I miss you but I'll respect if so."
Posted by CalmCrab22
There are no options. It is 99.8% impossible for me to like someone & that's why I've been in 2 relationships, single 6 years & hate letting go to someone I vibe with.
Yeah I can relate.
Posted by CalmCrab22
@truecancermale I need your opinion on to prove my dedication & fight for our relationship or sit back & wait for him to come back around.
I say yes, you should, but be careful on how you fight or you will be fighting for a lifetime, which is kinda like how your ex (from the 8 year relationship) was fighting to prove his love for you (remember, this is all Cancer behavior). Minor issue, but definitely a complex situation because it's Cancer on Cancer. It seems like you kinda nicked his emotions, by accepting the invite and going to the bday gig. Not once but TWICE.... I picked up on that instantly. What you should've considered is giving him a courtesy call or text letting him KNOW that one of the homies invited you to the gig and you didn't feel comfortable just going if he's not there. Just asking him how does HE feel about you attending the gig and showing love. Just to make sure you're not causing any confusion, by doing so. You know we catch weird vibes that takes us in crazy directions. Right now, seems like he's questioning if your intentions are authentic and being standoffish to see where you stand emotionally. He wants you to chase so he can validate how you feel about him. You can say how you feel a billion times but he's only watching your actions and reading your emotions for confirmation. Oh, and you knew EXACTLY what you were doing when you texted him prior to showing up at his door, lol.... you know you were checking to see WHY he's not responding to your text or calls to meet up...smh. Does he still love you....Yeppp. But he's definitely trying to get over being jealous and thinking you were interested or talking to one of the artist. You gotta understand, he might've said he's cool with you attending the gig by yourself, but deep down inside he probably wasn't cool with it all.
So yes, you should continue to fight because what you two have is something worth fighting for, but YOU HAVE TO EXPOSE THAT CANCER BEHAVIOR. Let him know that he's manipulating you emotionally and it's not fair. Don't be argumentative about it, but sincere. You're gonna have to speak to his emotions and give him that reassurance, but you can't play into the chase game or you'll be in the "I'm sorry mode" for YEARS!
@pisces15 I never expected have anything even sex with him then it grew but I've been severely damaged & I'm a cancer myself... My 2 reasons why I'm not really looking for much more than honesty.
Actually since hearing from truecancermale I sent him gm w/inspiration yesterday n today & he sent a text back this morning. It's been less than a week since we've talked/seen each other & he's coming back. We have a relationship I'm happy with 98% of he time & im not willing to move on over silly 2% .
I will say once I'm ready for more I'll voice it to him gently & if he doesn't commit in a reasonable amount of time I'm never afraid to move on. I'm very independent. That's also something that I have to share delicately with men since they are the kings & should be! However a large amount of women want to play King instead of Queen.
Actually since hearing from truecancermale I sent him gm w/inspiration yesterday n today & he sent a text back this morning. It's been less than a week since we've talked/seen each other & he's coming back. We have a relationship I'm happy with 98% of he time & im not willing to move on over silly 2% .
I will say once I'm ready for more I'll voice it to him gently & if he doesn't commit in a reasonable amount of time I'm never afraid to move on. I'm very independent. That's also something that I have to share delicately with men since they are the kings & should be! However a large amount of women want to play King instead of Queen.
Posted by CalmCrab22
@pisces15 I never expected have anything even sex with him then it grew but I've been severely damaged & I'm a cancer myself... My 2 reasons why I'm not really looking for much more than honesty.
Actually since hearing from truecancermale I sent him gm w/inspiration yesterday n today & he sent a text back this morning. It's been less than a week since we've talked/seen each other & he's coming back. We have a relationship I'm happy with 98% of he time & im not willing to move on over silly 2% .
I will say once I'm ready for more I'll voice it to him gently & if he doesn't commit in a reasonable amount of time I'm never afraid to move on. I'm very independent. That's also something that I have to share delicately with men since they are the kings & should be! However a large amount of women want to play King instead of Queen.
Well said! Now I know allll about the 80-20 rule (which is the dead on TRUTH) but the 98-2 rule is a new one, lol. Just keep an eye on the quality time during the holidays and if he brings you around parents/siblings. Pretty basic but tell tell signs of Cancer male.
@truecancermale lol yea cancers r more 100/0 kinda ppl so 98/2 works better for us
I have met all 5 of his siblings, some cousins, nieces, nephews & almost met his mom but she left with her bf before I got there & once he invited me over but I couldn't make it & later I found out his son was there!
I'm never in town for holidays bc all my Fam lives out of town, but he did contact me on thanksgiving this year. Last year as soon as I was back he playfully demanded I rush to his house.
I will definitely see how things go for this cmas.
One issue I have is the female that was touching him 2 wks ago at the club, he dated her 5yrs ago for 2yrs & known her 10yrs (he gave me all that info) welllll not only did they workout & he posted it on IG the mon after our issues that sat but again today they worked out n he posted it. Which upset me bc your working out with a chic you boned & texting me like you really care. (Since note: he can have just about any woman they throw themselves at him so he doesn't need to chase/keep me for sex-which again never played a major part) I chose to believe nothing is going on unless I see more. Do you think I'm being stupid? We cancers keep ppl around often.
I have met all 5 of his siblings, some cousins, nieces, nephews & almost met his mom but she left with her bf before I got there & once he invited me over but I couldn't make it & later I found out his son was there!
I'm never in town for holidays bc all my Fam lives out of town, but he did contact me on thanksgiving this year. Last year as soon as I was back he playfully demanded I rush to his house.
I will definitely see how things go for this cmas.
One issue I have is the female that was touching him 2 wks ago at the club, he dated her 5yrs ago for 2yrs & known her 10yrs (he gave me all that info) welllll not only did they workout & he posted it on IG the mon after our issues that sat but again today they worked out n he posted it. Which upset me bc your working out with a chic you boned & texting me like you really care. (Since note: he can have just about any woman they throw themselves at him so he doesn't need to chase/keep me for sex-which again never played a major part) I chose to believe nothing is going on unless I see more. Do you think I'm being stupid? We cancers keep ppl around often.
So yes, hanging out with old friends w/benefits is definitely not cool. Sounds like he was in "f*** it" mode after your issues. You're not being stupid; however, you should definitely voice your feelings about it. Remember, not to say what you want but to focus on expressing what you don't like. Basically, the fact that he's hanging out with an old sex buddy and it make's you uncomfortable because you two are sexually intimate and it puts "wondering" thoughts in your head. Do not say, "I don't won't you hanging out with her" but do express that you're uncomfortable seeing it and let him make the decision. This way, you give him the option without making an ultimatum and if he truly cares about you, he'll fix the problem. I think it's pretty important to voice your feelings on this because you want to set the standard early-on letting him know that this type of behavior is acceptable. Be humble about it, yet stand your ground because RESPECT is on the line here. Watch his actions and not his words because if he ignores how you feel about it......this means trouble.
Spending quality time during the holidays is a big thing and I am not talking about late-night QT. I'm talking about being around family during daylight hours. Don't be discouraged or have set expectations, if things don't go as planned this xmas. Things will pan out.
Spending quality time during the holidays is a big thing and I am not talking about late-night QT. I'm talking about being around family during daylight hours. Don't be discouraged or have set expectations, if things don't go as planned this xmas. Things will pan out.
@truecancermale thank you! Great advice as usual
Unfortunately like I said I am in another state for holidays so he gets a pass on them :-/
Unfortunately like I said I am in another state for holidays so he gets a pass on them :-/
@truecancermale I'm so confused again.
So it's been a month since we've spent time together (we've seen each other out which doesn't count). Now I've been texting him every day most of the time gm/gn text with some thing sweet & most of the time he responds with thank you or just gm.
Saturday He text "we should be staying in together but you've been a bad girl." I replied something sexual bc I thought since he said bad girl it was heading that way & he never responded.
Monday he text me himself "what up you must be missing me"
I replied u miss me to admit it & u kno I miss u but I never wana nag u, r you wondering y I'm hitting u up more? I'd tell u over dinner but you've put me in time out.
Yesterday I text him that it wld be nice if he were my lunch buddy for the day & he responded he's unavailable. I replied I assumed but wanted you to know.
Whyyyyyyy is he not asking to see me?! He knows I leave for the holidays soon but the date isn't set bc I drive & leave when I want.
Is he hoping I'll leave him alone & disappear? I don't think so bc if I wanted that is stop replying.
Should I point out that I'm leaving, it's been 2mos & I wana see him before I leave?
I'm just lost now. I know he's working a lot they've been doing a lot of filming but come on you can't see me for just a bit? He's been going out after filming n posting it so he isn't that exhausted but he is with a huge group of guys (I don't stay with him on week days bc I have kids)
So it's been a month since we've spent time together (we've seen each other out which doesn't count). Now I've been texting him every day most of the time gm/gn text with some thing sweet & most of the time he responds with thank you or just gm.
Saturday He text "we should be staying in together but you've been a bad girl." I replied something sexual bc I thought since he said bad girl it was heading that way & he never responded.
Monday he text me himself "what up you must be missing me"
I replied u miss me to admit it & u kno I miss u but I never wana nag u, r you wondering y I'm hitting u up more? I'd tell u over dinner but you've put me in time out.
Yesterday I text him that it wld be nice if he were my lunch buddy for the day & he responded he's unavailable. I replied I assumed but wanted you to know.
Whyyyyyyy is he not asking to see me?! He knows I leave for the holidays soon but the date isn't set bc I drive & leave when I want.
Is he hoping I'll leave him alone & disappear? I don't think so bc if I wanted that is stop replying.
Should I point out that I'm leaving, it's been 2mos & I wana see him before I leave?
I'm just lost now. I know he's working a lot they've been doing a lot of filming but come on you can't see me for just a bit? He's been going out after filming n posting it so he isn't that exhausted but he is with a huge group of guys (I don't stay with him on week days bc I have kids)
Yesterday evening I got a random selfie I playfully respond "grrr & an emoji" then send "Hopefully I see more than a selfie before I leave for the rest of the year"
Annnnd I get no response like wth dude
I playfully respond "grrr & an emoji" then send "Hopefully I see more than a selfie before I leave for the rest of the year" Annnnd I get no response like wth dude
Posted by Koniucha
I haven't kept up with this, but reading your last post, ignore him. What a douche, seriously. What is the point of sending a selfie and not responding. He clearly just wanted some attention and you
gave him that.
OMG this is exactly what the Gemini with Cancer Venus, and Mars I just dropped was doing. I finally told him yesterday you are bored go away and he increased his behavior so I deleted him off of everything and his number.
OP, I dont know if he loves you, but even if he does, his actions is not what I would want. Not sleeping with you regularly after 18 months? No way I would accept this.....
Just leave him alone, no contact....... dont respond (and dont reach out) until he comes to see you
No contact!!! You are in love with your fantasy about him only, so no contact will not do no difference..... dont tell him anything, just stop contact
Just leave him alone, no contact....... dont respond (and dont reach out) until he comes to see you
No contact!!! You are in love with your fantasy about him only, so no contact will not do no difference..... dont tell him anything, just stop contact
Nvm. He hmu yesterday but I fell asleep reading & told him that when I got up today & told him I'm leaving tomorrow. He said ok & had a # of kids for the evening then UNCF thing.
So idk I'm just going to see how it goes. I mean we are communicating which is good but not back to normal yet 😕
So idk I'm just going to see how it goes. I mean we are communicating which is good but not back to normal yet 😕
@truecancermale I told him I was leaving the next day bc my kids by & said some other random stuff. That night he came over & spent the night & stayed until noon the next day. He asked what time I was leaving I told him I planned to leave @ 5 am but bc he came over & needed his rest I wast gonna leave whenever. So he knew I stayed for him but I was happy that he drove out of his way to see me before I left.
I think he looked in my phone & saw his Instagram name in my search history while I was in he bathroom.
I haven't looked at his IG account since I left bc I'm on vacation with Fam & busy with a lot but I went on there tonight & that girl was with him in a post he put up that night I left after he spent the night with me. They had eaten dinner & they were complaining about the place. Some guy friend of his posted "we don't do dates man cmon" & he replied this wasn't a date we were just hungry.
1- we don't share social media so I can't come out n say something about or I'd show my crazy.
2- it's my fault we don't share social media bc the night we met he asked to share & when he saw I had a few thousand less followers he teased me & I said that he couldn't follow me then & now idk how to reverse that & not sure I want to
3- we have had some sort of convo since I left but this worries me some bc I love him and don't want to be hurt bc I'm stupid
4- I'm not going to initiate any convo cmas & see what happens
Any input?
I think he looked in my phone & saw his Instagram name in my search history while I was in he bathroom.
I haven't looked at his IG account since I left bc I'm on vacation with Fam & busy with a lot but I went on there tonight & that girl was with him in a post he put up that night I left after he spent the night with me. They had eaten dinner & they were complaining about the place. Some guy friend of his posted "we don't do dates man cmon" & he replied this wasn't a date we were just hungry.
1- we don't share social media so I can't come out n say something about or I'd show my crazy.
2- it's my fault we don't share social media bc the night we met he asked to share & when he saw I had a few thousand less followers he teased me & I said that he couldn't follow me then & now idk how to reverse that & not sure I want to
3- we have had some sort of convo since I left but this worries me some bc I love him and don't want to be hurt bc I'm stupid
4- I'm not going to initiate any convo cmas & see what happens
Any input?
he left the club with another woman and a smile on his face after the club gets raided and he is not even checking to see if your ok?
you keep reaching out, initiating all these texts/conversations about your relationship status and he is nowhere near putting in close to half the effort.
he probably senses and feels there is something you want from him you are not getting and the fact you are being so aggressive coming forward at him with all these texts about relationship status etc. especially after watching him with other ladies is slowly devaluing you.. its probly going to keep getting worse unless you pull way back and return to female mode.
you keep reaching out, initiating all these texts/conversations about your relationship status and he is nowhere near putting in close to half the effort.
he probably senses and feels there is something you want from him you are not getting and the fact you are being so aggressive coming forward at him with all these texts about relationship status etc. especially after watching him with other ladies is slowly devaluing you.. its probly going to keep getting worse unless you pull way back and return to female mode.
a male sending a selfie to his longtime xyz... sounds a bit gamey to me. I would quit chasing him, your feeding his ego.
and his ego is coming at your emotional expense and value as a woman.
He never sent her a selfie, he sent tit to me.
I would never contact a man NEVERRR but people have told me that I am waaaay to distant & when I look back at he beginning of our relationship I definitely didn't contact him or give him anything to feed off of bc I had been throat much in a prev relationship I kept EVERYTHING to myself soo I'm trying to make up for some of that.
Example: he told me it would be nice to get some pics (not dirty) now & then & I didn't send a pic for like 2-3 mos I have my reasons for the things I do & cancers are different breed
I would never contact a man NEVERRR but people have told me that I am waaaay to distant & when I look back at he beginning of our relationship I definitely didn't contact him or give him anything to feed off of bc I had been throat much in a prev relationship I kept EVERYTHING to myself soo I'm trying to make up for some of that.
Example: he told me it would be nice to get some pics (not dirty) now & then & I didn't send a pic for like 2-3 mos I have my reasons for the things I do & cancers are different breed
If you're distant it's for a good freaking reason. You have an inner feeling in your gut. Start using it again. Drop this Lil Wayne prototype and get happy!
Posted by CalmCrab22
He never sent her a selfie, he sent tit to me.
I would never contact a man NEVERRR but people have told me that I am waaaay to distant & when I look back at he beginning of our relationship I definitely didn't contact him or give him anything to feed off of bc I had been throat much in a prev relationship I kept EVERYTHING to myself soo I'm trying to make up for some of that.
Example: he told me it would be nice to get some pics (not dirty) now & then & I didn't send a pic for like 2-3 mos I have my reasons for the things I do & cancers are different breed
Guys will say just about anything to get you to chase them and make things easy even if they say your distant, its because your not easy prey, the more you try and prove or contact first the faster they lose interest which is clear to see here. In the beginning of your relationship he sounded like he was way more into you then now, someone sending selfies and seeing you 1x per month is not a lot. I would pull way back. Don't listen to other men (of any sign), guy code will send get you chasing and single faster than common sense of being the lady in the relationship. The last thing to do for a man when they are behaving badly or confused is to make them a nice meal. That meal comes needs to be earned good treatment and behavior only. Unforgivable he is with all these other ladies and left with one right in front of your eyes.
I feel like ppl don't really read all I write
@truecancermale so over the time I've been out of town I sent him a pic of property I've always wanted here & he called me today (cmas) and says Merry Christmas, what's up, wyd & then asks for the property info & when I tell him I'll send it he says ok bye 5min later he texts telling me to send the info.
I sent it even tho I didn't want to bc it's my dream & don't want someone else to have it & im furious that he called with that BS.
I fell if you wanted something then just ask f the BS wyd crap. Idk if I'm blowing it out of proportion bc I've been in a bad mood all day or what
I sent it even tho I didn't want to bc it's my dream & don't want someone else to have it & im furious that he called with that BS.
I fell if you wanted something then just ask f the BS wyd crap. Idk if I'm blowing it out of proportion bc I've been in a bad mood all day or what
Thursday I text him "hey" he didn't respond soooo Friday morning I sent him this:
I feel disrespected when you're not direct & when you ignore me. I can't accept that any longer. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt & sometimes it's plain to see that you do care & others that you don't & idk which isn't ok. Ya dig.
No response as of yet. I'm debating when he does contact me if I'm going to ignore until he comes correct or be cold distant but still respond. Or hit him up like nothing happened bc I never set a date to return from holiday & he doesn't know if I'm back yet.
Hmmmmm this cancer/cancer is way dif than any other guy I've entertained the possibility of dating or dated.
I feel disrespected when you're not direct & when you ignore me. I can't accept that any longer. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt & sometimes it's plain to see that you do care & others that you don't & idk which isn't ok. Ya dig.
No response as of yet. I'm debating when he does contact me if I'm going to ignore until he comes correct or be cold distant but still respond. Or hit him up like nothing happened bc I never set a date to return from holiday & he doesn't know if I'm back yet.
Hmmmmm this cancer/cancer is way dif than any other guy I've entertained the possibility of dating or dated.
I'm a very evolved cancer. I learned to communicate in relationships a lot bc I was tired of people pointing out that I was a poor communicator. I have no problem saying I'm sorry (that's a huge obstacle for crabs). The man is utterly irresistible which isn't a shock since crabs are like kryptonite to most. Except he doesn't talk much about emotions 😕
Omg I feel like I'm in some twilight zone OP you need to read this!
http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
Posted by Moonbutter
Omg I feel like I'm in some twilight zone OP you need to read this!
http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes
Oh damn I forgot you have to replace the fuck with the actual f word.
Why are you still texting him????????????????? Thats the real question...just stop. He won't be sad, he won't be pissed he won't think you don't care just because you stopped. He is the one that needs to start texting and worrying about you. Stay in your feminine zone. He needs to be the masculine energy. Baby girl it might hurt really bad, you're emotionally invested in him I get it. Cancer man can be so wonderful. I get it. But I would stop if I was you.
Oh No no no no ROFLMBO I'm a cancer I am definitely EVIL I've put a LOT of work into not being evil.
That's why in the beginning I NEVER contacted him and waited months to respond to questions or requests but when I noticed he wasn't interactive like the first 6-8mos I spoke to some people I know and EVERYONE said its because I never let him know I gave 2 Fs at all
Now I see I trying to make up for it but I'm pretty much over it. I'm busy on other things in life and won't have much time for him until the fall so he is on the back burner now and he's gonna stay there for awhile nmw.
Priorities!
That's why in the beginning I NEVER contacted him and waited months to respond to questions or requests but when I noticed he wasn't interactive like the first 6-8mos I spoke to some people I know and EVERYONE said its because I never let him know I gave 2 Fs at all
Now I see I trying to make up for it but I'm pretty much over it. I'm busy on other things in life and won't have much time for him until the fall so he is on the back burner now and he's gonna stay there for awhile nmw.
Priorities!
Hey we have the same birthday!!! Go us!!! 7/15**high five👌
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