Could insecurity really hold him back?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by aj123 on Thursday, April 24, 2014 and has 8 replies.
Hi,
Is it ever REALLY possible that someone's insecurities could hold them back from pursuing someone/contacting them?
If for example, it has been phases of being very hot and cold (in terms of cold, I mean no contact rather than being rude etc)
but during the "hot phases", he would spend about 80% of the time, telling me I deserve much better and that he's too much of a bad guy and that I feel find him to be "old and weird" eventually (as there's around 14 yrs gap) which I don't mind but he makes a huge deal about but he does seem very interested but as he's mainly a cancer sign (therefore, possibly more insecure naturally anyway) ALONG with his previous ex having left him AND our huge age difference, is what is holding him back, the age gap (so, fear it won't work out in the long run) or is that a polite excuse for him to reject? He really does the whole self-pity thing and always says I am too special (literally more than half the time we speak ever since we met) + it's kind of a long distance thing.. + he's never pressured me into going all the way with him either.
He is a Gemini Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Venus
Thank you
Is it ever REALLY possible that someone's insecurities could hold them back from pursuing someone/contacting them?
If for example, it has been phases of being very hot and cold (in terms of cold, I mean no contact rather than being rude etc)
but during the "hot phases", he would spend about 80% of the time, telling me I deserve much better and that he's too much of a bad guy and that I feel find him to be "old and weird" eventually (as there's around 14 yrs gap) which I don't mind but he makes a huge deal about but he does seem very interested but as he's mainly a cancer sign (therefore, possibly more insecure naturally anyway) ALONG with his previous ex having left him AND our huge age difference, is what is holding him back, the age gap (so, fear it won't work out in the long run) or is that a polite excuse for him to reject? He really does the whole self-pity thing and always says I am too special (literally more than half the time we speak ever since we met) + it's kind of a long distance thing.. + he's never pressured me into going all the way with him either.
He is a Gemini Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Venus
Thank you
Any helpful responses please?
Would be grateful for some insight please.
If a person is haunted by insecurities it can indeed wreck any chances for a healthy relationship or one at all. It sounds like he's being honest with you. The problem here is that you do not have the power to make him feel confident in himself. Furthermore, real world concerns are making him doubt whether the two of you can go the distance. I think if a Cancer feels it's not going to work out in the end, they won't invest in the relationship. You can only be yourself and reassure him how you feel about him. The rest is up to him. Hot/cold relationships tho are real indications, red flags if you will, that the relationship is unstable. And unstable relationships don't often progress into stable ones but it can happen if the source of the instability is circumstances and emo. baggage that's being actively addressed usually in therapy. He does sound too old for you but that's my opinion. I personally wouldn't date a man whose more than a decade older because you're not really at the same stage of life and when he really starts to show his age and you look considerably younger you could be mistaken for his mother, not his woman.
Maybe his insecurities hold him back from being a better man but not your man.
If a man gives you a straight answer, you don't have to look any deeper like you may when dealing with many women. When a man says he's too bad that means he has enough respect for you not to drag you through his bullshit. Don't be silly chasing a bad man thinking you can save him.
If a man gives you a straight answer, you don't have to look any deeper like you may when dealing with many women. When a man says he's too bad that means he has enough respect for you not to drag you through his bullshit. Don't be silly chasing a bad man thinking you can save him.
Thank you for your helpful answers, more replies are also welcome. I think it is mainly if it was just one of those "it's me, not you" cliche excuses or something genuine whereby it was the only thing holding him back, that I wanted to know.
In this case it isn't cliche.
Thanks for your reply kim30, any more replies are always welcome.
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