Cancers - how can an Aries make you feel comfortable?

How did you mess up?

Posted by xtina
How did you mess up?

One night he tried talking to me and I was in my feelings because I realized I liked him a lot, but he's married by common law so it's a dead end. I wondered why I should bother continuing to open myself up (I'm really private and "surface" when it comes to guys, I have Moon opposition Pluto) to someone who HAS someone to go home to. Anyway, instead of responding genuinely I was just kind of short and continued about my business. I noticed he kept his distance from me the rest of the night and it still hasn't bounced back from there, but now it could be because it's been driving me nuts and I've been overthinking it.

Posted by SensitiveBlues
they don't try to understand. they don't coddle. and lol my fire placements appreciate that, but my cancer doesn't. At all.

Ugh, I'm totally guilty of not coddling. I'll work on it...

Posted by SensitiveBlues
they don't try to understand. they don't coddle. and lol my fire placements appreciate that, but my cancer doesn't. At all.

Guilty!

Posted by neptunarian

Posted by xtina
How did you mess up?

One night he tried talking to me and I was in my feelings because I realized I liked him a lot, but he's married by common law so it's a dead end. I wondered why I should bother continuing to open myself up (I'm really private and "surface" when it comes to guys, I have Moon opposition Pluto) to someone who HAS someone to go home to. Anyway, instead of responding genuinely I was just kind of short and continued about my business. I noticed he kept his distance from me the rest of the night and it still hasn't bounced back from there, but now it could be because it's been driving me nuts and I've been overthinking it.

click to expand

Sounds like you're overthinking things. IME little things like that won't deter a Cancer if they really like you. TBH though because of the whole married thing you won't get a lot of help from this board. I had reservations about answer. It's not right. You should really leave it alone. But I'm an Aries too so I know when some tells you one thing you do another. Good luck.

Okay, thanks for your help.

I am in a very similar situation at my own work. This gorgeous Aries woman and I, at one point seemed to like each other, but our conversations are so awkward. She can talk to anyone else at work no problem, but with me, that just all goes out the window. I thought Aries was supposed to be direct, and pursue what they want?

Anywho, reading your post gives me some clues into her own mind, and if this girl at my work was inquiring about me the way you are about this Cancerian at your job, this is what I would tell her:

"If this man is like me, he is dying to open up to you, but he needs to feel comfortable, safe, and secure. In order for you to do this you will have to fight what is in your nature to do. You almost have to do the opposite of what you would normally do. You have to understand that this is a Cancerian male. His nature makes him difficult to deal with on an emotional level. Getting them to settle down and gain that security with you takes time. How much depends on the Cancer and his past, but most people don't make it through this time period without giving up. Especially an Aries. If you do though, and he feels safe, that is when you will get all the good stuff you hear about Cancerian men, and it is so worth it."

Aw, well I'm here to help if you have questions. I don't behave like an Aries but I think like one.

Yeah it's totally the same with me and him. In addition to other things I noticed when I was flirting with two customers at the register, later on the Cancer guy said something about them. Like "Oh he was buff," or "He was really tall." He doesn't seem jealous. Insecure maybe? But why? We don't "flirt," we're inconsistent as hell with each other so I'm hesitant to say there's interest. It's just really weird. I've never had this kind of interaction with someone before and can't put my finger on the culprit. I've been avoiding him as best I can lest I be making him feel uncomfortable for some reason (but as an Aries...it's probably obvious and sending the wrong message, sigh).

I don't think I'm a typical Aries. I'm innocently self-absorbed, sure, but my Mars is in the 12th house. I have Sun, Mercury, Venus square Saturn and Neptune. Moon trine Saturn, Uranus, Neptune... so many typical Martian qualities are muted in my personality.

Thank you! Yeah. The girl at my work is very much the Aries stereotype. Even though we can't communicate very well, from what people tell me, she is very head strong, quick tempered, goal oriented, and just like a fire, adding fuel to it keeps her stimulated. IOW she is confrontational as well. If she is like you, and looks into the astrological signs of themselves and others, she probably has read up on Cancer (knowing my birthday), and just thought.... "Oh damn..."

As for your guy, be wary of the tests a cancerian male will throw on you. He tells you those things to gauge your reaction. I have a very base knowledge of astrology, typically looking at sun, moon, Venus, Mars, and ascendant. I'll tell you this, if you're interested he will not make a move on you no matter how interested he is. You're going to have to initiate.

^^^ lol cancer always love their moms regardless which sign they are... Not fair

Everyone is different. For me i get along well communicate well with aries so.also in general we like clear straightforward genuine. We sense bad energy and feelings so keep it real.

Thanks you guys.

We worked together yesterday. When I arrived he let me in, I said "hey" and walked by but I got the "polite" smile and he didn't say anything to me all day except when I needed to be at my station. That's confusing to me personally because if I said "Hey," upon seeing him that's my way of opening the door to talk and if I get the "polite" smile (you know the one I'm talking about) that's a form of rejection to me and I don't want to push. Things got better right as we were wrapping up our shift when I had no choice but to ask for his help. He initiated conversation afterwards but.... all day! It is so uncomfortable for me to walk around feeling shy or trying to hide from someone, and yet if I'm my normal bold self it throws him off.

Yes, Cancers ALWAYS have a connection to their mothers even if it's unpleasant or unhealthy!

I had a Cancer best friend in the past, another friend, and one of my closest friends now is a Cancer. They either had Leo or Gemini / other fire in their chart and that's probably what helped me read them so well. This one reminds me of a Capricorn honestly, but not as composed or serious. Really smart, and his energy reminds me of a little kid. He is indirect even though he boasts about being confrontational. *side eye* Cross your fingers I can somehow find out his birthday to see what is in his chart, just for curiosity's sake!

Posted by fullwaterpisces
^^^ lol cancer always love their moms regardless which sign they are... Not fair

Ohhhh, not always! Some Cancerians outright hate their mothers. Not much room for middle ground to be had there lol

Posted by champranger

Posted by Crabra
I am in a very similar situation at my own work. This gorgeous Aries woman and I, at one point seemed to like each other, but our conversations are so awkward. She can talk to anyone else at work no problem, but with me, that just all goes out the window. I thought Aries was supposed to be direct, and pursue what they want?

Not always. It depends on how much water/earth the Aries have, I think.

Posted by Crabra
"If this man is like me, he is dying to open up to you, but he needs to feel comfortable, safe, and secure. In order for you to do this you will have to fight what is in your nature to do. You almost have to do the opposite of what you would normally do. You have to understand that this is a Cancerian male. His nature makes him difficult to deal with on an emotional level. Getting them to settle down and gain that security with you takes time. How much depends on the Cancer and his past, but most people don't make it through this time period without giving up. Especially an Aries. If you do though, and he feels safe, that is when you will get all the good stuff you hear about Cancerian men, and it is so worth it."

@bolded parts: How so? Would you please elaborate?

Thank you. 🙂

click to expand

When I say that, I'm not only thinking of your situation, but I'm also trying to relate by telling you what the ram at my work would have to do to me to get me to come out of my shell. What is in your nature to do is initiate, and I suggest you do. What is against your nature is to be patient, which I also suggest you do. He's likely aware of how quickly he attaches emotionally, and it is a very scary feeling. If things actually take off with this guy, you will also have to fight your nature to suddenly see this guy as a stage 5 clinger, and not bolt. The clinginess is the strongest initially, it calms down as the security sets in. If he goes the other way, and remains guarded, you will have to be persistent (shouldn't be an issue for you), but still be patient. Bring him baked goods (especially if you made them), smile, eye contact, get touchy-feely, say good morning. Just be considerate. He will notice, and he will start coming out, and you WILL know when he does.

Dude! That is initially what made me distance myself. Like I said, we had this conversational routine down and then it clicked in my head "Oh I think he's interested or curious or something" and it weirded me out because I have no desire to come between him and his girlfriend. I don't think I'm his type, etc. We really are so different even if we have a lot of life things in common. Anyway, so when he tried continuing that I suddenly felt suffocated but that was until I could make peace / shrug it off in my mind. I am not bringing baked goods to anyone just yet, lol. Thank you for your advice though!

If he has someone how do you know for sure he is into you on a serious more than physical level? Ijs bc I would want to know before waste energy on someone that's just flirting bc cancers of both sexes can be very flirty but not want to go all the way especially if they have someone they don't want to hurt at home.

I don't know anything for certain, but I can tell when guys are just friendly vs. being more intimate. Our conversations were more personal than the other taken men I work with. He treats me differently than the other females we work with. Everything is just perception I guess, but if you remember I've stated multiple times more or less that I'm not interested in being a home wrecker, I just want to know how to ease the tension so it's easier for us to get along again. He's never been flirty, and if he was I completely missed it.

Learning about Cancer is a big start. You might get the impression that you have you walk on eggshells around them, but this isn't necessarily true. You have to be direct. That is not a problem for Aries, but what is an issue is Aries can be insensitive. I think the true issue is when you are too quick, and say something out of impulse that will hurt the Cancer and make him withdraw. If a Cancer does something to upset you, try to step away from the situation and let your fire simmer down a bit before saying what you need to say. He'll be more receptive, less spongey, and will respect and adore you for taking his feelings into account.

I know that might not be easy, and you probably will slip up. Pretty good chance Cancer men love flowers. Just sayin' 😉

Posted by Crabra
Learning about Cancer is a big start. You might get the impression that you have you walk on eggshells around them, but this isn't necessarily true. You have to be direct. That is not a problem for Aries, but what is an issue is Aries can be insensitive. I think the true issue is when you are too quick, and say something out of impulse that will hurt the Cancer and make him withdraw. If a Cancer does something to upset you, try to step away from the situation and let your fire simmer down a bit before saying what you need to say. He'll be more receptive, less spongey, and will respect and adore you for taking his feelings into account.

I know that might not be easy, and you probably will slip up. Pretty good chance Cancer men love flowers. Just sayin' 😉

No, no, no you have to put them in their place and then come back and sweetly apologize with doe eyes for hurting their feelings.