CONFRONTATION ...Yay!!!

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by cappysweetie on Sunday, April 23, 2006 and has 9 replies.
Saturday morning, I receive an email from him stating that he would pick me up at 1pm, he also requested that I wear my hair down for him. Usually, I make some excuse not to, but I decided to play into everything. When he arrived, my hair was in a bob (he likes it like that for reason), and I wear a lavendar, knee-length dress (it was warm and I didn't feel like wearing leggings).Yes, he was pleased ... score! I had him Winking *** Countasy of Brahn0913. You advice workedStars**
After eating the food he bouught, I searched for my long-lost containers that he couldn't find. He didn't offer to take me home right away and wanted to watch TV, so I complied. At half time, this is when I decided to confront him with the way he's been acting for the past weeks ... BUT I confronted him by phrasing everything I had to say to him in the form of a question. I brought up the whole meal incident and the three week absent but using why, how, when ... I did this way because he is the type of person you CANNOT directly confront, like a typical crab he would retreat! Hehehe, but not this time ...
Basically I informed him that Ididn't know what he wanted from me and I think I should back-off since the feelings don't seem equal "I have been there for you when you've always needed me ... but lately I just don't feel that you are in my corner that same way I'm in yours. Do you want me to leave you be?" He replied, "What do you mean, I already know how close we are and that you are my friend ... you're not going anywhere ..." Hmmm, so I said how could he be so sure that I'm not going to back-off. He replied, " No, I want you ...you have no reason to leave, things are different now vs the way they were, things have changed. I know you better now so there is no more caution." I was confused, "Changed? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" He looked at me strangely,"I know you better like I said, the way things were back then were under bad circumstances but not anymore, we can interact more." The conversation was longer than that, but I got my apolygizes, and I set boundaries along with letting telling him how I didn't like how he was treating ... MY POINT WAS MADE, and it felt GOOOD Winking
After the discussion, He told me how he wished that we could've met earlier ... he needed someone like me in his life -- yes, I know it was all just a bunch of silly talk but whatever, but it did make me feel good. We continued watching TV along with talking, we have the same sense of humor. Things seemed more content on my part but I did feel him trying to sense what I was thinking but I put a mental wall up -- he had no right trying to prop my mind! I mean, I'm not his woman so he doesn't have a right ... I'm just his buddy ... yeah baby WinkingWinkingWinking He even got personal with me with certain subjects, his hopes and dreams ... which was rare!!! I listened more than I spoke and seemed to absorb my feedback. While taking me home, he confided in me about more personal issues, things that have effected mentally for a while. He instantly became really upset (I had no idea he had such a temper) I managed to calm him a little before leaving him.
Well, in short (believe it or not) that's it. It's really hard to believe the three women he's with doesn't motivate him ... he says that he's his biggiest motivator and he wants MY support too ??? I really wanted to say that he has more than enough women to get support from other than me (remember I know about them) but that we've ruined our rapport.
If felt like we were starting all over, and then we quickly bonded again ... strange, but I still won't invest any emotions ... NO SIR! If anything, he needs a friend that will guide him along with keep his head out of the clouds and more grounded. I told him that I am not pushing my "hand" to him anymore, but it's there. It's up to him now... he knows my number and he has no trouble getting to my home. THE END Winking WOW He's a mess, lol!!!
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wow cappy you are awesome you speak my mind..."...Basically I informed him that Ididn't know what he wanted from me and I think I should back-off since the feelings don't seem equal "I have been there for you when you've always needed me ... but lately I just don't feel that you are in my corner that same way I'm in yours. Do you want me to leave you be?"...this is the things that I was trying to convert to him in an email I was trying to write tonite but I stopped cause I didnt know how to send my thoughts across without hurting his feeling, thinking that might push him back to the shell again. As a matter of fact, he is right now. But I think I have my reason to be upset at him so Im not gonna be the first one to talk again. He needs to understand that I might run out of my patient. Anyway, that stattement is a good one.
So does that mean you are thru with this crab? If you are, congrats. lol I wish I have to guts to cut if off too cause those emotinal things are really damaging to me now. Anyhow, I'm happy that you are happy now smile
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so wait how to confront a crab without all the confrontations. Do I know not to use "you" and all those negative words? since being a taurus are prone to speak whatever is in my mind.
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What I did was make the confrontation more like a discussion, you know what I mean? I already had my objectives in place so to speak. I ask him questions that I knew he couldn't be indirect with, his answers had to be direct or they would've made any sense ... and if he would've lied it would've totally contradicted some other things he should previous. FFinally I told him how he made me feel when he did that things he did. As of being done with, I was prepare to say "I'm done" and I told him that; but he didn't react to good to it. So he said things are different and he also stated: "You're not going anywhere ...". Soooooo only time will tell.
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I dont know how to confront him without making him feel like I'm accusing him. I mean I dont sound like I'm upset but I just dont know how to put my frustrations better in words so most of the times I would just saying things right off my head without rephrasing it. You know making sure we dont hurt their sensitiv self. I feel like I'm the most idiotic bull ever. Why me why me? All I wanted to do is to love and treat him nice with all my hearts (and he knows that)and maybe that's why with all my bull behaviors he's still around lol But when he doesnt get right back to me when I leave him a message i started to wonder and wonder...He's really stressing me out big times
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Hey ... I felt the same way. All I wanted to do was to care and nuture him. However, I realized that he just wasn't ready for some one like me. He wants women with "no strings attached". I'm not saying he won't ever change, but I certainly cannot make him. I believe you have more security with your boyfriend then I had with my cancer. So don't lose hope yet. Send me a private message and I will give you more insight okay?
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wow...sounds exactly like the cancer i'm with. i mean i don't think he's seeing anyone else. i'm scared he is, though and just doesn't want to tell me. i'm a sag so i'm the type of person that wants the truth and am often times finding myself trying to dig the truth out of him. he's been "with" me for about 9 months now. we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend...but he says we aren't fuck buddies and are more than friends with benefits. he seemed to like me more in the beginning...and he even said "i love you" but i didn't take it seriously because he was drunk when he said it. he said once before but it was in a joking manner so i didn't take it seriously. i did find some aim conversations that he's had, though, with other girls he's talked to. one of them being with a girl he used to hook up with. he talks to her like he wants to hook up with her or whatever, but he tells me that he doesn't want to hook up with anyone else but me. i also found another conversation asking his neighbor to snuggle with him after he had talked to me and asked me to snuggle with him (but i wasn't home to receive his message). i know we're not together, but i'm just confused why we even are together if we treat it more than friends with benefits. i confront him all the time on these issues because i believe in being completely honest with how i feel about him and what i think. i almost think it intimidates him a little bit, though...i'm so confused anymore and am on the verge of trying to end it completely because i'm not the casual relationship type of girl...
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Yeah, my cancer was a great talker, but when it came down to actually doing something ... he would just flake out. It's a real shame, I saw so much potential in him too.
Ironically, I believe that if I were into the whole "causal relationship" thing, I still have problems out of him. Hahahahahahaha, the best of sex can only keep a guy around for so long. Afterwards, the stuff just starts getting old Winking I want a man to be with me because he actually wants to, not because I am a good shag.
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Awwwwww, thank you Greatball. That was sweet, I wasn't expecting that smile
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