Cancerman hurt, please help
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by CancerPisces on Wednesday, February 12, 2014 and has 11 replies.
I am getting this silent treatment for a week now and he hasn??t responded to any of my messages.
Bit of our background ??? this cancerman is my ex and our relation was very short around 4-5 months when I decided to walk away due to family reasons. However after 6 years - we met last September and agreed we??ll be just friends. End of January he has been indicating he has issues with his wife and hence he had been silent for a week but then came back saying he missed me but the communication with him wasn??t same as before. I saw his wife responding to his FB posts so kind of wondered whether he really has issues with his wife. Next day was Friday and I asked him about a book??s name and he never replied ??? Saturday he message me ???why the fuck do women do my head in, I want to be alone??. I took it personally and was a bit hurt by that message ??? so I didn??t respond. 2 hours later he messaged saying ???he likes to talk to me as he feels less stressed?? but I was angry and responded to him that I don??t like being spoken like that and he could have worded the message differently also stressed that I know he has problems with his wife but he shouldn??t be discussing such issues with me as there is a fine line between us. the reason I did this coz recently he messaged me saying he was regretting why we didn??t get married. After my message - He went quiet and 2 days later got a long message saying he thinks he has failed in life and that he feels depressed and doesn??t want anyone around him and asked me not to contact him. He also said he doesn??t want me to be included in his depressing times so wants to keep me away from all this. When he does this to me ??? I usually leave him alone but this time I felt he needed me plus I didn??t want him to go in depression so I did send few messages but no response. His posts of FB suggests he is out of his shell now but he hasn??t contacted me .Reviewing our recent chats ??? I have a fear he had some strong feelings for me but he didn??t say that and knowing that am not at the same level in terms of emotion has hurt him more. I dropped him a line again yesterday but no response. I care for him and I didn??t really want to hurt him in anyway and now am feeling guilty. He hasn??t yet unfriend me on FB or blocked me. Note -He has done this before so I was expecting that would happen. Does this mean I??ve hurt him at a level that he wont ever talk to me or is it just that he needs more time?
Bit of our background ??? this cancerman is my ex and our relation was very short around 4-5 months when I decided to walk away due to family reasons. However after 6 years - we met last September and agreed we??ll be just friends. End of January he has been indicating he has issues with his wife and hence he had been silent for a week but then came back saying he missed me but the communication with him wasn??t same as before. I saw his wife responding to his FB posts so kind of wondered whether he really has issues with his wife. Next day was Friday and I asked him about a book??s name and he never replied ??? Saturday he message me ???why the fuck do women do my head in, I want to be alone??. I took it personally and was a bit hurt by that message ??? so I didn??t respond. 2 hours later he messaged saying ???he likes to talk to me as he feels less stressed?? but I was angry and responded to him that I don??t like being spoken like that and he could have worded the message differently also stressed that I know he has problems with his wife but he shouldn??t be discussing such issues with me as there is a fine line between us. the reason I did this coz recently he messaged me saying he was regretting why we didn??t get married. After my message - He went quiet and 2 days later got a long message saying he thinks he has failed in life and that he feels depressed and doesn??t want anyone around him and asked me not to contact him. He also said he doesn??t want me to be included in his depressing times so wants to keep me away from all this. When he does this to me ??? I usually leave him alone but this time I felt he needed me plus I didn??t want him to go in depression so I did send few messages but no response. His posts of FB suggests he is out of his shell now but he hasn??t contacted me .Reviewing our recent chats ??? I have a fear he had some strong feelings for me but he didn??t say that and knowing that am not at the same level in terms of emotion has hurt him more. I dropped him a line again yesterday but no response. I care for him and I didn??t really want to hurt him in anyway and now am feeling guilty. He hasn??t yet unfriend me on FB or blocked me. Note -He has done this before so I was expecting that would happen. Does this mean I??ve hurt him at a level that he wont ever talk to me or is it just that he needs more time?
I have a longstanding rule about married people.
Do not EVER mess around with married people.
PERIOD.
Do not EVER mess around with married people.
PERIOD.
OMG! Cannt believe so many replies already.
Impulsive ??? thank you for your honest opinion. I am trying not to be his gf and as I said ??? I??ve left him alone when he previously has been silent like this but this time I have this guilt feeling that is bugging me. Am aware of that fine line and that??s why I asked him not to discuss anything about his issues with wife to me
Thanks Aquavita ??? ???but might be a big love here... not to be missed????_that made me think. Well to be honest I have missed him in 6 years but knowing he was married??_thought he was happily married and I never contacted him. he contacted me last year and he was the one who insisted in meeting up. I don??t want to complicate anything here but looks like this is not going to anywhere and if anything goes wrong blame would be on me. but I wish there was like a closure. We never had that before and seems like he won??t allow it yet again!
Impulsive ??? thank you for your honest opinion. I am trying not to be his gf and as I said ??? I??ve left him alone when he previously has been silent like this but this time I have this guilt feeling that is bugging me. Am aware of that fine line and that??s why I asked him not to discuss anything about his issues with wife to me
Thanks Aquavita ??? ???but might be a big love here... not to be missed????_that made me think. Well to be honest I have missed him in 6 years but knowing he was married??_thought he was happily married and I never contacted him. he contacted me last year and he was the one who insisted in meeting up. I don??t want to complicate anything here but looks like this is not going to anywhere and if anything goes wrong blame would be on me. but I wish there was like a closure. We never had that before and seems like he won??t allow it yet again!
thanks Aquavita - i havent. I'll check this out now 
Posted by CancerPisces
OMG! Cannt believe so many replies already.
Impulsive ??? thank you for your honest opinion. I am trying not to be his gf and as I said ??? I??ve left him alone when he previously has been silent like this but this time I have this guilt feeling that is bugging me. Am aware of that fine line and that??s why I asked him not to discuss anything about his issues with wife to me
Thanks Aquavita ??? ???but might be a big love here... not to be missed????_that made me think. Well to be honest I have missed him in 6 years but knowing he was married??_thought he was happily married and I never contacted him. he contacted me last year and he was the one who insisted in meeting up.
You feel guilty yet you tell him not to discuss anything of his wife to you... so you feel guilty but you don't want to feel guilty so you push it under the rug. And yes you didn't contact him but the fact that HE contacts you and you answer and he convinces you into meeting up with him. Didn't even seem like you even try very hard to keep him out of your life.
You want closure. What more closure can you get then the FACT is he's MARRIED and it doesn't look like he's getting out of it anytime soon THEREFORE you guys can NOT continue your relationship. THE END. It really is THAT simple.
You want to continue your relationship... the fact that you continue to keep your relationship open screams that.
Sorry but I have very little respect for anyone trying to start a relationship with a married man... even one pretending to be nice and moving on about it. JUST LEAVE HIM BE. Is it really THAT difficult? Do you really have so little self-control and self respect?
Sorry to be bitchy... riding the crimson tide. But it is VERY simple. Leave him alone. No contact, no encourgement. Have more dignity, self respect and more control over yourself...geez!
Marrissa ??? thanks for your sympathetic reply and I understand what you trying to say. Indeed, I??ve decided to not contact him anymore coz I don??t want him to mess up his marriage or plant a seed as such. That??s clearly not my intention.
Xtina ??? I did try to keep him away. When I made decision to walk away ??? he wanted to continue as friends but I didn??t but in this 6 years gap I realized that he is the man I feel strongly for and I??ve never felt like that for anyone. It was hard for me to realize as we were together for very short period and when I actually did realize this ??? it was too late but still didn??t contact him. Although I know what I feel ??? am not trying to continue a relation here. I want to be just friends and am concerned for him as friend as I think I??ve hurt him by being so harsh with my reply. Don??t friends share their worries with each other? Don??t you try and help friends out if you know they are suffering? That??s how I see it and even though I wanted to help him as a friend ???I couldn??t.
I don??t think its to do with self respect or self control ??? I do have both coz if I wanted I could have easily allowed us both to enter into a relationship in the past 4 months we??ve been talking to each other.
Aquavina ??? Thanks for understanding my concern. By the way - I liked Rumi and treetunk love too but I don??t think I??ll send it to him. I??ve already hurt him and I don??t want to trigger anymore emotions as you might know how sensitive cancerians are. Indeed love sucks and friendship even more??_
Anyways, you all have helped me to understand that there is no point in feeling guilty and I should just end this here rather than complicating anything. Thank you everyone
Xtina ??? I did try to keep him away. When I made decision to walk away ??? he wanted to continue as friends but I didn??t but in this 6 years gap I realized that he is the man I feel strongly for and I??ve never felt like that for anyone. It was hard for me to realize as we were together for very short period and when I actually did realize this ??? it was too late but still didn??t contact him. Although I know what I feel ??? am not trying to continue a relation here. I want to be just friends and am concerned for him as friend as I think I??ve hurt him by being so harsh with my reply. Don??t friends share their worries with each other? Don??t you try and help friends out if you know they are suffering? That??s how I see it and even though I wanted to help him as a friend ???I couldn??t.
I don??t think its to do with self respect or self control ??? I do have both coz if I wanted I could have easily allowed us both to enter into a relationship in the past 4 months we??ve been talking to each other.
Aquavina ??? Thanks for understanding my concern. By the way - I liked Rumi and treetunk love too but I don??t think I??ll send it to him. I??ve already hurt him and I don??t want to trigger anymore emotions as you might know how sensitive cancerians are. Indeed love sucks and friendship even more??_
Anyways, you all have helped me to understand that there is no point in feeling guilty and I should just end this here rather than complicating anything. Thank you everyone
BULLSHIT to just being friends. You've had feelings for him for 6 YEARS! And you think you'd be able to ignore those feelings being friends?? I highly doubt it. You can't even get him out of your life. SELF CONTROL my ass. You are just like every girl I know that have gone through this... making excuses here and there, deluding yourself until everything snowballs into OPPS we hooked up and now I want him to leave his wife to be with him. WAKE up and take responsibility for your actions. ANd wake up to reality. Just because you choose to ignore the facts don't make them less true.
I've seen this story too many times to know where this is going.
Not saying women can't be friends with married men but you have TOO much feelings to be friends with him. And the fact that you can't even see that or acknowledge it is testament to the fact that you have no self-control or respect.
I've seen this story too many times to know where this is going.
Not saying women can't be friends with married men but you have TOO much feelings to be friends with him. And the fact that you can't even see that or acknowledge it is testament to the fact that you have no self-control or respect.
impressive.c who can do it te longest
You're digging a married man and come here looking for advice? Okay. Don't mess around with a married man. How's that for advice?
Posted by ScorpioFish
I have a longstanding rule about married people.
Do not EVER mess around with married people.
PERIOD.
I second that rule
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