Cancerian Game

My Cancerian boyfriend I recently split but agreed to be friends. We've not spoken much since but when I see him there's still loads of eye contact and a 'spark'. I want him back and told him so, he wants to be just friends. What is this cant and mouse game? Help!!

I'm not sure what game you are referring to. The two of you AGREED to be friends. You want him back, but, he wants to remain friends.

Doesn't look like a game to me. It just looks like you have to get over it and acknowledge that he doesn't want to be your boyfriend.

Sounds pretty elementary.

The game is that he flirts outrageously with everything in sight, while staring me out!! He also complains that I hardly talk to him anymore - easier said than done when he's the love of your life and not yours to have. I asked for advice..not a wisecrack comment. You're either not Cancerian or never dated one.

He might be indesive, they usually take time. I can't say that he'll never come back to you because they usually do if it hasn't been too long and nothing MAJOR MAJOR separated you two...

I say that you slowly back off a lil' and stop telling him that you want him back. Once you start acting a bit indifferent he might realize that he wants you, will worry and seek you out. Atleast in my experience this is how they work. They aren't direct until they feel forced to DO something or say something. It's on their own though. Luck 🙂

Thanks!! No we didnt split over anything major - its just that his relationships have a particlar pattern - 2 months of bliss and then things start to downhill, as if he wants it to end when he gets too attached, scared of being hurt. I would never hurt him, and i dont keep saying that i want him back. I did say that what we had deserved a second chance. Dont know what to do, it hurts so bad. I read on another message board that they dont like people playing hard to get, yet others say thats what i should do. Should i just leave him alone and hope that he does something soon? How would i know he wants me back, he's not very direct and i doubt he would ask me straight!! Thanks

It's not a game, it's not playing hard to get. HE'S the one who said to remain friends, so if that's what he really wants he won't mind you being a little indifferent right? You give him what they want, and if he's bothered or seeks you out instead... he's the one playing games, not you. Or he might just realize that he was wrong and that's not what he really wants. He's comfortable because he's got you close and available.

If you have feelings for him you really shouldn't stay friends, it's unhealthy and hurts too much. As he's put it, he doesn't want anymore. So if you have 'no hope' of getting back with him then there's no point in being his friend. Stay away from him... if he really has feelings for you, he will seek you out... no doubt.

"How would i know he wants me back, he's not very direct and i doubt he would ask me straight!!"

-- Not just him, most aren't very direct. But when shove comes to push they do come out of their shell. Don't worry about you knowing, he'll be the one trying to call you and what not.

Ooops *push comes to shove lol

-They start off acting a bit indifferent as if they don't care
-Realize that YOU don't care and are serious
-Begin feeling a little worried
-Act as if nothing much happened and find excuses to talk to you
-Resistance, things really are serious, push a little harder
-They may distance themselves a bit
-Come back full force, tell you they want you, miss you etc. etc.
Realize that they have to be direct or they'll really lose you

Something along those lines, but you would have to remain strong and realize that being close to them really isn't the best for you. You have to be willing to cut them off completely. If they truly have feelings for you they will come out because they care. This is for YOU, because it sounds like you've already showed him that you care. He needs to step up to the plate or move aside already. When he's ready to make a decision you'll know and then you can talk something through... now you'll know that he's not playing games anymore, so you don't either.

Speaking as a cancer I can say that I don't believe in being friends with a girl. It's a game for real and it sounds like your cancer friend is winning. Sola, whats your sign BTW?

Lol same thing my crab says... he always lectures me about how guys and girls can't be friends and why my friends don't see me the same way as I do them. But I don't care really. I'm fine with the way things are between me and my guy buddies. My crabby trusts me anyway but he does seem to like the ones who have their own girlfriends better lol

Anywhooooo, hows it going Sammy? Anything new with the bull lady?
As for myself I took your advice on taking a vacation... a short one but four days in Vegas was enough 🙂 Very good timing since it wasn't so hot, perfect weather, kinda cloudy and windy by the time we left but still warm.

Oh btw yes I also agree that he's playing games. So give her some advice mister 😛

Lol same thing my crab says... he always lectures me about how guys and girls can't be friends and why my friends don't see me the same way as I do them. But I don't care really. I'm fine with the way things are between me and my guy buddies. My crabby trusts me anyway but he does seem to like the ones who have their own girlfriends better lol

/Does making crabs jealous amuse you TC? I'd be uneasy too if my gf was friends with other guys.. BUT.. i'd always take comfort in knowing I could knock any of them out. 🙂 Then again.. I might just mix it up and do some flirting of my own.. Ah.. so many fish in the sea, why bother settling on just 1? 🙂 Hehe.. did I tell you how sexy jealous bulls are?/

Anywhooooo, hows it going Sammy? Anything new with the bull lady?

/I don't know what to do!! I want her really bad but I think the right thing to do would be to just butt out. Damn my luck.../

As for myself I took your advice on taking a vacation... a short one but four days in Vegas was enough Very good timing since it wasn't so hot, perfect weather, kinda cloudy and windy by the time we left but still warm.

/I said go on vacation.. not an extended weekend.. Whats the matter with you? I'm leaving for europe in just under 2 weeks and i'll be back sometime in july./

Oh btw yes I also agree that he's playing games. So give her some advice mister

/Advice.. well, I think the right thing to do here would be to not give in to the game.. turn a shoulder and act like you don't care or that it doesn't bother you in the least. In other words, do the exact opposite of what he wants you to do.. i.e. become jealous./

If I was ur best friend i want you all around da time,I want you all around da time,He say he's just a friend.Is either he is or aint your man,He says he's just a frieeeeenndddd.

Im a libra lass. Why would he say 'hope we can still be friends - hope you do too?', What does he mean, just hang around in case he doesnt find anyone better, or he does like me and might want to get back together? SRG, what do you mean winning? He calls me sweetie too, please keep the advice coming!! Im going to give him a week of silence, here's hoping that will give him something to think about..please keep the advice coming x

p.s, this message board is the best - i dont know what i'd of done if i hadnt have found it. You guys are great!

If you think that's smartass, you apparantly don't know me. That was being nice.

Your typical of every other stupid American woman, you don't want truth about your teasing head games, you just want to be pampered and reassured that it's alright to behave as though women are better than men.

They're not, respect goes both ways, you fool.

Winning? He's playing a game with you by checking out other girls and he's winning because now you don't want to just be friends(if thats possible in the first place).

P-Angel, im Scottish. You're a bit curt is all, you have to be careful and nice to people in love pain..sorry. You're advice is appreciated.

Yes, curt, would be a nice assessment . . . I appreciate that. I've heard worse over the years. I just believe in being real and I really don't see a game taking place.

If someone doesn't want you, walk away. There are so many people in this world who would want you. To stay and play the game "He's looking at me, now he's not, he's looking at me, now he's not", seems childish.

Walk away, girl. It's not worth playing.

But isnt that giving up to easily. Im just thinking that if he didnt like me then he wouldnt play a game to start with? Are you cancerian? I dont know, we kind of frequent the same social circuit and the thought of seeing him with someone else is just killing me. All things need a resolution. I always live by the code that if you love someone then you need to make sure you've tried everything possible. I was the one that ended it..could that explain all this crap?

I truly believe that people, mainly females, are insecure about wanting to be wanted. Females would compromise their own inherent rights as being female, just to have a man want them and love them.

Another person doesn't HAVE to want you, or love you. This seems to be the problem with most women. A guy looks at them, there's sparks, maybe the might even go out and have a great time for awhile, then, when the guy wants to slow down and take a step backwards, the girl is all crying about, "I thought he loved me, I thought he wanted me." And that's all just insecurity because they want to be loved. And, most times, I've found that it doesn't even matter who the guy is, he could be an arse in reality, but, if he shows the girl attention, then she's madly in love. That's crazy !!!!

Just because a man looks at you, even if there is attraction and lust in his eyes, doesn't mean he loves you. I'm not meaning you specifically, women in general, I mean as "you". Women cause their own pain, 90% of the time, by assuming that a man loves her when he fact he doesn't.

The girl only discredits herself, most of the time. She makes assumptions that the male must adhere to her standards, when in fact, there are two people involved.

I don't see a point in hanging on and trying every angle to win him over. That is the game that originally started this post. You asked, why is he playing this game, when in fact, it's you who is trying to hang on.

You are worth more than that as a woman and a human. Do you see the insecurity I'm talking about?

If he wants to play, let him. You don't have to, but, if you do, then you are on the same level. You want to rise above, then don't play.

Oh my God..you are an angel!! I know that i am deeply insecure, its just that i find myself in this position all the freakin' time. I just cant seem to get it right. Fuck it..im moving on right now!! P.S can you help me out all the time? I'll help you about stuff too x

No, actually, you're the angel. I'm the crucifier, in reality. A tremendous flaw in my character. You must be Cancer, for only they know how to tap into my Piscean nature that is suppose to nurture instead of destroy.

Thank you Sola, I've been ranting for days, hoping C-Lady would come around to calm me down. Now, I can be nice again . . . thanks a million.

I guess I need to have a Cancer in my everyday life to calm my murky waters that want to violently rage, but, I don't. They all moved away. Perhaps I pounded them too harshly. Tough love is how I live and preach without a Cancer in my life.

You're so sweet and you know how to make me sweet. I love my V-man to death, but, perhaps, he's a little to critical for this Pisces girl and I need some gentleness in my life.

Hugs & Kisses to you !!!!!!

No P-Angel, just a lil' Libra x

Really? Well, then, now I know I can find peace with a Libra, as well.

P-Angel,

No, you have also helped out an Aquarian with what you have written. It makes so much sense. I've been dealing with a Virgo that it's has been so up and down I can't believe I've gone through it all. Very much emotionally draining but I have learnt a lot.

I dated a Virgo for 7 years (of hell). Any questions just let me know!!

Sola,

Thank you so much. I have no idea what he wants at all as he flip flops around. I've never encountered a Virgo before so I'm pretty clueless.

Fussy and critical, very difficult to deal with on a daily basis, that's for sure.

Hey, im only happy to help. Any questions, just fire away!! I take it you're refering to a dear Cancer? Well, im having no more of it and neither should you. Let's just stick together and keep each other up-to-date.

Yeah, that's for sure. I never know if he means what he says or what. He got annoyed me for being too positive which is something he has never been bothered with before. He knows I'm a positive person. He's also the complete opposite of myself.

"Hey, im only happy to help. Any questions, just fire away!! I take it you're refering to a dear Cancer? Well, im having no more of it and neither should you. Let's just stick together and keep each other up-to-date."

No, I'm not dealing with a Cancer. I've been dealing with a Virgo.

Sorry!! Mine was a cheat and a thief. They are so critical, its awful. Cant believe I stuck around so long!!You'll notice that they will do anything for anyone - friends, family..but not you. Thats what mine did, mr. helpful unless it was me that needed help. They do NOT understand women at all. Maybe we just weren't compatible!!

I think we should all pool our money together, go buy an island in the Carribbean and say to 'ell with all of them. We'll drink martini's and bask in the sun and let everyone else deal with the crap.

P-Angel,

That would be great. It sure is a lot of work with Virgos.

Totally agree. How much emphasis do you put on the astrological part of a person? For me it instantly makes or breaks the situation. Now I hope my Cancerian 'friend' gets in touch, just so that i can tell him to beat it!! Im felling all girl-power (ish)!!

That's right, rock on!!!! You are woman !!!!!!

And, they do it on purpose, you know. They know how sensitive we are, they know they can make us cry easily. When we do, they find satisfaction. We're not gonna let them because we are strong, we don't need that crap.

Yeah !!!!!

Sola,

Well, the Virgo guy and I are friends although I think he wants more but I feel uneasy. One time he told he loved me. Then another time he told me he and I are good friends. I have no idea what happened. He would call me for 2 months straight. Then he stopped. He got himself a girlfriend who dumped him after a short while. He has an ex who hurt him very deeply. I try to show him I'm not like others girls which I think he is starting to see. I feel he tests me a lot. He likes to tell me he's popular with girls and then the next time I talk to him he isn't popular with anyone. He's told me he doesn't have a chance with anyone. He gets these spruts of calling me a lot and then he does his poof act like I don't hear from him. He's a sea now. The last time I talked to him was almost two weeks ago. He promised he wouldn't let it go too long before I heard from him (I don't know what not too long in Virgo language means) and well, I'm sticking to my guns with not contact him. I want to call him to find out if he is okay since he's at sea but I refuse to chase him. If he wants to call me he will. I have no idea if Virgos mean what they say. He tries to get different reactions out of me (like trying to make me jealous) which I don't give him. He likes to party way too much and feels very sorry for himself. I try to show him nothing is as black as he thinks it is. He's told me I'm a positive influence on him also. He has a lot of issues to deal with which I know and he has to sort them out on his time. I just don't what him to think I've disappeared like most people have in his life. I have taken a step back and will see what happens.

How much do you like him? Have you been together long? I suggest that you dont contact him, wait for him (the hardest thing in the world i know). Use the time to think about whether yor ideas about love are similar..that's why me and my ex slpit up. We thought differently about love and there's no shame in that. Dont go down the road of chance after chance, its not worth it babe.

Well, I've started to like him more than I should but I haven't told him this as I'm afraid I'd scare him away. Therefore I play aloof with him so he has no idea. We have never dated and are just friends. No, I will not contact him. I've done that in the past because I got a little scared (stupid I know, one of many mistakes along the way). It's very difficult not knowing what is going on but I will stand my ground. I don't talk about love with him at all. I'm so good at being a guy's buddy (being an Aquarian we absolutely love friends) that I don't get too personal. This Virgo guy is free with telling me a lot of things. Some things he tells me about (like what he does at parties, his one night stands, the other girls) I don't understand why he feels I should know that. This is why I have taken a step back and will see what happens as I have to keep my sanity.

Also, this guy sounds like a lot of hard work in general. In this case its better to move on, for your own sanity. Dont hesitate to ask more questions.

To be fair on the guy, he's probably in love with you but is now playing it down because e doesn't know how you feel. Why not go on a few dates and see it goes, it doesnt have to get all heavy and serious. You might even enjoy it. Open up a little bit, we're all scared of the same things. If it doesnt work then just be content that you tried.

I totally agree with you. He is a lot of hard work. He has told me he always hurt people. One time he told me he would bore me since he is a Virgo and I'm an Aquarian. I told him that would never happen. I was absolutely right. Instead it's been an experience like no other. I've learnt a lot of patience though which is a good thing. He's a loner and likes his space which I give him. I don't pester him at all. He's very insecure with himself. I just hope he sees the light one day and gets his act together. I dislike seeing other people in pain especially if I like them. The craziest thing is I took on his pain and became miserable also. I was sad for 6 weeks because of how miserable with life he is. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. That has never happened to me before. What in the world was I doing? He doesn't know anything about how sad I've been over him. Then in the middle of May I finally got a sense of peace I've been searching for. I don't know what clicked in my brain to say no more but something happened and peace finally came. I can't let myself get so involved again.

You dont sound like you need advice girl, you've got it sorted. Im a believer in what's for us wont go by us. Its not nice to feel so down, and it does take a lot of time and a lot of thinking to get over it..its just part of learning. Someone wrote that God sends us the shit first so the when the good one comes along we'll just 'know'. Hope ive given you some help, keep blogging x

Thank you very much. I love the saying: God sends us the shit first so the when the good one comes along we'll just 'know'. Perfect.

I also believe in the saying: Set it free, if it was meant to be, it will come back to you, if it doesn't, then it was never yours in the first place". This is the motto I live by.

The Virgo guy knows I'm a good catch and fiercly loyal. He knows I'm not going to let him down and hurt him. Although I don't know what he wants either as he doesn't say much about his feelings at all and I don't push either. I have a lot going on in my life with schooling and my parttime job. He tells me he never forgets anybody and remembers everything. I don't know if he is laying low right now because he knows I have a lot on my plate now and doesn't want to pressure me or what cause I don't need pressure either. He answers any question I have which I'm astonished at because I have been a bit nosy when he comes to him. He doesn't ask many questions at all which I find odd. I notice when he talks to me he gets in a good mood and sometimes he laughs which I think is awesome. He's really a good guy but very mixed up now with the issues in his life. I will always be his friend. I just don't know how he sees things.