Christian Cancer and one stuck Aquarian

Hi to all

I hope I won?t write a novel, so forgive me if this will be long.. It?s my first 🙂

I've been reading these boards for quite some time and I find useful information.. support or simply an interesting life story. One interesting thing happened to me just recently.

I'm here looking for your advice or if anyone has similar experience as I have.

Four weeks ago I met this Guy ? cancer. He is 9 y older than me. Never married. No children. With one intimate relationship (whatever that means, since he didn't want to tell me.. I think it was too much intimate details for him to tell me so soon, so I didn't push). He lives 10.000 miles away (huh) but his great desire is to live in this country where his parents came from, and his brother with a family moved here some years ago. He is Christian (reformed evangelical church I think).

He is looking for Christian woman ? no compromises. Period.
But I feel he got confused a bit (I heard/saw his surprise in his voice and on his face) when he saw me and mentioned so many great things about me, from cooking to behaving, my work, my home, my son, my values, my mind, my artistic gift, my friends, my family and my ?so feminine? look etc. He quoted a verse from the Bible about how an ideal woman should be, could be.. and said I am like that! I was blushing all along! Yet.. he couldn?t get it that I?m not ?perfect?, meaning, not being a Christian.

We connected on so many levels it is astonishing! Yes, it took my breath away too.

He asked me if I am Christian. I said.. well? I don't CALL myself Christian... I am spiritual person, I am curious about God and Jesus and other spiritual related topics, way of life etc? also, follow rules ain?t my forte ? therefore following Bible to the word is certainly not on my ?must do? list? My mind is simply too curious to know a lot about a lot if you know what I mean.? end enough of this.
We never discussed in details why I think or feel this way.. he simply asked me one question and I answered it ?wrong? and it looks like I'm out.
He said (to my big surprise and out of the blue) that bc of that we can not pursue anything more than friendship. And I though we were just talking about life and things!!!!!!
I told him at that point I do like him, but since I know he is leaving and the fact that he is so strict about marrying Christian woman, I thought nothing will come out of this. Then he said he doesn't see a distance to be a problem, because one can move, change job etc... there would be sacrifices and lot?s of patience.

Then he also told me he is attracted to me and that he is drawn to me emotionally
I was first to took his hand (he had a big grin on his face but he started preaching about boundaries... sure, I said I'm not going to have sex with you tonight you know? I want to but I won?t. And he again smiled along while I casually touched, caressed his hand. Then later that loooong chatty nigh HE took my hand, which I thought it was a big thing for him.

Through tons of his actions and words I KNOW for sure he likes me and is attracted to me even when he behaved sometimes detached and next moment like head over heals in love. And he feels we (together) have a great potential of a beautiful successful relationship... BUT, yes of course?.

.. he believes he needs to follow what the Bible says ? meaning: Christians do not marry non-Christians.

He does want to keep our friendship alive, now that he is back in his country.
I have mixed feelings. I know I can fall for him hard? I want to?He is wonderful man, so gentle, smart, helpful, handy, talkative, creative and I think pretty open for such a short period . I can see us having a great relationship as well. And if we will keep this line of communication open I will have to be extra patient and put lot?s of breaks on my usually fast pace.
My friends, some also Christians told

I've noticed that Cancer men like dating way younger girls... weird.

Can anybody give me some advice please?
thanks

Hi Sophie,
You sound like such a sweet person, and it appears like your cancerman has realy fallen for you. I don't know if this will help you very much, but as a cancer, I might give you one opinion of how we fall in love. I think cancers have a tendency to get all romantic and see stars. In other words, fail to see that person realistically until they are disappointed and then start to see the one they fell in love with are very human. Like a rollercoaster ride, if the cancer still feels well loved and appreciated, are willing to accept the human faults for the security of love. They will test you before this by presenting almost impossible scenerio to see if you are willing to put forth the effort to love them.

Cancers can be loyal and courageous to their beliefs as well. So there is a chance he will find the inconsistence and hypocry in the whole worldly christian. So there is a chance that he may still be swayed toward your love and in balance in his beliefs.

I would talk to him about it, I totally understand and appreciate that you don't want to change him. If you approach it from "I respect your opinion, but what about....the instances in the bible where christians did/do marry non-christians...." I don't think you need to be afraid to speak your difference of opinion, but do some homework so that you can unemotionally and calmly point out information, but still be careful not to come across as you are right and he is wrong, only that you are under a different impression.

After saying all this, I would still be guarded since he no longer lives in your country. Do you know that he will come back or are you hoping to move away from your country to his? Also, how often do you communicate with him now?

wl

Actually christianity isn't that bad if you actually read the bible and not go to a church where its usually always twisted into something else.The problem with christians is that they take the preaching parts of the bible and then try to forcefully shove it down peoples throats saying thier doing gods word,thats where catholics and christians usually don't see eye to eye.Baptists are bad for that too though...either way christianty can be a silent non-confrontal religion if you have decnt perceptions of it without worrying about the BS alot of people say its about.

Hi WoundedLove and Tiamat and thank you for your posts 🙂

my update.. he wrote me a long letter? confused a bit as cancer can be lol
but I got the point.

I do have a gut feeling that he is afraid that he won?t be able to control his emotions and I guess that is because he doesn?t really have any practice in the dating scene..
He skips with his emotions directly in to ?a serious relationship thinking mode?! Although he rationally thinks it should be other way around.

But I will keep in mind that he thinks our friendship can not be anything more at this point.

Anyway.. I calmly sit down.. no expectations? but I wrote an essay (!) on what I believe, my faith, what I don?t believe, with what I have problem with (regarding religion). Maybe he will see that our differences are not too big.. but I don?t know that now.
I will be able to see more clearly now if he is a rigid believer, mature and/or flexible. I will see how he thinks/chooses in his love life and more (I hope).

It is funny though? he SAYS thinks like ?we can?t be more then friends? ?.?no, I?m not in love with you? ?.but he ACTS quite the opposite hehehe?

We.. just in case I WILL definitely guard my heart! It is hard thou he is so cute and so manly that my mind is racing.. and not just my mind! Lol

He has a desire to live in this country (his closest family is here) but his mother and another brother are where he is now? and he said (while he was still here) that the distance is not such problem, that one can move (I presume he meant himself).
If I would guess? if this friendship progress in to something more, he would be here next year. Well this are just clouded predictions.. the reality is we (would) need to talk about it of course.

If he will turned out to be a preacher type.. I?m soooo out of this ?game?!!! I?m Aqua and what I do not want is to be pushed, forced or changed in to something that is not Me!
However.. with the right touch and love I do surprise even myself hahaha 🙂

Thank you both!

?Sofie, of topic question, why does your profile say you are a guy??

LOL.. because I?m not bothered with small stuff hahaha

Sure.. I?m ready to let him go if he feels he needs someone else/something else or if his needs can not be fulfilled with me being/having a slightly different thinking/behaving style about Christianity. And I?m all about negotiation. Trouble is? is HE too!?
Did I mention I do believe in God? the same one as he believes. And I do want to know more about all that? I am always in search for more knowledge.

The difference between us (as I see it at this point) is that he puts everything in to God?s ?hands? and rarely relays on himself? it?s like he thinks if he will listen to himself sometimes he will loose touch with Jesus or something?.like he doesn?t trust himself to make the next step, choose an action considering also his own desire, emotions etc.
I believe it is equally unwise to relay ONLY on rational mind as is unwise to relay ONLY on emotions. And I suspect he believes it is wise to relay ONLY on rational mind.. but I will let myself be surprised. 🙂

We are in stage where we TALK about ourselves, getting to know each others minds, desires and such. I?m not attached. And I make sure I?m not giving him any false ideas and he is careful too. It?s good so far.

Ohh I was up almost all night reading Aquarius board and had so much fun!!!
I loved your posts primegen!

"Are you a tranny or what they now called, naturalized woman?"
Hehe primegen.. no, I don?t know what that would be. It was a mistake when I checked ?guy? on my profile. But yes I am all naturale and very feminine 🙂

As much as I know myself.. I will never be a part of any organized religion.. or call myself something-something.

Yea.. -getting to know you- is my new ?religion? now lol After years of not-workable formulas how to recognize a man with whom I?d build a good relationship with, this formula sounds/feels more right than anything.
Me and this guy are 10.000 miles apart, and it is a two-side knife (our saying) thing. You are safe from indulging to your hormones too soon, on the other hand you miss experiencing a person in real life circumstances.
I see a bigger obstacle here? now, we have only words.. you either trust the words and wait to see if they match reality (which becomes frustrating in time cos you have to wait so long to that ? AND it can all fall downside. it happened before).. At this stage you are not disturbed by factors like hug, kiss, or sex?. but eventually you start obsessing about that.

Ahhhh.. been there, done that.. I don?t know if I could go through this? too soon to tell. Maybe it could work, because I have a second new ?religion? called multiple dating (no sex, just dating). I never do these either.. and I concentrated my thoughts only on one guy waaaaaayyyy too soon. To guard my heart this is also a workable formula. But since it is still in testing period I don?t know if it will work out! 🙂

What about YOU? I didn?t catch in your posts.. are you single, not, dating, not?

ohhh, my mind is willing but time is not 🙂
sorry for a late answer

Actually I don?t think dating is emotionally cheating if you only go on TWO dates per month..🙂 Ok. Three. That is the dating that is happening to me. I go to a date because I am genuily interested in that guy.. but it takes up to three dates that I get to know him enough to know all the green/red flags. Lately (lately=1 year) there was simply too much of red!
??and if you communicate your wants and needs. Men here just doesn?t communicate what they want? more accurately.. they don?t know what they want.

As for actually finding someone while ?shopping around? I agree.. no luck. That?s why I?m not attached to the outcome of this dates. I simply have fun, have a company once in a while and it?s fine.
I do know in my heart that I would rather see when life surprises me. I love that. But it doesn?t happened quite often? if I recall the last 10 years since I separate with my son?s father.

Until this guy come along.. and he is talking/showing all the right stuff. Nevermind that he is bald when I (ideally) wanted a guy I can grab his hairy head while I kiss.. never mind that he is so different in approaching me (slowly, no sexual drama at start etc)?

I never go out with men that are unavailable = are married, have girlfriend they didn?t quite let go, or any have other emotional unavailability.

I live in Slovenia (you know much about this country?),.. his parents are Slovenian and they moved, before they had children, to Australia, so he is born Australian.. and as I mentioned before he would like to live here. We met on my brothers party, here, when he came on vacation to visit his family.

I was quasi raised catholic.. it was just a matter of tradition and not faith or religion? simply doing certain rituals that catholic religion does.

How long are you on strike? Hehehe I was on few strikes too.

I guess you misunderstood me? A guy invites me on a drink?. I go (so I could get to now him better), he opens his mouth and I realize there won?t be a second date with him. Sometimes I give it another chance.. just in case the stars didn?t align that day. 🙂

So.. how do you LOOK for a woman?. do you think she will drop in your lap without you actually doing something i.e. spending time>going on a date with certain interesting curvy individual?

Here became very normal that couples don?t marry (I do want to get married one day). They choose to simply live together as a married couple? have children and do/live like all other married couples.

I don?t know where you?ve learned about Slavic-multi-dating.. but I didn?t see it as something people usually do here... In my dating life and my girlfriends no man has ever ASKED us for a commitment? it just happened.. or not? You start dating regularly or you don?t. Or you end up being FWB? sometimes you know about this sometimes you don?t. Sometimes they think they know what they want and turns out they don?t? or ..it turns out you are not what they want. etc etc etc..
There are exceptions, where everything is just perfect from the start. And I?m sure they are rear here as where you live.. or maybe not?

I don?t know about magic formula? I don?t think there is one. What I want is an honest communication of each others wants/needs from the get go. I hope the person knows himself enough to tell the truth of who he is and what he wants/doesn?t want. I want to move slowly and apply/attach deeper emotions later. I want to see if thoughts/words and actions align and I want to enjoy the time.