Crabs..

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Damnata on Thursday, February 13, 2014 and has 32 replies.
I met with a Cancer guy today..he recently broke up with his Taurus bf.
I asked him what happened.
"It wasn't about what was being said between us, it was mostly about things that went unsaid one too many times"
Can you relate to this?
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Yep. very much so with the Taurus ex. He never picked up on the hints that I was upset about something and then he'd do something over the top assholey and I'd completely blow up at him and he'd be shocked that it came seemingly out of nowhere.
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I was thinking this would be the common problem with water and earth signs...because I can see myself honestly not picking up on things til it's too late.
My question to you watery folks..if someone honestly doesn't get it..how would you prefere they brought up the subject? If they're a nice genuine person who doesn't get they are harming you. Earth signs have a way of discussing things that leaves water signs even more misunderstood.
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Posted by MoonArtist
Yep. very much so with the Taurus ex. He never picked up on the hints that I was upset about something and then he'd do something over the top assholey and I'd completely blow up at him and he'd be shocked that it came seemingly out of nowhere.


Yes in this case...going by what you posted this far he went to the other extreme - most likely knowing what he did and feigning innocence. It's at that point when it stops beging just a slight and turns into a real problem..manipulation beging.
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begins*
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I think this goes further than communication issues. When someone says it was more the things not said, that tells me they were looking for an emotional validation that they didn't get. For instance, if you don't love someone, chances are you're not going to say you do love them, right? Water signs are really good at reading the nonverbal signs, which usually convey more meaning than words that can easily be used to deceive. So, I read this statement to mean that there was not enough mutual love between these two for it to work out. If the heart is fully engaged, the words will follow. Or, you'll rush to find them if you fear losing the object of your affection. This doesn't sound like a communication issue but an unequal or unrequited love. When you love someone, you're committed to making it work. That's my take, anyway.
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@Este8
You have a very insightful reply. Thanks!
I realised a few things in my own relationships.
Quick question though, astrology aside. Don't you think that most relationships have this unbalance where one loves too much and the other too little?
The glue then isn't so much the mutual feeling or communication there of but rather the willingness to actually get back on track. No matter which side of the coin you are at that time.
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Posted by Damnata
I was thinking this would be the common problem with water and earth signs...because I can see myself honestly not picking up on things til it's too late.
My question to you watery folks..if someone honestly doesn't get it..how would you prefere they brought up the subject? If they're a nice genuine person who doesn't get they are harming you. Earth signs have a way of discussing things that leaves water signs even more misunderstood.


Once the misunderstanding flares up I'll always make it clear what I had a problem with or what hurt me. I'm working on not holding it in, though, and not relying on hints that people might not get.
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Posted by OmagaIII
@Este8
You have a very insightful reply. Thanks!
I realised a few things in my own relationships.
Quick question though, astrology aside. Don't you think that most relationships have this unbalance where one loves too much and the other too little?
The glue then isn't so much the mutual feeling or communication there of but rather the willingness to actually get back on track. No matter which side of the coin you are at that time.


Thanks for the kind words, Omaga! My mama always said that in love affairs one person loves the other a little bit more than the other person and my experience has born this out to be true. Are you the person who wants to love more or the one to be a little more loved? I'm in the latter group. I need the reassurance being a moody insecure Cancer LOL. The trick is finding a person who wants what you want...commitment....and is ready and willing to do the work. It's okay if one loves more than the other so long as they are both committed. Ideal pair: the one who needs to love a little more paired with the one who wants to be loved a little more. Match made in heaven. Order me up one of THOSE! smile
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Posted by Damnata
Posted by MoonArtist
Yep. very much so with the Taurus ex. He never picked up on the hints that I was upset about something and then he'd do something over the top assholey and I'd completely blow up at him and he'd be shocked that it came seemingly out of nowhere.


Yes in this case...going by what you posted this far he went to the other extreme - most likely knowing what he did and feigning innocence. It's at that point when it stops beging just a slight and turns into a real problem..manipulation beging.
click to expand


Very much so. I did make it clear after the misunderstandings were aired but when someone repeatedly does the same hurtful things over and over and still pretends innocence you know that they can't be that stupid and they're being manipulative. Poking and goading until I get upset and then I'm "irrational" and "crazy"...the "bad guy".
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Posted by OmagaIII
@Este8
You have a very insightful reply. Thanks!
I realised a few things in my own relationships.
Quick question though, astrology aside. Don't you think that most relationships have this unbalance where one loves too much and the other too little?
The glue then isn't so much the mutual feeling or communication there of but rather the willingness to actually get back on track. No matter which side of the coin you are at that time.


This is very true, sadly. Too many aren't balanced.
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@Este8
Ahh, and for the first time I see a very different approach to love. And very refreshing might I add Big Grin Thanks again!
I have always been aware of the unbalance, and I have always thought that there is this dance to switch to the other side. This constant switching...
But it sounds more like a 'stepping on toes' scenario now after reading your reply.
Basically if it is natural to expect a bit more love then find someone who finds it natural to give more love than the receive. Obviously not a 'game player' type but someone who honestly feels and does what is natural with no hidden agendas.
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Posted by OmagaIII
@Este8
Ahh, and for the first time I see a very different approach to love. And very refreshing might I add Big Grin Thanks again!
I have always been aware of the unbalance, and I have always thought that there is this dance to switch to the other side. This constant switching...
But it sounds more like a 'stepping on toes' scenario now after reading your reply.
Basically if it is natural to expect a bit more love then find someone who finds it natural to give more love than the receive. Obviously not a 'game player' type but someone who honestly feels and does what is natural with no hidden agendas.


I really feel people that vibe on the same length will find each other..even then you cannot quantify how much someone loves you. The end purpose should be commitment on both sides and building a life together..but we often get lost in the ego, the games, the powerplay.
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< width="640" height="360" ="

^This is something I'd actually like.
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That there... that is awesome hahaha
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Hi5, Taurus.
I'd think most men would welcome that.
lol@ "I'm a Scorpio"
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Posted by Este8
I think this goes further than communication issues. When someone says it was more the things not said, that tells me they were looking for an emotional validation that they didn't get. For instance, if you don't love someone, chances are you're not going to say you do love them, right? Water signs are really good at reading the nonverbal signs, which usually convey more meaning than words that can easily be used to deceive. So, I read this statement to mean that there was not enough mutual love between these two for it to work out. If the heart is fully engaged, the words will follow. Or, you'll rush to find them if you fear losing the object of your affection. This doesn't sound like a communication issue but an unequal or unrequited love. When you love someone, you're committed to making it work. That's my take, anyway.


Este, if you ever write a book, I want to be the first to buy it.
This is amazing stuff.
smile
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Posted by Este8
When you love someone, you're committed to making it work. That's my take, anyway.


Very true. I read somewhere there's 3 A's in a relationship where you should leave, regardless of how much love there is between you two. Those 3 can't be fixed and it's delusional to try to do it. As with everything, this is subject for debate.
Adultery, Abuse (be it emotional, physical etc), Addiction (mainly alcohool and/or drugs).
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Posted by OmagaIII
@Este8
Ahh, and for the first time I see a very different approach to love. And very refreshing might I add Big Grin Thanks again!
I have always been aware of the unbalance, and I have always thought that there is this dance to switch to the other side. This constant switching...
But it sounds more like a 'stepping on toes' scenario now after reading your reply.
Basically if it is natural to expect a bit more love then find someone who finds it natural to give more love than the receive. Obviously not a 'game player' type but someone who honestly feels and does what is natural with no hidden agendas.


Well "sides" can be switched. At times one can love the other more due to circumstances or whatever. It does happen. Let's be real here: most all of us want to find that person who gives more than they are looking to receive. I think that's what love is at it's best. You give it freely and without expecting a return. Except, of course, in romantic love affairs. You want and need and deserve to be loved back or it's a wide sided trail of tears. I don't believe there's any trick to love. We all take our chances. The best you can do is wait in the beginning and really observe that person whose captured your interest. Of course, easier said than done when there's mad attraction. Thing is, mad attraction is really fantasy island. You are madly attracted to the image you have of your beloved. Real love develops slowly over time. That's what I believe.
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Posted by Damnata
Posted by Este8
When you love someone, you're committed to making it work. That's my take, anyway.


Very true. I read somewhere there's 3 A's in a relationship where you should leave, regardless of how much love there is between you two. Those 3 can't be fixed and it's delusional to try to do it. As with everything, this is subject for debate.
Adultery, Abuse (be it emotional, physical etc), Addiction (mainly alcohool and/or drugs).

click to expand


The three A's aren't any barrier to love if you encompass them as well. No, just kidding! Yes, those issues are termination worthy ones. I'm tempted to say that love alone is not enough but if you tolerate those kinds of abuse, we're not talking about love. We're talking about need, dependency and dangerously low self-esteem. I think the best way to find the love you seek is to work at being the partner you'd like to attract. Be the real deal and the rest will follow. The more work you do on yourself, the healthier you can be in relationships. Plus, you'll have the courage to leave a bad one sooner rather than later...or never.
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Esme you sound a lot like a Cancer chick who was a lot on the Virgo board a few years back. Sekhmet or something...I only remember her avatar which was an egyptian deity with a Leo's head. She was a wise Cancer chick.
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Posted by Damnata
Esme you sound a lot like a Cancer chick who was a lot on the Virgo board a few years back. Sekhmet or something...I only remember her avatar which was an egyptian deity with a Leo's head. She was a wise Cancer chick.


That's sweet of you to say but I've only been here for under a year and my handle has always been Este8. Water signs can be wise about matters of the heart b/c we live in the realm of emotions. But the challenge in being a water sign is not to become a prisoner to your emotions. That's why Cancers can act so irrationally at times. We're very emo creatures and that cardinal energy can motivate us to make complete asses of ourselves. Just saying. Being ruled by water means you gotta learn to ride the waves.
This outta be the official song for any water signed critter....
< width="420" height="315" ="
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Oh I wasn't implying you're that chick..you just remind me of her from how you type things and what you say.
I usually wait til the tide settles with Cancers.
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Posted by Este8
Posted by OmagaIII
@Este8
You have a very insightful reply. Thanks!
I realised a few things in my own relationships.
Quick question though, astrology aside. Don't you think that most relationships have this unbalance where one loves too much and the other too little?
The glue then isn't so much the mutual feeling or communication there of but rather the willingness to actually get back on track. No matter which side of the coin you are at that time.


Thanks for the kind words, Omaga! My mama always said that in love affairs one person loves the other a little bit more than the other person and my experience has born this out to be true. Are you the person who wants to love more or the one to be a little more loved? I'm in the latter group. I need the reassurance being a moody insecure Cancer LOL. The trick is finding a person who wants what you want...commitment....and is ready and willing to do the work. It's okay if one loves more than the other so long as they are both committed. Ideal pair: the one who needs to love a little more paired with the one who wants to be loved a little more. Match made in heaven. Order me up one of THOSE! smile
click to expand


I read that alot. It looks like the wise women tend to preach to have men love you more than you love them.
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Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by Este8
Posted by OmagaIII
@Este8
You have a very insightful reply. Thanks!
I realised a few things in my own relationships.
Quick question though, astrology aside. Don't you think that most relationships have this unbalance where one loves too much and the other too little?
The glue then isn't so much the mutual feeling or communication there of but rather the willingness to actually get back on track. No matter which side of the coin you are at that time.


Thanks for the kind words, Omaga! My mama always said that in love affairs one person loves the other a little bit more than the other person and my experience has born this out to be true. Are you the person who wants to love more or the one to be a little more loved? I'm in the latter group. I need the reassurance being a moody insecure Cancer LOL. The trick is finding a person who wants what you want...commitment....and is ready and willing to do the work. It's okay if one loves more than the other so long as they are both committed. Ideal pair: the one who needs to love a little more paired with the one who wants to be loved a little more. Match made in heaven. Order me up one of THOSE! smile


I read that alot. It looks like the wise women tend to preach to have men love you more than you love them.
click to expand


Well us women do need to be adored don't me LOL. Seriously, just my 2 cents on this game we call love. I know I'm not the most confident person on planet earth and I like to be loved a little more. I think some women like the challenge of a man who loves them less. It takes all types in this world. The end game is loving and being loved by a good partner in life and love. Right? Word!
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Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by Este8
Posted by OmagaIII
@Este8
You have a very insightful reply. Thanks!
I realised a few things in my own relationships.
Quick question though, astrology aside. Don't you think that most relationships have this unbalance where one loves too much and the other too little?
The glue then isn't so much the mutual feeling or communication there of but rather the willingness to actually get back on track. No matter which side of the coin you are at that time.


Thanks for the kind words, Omaga! My mama always said that in love affairs one person loves the other a little bit more than the other person and my experience has born this out to be true. Are you the person who wants to love more or the one to be a little more loved? I'm in the latter group. I need the reassurance being a moody insecure Cancer LOL. The trick is finding a person who wants what you want...commitment....and is ready and willing to do the work. It's okay if one loves more than the other so long as they are both committed. Ideal pair: the one who needs to love a little more paired with the one who wants to be loved a little more. Match made in heaven. Order me up one of THOSE! smile


I read that alot. It looks like the wise women tend to preach to have men love you more than you love them.
click to expand


PS PS! Yes, I do actually believe it's better to choose a man whose HOT TO TROT for you than one you might be wildly attracted to but whose just not that into you. Wisdom goes for the sure bet. Or the surer bet. Again, just my 2 cents. But I had a young man who told me the same thing: pick the man who REALLY digs you. They will be there for you. The pretty boy floyds need to grow up and aren't worth the heart ache. Experience talking. Listen up! Winking
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Posted by Este8
Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by Este8
Posted by OmagaIII
@Este8
You have a very insightful reply. Thanks!
I realised a few things in my own relationships.
Quick question though, astrology aside. Don't you think that most relationships have this unbalance where one loves too much and the other too little?
The glue then isn't so much the mutual feeling or communication there of but rather the willingness to actually get back on track. No matter which side of the coin you are at that time.


Thanks for the kind words, Omaga! My mama always said that in love affairs one person loves the other a little bit more than the other person and my experience has born this out to be true. Are you the person who wants to love more or the one to be a little more loved? I'm in the latter group. I need the reassurance being a moody insecure Cancer LOL. The trick is finding a person who wants what you want...commitment....and is ready and willing to do the work. It's okay if one loves more than the other so long as they are both committed. Ideal pair: the one who needs to love a little more paired with the one who wants to be loved a little more. Match made in heaven. Order me up one of THOSE! smile


I read that alot. It looks like the wise women tend to preach to have men love you more than you love them.


Well us women do need to be adored don't me LOL. Seriously, just my 2 cents on this game we call love. I know I'm not the most confident person on planet earth and I like to be loved a little more. I think some women like the challenge of a man who loves them less. It takes all types in this world. The end game is loving and being loved by a good partner in life and love. Right? Word!
click to expand


Lol yeah I agree. Well it sure does take ALL kinds in this world. Some women do like having a man love them less and then therefore the men cheat and have multiple mistresses. That's just depressing.
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Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by Este8
Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by Este8
Posted by OmagaIII
@Este8
You have a very insightful reply. Thanks!
I realised a few things in my own relationships.
Quick question though, astrology aside. Don't you think that most relationships have this unbalance where one loves too much and the other too little?
The glue then isn't so much the mutual feeling or communication there of but rather the willingness to actually get back on track. No matter which side of the coin you are at that time.


Thanks for the kind words, Omaga! My mama always said that in love affairs one person loves the other a little bit more than the other person and my experience has born this out to be true. Are you the person who wants to love more or the one to be a little more loved? I'm in the latter group. I need the reassurance being a moody insecure Cancer LOL. The trick is finding a person who wants what you want...commitment....and is ready and willing to do the work. It's okay if one loves more than the other so long as they are both committed. Ideal pair: the one who needs to love a little more paired with the one who wants to be loved a little more. Match made in heaven. Order me up one of THOSE! smile


I read that alot. It looks like the wise women tend to preach to have men love you more than you love them.


Well us women do need to be adored don't me LOL. Seriously, just my 2 cents on this game we call love. I know I'm not the most confident person on planet earth and I like to be loved a little more. I think some women like the challenge of a man who loves them less. It takes all types in this world. The end game is loving and being loved by a good partner in life and love. Right? Word!


Lol yeah I agree. Well it sure does take ALL kinds in this world. Some women do like having a man love them less and then therefore the men cheat and have multiple mistresses. That's just depressing.

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Those women have very low self-esteem. They settle or try to settle for Mister Unavailable (emo or physically) b/c
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they don't believe they are worthy of love. That's why I can't entirely hate on the dreaded "other woman." She's a dumb fuck getting played. At least she loved the man, not that it makes it right. Just saying.
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Posted by ScorpioFish
Posted by Este8
I think this goes further than communication issues. When someone says it was more the things not said, that tells me they were looking for an emotional validation that they didn't get. For instance, if you don't love someone, chances are you're not going to say you do love them, right? Water signs are really good at reading the nonverbal signs, which usually convey more meaning than words that can easily be used to deceive. So, I read this statement to mean that there was not enough mutual love between these two for it to work out. If the heart is fully engaged, the words will follow. Or, you'll rush to find them if you fear losing the object of your affection. This doesn't sound like a communication issue but an unequal or unrequited love. When you love someone, you're committed to making it work. That's my take, anyway.


Este, if you ever write a book, I want to be the first to buy it.
This is amazing stuff.
smile
click to expand


Ahhh scorpFish, I'm blushing. Btw, I love my scorps. You cats are intense and honest and don't hang with superficial responses. Gotta dig that dirt to uncover the truth. And you have a knack for finding it. Scorps have x-ray vision, man. Good luck foolin' them and living to tell about it! But you know where you stand with a Scrop (unlike a moody Cancer or flakey Pisces). You cats are STRAIGHT UP!
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Posted by Damnata
I met with a Cancer guy today..he recently broke up with his Taurus bf.
I asked him what happened.
"It wasn't about what was being said between us, it was mostly about things that went unsaid one too many times"
Can you relate to this?


Oh yeah. There is a lot communicated in body language beyond the spoken word.
Although perhaps in the other context, lack of words when something should be said also speaks volumes. Especially if the behavior is repeated.
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Yup.
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