Closed the Chapter w/ Cancer..so what did I learn?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by sophie68 on Saturday, January 3, 2009 and has 27 replies.
Hey guys, thanks so much for all your help!
I officially returned the persian rug I bought from cancers sister back to her(she was pissed, asked a zillion whys and only could give me 1/4 of my $ back right now...so here we go with collecting the debt, had her sign something). Had it assessed yesterday and was not worth what I paid/was in bad shape...that was why. I handled it cool/calm/collective, she was unhappy but cordial about it.
My other reason, to close this drama door.
What I take from it:
~I attached myself to a man I slept with (unprotected needless to say)
~Thought it could be "something" when it "was what it was"
~Befriended the family which I thought would get me in good graces with cancer (turned out to be an utter nightmare)
~Trusted people I do not know, spent $ on something I did not need from Cancers family to impress his sis and dad
~Allowed to open myself up to criticism, judgement and complete embarassment.
~Made very bad judgment calls for A GUY~ATTENTION/PASSION
~Said some very stupid things that came back to bite me in the arse (drunken momments)
~ Now have made myself look like a fool (not like I care anymore)
As far as my last convo w/ Cancer, it was the TM about "Do I like girls". I can guarantee you all I will never hear from him again after this fiasco. Nor do I care about ever hearing from him nor sister (other than to get my $ $ back from her~ but will let my dad handle it)
I know a lot of us go thru this so I hope someone else takes somethign away form this scenario. It's 2009 and time to change my way of doing things and respect what I have to offer.
Soph
I officially returned the persian rug I bought from cancers sister back to her(she was pissed, asked a zillion whys and only could give me 1/4 of my $ back right now...so here we go with collecting the debt, had her sign something). Had it assessed yesterday and was not worth what I paid/was in bad shape...that was why. I handled it cool/calm/collective, she was unhappy but cordial about it.
My other reason, to close this drama door.
What I take from it:
~I attached myself to a man I slept with (unprotected needless to say)
~Thought it could be "something" when it "was what it was"
~Befriended the family which I thought would get me in good graces with cancer (turned out to be an utter nightmare)
~Trusted people I do not know, spent $ on something I did not need from Cancers family to impress his sis and dad
~Allowed to open myself up to criticism, judgement and complete embarassment.
~Made very bad judgment calls for A GUY~ATTENTION/PASSION
~Said some very stupid things that came back to bite me in the arse (drunken momments)
~ Now have made myself look like a fool (not like I care anymore)
As far as my last convo w/ Cancer, it was the TM about "Do I like girls". I can guarantee you all I will never hear from him again after this fiasco. Nor do I care about ever hearing from him nor sister (other than to get my $ $ back from her~ but will let my dad handle it)
I know a lot of us go thru this so I hope someone else takes somethign away form this scenario. It's 2009 and time to change my way of doing things and respect what I have to offer.
Soph
GREAT!! Now u can start off the new year fresh and try not to go back i believe u can!!!
You are al right! I could have let it drifted like I would have done before hoping and praying there would be a way back in...but these are my issues and my problems...it happened the way it did for a reason.
Antibling...I am giving her 2-3 weeks to give me something more or a payment plan or dad will draft up a "leter"...my dad is well respected by her/family so I don;t think she wants to f'ck around with me.
She already mentioned she does not need my dad chasing her so I said "then we can work out the payments, but it cannot be "will pay back soon" However, that is how it ended because I did not want to have it out with her 2 yr old, my nephew and everyone else there. I said "sign receipt of return, how much I paid and how much you now owe me..we will deal w/ the rest later"
She would not sign the promissory note as to "when" (I gave her til 3/09...still refused) she will pay it back. HA!
I cannot wait for her brother to be chasing me wanting me again so badly after all of this...JUST KIDDING PEOPLE!!! IT'S A JOKE! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! They all hate me now...oh well...:-)
Antibling...I am giving her 2-3 weeks to give me something more or a payment plan or dad will draft up a "leter"...my dad is well respected by her/family so I don;t think she wants to f'ck around with me.
She already mentioned she does not need my dad chasing her so I said "then we can work out the payments, but it cannot be "will pay back soon" However, that is how it ended because I did not want to have it out with her 2 yr old, my nephew and everyone else there. I said "sign receipt of return, how much I paid and how much you now owe me..we will deal w/ the rest later"
She would not sign the promissory note as to "when" (I gave her til 3/09...still refused) she will pay it back. HA!
I cannot wait for her brother to be chasing me wanting me again so badly after all of this...JUST KIDDING PEOPLE!!! IT'S A JOKE! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! They all hate me now...oh well...:-)
Well, I hope you get your money back: HOWEVER, I don't know what you paid for the rug, but if losing it means keeping these people out of your life, then (imo) it's a small price to pay. It's better to have learned what kind of people they are NOW versus months/years later. I a have been following your threads, and I agree with Tiki, in that the sister was incredibly "messy" and the getting close to the family is almost assuredly a kiss of death; particularly in early/new relationships. I DON'T even want to meet any family members unless I've been seeing someone for at least 6+ months. I've had crazy experiences (not like yours, lol) and I learned that lesson early in my dating years.
Good luck, and as long as you've learned from this, then it's all good and you can move on and open yourself up to someone worthy of your time/love/affections.
Good luck, and as long as you've learned from this, then it's all good and you can move on and open yourself up to someone worthy of your time/love/affections.
USC~ Thank yuo for your reply...but it was WAY too much money to cut my losses. She saw me coming a mile away and sucked me into bigger purchases. Fool me once, same on me, fool me twice, shame on you. It was not such a long winded romance where I want o cut my losses...he is out of the picture now, it's all about me giving her money in 2 weeks time she spent (perhaps 5k is not a big deal for some, but as we know , times are tough) want my money back.
BUT I did Learn from it...but I have a mega mortgage to pay, etc. (should have thought about that b4 4 bottles of wine w/ the sister and dad weeks ago) Oh well...unfortunately, if it come down to it...off to court we go. What a frigin mess.
Moon eyes, thanks for your support through it all! I hope things work out w/ you and cancer man. Realtionships, lovers, friends...its all tough in general. Love you!
BUT I did Learn from it...but I have a mega mortgage to pay, etc. (should have thought about that b4 4 bottles of wine w/ the sister and dad weeks ago) Oh well...unfortunately, if it come down to it...off to court we go. What a frigin mess.
Moon eyes, thanks for your support through it all! I hope things work out w/ you and cancer man. Realtionships, lovers, friends...its all tough in general. Love you!
"(perhaps 5k is not a big deal for some, but as we know , times are tough) want my money back."
Oh, hell no! I'm sorry, I was thinking somewhere in the $ 1200 range; definitely didn't know it was that much. I'm definitely with you then, do what you have to do.It's your $ $ $ $ and if you have to sue, then unfortunately, you have to sue. You learned from this, and it seems that you are a very well adjusted person who got "caught up in the moment." It happens, and anyone who tells you differently is lying - lol.
Good luck, and I most assuredly hope you get your $ $ $ back! I believe you will still have a happy, and properous New Year!
Oh, hell no! I'm sorry, I was thinking somewhere in the $ 1200 range; definitely didn't know it was that much. I'm definitely with you then, do what you have to do.It's your $ $ $ $ and if you have to sue, then unfortunately, you have to sue. You learned from this, and it seems that you are a very well adjusted person who got "caught up in the moment." It happens, and anyone who tells you differently is lying - lol.
Good luck, and I most assuredly hope you get your $ $ $ back! I believe you will still have a happy, and properous New Year!
5K!! Oh lawd jeeezus $ faints $
^^^LOL.
5 K, DAYUM, someone owes me $ 70 dollars and I am on the WAR path about it and I want it TODAY!!
Ha Krobe03!
Ya...I got majorly sucked in.
Sis saw me coming and knows I make money.
If her brother was not in the mix at that point...I would have never had let myself be suckered into that. Her "invite for drinks and check out the rugs" happen to be a week after me and cancer first met on TDay...hmm...ironic.
I had SUCKER written all over my head I guess.
Ya...I got majorly sucked in.
Sis saw me coming and knows I make money.
If her brother was not in the mix at that point...I would have never had let myself be suckered into that. Her "invite for drinks and check out the rugs" happen to be a week after me and cancer first met on TDay...hmm...ironic.
I had SUCKER written all over my head I guess.
Ha Krobe03!
Ya...I got majorly sucked in.
Sis saw me coming and knows I make money.
If her brother was not in the mix at that point...I would have never had let myself be suckered into that. Her "invite for drinks and check out the rugs" happen to be a week after me and cancer first met on TDay...hmm...ironic.
I had SUCKER written all over my head I guess.
Shi@@ I know how you feel but 5k UM, NO I would be beating some money out of her. I would feel very hostile at this moment. Why? Well simply because she had it out all along to play you! I wouldn't give her a chance. Not me. Don't play with my money. NO payment plans or NOTHING! I don't want it, I am giving it back, you should have my money. Period. Fair exchange.
Ya...I got majorly sucked in.
Sis saw me coming and knows I make money.
If her brother was not in the mix at that point...I would have never had let myself be suckered into that. Her "invite for drinks and check out the rugs" happen to be a week after me and cancer first met on TDay...hmm...ironic.
I had SUCKER written all over my head I guess.
Shi@@ I know how you feel but 5k UM, NO I would be beating some money out of her. I would feel very hostile at this moment. Why? Well simply because she had it out all along to play you! I wouldn't give her a chance. Not me. Don't play with my money. NO payment plans or NOTHING! I don't want it, I am giving it back, you should have my money. Period. Fair exchange.
Krobe~
I hear ya and I am right there with ya. However, cannot get blood out of a stone.
I AM very hostile...so RIP SH*T I cannot even function this weekend nor get my head outta my arse.
Even if the rug could be cleaned or was worth close to what I paid, I want NADA to do with them nor even have to look at the rug.
I know she played the brother card...although I don't think that was HIS intention...but certainly hers.
That's where my dad comes into play..he can take it over from here legally.
I hear ya and I am right there with ya. However, cannot get blood out of a stone.
I AM very hostile...so RIP SH*T I cannot even function this weekend nor get my head outta my arse.
Even if the rug could be cleaned or was worth close to what I paid, I want NADA to do with them nor even have to look at the rug.
I know she played the brother card...although I don't think that was HIS intention...but certainly hers.
That's where my dad comes into play..he can take it over from here legally.
I wonder if his sister does his other potential girlfriends this way? Either get your money back or pull that can of whoop ass out and get it crack'n...sorry but I had to say it, I know violence is not the answer but yeeesh this sort of thing is very aggravating and what the hell did she do with all that money?
Tiki...my question exactly...what did she do w/ the money so fast?
Well, a $ 1.5 million dollar house/mortgage up to the wazoo and his business (construction) down the crapper...they probably paid their electric bill.
It's pathetic.
But I KNOW it will be resolved.
Giving her the oppotunity till 3/09 and she refused...she will regret the day she met me....and that whole family.
Well, a $ 1.5 million dollar house/mortgage up to the wazoo and his business (construction) down the crapper...they probably paid their electric bill.
It's pathetic.
But I KNOW it will be resolved.
Giving her the oppotunity till 3/09 and she refused...she will regret the day she met me....and that whole family.
Sophie you gave her until 3/9 and she still refused and your still giving her time?
you may wanna really re-think that if that is the case.
you may wanna really re-think that if that is the case.
PS...he would not know any of his other GF's (he's been out of this state for 8 years) AND...none made $ $ like I do.
I am the first girl he ever went on a date with that kicked his ass financially. He does not make even close to what my car payment is yearly. Verbatim from Cancer: "Would not know what to do with a girl who does well..that baffles me" said to bro-in-law.
I am the first girl he ever went on a date with that kicked his ass financially. He does not make even close to what my car payment is yearly. Verbatim from Cancer: "Would not know what to do with a girl who does well..that baffles me" said to bro-in-law.
i know i know Tiki...my energy level with this whole thing has depleted...
I have work to think about. The stress of this while thing has got me in an uproar.
I will send email (paper trail) tomorrow reiterating giving her opp/ to resolve...or it's off to "lawyers" (my dad as she knows well) hands after that.
I have work to think about. The stress of this while thing has got me in an uproar.
I will send email (paper trail) tomorrow reiterating giving her opp/ to resolve...or it's off to "lawyers" (my dad as she knows well) hands after that.
Virgotime...get what your saying...but not true. I was not in love with the rug in the first place (told the cancer sis that) and she wanted to give me "time to view it in my house for a bit..a few weeks or however" No bill of sale, nothing. Did not match my colors, patterns, style of house nothing.
GRANTED, I probably would not have worried or had anxirty over it as much as I did so SOON if cancer was still there (being honest)...but it WOULD have happened regardless w/in the time frame given. Time frame was not up and still given a hassle.
GRANTED, I probably would not have worried or had anxirty over it as much as I did so SOON if cancer was still there (being honest)...but it WOULD have happened regardless w/in the time frame given. Time frame was not up and still given a hassle.
Virgotime...You do not know the whole story....bought rug weeks ago, told her I did not like it, she looked for another for wme, when her and her bro came by to take the other rug, she had a "surprise with one she thinks I will love more" happened to be way more money, better than the last (come to find out it WAS NOT afetr being appraised), and I had nothing but hardwood in the first place...been looking for the perfect "rug" for 2 years.
I got SUCKED INTO not liking the first one and saying "Ya ok , let's check out the second but no guarentees, I am not thrilled w/ this one". I wanted the previous returned, and then got the "surprise". Specifically said "I want to be done w/ this, no more back and forth..." she did not accept and wanted me to keep 2nd rug for awhile. I thought "I might be wrong, lemme give it a try in the room"
Spolied bratt? I work my ass off to support myself and my parents..no help from anyone. So if I am going to spend that money
So,
My WAY? My way was to love what I purchase...period. My purchase was based on paperwork she said she had then did not after)
Vindictive? Who the hell wouldnt be pissed if you have them money for a product, given the product back in a timely matter and them was told "Sorry, don;t have your $ $ right now" HEEELLLOOO?
I am no victim. Am I pissed? Sure as hell. I already know the whys..
I got SUCKED INTO not liking the first one and saying "Ya ok , let's check out the second but no guarentees, I am not thrilled w/ this one". I wanted the previous returned, and then got the "surprise". Specifically said "I want to be done w/ this, no more back and forth..." she did not accept and wanted me to keep 2nd rug for awhile. I thought "I might be wrong, lemme give it a try in the room"
Spolied bratt? I work my ass off to support myself and my parents..no help from anyone. So if I am going to spend that money
So,
My WAY? My way was to love what I purchase...period. My purchase was based on paperwork she said she had then did not after)
Vindictive? Who the hell wouldnt be pissed if you have them money for a product, given the product back in a timely matter and them was told "Sorry, don;t have your $ $ right now" HEEELLLOOO?
I am no victim. Am I pissed? Sure as hell. I already know the whys..
Do what to what Virgo? What? Get off your high horse.
Someone owes me money..perioed.
You buy a car, return the car because it was a lemon...you brought it to not 2 BUT 3 dealerships (I did JUST that with the rug and was told it was worth SQUAT!) just to ask for appraisal...found out the car was worth nothing and they would not even give you an appraisal for insurance purposes! You go back to dealership AND the dealership said "gladly pay you some time in the near future but no money now". The car was given back.
OK...what is YOUR reation?
Someone owes me money..perioed.
You buy a car, return the car because it was a lemon...you brought it to not 2 BUT 3 dealerships (I did JUST that with the rug and was told it was worth SQUAT!) just to ask for appraisal...found out the car was worth nothing and they would not even give you an appraisal for insurance purposes! You go back to dealership AND the dealership said "gladly pay you some time in the near future but no money now". The car was given back.
OK...what is YOUR reation?
Another PS...these were all brought to MY HOUSE....not like going to a store and making a decision...was slapped in front of my face and guilt of all the hard work in moving these rugs set in....I was exhausted at this point, hated the rug but all who were there said how great it looked. I accepted the "time to think".
My Point..I was given sh+t for this time (2 days after 2nd rug was brought here, NOT under my direction, a "surprise" from sis) and now you are calling me vindictive and spoiled...funny...I returned the rug ealrier than expected which would be a plus.
My Point..I was given sh+t for this time (2 days after 2nd rug was brought here, NOT under my direction, a "surprise" from sis) and now you are calling me vindictive and spoiled...funny...I returned the rug ealrier than expected which would be a plus.
Let's face it, there may be some truth to what virgogotme said but $ 5K is nothing to sneeze at, your better than me sophie because I wouldn't have explained that one away but I know you felt compelled to explain your rationality, many women get carried away with the thoughts and ideas of a potential relationship and being involved so closely with his family didn't help it either, yeah you bought some shitty rugs for your own personal agenda but I'm sure at some point you would have wanted your money back sooner or later, not that I rejoice at relationships failing but just think if things had turned out great...you would be stuck with those dayum rugs and no paper work to show for them, eventually if you hadn't got all the necessary paper work this would still be an issue and you would still end up most likely asking for your money back.
I made a choice...one drunked one that started with 4 bottles of wine..I should have taken responsibilty...not take out my checkbook. I had NO intentiones of doing so..and unfortuntely, have a habbit of doing this SAME THING for family, friends, or whomever.
"Impress" was the wrong choice of words..I knew they were going through tough times, and in same f'ucked way...like I do everyone, wanted to contribute to something I was going to do anyway.(ie= buy a rug)
I am beating myself over this as it is...virgotime..thanks for your extra batting.
The rug was sold as an antique...50 yrs old, from iran, resale at $ 12k, great deal, bla bla bla"....it was not the case. I was led to believe certain things, and do not know anything about rugs. SHAME ON ME>>tell me that after a major buzz.It is Commerical, not antique, worth $ 900 ( pee stains all over it...did not see until the morning) I may be an idiot, say stupid things when I have a cocktail but I do follow up on "investements".(ie= went to 3 persian rug dealers in one day to MAKE SURE.
Was the New Years, nothing I could do until the 2nd to analyze what she actually brought over.
Bought something, returned it (product in her HAND along with "no value" paperpork from 3 antique dealers on Friday)...want my money back...end of story.
Give me a little credit here.
(LK~ thanks for my back)
Of course I am angry, but certainly not dumb enough to NOT keep a rug worth it value no matter who was involved. I was sold a box of rocks. Yes, my fault. Does it piss me off and want something/one to blame. Of Course. But I know...I needed to vent...that is what we are all for ....I thought.
No one knows the compete whole story on these boards (too wordy to get into I am sure)..so please do not judge ppl on their moments of anger/frustration.
Did the decision come harder because cancer was involved...yes, and would have NO MATTER who was involved in returning purchase in one extra day or two...it was going to happen.
I make bad choices spur of the moment who realizes after the fact, so shoot me. i am human.
"Impress" was the wrong choice of words..I knew they were going through tough times, and in same f'ucked way...like I do everyone, wanted to contribute to something I was going to do anyway.(ie= buy a rug)
I am beating myself over this as it is...virgotime..thanks for your extra batting.
The rug was sold as an antique...50 yrs old, from iran, resale at $ 12k, great deal, bla bla bla"....it was not the case. I was led to believe certain things, and do not know anything about rugs. SHAME ON ME>>tell me that after a major buzz.It is Commerical, not antique, worth $ 900 ( pee stains all over it...did not see until the morning) I may be an idiot, say stupid things when I have a cocktail but I do follow up on "investements".(ie= went to 3 persian rug dealers in one day to MAKE SURE.
Was the New Years, nothing I could do until the 2nd to analyze what she actually brought over.
Bought something, returned it (product in her HAND along with "no value" paperpork from 3 antique dealers on Friday)...want my money back...end of story.
Give me a little credit here.
(LK~ thanks for my back)
Of course I am angry, but certainly not dumb enough to NOT keep a rug worth it value no matter who was involved. I was sold a box of rocks. Yes, my fault. Does it piss me off and want something/one to blame. Of Course. But I know...I needed to vent...that is what we are all for ....I thought.
No one knows the compete whole story on these boards (too wordy to get into I am sure)..so please do not judge ppl on their moments of anger/frustration.
Did the decision come harder because cancer was involved...yes, and would have NO MATTER who was involved in returning purchase in one extra day or two...it was going to happen.
I make bad choices spur of the moment who realizes after the fact, so shoot me. i am human.
LMAO@I was sold a box of rocks...It has been ages since I heard someone use that line
tell ya my age..Tiki!
We use that in my line of biz all the time...I hear the same response..:X
We use that in my line of biz all the time...I hear the same response..:X
sophie68,
Homegirl, I am with you ALL the way. I have your back on this one YOU SHOULD be pissed. You are better than me though, ooh boy, call it childish, immature if you want but I would be a hurricane crashing in on her and dad right now. FU@@ impressing.
You don't deserve to get beat over no DI@@ anyways!
Homegirl, I am with you ALL the way. I have your back on this one YOU SHOULD be pissed. You are better than me though, ooh boy, call it childish, immature if you want but I would be a hurricane crashing in on her and dad right now. FU@@ impressing.
You don't deserve to get beat over no DI@@ anyways!
ROTFL LMAO@but I would be a hurricane crashing in on her and dad right now. FU@@ impressing.
You don't deserve to get beat over no DI@@ anyways
Oh I almost pissed myself!! Homey don't play dat!!
You don't deserve to get beat over no DI@@ anyways
Oh I almost pissed myself!! Homey don't play dat!!
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