Confusing Cancer..
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by corex57 on Wednesday, February 21, 2007 and has 26 replies.
So there is this cancer girl we have known each other for a some time now and I told her before that I liked her.. well the details are at: http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/messages.asp?id=641694
So anyway, we still talk and email every now and then.. so here are my frustrations and I wonder if people in this board can relate or provide some insight ( I am a Virgo BTW)..
It is usually me who makes the effort to keep her informed and call /email her every now and then.. and every time I call, we end up talking for a long time and its great.. we make plans to meet up etc. Usually after that she cancels the plan saying she is busy or something other thing.. which may be legit.. but honestly, it gets boring after a while... feel like I am imposing and she is not interested really... I had a couple of problems with my house and rent etc. she helped me a lot giving me advise on negotiating with the landlord, some paperwork etc. Last time we met up couple of weeks ago, we had a great time, she showed me old pictures, asked me to visit her place etc..
Being a Virgo, I like to get to the bottom of the matter
... in the sense if she is not interested in me or interested in me as a friend.. would she say it or is it something for me to infer by her behavior? Why does she keep canceling and not call on her own? Should I confront her? How do I do that? Anyway, her behavior is confuses me.. and there are times where I just want to move on..
So anyway, we still talk and email every now and then.. so here are my frustrations and I wonder if people in this board can relate or provide some insight ( I am a Virgo BTW)..
It is usually me who makes the effort to keep her informed and call /email her every now and then.. and every time I call, we end up talking for a long time and its great.. we make plans to meet up etc. Usually after that she cancels the plan saying she is busy or something other thing.. which may be legit.. but honestly, it gets boring after a while... feel like I am imposing and she is not interested really... I had a couple of problems with my house and rent etc. she helped me a lot giving me advise on negotiating with the landlord, some paperwork etc. Last time we met up couple of weeks ago, we had a great time, she showed me old pictures, asked me to visit her place etc..
Being a Virgo, I like to get to the bottom of the matter
... in the sense if she is not interested in me or interested in me as a friend.. would she say it or is it something for me to infer by her behavior? Why does she keep canceling and not call on her own? Should I confront her? How do I do that? Anyway, her behavior is confuses me.. and there are times where I just want to move on.. 
Does the same apply to male cancers?
Unusualcancer: I have told her that I like her and she knows. She did not say anything really.. dont really know how to me more clear. And I did ask her for a dinner and she said yes and canceled... therefore the confusion and thats why I am asking if I am missing something..
I don't understand why men these days act like woman. They are vague...act "friendly" and you have no clue whether they are asking you on a date...romantically...or they want to be your brother.
Haha.. it is ironic that you think I am being vague, because these are the same thoughts I have about her ...
Any ideas on how to proceed.. I am just letting her be... but obviously it is bothering me thats why I am here I guess..
I don't understand why men these days act like woman. They are vague...act "friendly" and you have no clue whether they are asking you on a date...romantically...or they want to be your brother.
Haha.. it is ironic that you think I am being vague, because these are the same thoughts I have about her
... Any ideas on how to proceed.. I am just letting her be... but obviously it is bothering me thats why I am here I guess..
To me the confusing bit is when she cancels and says she will make it tomorrow.. but never really follows up.. AND then makes more plans for later in the week inviting me and my friends..
it is confusing because I am trying to figure out if it is genuine or it is what you mentioned.. her way of saying no..
Honestly, it is not the impression I get when I spend time with her we have a good time.. Anyway, I can see what you are saying.. I think maybe it is a cancer thing.. are they oblivious to the messages that they give out..
it is confusing because I am trying to figure out if it is genuine or it is what you mentioned.. her way of saying no..
Honestly, it is not the impression I get when I spend time with her we have a good time.. Anyway, I can see what you are saying.. I think maybe it is a cancer thing.. are they oblivious to the messages that they give out..
Well...yup, we aren't the most direct individuals LOL! I will NEVER make the first move. I will always wait for the man to do it. So, I know I have problems with that...but if a guy that I LIKED told me he liked me, then I'm sure I would do everything in my power to SHOW him how I felt. I might not come right out and SAY how I feel, but I would show him with my actions and that means NOT cancelling dates. It's that whole fear of rejection thing we got going on. I'm so afraid my feelings aren't going to be met with the same intensity and so I keep them to myself. Not good I'm afraid. It takes a really special man to be able to read me.
COREX...SEEEEEEEEEE, THATS THE THING I HATE..... HOW IS IT THAT EVERYONE SAYS THAT THESE CANCER PEOPLE ARENT INTERESTED........ but inside we feel that they most likely are but are acting all mixed up.
we can't be imagining things, i never push this hard for things that i dont think are possible. thats why it boggles my mind.
we can't be imagining things, i never push this hard for things that i dont think are possible. thats why it boggles my mind.
ughhhhhhh kbfsdlihslrgfugh;oaISGH;oihr
haha.. so it is all games I guess.. and that is fine.. but I completely agree with Lil.. I cannot be imagining things (I hope ).. and I would never push for things that are not possible..
I think I am going to back off.. it sucks for me because I really thought that we had something.. but I guess that is the lesson for a Virgo to learn to let go and not analyze everything.. and boy is it hard.. what do you guys think?
).. and I would never push for things that are not possible.. I think I am going to back off.. it sucks for me because I really thought that we had something.. but I guess that is the lesson for a Virgo to learn to let go and not analyze everything.. and boy is it hard.. what do you guys think?
i dont think u will last lol
then again, i hope i am wrong and u do stick to ur words
then again, i hope i am wrong and u do stick to ur words
Haha.. you mean I wont be able to back off?
yupp.. lol corex... thats excatly what i mean....... think u got it in u to prove me wrong?
haha.. dunno really.. because I can relate to what you said about not imaginig things ... I guess time will tell... it will be interesting to analyze in the end though.. doh!
... I guess time will tell... it will be interesting to analyze in the end though.. doh! I hate to say this and I hope I am wrong, but I am seeing the "friends only" signals here. I have been watching this thread, debating on saying anything....
"To me the confusing bit is when she cancels and says she will make it tomorrow.. but never really follows up.. AND then makes more plans for later in the week inviting me and my friends.."
"me and my friends.."
we perfer a quiet evening snuggled up at home watching tv..alone with you, if we are interested...
"To me the confusing bit is when she cancels and says she will make it tomorrow.. but never really follows up.. AND then makes more plans for later in the week inviting me and my friends.."
"me and my friends.."
we perfer a quiet evening snuggled up at home watching tv..alone with you, if we are interested...
Haha.. I could see that right away with cancers especially the fact that they like to be in the house over going out.. but this is the first time I am acutally with friends (of each other) till now it has been 1:1.. anyway, we will see how it goes..
either way.. as I said.. not trying to analyze too much.. we will see..
either way.. as I said.. not trying to analyze too much.. we will see..
When cancers cancel a date, thats there game. Start calling her selling her dreams. Tell her you have her a car waiting and when she gets there say, Oh I just wanted to see if you were loyal. Give her cash to get her going and tell her that you will be there for her forever. Tell her you will give her what ever she wants what ever she needs and when she asks you say No. With my short experience they love doggish people.
"I cannot be imagining things" LOL! Do you know how many times I said that to myself when I was dealing with that virgo guy!!! Shak, it's so not true that you earthy guys like directness. For all I have observed, virgo guys are no better than cancer girls in being direct and open.
Anyway... corex57, I am afraid I tend to agree with unusualcancer on this one.
But, it's still very weird. If I like a guy and he asks me out, I don't play any games with him. I just say yes and go out with him. (Not playing games might have to do with being afraid to lose the interest of the guy - a very crabby way of thinking indeed)
If I don't like a guy and he asks me out, I most probably couldn't say "NO!" to his face but I would definitely give him clues. Also, I would never set a date with him and cancel at the last minute. I would rather try to be nice and come up with lame excuses not to go out with him at all - I'm tired, I have to stay in to spend time with my roommate, I think I'm getting sick, etc..
Having said all this, I have this MALE cancer friend who makes appointments with his friends and then cancels at the very last minute. I guess he just feels bad rejecting the offers right away. So, this girl might be someone like this friend of mine.
Why don't you try being direct with her? You can say something like: You know, I like you, and I want to go out with you and I make efforts to get together with you. But you cancel every time and this makes me think that you might not be interested in me. If that's the case, I would rather prefer that you make it clear. Believe me, I would be hurt much less this way (some point to emphasize - remember, we are sooo afraid to hurt people) and see what she says.
Good luck!
Anyway... corex57, I am afraid I tend to agree with unusualcancer on this one.
But, it's still very weird. If I like a guy and he asks me out, I don't play any games with him. I just say yes and go out with him. (Not playing games might have to do with being afraid to lose the interest of the guy - a very crabby way of thinking indeed)
If I don't like a guy and he asks me out, I most probably couldn't say "NO!" to his face but I would definitely give him clues. Also, I would never set a date with him and cancel at the last minute. I would rather try to be nice and come up with lame excuses not to go out with him at all - I'm tired, I have to stay in to spend time with my roommate, I think I'm getting sick, etc..
Having said all this, I have this MALE cancer friend who makes appointments with his friends and then cancels at the very last minute. I guess he just feels bad rejecting the offers right away. So, this girl might be someone like this friend of mine.
Why don't you try being direct with her? You can say something like: You know, I like you, and I want to go out with you and I make efforts to get together with you. But you cancel every time and this makes me think that you might not be interested in me. If that's the case, I would rather prefer that you make it clear. Believe me, I would be hurt much less this way (some point to emphasize - remember, we are sooo afraid to hurt people) and see what she says.
Good luck!
FALLINFORVIRGO..taht is gold...lol it took me soooooooooooooooooooooooooo long to realize that i WAS INDEED just imagining things..... i hate bein wrong about a perosn, that even if they do hurt me, i still hold on to the HOPE that he cares.
like once when i went for a dirve with him, he wnated ot take off relaly quickly,a nd i kept saying noo, stay... bla bla... and he kept coming up with excuses.... then i sai di needed to pik sumthin up fomr my house, n he slike okay, n i said, dont tak eoff on me, n he siad i wont.. so i egt out of the car, i get inside.. and then my phone rings.. its him and he says: im not gunna wiat for u, im taking off. i got pissed so jus hung up.
later on i go online, and theres a message form him saying: hey, i didnt kno what else to say, i told u i didnt nwat to chill with u, u dont take hints very well, so what did u wnat me to do, so sorry. bye
so yah...fallinforvirgo is right, i agree iwth her... they cant say no to ur face becuz they dont wnat to be mean.... but canceling, is never a good sign
like once when i went for a dirve with him, he wnated ot take off relaly quickly,a nd i kept saying noo, stay... bla bla... and he kept coming up with excuses.... then i sai di needed to pik sumthin up fomr my house, n he slike okay, n i said, dont tak eoff on me, n he siad i wont.. so i egt out of the car, i get inside.. and then my phone rings.. its him and he says: im not gunna wiat for u, im taking off. i got pissed so jus hung up.
later on i go online, and theres a message form him saying: hey, i didnt kno what else to say, i told u i didnt nwat to chill with u, u dont take hints very well, so what did u wnat me to do, so sorry. bye
so yah...fallinforvirgo is right, i agree iwth her... they cant say no to ur face becuz they dont wnat to be mean.... but canceling, is never a good sign
for those who dont kno me, i cant type well... so deal with it lol sry
Haha.. I understand guys.. I am trying to not think about it too much.. i still keep getting mixed signals but I am backing off.. "I wanted to come over but had cold..." and then "Why did you not call me I could have come after work.." haha.. it is cool when you don't take it too personally and just let go.. and when you don't analyze it too much... thats what i have learnt it is still a big effort for me (analytical Virgo) but I over come by keeping busy with other things.. the next contact will be from her..
Lil.ladie.taurus, I am sorry for what that guy did, it is sooooo rude. I am sure you'll find someone way better than him.
I always give hints to people whenever they try to push me do things I don't want to do. But only a few people are good at reading my hints, funny enough, it's always fellow cancers who get the message!
I always give hints to people whenever they try to push me do things I don't want to do. But only a few people are good at reading my hints, funny enough, it's always fellow cancers who get the message!
I was in a similar situation just a this past week and I don't know if the guy is completly out of my hair yet but he has been backing off. funny he is also a virgo and I am a cancer.
anyway I found him to be too forward and while I was never attracted to him in the first place he manage to put me off eith certain comments he made to me which as a woman and cancer I find vile. I would never say those words to someone I have dated for 5 months let alone am not even going out with. plus w/o my invite he invaded my personal space by putting his arms around me in intimate ways and telling people he would like to meet my father (his future father in law) I found these behavior aggressive and preceeded to keep a distance between us and would also act really uninterested whenever we spoke by looking and angling my body away or just ignore him when we were around each other. but he persisted until he found out my religion and could have sworn I was another. since then he has kept a distance but I still catch him staring at me. I think he either would not want to be with someone of my religion or he thinks I would not want him because of that.
any way as a cancer I would say maybe your directness efected how she may feel about you despite the fact that we want others to tell us they like us we don't want them worshipping the ground that we walk on so soon that is scary. if she accepted your invite she may like you because I never accepted thsi guy's advice he actually did not even ask me he planned them and then will tell come over this friday ofcourse I never answered except I made a bunch of excuses as too why I can't go to his place or he cna't come to mine.
but the best thing will be to back off because if she feels the same she will come back to you knowing that it is safer since she already knows how you feel.
anyway I found him to be too forward and while I was never attracted to him in the first place he manage to put me off eith certain comments he made to me which as a woman and cancer I find vile. I would never say those words to someone I have dated for 5 months let alone am not even going out with. plus w/o my invite he invaded my personal space by putting his arms around me in intimate ways and telling people he would like to meet my father (his future father in law) I found these behavior aggressive and preceeded to keep a distance between us and would also act really uninterested whenever we spoke by looking and angling my body away or just ignore him when we were around each other. but he persisted until he found out my religion and could have sworn I was another. since then he has kept a distance but I still catch him staring at me. I think he either would not want to be with someone of my religion or he thinks I would not want him because of that.
any way as a cancer I would say maybe your directness efected how she may feel about you despite the fact that we want others to tell us they like us we don't want them worshipping the ground that we walk on so soon that is scary. if she accepted your invite she may like you because I never accepted thsi guy's advice he actually did not even ask me he planned them and then will tell come over this friday ofcourse I never answered except I made a bunch of excuses as too why I can't go to his place or he cna't come to mine.
but the best thing will be to back off because if she feels the same she will come back to you knowing that it is safer since she already knows how you feel.
Lot of..."experts" on today, huh?
Intresting "theories".
Exactly which "theories" you find "interesting" ABCR2? I'm just curious.
Thats her game! Cancers want to play games with you to see if you are the one for them. They for some odd ass reason want to see if you are going to put up with them until the end of time. This is there defensive mechanism. FIND something to do with yourself. GO to school, get a degree, this will automatically make her feel as if she has some kind of future with you. She is a patient person, and patience is a virtue! With any relationship. If its written in the book of love for you to be together then you will. No force in this world will stop that. If she likes you, she likes you. If she doesn't she doesn't. In a relationship, never in the beginning let a person know how much you really like them. Hide the hell out of your feelings, get some control. She knows you like he and thats mistake number one. Big mistake! I'll tell you what to do. If you can give her some cash! Not much, just enough to see if she REALLY is into you or a gold digger. Tell her you like her so much since you already f...up and did that. Keep calling her, and try to hook up with her. She probably won't answer your calls right away. Shes going to call you back, because even if she likes you or not you gave her some money. 9 times out of ten she is going to call you back. Then stop returning her calls. Because you know all she wants from you is money! Then let her come around if she really likes you. If not it wasn't meant to be.
I agree with sexycancerbaby.. dont think that it is the money..
Krobe03 I dont understand how giving cash will solve anything.. I think if I want her to call me, I would hope that it is not because she owes me something rather she wants to.. I can imagine though how it can work initially..
anyway am still backing off .. and have not heard from her either..
Krobe03 I dont understand how giving cash will solve anything.. I think if I want her to call me, I would hope that it is not because she owes me something rather she wants to.. I can imagine though how it can work initially..
anyway am still backing off .. and have not heard from her either..
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