Cancers: Can you be with someone you don't love?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Celes37 on Saturday, May 6, 2006 and has 20 replies.
Having in mind that love isn't always there from the beginning...but that Cancers usually feel from the start that love will develop, can you say that a relationship that begins without that "spark", from the cancer point of view, has a chance of success?
Will you stay with someone just because. Can love emerge from the sense of responsability or the need to be stable. Perhaps some people might know from where i'm coming from, and might not like it or be totally against it. But don't you feel sometimes that you need to take the power to make something work in your own hands, instead of leaving it to fate or time?
uff-
Well to be honest I have been in a situation like this before. Where I was with someone that I did not love, and it felt as if I had to force myself to love that person. It's like I felt bad for not loving the person so I did all I could and forced the love to come out of me. And the weird thing is once I started to develop some form of feelings the guy actually hurt me really badly. Now is that crazy or what?
It's not crazy at all, its happening to me right now.
"love is surely better when its gone"
Hec no. I'm quick to leave a relationship that I am not happy in. I have to, HAVE TO be in LOVE.
I felt as though my Cancer boyfriend loved me. He didnt need to say it, it felt it and saw it in the little things he did for me. Could it be that Cancer's are scared of love and fear losing themselves? He wants to be 'just friends' now, I feel he has been a bit hasty but wont hold it against him. Do Cancer's come back to you, or should I accept that I have loved and lost? p.s in the meantime should I send neutral mssges to let him know im thinking about him, or is it better for him if i leave it alone completely? Im libra and my scales are sooo out of balance over this: help!
Listen, Cancers know nothing. Uncertainty drives their whole lives. I have plenty of cancer in me, and my relationships to know what i'm talking about. You know what we fear, is letting go completely, losing the face, to find that we were right, that everything is gonna go wrong at the end. Cancers need security. If you can find it in your heart and prove that to your boyfriend, then he will be yours. It doesnt matter if you're tall or short, gorgeous or plain average. You have the power to make anyone happy, and when you decide to do that , and that person accepts it, then nothing can come between you. Are you ready to love him back, if he ever did. that's the question. its all about commitment, (its scary, i know, but not for cancers) can you offer him security? Can you never let go? it's like that at the end. no matter the ackward silences, and the un-answered questions. You must know by now what you should have done a long time ago, so go do it! 
I can offer all that and more because its all I ever wanted, and i think i made it pretty clear!! Ive just asked him (by text)if he enjoyed his weekend and hoped that he was ok, but he hasnt replied. Would love to just go round to his house and tell him how I feel, but fear that his silence indicates that he just isnt interested. How long should I wait to hear from him? Dont want to seem as desperate as I feel, but dont want to seem too distant either. This is awful!! Thanks for the advice so far, please tell me as much as you can.
desperation is nothing to be ashamed of,
now acting upon it its something else. breathe out, and get your act together.
I know people on this board might think that you have to apply the "rules of dating" to everything, and sometimes it does help...but for the most part i think you should always leave the matters of the heart to the heart itself. i mean, what businness does reason have in this anyway.
Listen, i dont want you to get hurt, that is why we listen to reason. But love hurts, and sometimes you need to experience that in order to gain a better understanding.
I would like to know the story behind you and your boyfriend. like why did you break up in the first place. if its not too much asking
talk to you till then
now acting upon it its something else. breathe out, and get your act together.
I know people on this board might think that you have to apply the "rules of dating" to everything, and sometimes it does help...but for the most part i think you should always leave the matters of the heart to the heart itself. i mean, what businness does reason have in this anyway.
Listen, i dont want you to get hurt, that is why we listen to reason. But love hurts, and sometimes you need to experience that in order to gain a better understanding.
I would like to know the story behind you and your boyfriend. like why did you break up in the first place. if its not too much asking
talk to you till then
Well, we spent most days together when we could and i stayed over more often than not. When it came to going out in a crowd though, he would completely blank me and flirt with other girls..while watching me all the time. Obviously it hurts when someone denys any association with you, especially when you've just spent all that time together, and when i told him that it upset me, he said he liked his space and thought we should just be friends?? Im not the jealous type, and apart from this 'game', everything was perfect. I had told him previously how much I liked him (nothing too heavy) and he's always saying he likes me lots, so its so confusing that he could be showering me with affection and attention one minute, then acting like he hates me the next! Help!!
p.s, he is 27 and i am 24, so its not like we're children!!
Quick update, i have since asked him if he wanted to catch a movie during the week but he just said that he didnt think it was a good idea and so have decided that maybe its better to accept that its over. Thanks for help ideas.
You know what we fear, is letting go completely, losing the face, to find that we were right, that everything is gonna go wrong at the end. Cancers need security. If you can find it in your heart and prove that to your boyfriend, then he will be yours. It doesnt matter if you're tall or short, gorgeous or plain average. You have the power to make anyone happy, and when you decide to do that , and that person accepts it, then nothing can come between you. Are you ready to love him back, if he ever did. that's the question. its all about commitment, (its scary, i know, but not for cancers) can you offer him security? Can you never let go? it's like that at the end.
I can offer security but he may also have that elsewhere, I've told him time and time again and reassured him and will keep doing it relentlessly and patiently. i wonder though wil he let go of one for a chance with another even though he may feel that our bond could be stronger? OR will he stay secure in what he knows and never give our love a real chance? A definite triangle.
I can offer security but he may also have that elsewhere, I've told him time and time again and reassured him and will keep doing it relentlessly and patiently. i wonder though wil he let go of one for a chance with another even though he may feel that our bond could be stronger? OR will he stay secure in what he knows and never give our love a real chance? A definite triangle.
well, all cancers are the same....i am seeing this guy for a year now, they say that they need time, i gave him time...in the beginning he told me straight that it's only sex, i liked him so much that i said it wouldn't bother me!!! then he stopped calling me for 3 months, now since december, we are back together, we see each other once or twice a week, at first i played hard to get and i made him want me more and more,i have tried to brake it off with him, and he just tells me that he cannot stay without me and you name it...he said it...we are ok now, but where do wego from here, i want more, shall i just go and get it or shuld i just move on, please advise me what to do....
Never, I have to feel passion (attraction, trust & respect) or I just can't be intimate with them, but it also takes time to find this out, attraction (lust) alone is not enough for me. I don't expect them to be perfect, but I do expect comlete honesty and loyalty to our relationship (more than just monogomy).
Hi Crabbies
Its been some time since i posted here,my cancer friend have been toghether for 9 years,shared many things and i have put up with her temper also emotional behaviour so many times till i almost gave up.My cancer has a temper,she shouts and uses words that can really hurt..she is also irritated most of the time,many of my friends have ask me to dump this mental woman but i still have feelings for her...i just dont know why!!
I have approched her many times and she still classify our relationship as "just good friends"..i am tired and need my life back,if a friend is all she wants to be,then that is how she will remain.
I find it quite amusing that a person can just put off a 9 year old relationship.I've helped her a lot in her life,spends loads of $ $ $ (coz she is very stingy),nurtured her through her hard times..I am sure she knows i have feelings for her,but i think she just does not care..She keeps calling me just to ask me to do her stuff and does not show any respect all all,if anything goes wrong..its my fault,but if everythings goes the way she wants..she will thank herself.
At times,even for weeks she does not call and suddenly she will ring me up and ask me for favours...She will tell me her whole life story and suddenly..dead silance again..
Damn..how did i get into this??
Its been some time since i posted here,my cancer friend have been toghether for 9 years,shared many things and i have put up with her temper also emotional behaviour so many times till i almost gave up.My cancer has a temper,she shouts and uses words that can really hurt..she is also irritated most of the time,many of my friends have ask me to dump this mental woman but i still have feelings for her...i just dont know why!!
I have approched her many times and she still classify our relationship as "just good friends"..i am tired and need my life back,if a friend is all she wants to be,then that is how she will remain.
I find it quite amusing that a person can just put off a 9 year old relationship.I've helped her a lot in her life,spends loads of $ $ $ (coz she is very stingy),nurtured her through her hard times..I am sure she knows i have feelings for her,but i think she just does not care..She keeps calling me just to ask me to do her stuff and does not show any respect all all,if anything goes wrong..its my fault,but if everythings goes the way she wants..she will thank herself.
At times,even for weeks she does not call and suddenly she will ring me up and ask me for favours...She will tell me her whole life story and suddenly..dead silance again..
Damn..how did i get into this??
Hi Crabbies
Its been some time since i posted here,my cancer friend have been toghether for 9 years,shared many things and i have put up with her temper also emotional behaviour so many times till i almost gave up.My cancer has a temper,she shouts and uses words that can really hurt..she is also irritated most of the time,many of my friends have ask me to dump this mental woman but i still have feelings for her...i just dont know why!!
I have approched her many times and she still classify our relationship as "just good friends"..i am tired and need my life back,if a friend is all she wants to be,then that is how she will remain.
I find it quite amusing that a person can just put off a 9 year old relationship.I've helped her a lot in her life,spends loads of $ $ $ (coz she is very stingy),nurtured her through her hard times..I am sure she knows i have feelings for her,but i think she just does not care..She keeps calling me just to ask me to do her stuff and does not show any respect all all,if anything goes wrong..its my fault,but if everythings goes the way she wants..she will thank herself.
At times,even for weeks she does not call and suddenly she will ring me up and ask me for favours...She will tell me her whole life story and suddenly..dead silance again..
Damn..how did i get into this??
Its been some time since i posted here,my cancer friend have been toghether for 9 years,shared many things and i have put up with her temper also emotional behaviour so many times till i almost gave up.My cancer has a temper,she shouts and uses words that can really hurt..she is also irritated most of the time,many of my friends have ask me to dump this mental woman but i still have feelings for her...i just dont know why!!
I have approched her many times and she still classify our relationship as "just good friends"..i am tired and need my life back,if a friend is all she wants to be,then that is how she will remain.
I find it quite amusing that a person can just put off a 9 year old relationship.I've helped her a lot in her life,spends loads of $ $ $ (coz she is very stingy),nurtured her through her hard times..I am sure she knows i have feelings for her,but i think she just does not care..She keeps calling me just to ask me to do her stuff and does not show any respect all all,if anything goes wrong..its my fault,but if everythings goes the way she wants..she will thank herself.
At times,even for weeks she does not call and suddenly she will ring me up and ask me for favours...She will tell me her whole life story and suddenly..dead silance again..
Damn..how did i get into this??
Bobby25:
"Damn..how did i get into this??"
In that post you nearly talked your way through to seeing that it's not really good for you to hang aorund with this woman, that she's not gonna be any good for you if you want a fulfilling and caring and healthy relationship.
What star sign are you out of interest? I'm guessing perhaps a pisces?
Anyway you proceeded to say all the sh1t things about her. Are there as many good things that she does/is that over rides what you described about her just now? If not, then why are you still hanging around? You should try to make a clean break from her. I know this ain't straightforward or easy or can seem even impossible, as I'm like this with certain people who haven't been good for me, but still it is what you *should* do.
"Damn..how did i get into this??"
In that post you nearly talked your way through to seeing that it's not really good for you to hang aorund with this woman, that she's not gonna be any good for you if you want a fulfilling and caring and healthy relationship.
What star sign are you out of interest? I'm guessing perhaps a pisces?
Anyway you proceeded to say all the sh1t things about her. Are there as many good things that she does/is that over rides what you described about her just now? If not, then why are you still hanging around? You should try to make a clean break from her. I know this ain't straightforward or easy or can seem even impossible, as I'm like this with certain people who haven't been good for me, but still it is what you *should* do.
Man, i can't believe how i keep hearing the same thing about these cancers.. hmmm
And naturally i'm here cuz i have something similar.. i was with one 6 months ago. We were toghether for a few weeks.. when i say.. you just meet someone that rocks your world.. he did. It was unbeleiveable. even after everything that has happened i think of him and i get that tingle in my tummy. After 3 weeks of dating him, included a 4 day weekend where we drove 9 hours away for a 4 day weekend, after the 3 weeks, he decideds to tell me the truth about 'him'. Now this is after i fell head of heels with this guy.. he was perfect for me. and i questioned it but he just said.. his cute little he's the shit' comments. anyway.. he tells me he is married!!! i almost died. i couldn't beleive it. no there weren't really any signs.. not that i saw right away. it was the worst thing i could have ever been told. He said they aren't 'together' anymore, just living togheter till their lease was up and all that garbage. I was like. stunned. so i did what is natural for a gem girl to do.. research.. he hadn't even filed for divorce yet. so i didn't beleive he was really leaving her.. i'm not the break up a marriage type. so i bailed. told him if he ever gets hit life straight to call me. well lo-and-behold.. i got a phone call on Friday from him. He talked all this stuff about he still loved me. he left his wife.. blah blah blah. is this something a cancer does? i feel like i could have been the reason for his marriage to be over.. i just ugh.. the worst thing about it, is just that 1 call brought ever last feeling i had for him.. I can't beleive after 6 months i could feel like that.. again!!!!!! how do you whip a cancer man into shape? or get rid of him for real????
And naturally i'm here cuz i have something similar.. i was with one 6 months ago. We were toghether for a few weeks.. when i say.. you just meet someone that rocks your world.. he did. It was unbeleiveable. even after everything that has happened i think of him and i get that tingle in my tummy. After 3 weeks of dating him, included a 4 day weekend where we drove 9 hours away for a 4 day weekend, after the 3 weeks, he decideds to tell me the truth about 'him'. Now this is after i fell head of heels with this guy.. he was perfect for me. and i questioned it but he just said.. his cute little he's the shit' comments. anyway.. he tells me he is married!!! i almost died. i couldn't beleive it. no there weren't really any signs.. not that i saw right away. it was the worst thing i could have ever been told. He said they aren't 'together' anymore, just living togheter till their lease was up and all that garbage. I was like. stunned. so i did what is natural for a gem girl to do.. research.. he hadn't even filed for divorce yet. so i didn't beleive he was really leaving her.. i'm not the break up a marriage type. so i bailed. told him if he ever gets hit life straight to call me. well lo-and-behold.. i got a phone call on Friday from him. He talked all this stuff about he still loved me. he left his wife.. blah blah blah. is this something a cancer does? i feel like i could have been the reason for his marriage to be over.. i just ugh.. the worst thing about it, is just that 1 call brought ever last feeling i had for him.. I can't beleive after 6 months i could feel like that.. again!!!!!! how do you whip a cancer man into shape? or get rid of him for real????
"When it came to going out in a crowd though, he would completely blank me and flirt with other girls."
Can't be more true! My cancer acts EXACTLY the same! he doesn't flirt with other girls tho, but he will definitely talk to anybody except ME when we are in groups.
"he's always saying he likes me lots, so its so confusing that he could be showering me with affection and attention one minute, then acting like he hates me the next!"
He said he likes everything about me, but acts EXACTLY the same as above. i told him that's bullshit he likes everything about me because it doesn't sound sincere at all. he said i just don't believe him, which was one of the primary reasons he wanted to cut it off.
Can't be more true! My cancer acts EXACTLY the same! he doesn't flirt with other girls tho, but he will definitely talk to anybody except ME when we are in groups.
"he's always saying he likes me lots, so its so confusing that he could be showering me with affection and attention one minute, then acting like he hates me the next!"
He said he likes everything about me, but acts EXACTLY the same as above. i told him that's bullshit he likes everything about me because it doesn't sound sincere at all. he said i just don't believe him, which was one of the primary reasons he wanted to cut it off.
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