ephflank
@ephflank
15 Years
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Dealing w/ a misunderstandings with a Cancer
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If you're goin to email ole boy don't go in depth. Keep it brief and let him know you wanna iron things out over the phone or in person.
If he is taking forever to respond to your messages then stop contacting him. Let him contact you if he wants to talk. I understand that you really like him, but it needs to go both ways. If he needs space because of work issues than give it to him. Get busy with your own life and stop worrying about this guy so much.
Posted by kingcrab
If you're goin to email ole boy don't go in depth. Keep it brief and let him know you wanna iron things out over the phone or in person.
He already knows I want to iron things out and talk about it....we were supposed to talk on Friday but with the work incident and 4 hours of sleep every day this week he just wanted to go home and sleep...we haven't had a chance to talk yet...and I don't want it to turn into one of those things where its drawn out for no reason
He has texted me a few times over the week saying, 'he's over it and doesn't care - it's done'...I just need to get things off my chest and clear up any random thoughts he might have. We haven't been talking as much and I don't know whether to take this silence as him dealing w/his work issues or him holding a grudge w/me.
The email would just say:
I'm being so insistent about this b/c I like you. After this I'll drop it completely. I feel like last wk was one big misunderstanding (esp due to text!). If this would have been in person or over the phone this wouldn't have been an issue - AT ALL!
Last wk doesn't go with how either of us is used to the other person acting...probably bc this was a misinterpretation...We've been hanging out for 2 months - we know how the other person acts...and last wk wasn't that.
Let's not judge each other off of a random/stupid incident that happened over text no less! If we're going to judge each other let's do it the old fashioned way and do it over something that happens when we are together... :-)
I feel like the msg above is short,cool and rational... and not overwhelming! Which is what we both need; esp him w/the work issue.
Posted by wineaux
ephlank - i may not be a cancer, but dating one for the last few months and living on these boards has taught me some valuable lessons. i know you feel compelled to straighten things out, but i would refrain from sending that email or bringing it up again. 1.) he told you that he was over it. if you bring it up again, he might get irritated that you're not listening to him and that you're beating a dead horse. 2.) he's got obvious drama at work and it sounds like he's got more things to focus on in that department. 4hrs of sleep does not help either! don't exacerbate the situation by adding stress to your already stressed out crab. there's no reason for him to lie to you about being over it - if he brings it up to you again, only at that point should you say something. there's my $ .02 🙂 good luck!
I think there is a lot of good in what you are saying I think part of what is holding me back and that I kind of feel like I am beating a dead horse if i send the email, but I am one of those ppl that has to talk about it...and both sides are competing w/each other! haha
I think the timing of this work situation, the fight and us not talking is making me paranoid he is holding a grudge and not talking b/c of the fight and not due to his work stress. You have to admit...the timing of this sucks, lol
I am going to just give him his space for a few days; take him at his word and hope for the best. I want to be there for him and for him to talk to me about the situation, but I can't force him...he says that he's so tired and angry and frustrated that I would not want to be around him right now, but the truth is I do regardless of all that...
Well here's goes my newfound plan of "space" and positive thinking! lol
I agree with you Heather , but I also sympathize with her, because what does she do with all her needs for voicing how she feels??
The same happened to me many times with my Crab, I had to think about his stress, his problems and his stuff and I needed to vent ...the result was that I vented in the wrong way which was not productive.
Crabs are passive and receptive and maybe don't vent or express like others do..they just keep it all inside.
This works for them.
But for some people like me, and the Leo girl Im sure too, we need to say how we feel at all costs.
it is a question of balancing between venting and straightening up or shutting up and swallowing the venom, which will come out destructively because it just needs to come out.
So I would say...if you NEED to send the mail just do it.
it is a mature mail and it shows you are a mature person and you care about the relationship.
If you force yourself to forget this, you won't.You know you won't. and the claim will come out later, in a worse way, like it happened to me.
And then it gets more difficult to solve....
I go for sending the mail.
The same happened to me many times with my Crab, I had to think about his stress, his problems and his stuff and I needed to vent ...the result was that I vented in the wrong way which was not productive.
Crabs are passive and receptive and maybe don't vent or express like others do..they just keep it all inside.
This works for them.
But for some people like me, and the Leo girl Im sure too, we need to say how we feel at all costs.
it is a question of balancing between venting and straightening up or shutting up and swallowing the venom, which will come out destructively because it just needs to come out.
So I would say...if you NEED to send the mail just do it.
it is a mature mail and it shows you are a mature person and you care about the relationship.
If you force yourself to forget this, you won't.You know you won't. and the claim will come out later, in a worse way, like it happened to me.
And then it gets more difficult to solve....
I go for sending the mail.
Posted by PiscesArgie
I agree with you Heather , but I also sympathize with her, because what does she do with all her needs for voicing how she feels??
The same happened to me many times with my Crab, I had to think about his stress, his problems and his stuff and I needed to vent ...the result was that I vented in the wrong way which was not productive.
Crabs are passive and receptive and maybe don't vent or express like others do..they just keep it all inside.
This works for them.
But for some people like me, and the Leo girl Im sure too, we need to say how we feel at all costs.
it is a question of balancing between venting and straightening up or shutting up and swallowing the venom, which will come out destructively because it just needs to come out.
So I would say...if you NEED to send the mail just do it.
it is a mature mail and it shows you are a mature person and you care about the relationship.
If you force yourself to forget this, you won't.You know you won't. and the claim will come out later, in a worse way, like it happened to me.
And then it gets more difficult to solve....
I go for sending the mail.
PiscesArgie feels my pain! I guess I should clarify my plan...I'm going to give him his space but you bet the next time we hang I will bring it up...So I'm meeting in the middle...
I automatically always think the worst. I think bc that way I won't be disappointed...but I just won't want things to end over something stupid...that's my major fear
Here's a little backstory:
...misunderstanding via text. I saw things were heading in the wrong direction so I calmly tried to diffuse things. I asked why he was mad and told him I wasn't mad. After I tried to quell the situation, he said I was acting weird and that he didn't know I reacted like this over stuff.. This is the root of the problem. That's he's treating me like some crazy girl when it was just him misinterpreting stuff - even after I told him I wasn't mad and said that he must have taken my comment as meaning something else! I'm being accused and thought of as something I'm not...he's not even willing to admit or think he might have been wrong. I want him to know I'm not that person!!! I want him to think back to the person he's been dating. I feel he has just lumped me into that irrational girl category for no reason.
Later that night he sends me a text that says he's not mad, he hates crap like this..was just taken aback that I sorta flipped! ( I never flipped!!! ahhh) He says its no big deal to him and he just found it unnecesary and he'll call me tomm ( i had asked him to call me so we could clear this up bc text was dragging it out!) I got this after work and said fine I was just taken aback that he started cursing at me and that's what hurt my feelings...that i was fine and i was actually trying to end the situation and then he just kind of snapped on me I felt...he replied that morning and said that my version of events didn't happen and that I should re-read everything...and that he was done talking about it. Me frustrated again I just asked if he could call me after work for just 5 min. I told him that I just wanted things to be normal and not weird...
He does not call me...at this point it has been drawn out for 2 days and he has not called me like he said so I take this as a bad sign. I sent him a msg that says I hadn't heard from him - is he still coming over on Friday? that I did not know how to take this and if I hear from him cool, if not then that's unfortunate. I shut off my phone and he ended up texting me that night saying it's nothing like that, i'm sorry, but i'm not ignoring you...i'll call you in the morning...has been w/clients...that he doesn't want to talk about it but we can discuss it over drinks friday night...
Apparently he called me Friday morning while I was on the train...All that Friday I kept my phone in my purse so I would not watch it all day or be sad bc he didn't call...Around 4pm I
...misunderstanding via text. I saw things were heading in the wrong direction so I calmly tried to diffuse things. I asked why he was mad and told him I wasn't mad. After I tried to quell the situation, he said I was acting weird and that he didn't know I reacted like this over stuff.. This is the root of the problem. That's he's treating me like some crazy girl when it was just him misinterpreting stuff - even after I told him I wasn't mad and said that he must have taken my comment as meaning something else! I'm being accused and thought of as something I'm not...he's not even willing to admit or think he might have been wrong. I want him to know I'm not that person!!! I want him to think back to the person he's been dating. I feel he has just lumped me into that irrational girl category for no reason.
Later that night he sends me a text that says he's not mad, he hates crap like this..was just taken aback that I sorta flipped! ( I never flipped!!! ahhh) He says its no big deal to him and he just found it unnecesary and he'll call me tomm ( i had asked him to call me so we could clear this up bc text was dragging it out!) I got this after work and said fine I was just taken aback that he started cursing at me and that's what hurt my feelings...that i was fine and i was actually trying to end the situation and then he just kind of snapped on me I felt...he replied that morning and said that my version of events didn't happen and that I should re-read everything...and that he was done talking about it. Me frustrated again I just asked if he could call me after work for just 5 min. I told him that I just wanted things to be normal and not weird...
He does not call me...at this point it has been drawn out for 2 days and he has not called me like he said so I take this as a bad sign. I sent him a msg that says I hadn't heard from him - is he still coming over on Friday? that I did not know how to take this and if I hear from him cool, if not then that's unfortunate. I shut off my phone and he ended up texting me that night saying it's nothing like that, i'm sorry, but i'm not ignoring you...i'll call you in the morning...has been w/clients...that he doesn't want to talk about it but we can discuss it over drinks friday night...
Apparently he called me Friday morning while I was on the train...All that Friday I kept my phone in my purse so I would not watch it all day or be sad bc he didn't call...Around 4pm I
...Around 4pm I check my phone and see the last msg I mentioned ... so I ask him what time he is coming over.. he says he's not since that he didn't hear from me. That he's only had 4 hours of sleep everyday this wk and that some major BS happened at work; he's thinking of quitting and that he just wants to go home, figure out what to do and sleep....I tell him that sometimes we don't set a time for our date until the day of, but he knew that we were meeting..that he can still come over..we don't have to go out; we can just chill at home or that I will come to his place instead and that we don't have to talk about that other crap (i.e. stupid misunderstanding) then i say I really want to see him, that's i'm not trying to be pushy.
he says that the fight is not affecting his mood at all (I never said it was - i was just letting him know I wouldn't bring it up bc he was stressed!) this is the thing w/him...he gets something in his mind and its over! I feel like I am being unfairly judged for something that really isn't the case - and that this may end things over something I didn't even do!) He says he's appreciative of what I'm trying to do and he's knows I'm not being pushy. He says he might have to change our date to Sunday. I say fine and that if he wants to vent - regardless of whether we hang out tonight; feel free to give me call...After that NOTHING from him...the next day I send him a msg saying I was thinking of him; wanted to check in and see how he was doing and that I hope he has fun tonight and is able to 'de-stress' and that I miss him.
He replies saying that he misses me too and hopefully he'll see me soon!? What does "hopefully" mean? If he wants to see me just ask me out!!! He never properly rescheduled the date for Sunday although he did warn me...and I am afraid I won't see him again....After that we exchanged a quick joke text and I haven't heard from him since. I called him today to check on him but nothing...
he says that the fight is not affecting his mood at all (I never said it was - i was just letting him know I wouldn't bring it up bc he was stressed!) this is the thing w/him...he gets something in his mind and its over! I feel like I am being unfairly judged for something that really isn't the case - and that this may end things over something I didn't even do!) He says he's appreciative of what I'm trying to do and he's knows I'm not being pushy. He says he might have to change our date to Sunday. I say fine and that if he wants to vent - regardless of whether we hang out tonight; feel free to give me call...After that NOTHING from him...the next day I send him a msg saying I was thinking of him; wanted to check in and see how he was doing and that I hope he has fun tonight and is able to 'de-stress' and that I miss him.
He replies saying that he misses me too and hopefully he'll see me soon!? What does "hopefully" mean? If he wants to see me just ask me out!!! He never properly rescheduled the date for Sunday although he did warn me...and I am afraid I won't see him again....After that we exchanged a quick joke text and I haven't heard from him since. I called him today to check on him but nothing...
Ephflank trust me, don't write to him or initiate any communication at this time. They need their space. He will come to you (which as a Leo woman you will love) when he is feeling less stressed. IS this the first time your crab has gone "shelling? You know the sad truth is, you will have to get used to this for a while and exercise patience if you care about him. I guess we will be seeing a lot more of you here. Hug
A big What-ever! to these crab guys. Go do your own thing, girlies. Just ease up a bit. Relax. If you continue to go about your life, do the things you love, stay a relatively happy person even when he's going through his moods, you come off looking like pure gold to him. It shows that you might be emotionally stable (when he's not always) and a person of inner strength (which he doesn't always have at his disposal). It's wasteful to expend so much energy because he won't budge until he's damn good and ready... if ever.
Posted by zj2000
Ephflank trust me, don't write to him or initiate any communication at this time. They need their space. He will come to you (which as a Leo woman you will love) when he is feeling less stressed. IS this the first time your crab has gone "shelling? You know the sad truth is, you will have to get used to this for a while and exercise patience if you care about him. I guess we will be seeing a lot more of you here. Hug
Hahaha! I guess we will be seeing me alot more! I just don't get why me leaving him alone shows me as being emotionally stable!...and he sends mixed msgs- he's going to call me, but yet he doesn't want to talk about it...*sigh* I just hope I haven't ruined things!
But you guys see where I'm coming from re the rest of the story right? It's like this guy gets one thing in his head about me and sticks with it - like he would almost rather believe the worst in me rather than go w/what's he's experienced these past couple months w/ me!!! Is this a crab thing?
p.s. I'd also like to point out this misunderstanding via text and missing/not receiving phone calls...this is totally the work of the Mercury REtrograde about to happen thsi month....Mercury retrograde...what a witch!!!!
Update: well this morning I checked his online dating profile and he was online...so he can check that religously but not respond to me—? WTF! I don't understand why someone would want to think the worse of someone and just ignore everything they have known about a person and go with something that doesn't line up with what they've know over a period of time...
That's unfortunate and not fair bit life's not fair...
I have a feeling he got my Blackberry msg the other day and is just not clicking on it so it does not show as read...falsely accused- WTF!
That's unfortunate and not fair bit life's not fair...
I have a feeling he got my Blackberry msg the other day and is just not clicking on it so it does not show as read...falsely accused- WTF!
Posted by Noosiekins
oh crabbies... they're so difficult... lol still staying optimistic here ... can you tell?!
Hahaha, at least one of is....lol
After throwing a very leo-esque tantrum, I have reached a zen-like place. Me freaking out won't make him respond any quicker or how I want; so I'm going to enjoy my day instead freaking out!
I am Leo w/a Virgo asc...a huge ego, super sensitive and overly analytical. Perfect for when a crab goes in their shell! Lol
P.s. Have I mentioned I hate mercury in retrograde! lol
Posted by wineaux
"
everything that these cancer ladies are saying is right. calm, cool, collected and independent. if he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't. if he didn't want to talk to me, he wouldn't. if he didn't want to share with me, he wouldn't. it's not in our nature to understand their need for regeneration...but i'm trying to integrate it into my life because i see the benefits.
if i have a problem with my crab, i will wait and discuss it face to face. i learned the hard way that 2 dimensional conversations are 99.9% misconstrued. tone, directness, etc. not only will i wait to discuss it face to face, i will wait until we are in a completely sugary sweet moment (like cuddling on the couch and being goofy) and then let him know that i was hurt by something. that may not work for yours or anyone else's crab, but it totally works for mine. and fyi: he hasn't done a single hurtful thing since. i'm keeping my fingers crossed...
This sounds like a good plan for discussing things...I mean I know that if we talked face to face he would get it - its just frustrating bc. I can't do that yet!
I don't want him thinking of moving on bc of some stupid thing that he misconstrued via text!
Wineaux, Do they generally respond well to that approach or are they still pretty stubborn about things?
Any other helpful hints for dating a cancer you guys?
So I heard from my cancer man yesterday...we are hanging out today. He says he just needed some 'me' time to figure things out and sort things out...I am still worried though about the effect of this misunderstanding on the effect of our relationship...I def thought we were heading to be more exclusive and I was sure he wasn't dating anyone else but now I am a little worried his perspective of me has changed (unfairly of course!) I'm just worried our relationship will be tainted by this in a negative way...like he won't take "us" seriously anymore...
Also, how does everyone elses cancer man react to nice words affecttion? Mine was upfront in the beginning about need verbal and physical affection. But when I am verbal about it he always makes jokes...he asks for it but also belittles it...
Also, how does everyone elses cancer man react to nice words affecttion? Mine was upfront in the beginning about need verbal and physical affection. But when I am verbal about it he always makes jokes...he asks for it but also belittles it...
Fire girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I sympathise withyou, as I have tons of fire in my chart too....
there are some basics if you want to last with a Crab.....
-KNOW that he will avoid conflict and run for the hills if you want to "talk" and he knows he will be reprimanded. You must do this in a non-confrontational way and when there is a nice atmosphere going on. If not, as Crabs FEEL all, he will perceive the aggression and withdraw inwardly and will not REGISTER anything you say. But if you talk in a proper moment, in the right way, he will understand and will love you more for being nice to him...
-Water signs need time ALONE...im a Pisces Sun Pisces rising, imagine that, full of water! I must have time for me. I have lived alone for more than 15 years and love it...love my time with myself. They need this and trying to coax them from it will backfire.
-Crabs FEEL your ENERGY FIELD...even at a distance..(this is a water sign thing)..he will FEEL your desperation to see him or he will KNOW you are waiting for a reply...he just knows and feels more PRESSURED if he knows you are expectant and maybe he cant deliver. So go about your life doign your own thing..it is healthy for you and for the relationship. Being anxious can be FELT so easily by them...and they don't like being with somebody who is a bunch of nerves (it is enough with their own fears, caution, stress and so on)
-DONT PLAY GAMES---there is no strategy, there is no manipulation or lie which will not be SEEN clearly by them. Be absolutely genuine because if you are caught lying or pretending to be who you are not, he will easily see this and not take you seriously. he will keep you in his life until he finds a better mate..he will just have fun with you. They love female attention and heaps of it...
-A CRAB WHO IS FALLING FOR YOU will lose some spontaneity at the beginning..he will be cautious because of possibilty of being hurt and a crab who has been hurt in the past has many issues and barriers and walls to crumble....that takes PATIENCE AND TRUE LOVE to obtain.
-A crab fears that once you get his heart, you will step on it and destroy it..make sure you SLOWLY get to know each other and ACKNOWLEDGE he is SLOW and there is NOTHING to speed up his timing. and PRESSURE will worsen ALL.
-GOOD MANNERS, being respectful, supportive, feminine , and emotionally stable are traits all guys appreciate, but crabs specially. also good cooking. And soft disposition..but they love a lioness i
I sympathise withyou, as I have tons of fire in my chart too....
there are some basics if you want to last with a Crab.....
-KNOW that he will avoid conflict and run for the hills if you want to "talk" and he knows he will be reprimanded. You must do this in a non-confrontational way and when there is a nice atmosphere going on. If not, as Crabs FEEL all, he will perceive the aggression and withdraw inwardly and will not REGISTER anything you say. But if you talk in a proper moment, in the right way, he will understand and will love you more for being nice to him...
-Water signs need time ALONE...im a Pisces Sun Pisces rising, imagine that, full of water! I must have time for me. I have lived alone for more than 15 years and love it...love my time with myself. They need this and trying to coax them from it will backfire.
-Crabs FEEL your ENERGY FIELD...even at a distance..(this is a water sign thing)..he will FEEL your desperation to see him or he will KNOW you are waiting for a reply...he just knows and feels more PRESSURED if he knows you are expectant and maybe he cant deliver. So go about your life doign your own thing..it is healthy for you and for the relationship. Being anxious can be FELT so easily by them...and they don't like being with somebody who is a bunch of nerves (it is enough with their own fears, caution, stress and so on)
-DONT PLAY GAMES---there is no strategy, there is no manipulation or lie which will not be SEEN clearly by them. Be absolutely genuine because if you are caught lying or pretending to be who you are not, he will easily see this and not take you seriously. he will keep you in his life until he finds a better mate..he will just have fun with you. They love female attention and heaps of it...
-A CRAB WHO IS FALLING FOR YOU will lose some spontaneity at the beginning..he will be cautious because of possibilty of being hurt and a crab who has been hurt in the past has many issues and barriers and walls to crumble....that takes PATIENCE AND TRUE LOVE to obtain.
-A crab fears that once you get his heart, you will step on it and destroy it..make sure you SLOWLY get to know each other and ACKNOWLEDGE he is SLOW and there is NOTHING to speed up his timing. and PRESSURE will worsen ALL.
-GOOD MANNERS, being respectful, supportive, feminine , and emotionally stable are traits all guys appreciate, but crabs specially. also good cooking. And soft disposition..but they love a lioness i
..but they love a lioness in bed hahaaa! And a family person who wants to be a mother.
- He is basically INSECURE...support him but dont over do it...they won't believe your constant compliments and may backfire if they think it is fake and a strategy to "trap" them.
-HAVE A LIFE...my crab has commented how he has had ex girlfriends who had no friends or life and he felt FORCED to take her out or entertain her out of pity...he loves the fact I am socially very active and have plans all the time. And he lovees the fact I dont put off stuff I want to do for him because they dont beleive in SACRIFICING YOURSELF for them. That will make them lose respect for you.
-When moody...DONT GET MOODY YOURSELF or it will be a mess. Be loving and in 5 minutes he will be happy again. SWEET girls , they love sweet people with personality of course, but sweet.
I will include more in the manual as I think of more!!!
hope it helps
- He is basically INSECURE...support him but dont over do it...they won't believe your constant compliments and may backfire if they think it is fake and a strategy to "trap" them.
-HAVE A LIFE...my crab has commented how he has had ex girlfriends who had no friends or life and he felt FORCED to take her out or entertain her out of pity...he loves the fact I am socially very active and have plans all the time. And he lovees the fact I dont put off stuff I want to do for him because they dont beleive in SACRIFICING YOURSELF for them. That will make them lose respect for you.
-When moody...DONT GET MOODY YOURSELF or it will be a mess. Be loving and in 5 minutes he will be happy again. SWEET girls , they love sweet people with personality of course, but sweet.
I will include more in the manual as I think of more!!!
hope it helps
Thanks for the secrets PiscesArgie! I hope they don't find out you are selling their trade secrets!
Questions for you PiscesArgie - how are things w/your cancer after disagreements?
I feel as if something has shifted w/my guy and that he looks at me differently (and not in a good way!) Part of me just wants to give up bc I am so hurt and disappointed - like its pointless to even try. How are they w/forgiving or letting things go? From what I've heard they are pretty stubborn and hold on to things...
The feeling like giving up on the situation stems from the fact that it truly was a misunderstanding on his part and I am being unfairly judged off of something I didn't even do. I feel like 'why bother' he won't change his mind if I tell him this...I mean they are stubborn right? We were really headed in a good direction relationship wise and now I'm not so sure about that...
Thoughts?
Questions for you PiscesArgie - how are things w/your cancer after disagreements?
I feel as if something has shifted w/my guy and that he looks at me differently (and not in a good way!) Part of me just wants to give up bc I am so hurt and disappointed - like its pointless to even try. How are they w/forgiving or letting things go? From what I've heard they are pretty stubborn and hold on to things...
The feeling like giving up on the situation stems from the fact that it truly was a misunderstanding on his part and I am being unfairly judged off of something I didn't even do. I feel like 'why bother' he won't change his mind if I tell him this...I mean they are stubborn right? We were really headed in a good direction relationship wise and now I'm not so sure about that...
Thoughts?
Posted by Noosiekins
PA ~ "A crab fears that once you get his heart, you will step on it and destroy it..make sure you SLOWLY get to know each other and ACKNOWLEDGE he is SLOW and there is NOTHING to speed up his timing. and PRESSURE will worsen ALL."
this kinda go against his way of pulling me in with all the family talk and wanting to get married and telling me that I got my priorities all wrong becuase I don't want all that w/ a guy that i've just started dating...
mmmmm I don't know if you should believe this talk so early in the relationship. My Crab , the first month, used to talk about how he would marry me and so and so....all lovely talk and I was enchanted.
After some time, when he started to have feelings (because they dont have them right away), he was more cautious with what he said. Then, after not talking about marriage and future, he started saying that if "things went on well" it would be nice to plan a future..but all cautious. Maybe your guy is different. I know Crabs at the beginning love it if you or anyone falls for them..huge ego...they love being special and not just one more. But they will not develop feelings for all of their conquests. So wait a bit to see if the family-marriage-kids thing is real...hang on..it needs a bit more time...
Posted by ephflank
Thanks for the secrets PiscesArgie! I hope they don't find out you are selling their trade secrets!
Questions for you PiscesArgie - how are things w/your cancer after disagreements?
I feel as if something has shifted w/my guy and that he looks at me differently (and not in a good way!) Part of me just wants to give up bc I am so hurt and disappointed - like its pointless to even try. How are they w/forgiving or letting things go? From what I've heard they are pretty stubborn and hold on to things...
The feeling like giving up on the situation stems from the fact that it truly was a misunderstanding on his part and I am being unfairly judged off of something I didn't even do. I feel like 'why bother' he won't change his mind if I tell him this...I mean they are stubborn right? We were really headed in a good direction relationship wise and now I'm not so sure about that...
Thoughts?
Leo dear, well it depends on the disagreement. We had a huge disagreement once when he was VERY ANGRY and upset. I thought I would never see him again and would lose him. He said it was over between us and he was fed up and bla bla. I let him vent...he came home to give me something back which was mine, and we were supposed to "break up" after that. He came and started saying a lot of things which he didn't mean..not insulting but harsh stuff which I could tell was just out of anger so I didn't feel affected. I said nothing at the time because arguing with an angry crab is just a waste of energy.
He said what he needed to say and walked away. I didn't stop him. He arrived to his house and went on the argument in the messenger chat. he got upset because I was not fighting back and he asked me what I wanted...since he had decided to break. I said well if that is your decision there is nothing I can do about it. He said but what DO you want? I said, I dont want to lose you over a stupid fight and Id rather we went on together..he said Im coming over to talk personally.
he came very tough and all, but I could tell he had vented and he was better.
We made up.
I think that unless the disagreement was something really IMPORTANT, which implied serious values disagreements or view of life or moral code , then it can be made up with no harm whatsoever. The Crab doesn't want a lady to defy him or get angry or shout or get violent with him . They love sweet people w
"treetrunking"
means f*******ng
butter I dont know
means f*******ng
butter I dont know
IT WAS CUT OFF...
They love sweet people with personality...mature. But firm ..but not fightsy, or just a little. Better fight between the sheets with him but not verbally...remember he is the man!
You and your guy will be okay..I remember my anguish at those first fights when it seemed he was gonna dump me and I couldnt eat or sleep....Ive come a long way..now he can tell me he wants to break up and I can be eating a big piece of cake because he is not meaning that....they are immature and love drama...but hate REAL conflict.Those petty fights are nothing.....
Just relax, I can undestand you so well, I was there myself...time will pass and you will relax as you see he is not going anywhere but to you.......they seem so evasive , well, they have pincers remember, and they attach hard...they hate investing feelings for nothing, if they feel somethign for you..it is permanent. Make it grow. Dont get so emotionally involved or you will get ill!!!
🙂
Posted by piranhaparadisePosted by ephflank
side note...is that an adams apple in the pic ?click to expand
bold quote from someone with no pic posted and via an online community? you can type whatever you wish, but for you to go after someone you don't know or who has not done anything to you, you must be really unhappy with your life... go somewhere else with your negativity...it's so unnecessary and not wanted here...
wow... ive been dating my cancer for seven months i always read these posts but i never comment on them, but this one hit home i am int he exact same situation with my cancer male. he is HIGHLY UPSET WITH ME BUT WITH REASON. although i believe he is being self centered and looking at what i did wrong but not what he did wrong i dont know how to let this go.. hes very indecisive. he says its over and acts differently we have a in depth talk about the situation and he says he understands me but he doesnt like the fact that i went off and maybe cant control my anger. but he lied although he said he was trying to surprise me. ughk i know going off but i am stuck between holding on and letting go and im a scorp once i let go i am gone. so i asked him does his hard shell come down and im getting all these round about maybe idk answers which drive me insane. and now im over it so i send a long text explaining me feelings and saying that i guess i should let go and ii get no response. SO I CALL HIM THIS IS NOT JUST A GUY IM DATING BUT THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND WHO CLAIMED HE LOVED ME RIGHT SO I GO UMM I JUST WANT TO IKNOW IS THIS IT.. HES STUTTERING HE GOES WHAT ARE U TALKING ABOUT I GO US IS THIS IT? HE GOES YES ! SO I SAY OKAY BE SURE DONT MAKE SNAP JUDGEMENTS BECAUSE ONCE I AM GONE THATS THAT AND I AM NOT COMING BACK AND I AM VERY SERIOUS IT HAS BEEN OVER A WEEK ALREADY I LOVE AND MISS YOU AND I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE. HE SAYS WHERE IS ALL OF THIS COMING FROM SO I JUST EXPLAIN MY FEELINGS SOME MORE AND TELL HIM ONCE IM GONE IM GONE THIS IS TO MUCH FOR ME AND IT HURTS ME TO HOLD ON WE TALKED ABOUT THE SITUATION ETC.. ITS OVER HE SAYS THIS IS FINALS TIME AND I REALLY DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS... HUH !!!!!!!! IM OVER THIS WHOLE MESS WITH CANCERS I THINK HE JUST WANTED THINGS TO BE NORMAL NO TALKING ABOUT IT NO BRINGING IT UP OR NOTHING BUT I WILL NOT HANG BY A THREAD NO WAY JOSE... SO HE COMES DOWN FROM SCHOOL NXT WEEK AND HAS SOMETHINGS OF MINE IM WONDERING SHOULD I WAIT UNTIL HE COMES DOWN AND SEE WHATS HAPPENS AND NOOT REACH OUT UNTIL THEN OR SHOULD I BE A BITCH GIVE UP TELL HIM I WILL MEET HIM AT THE BUS FOR MY THINGS AND CALL IT QUITS WE HAD A GREAT GREAT RELATIONSHIP UP UNTIL THIS INCIDENT AND HES JUST READY TO GIVE UP.... BULLSHIT WHEN I WAS READY TO GIVE UP HGE WOULD JUMP DOWN MY THROAT SO WHY SHOULD IT BE OKAY FOR HIM.. HELP ME PLEEEASE
JEESH... THIS WAITING GAME IS CHILDISH AND I REALLY HATE IT... I AM SUCH A STRAIGHT FORWARD PERSON I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF ITS OVER, BUT THEN AGAIN I WANNA TELL HIM HOW MUCH I LUV AND WANT TO BE WITH HIM.. SO IVE BEEN TOLD WHEN U DONT REACH OUT THOSE INSECURITIES KICK IN BUT WHEN U DO REACH OUT THEY RUN AWAY... IM LOST CONFUSED HURT AND EVERYTHING ELSE OVER THIS AND I TRULY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
wow your message hit home my scorp horoscope said the same thing.. so i will you are right i will wait and take it slow sighs... ughkk thanks for the advice everyone is telling me.. guess i must listen
Thanks PiscesArgie for the response! I am furiously taking notes in my special 'Cancer Man' notebook! Lol
At this point I've talked about the disagreement so much I am at the point of thinking, 'If someone has their mind made up about you, saying whatever it is you want to say will not make a difference' ...So saying my little spill to try and change his mind from something he may or may not be thinking is pointless. I mean isn't the point of dating to figure if this is someone you want to be with long term? And I would like to be w/someone who has enough common sense to deduce who I really am. This whole process of figuring out the other person goes both ways. I am just going to let it be - if he says he's over it and doesn't care, then I'll trust that and let the chips fall where they may. I'm not in the business of Making anyone like me or want to be with me. If you do, that's great - if not obviously something is wrong with you! Lol
It's funny b/c when I read some of the stuff you type about your experiences with your bf and I'm like 'ah, that's how I felt with/about my guy! The first couple days after the fight I could not sleep very well. It bothered me so much - I was just beside myself. I am just trying to get back to the carefree/relaxed person I was in the beginning. I don't like when I'm obsessively thinking about a guy etc??_it emotionally and physically drains me!
Me and my cancer hung out last night and it was so great to see him again. Things went so well and were nice and relaxed. It's weird but post fight it almost kind of seems like we have moved into this comfortable dating phase??_
I feel like seeing him was the release of this breath I had been holding (wow - did I just say that! Lol) We ended up just watching tv and cuddling??_w/ a little dinner and other things??_lol Funny thing is when I told him I wanted to cuddle w/him the other day before I saw him??_he kept cracking joke after joke and teasing me about it??_then I get there and he's all into cuddling with me on the couch - I thought that was interesting! Cancer guys are supposed to be super sensitive but when I say sweet things to my guy??_he always intercepts w/a joke??_if they are super senstive wouldn't they be into the sweet comments?
I think I am officially falling for my guy (not in love; just serious like) - I've got to sit back and think about all this. It just snuck up on me (and right after a fight I was very upset over - weird)
At this point I've talked about the disagreement so much I am at the point of thinking, 'If someone has their mind made up about you, saying whatever it is you want to say will not make a difference' ...So saying my little spill to try and change his mind from something he may or may not be thinking is pointless. I mean isn't the point of dating to figure if this is someone you want to be with long term? And I would like to be w/someone who has enough common sense to deduce who I really am. This whole process of figuring out the other person goes both ways. I am just going to let it be - if he says he's over it and doesn't care, then I'll trust that and let the chips fall where they may. I'm not in the business of Making anyone like me or want to be with me. If you do, that's great - if not obviously something is wrong with you! Lol
It's funny b/c when I read some of the stuff you type about your experiences with your bf and I'm like 'ah, that's how I felt with/about my guy! The first couple days after the fight I could not sleep very well. It bothered me so much - I was just beside myself. I am just trying to get back to the carefree/relaxed person I was in the beginning. I don't like when I'm obsessively thinking about a guy etc??_it emotionally and physically drains me!
Me and my cancer hung out last night and it was so great to see him again. Things went so well and were nice and relaxed. It's weird but post fight it almost kind of seems like we have moved into this comfortable dating phase??_
I feel like seeing him was the release of this breath I had been holding (wow - did I just say that! Lol) We ended up just watching tv and cuddling??_w/ a little dinner and other things??_lol Funny thing is when I told him I wanted to cuddle w/him the other day before I saw him??_he kept cracking joke after joke and teasing me about it??_then I get there and he's all into cuddling with me on the couch - I thought that was interesting! Cancer guys are supposed to be super sensitive but when I say sweet things to my guy??_he always intercepts w/a joke??_if they are super senstive wouldn't they be into the sweet comments?
I think I am officially falling for my guy (not in love; just serious like) - I've got to sit back and think about all this. It just snuck up on me (and right after a fight I was very upset over - weird)
Leo girl!!
I totally undestand those first stages and the feeling of FALLING for the crab...I guess they are so different from the rest!
You WILL go back to your relaxed self..but i know it is hard not to have them in your mind all the time and want more from them! but when months go back things will fall into place..
You seem to be a very mature and nice person, I like the way you express yourself and you are very centered, I guess your Crab can see that and surely takes you seriously and knows your potential..but yes, they get scared when they start to have felings and they feel overwhelmed and they need space and all we know...
Give him space and time alone..but also tell him how you feel and don't keep things inside because exploding is not good . We women tend to keep record of things guys dont do well and claim..Crabs hate claims (well so does everybody else, but them in particular loathe them) so make sure he knows how you feel, but in a nice way..and let things run theiir natural course, as you say, nothing can be forced.
🙂
I totally undestand those first stages and the feeling of FALLING for the crab...I guess they are so different from the rest!
You WILL go back to your relaxed self..but i know it is hard not to have them in your mind all the time and want more from them! but when months go back things will fall into place..
You seem to be a very mature and nice person, I like the way you express yourself and you are very centered, I guess your Crab can see that and surely takes you seriously and knows your potential..but yes, they get scared when they start to have felings and they feel overwhelmed and they need space and all we know...
Give him space and time alone..but also tell him how you feel and don't keep things inside because exploding is not good . We women tend to keep record of things guys dont do well and claim..Crabs hate claims (well so does everybody else, but them in particular loathe them) so make sure he knows how you feel, but in a nice way..and let things run theiir natural course, as you say, nothing can be forced.
🙂
update so i called my cancer and asked him to please mail the things he has for me. he told me he would mail one thing and bring the rest next week when he comes down. im so confused i dont know if hes letting go holding on this sideways crab walk is driving me absolutely nuts. so im not reaching out again. when he brings the stuff i guess that will tell me what i need to do as far as holding or moving on. if he didnt want to see me he could just mail everything... smh
Posted by PiscesArgie
Leo girl!!
I totally undestand those first stages and the feeling of FALLING for the crab...I guess they are so different from the rest!
You WILL go back to your relaxed self..but i know it is hard not to have them in your mind all the time and want more from them! but when months go back things will fall into place..
You seem to be a very mature and nice person, I like the way you express yourself and you are very centered, I guess your Crab can see that and surely takes you seriously and knows your potential..but yes, they get scared when they start to have felings and they feel overwhelmed and they need space and all we know...
Give him space and time alone..but also tell him how you feel and don't keep things inside because exploding is not good . We women tend to keep record of things guys dont do well and claim..Crabs hate claims (well so does everybody else, but them in particular loathe them) so make sure he knows how you feel, but in a nice way..and let things run theiir natural course, as you say, nothing can be forced.
🙂
Yea, sometimes I get super worried and paranoid about stuff for no reason! I am so overly analytical that I think about every little thing. I wish I could just shut off my brain and enjoy it! I was like that in the beginning but I guess emotionally there is more at stake now than at the beginning! I have to remind myself that even though it feels like we have been dating for awhile its only been 2months and 2months is not That long! Sometimes he refers to me as 'his girl'when retelling a story to me about me but we have yet to actually discuss it and confirm things. I am used to guys immediately wanting to be in a relationship w/me in the first month - so I am not used to someone who doesn't do that immediately! But at the same time none of those relationships lasted - so I'm not opposed for taking a little longer this time around. AND I could stand to learn some patience! I think I am slowly getting back to my old self of not thinking of him all the time!
I think until I know for sure we are together I will have to hold back part of myself emotionally bc I don't want to be hurt. What I don't get is that if you like someone; talk to them everyday, see them every wk - you obviously like them! What are you waiting for? It could possibly covey you are waiting for something better or not into it really! B
"What I don't get is that if you like someone; talk to them everyday, see them every wk - you obviously like them! What are you waiting for? It could possibly covey you are waiting for something better or not into it really!"
Yes I know it is hard to understand..but we have to understand people don't all operate OUR way...
It is hard to get why a person is into you, loves you, and yet builds walls or keeps a distance..after all , we would think,why shy away from something that gives you pleasure?
well it is the vulnerability thing.the caution. They take the long road, but with sure steps. As you said , the other relationships you had where the guys wanted an immediate relationship didn't last.
Maybe the foundations have to be strong for things to last, and sometimes we dont have the patience and we want ALL NOW..but the truth is that in order to build something of good quality, it has to be done properly.
Anyway nothing is guaranteed in life, but I believe we have attracted this combination of guys for something.
Im sure we all have a lot to learn, and them from us!
Yes I know it is hard to understand..but we have to understand people don't all operate OUR way...
It is hard to get why a person is into you, loves you, and yet builds walls or keeps a distance..after all , we would think,why shy away from something that gives you pleasure?
well it is the vulnerability thing.the caution. They take the long road, but with sure steps. As you said , the other relationships you had where the guys wanted an immediate relationship didn't last.
Maybe the foundations have to be strong for things to last, and sometimes we dont have the patience and we want ALL NOW..but the truth is that in order to build something of good quality, it has to be done properly.
Anyway nothing is guaranteed in life, but I believe we have attracted this combination of guys for something.
Im sure we all have a lot to learn, and them from us!
Posted by PiscesArgie
"Yes I know it is hard to understand..but we have to understand people don't all operate OUR way...
It is hard to get why a person is into you, loves you, and yet builds walls or keeps a distance..after all , we would think,why shy away from something that gives you pleasure?
well it is the vulnerability thing.the caution. They take the long road, but with sure steps. As you said , the other relationships you had where the guys wanted an immediate relationship didn't last.
Maybe the foundations have to be strong for things to last, and sometimes we don't have the patience and we want ALL NOW..but the truth is that in order to build something of good quality, it has to be done properly.
Anyway nothing is guaranteed in life, but I believe we have attracted this combination of guys for something.
Im sure we all have a lot to learn, and them from us!
Yes, I agree. I think that in order to build something strong; you need a good foundation - that's why I am letting things continue the way that they are...After my last relationship I took a good chunk of time off to evaluate my past relationships and myself and figure out what I wanted and what I was doing wrong...And rushing into committed relationships too soon was definitely on my list.
I know that me and this Cancer guy have something good going on...I think I was just having an emotional outburst...If I really felt that things were off or bad I would stay in something and I would not be worried about it. I'm one of those ppl that when "i'm done w/you"; I'm done with you there is no wavering. I think I just had a slip up! back to my old behavior of jumping into things way too soon - even after I had went through this process of reevaluation my old relationships...I think I will just take this as a reminder to relax, enjoy and learn from my past...
I am emotional person so something even with that evaluation of things in my head; I get caught up for brief moment in whatever intense emotional headspace I am in and I think that's what happened here. What's nice about this space is that it kind of allows you to free yourself of your neuroses and talk it/arrange what's in your heard so you can figure out what you really want or are thinking...
On a sidenote: you also wrote, 'I'm sure we all have a lot to learn and them from us'.....So funny that you say that PiscesArgie! Part of
CONTINUATION:
On a sidenote: you also wrote, 'I'm sure we all have a lot to learn and them from us'.....So funny that you say that PiscesArgie! Part of my msg from yesterday that got cut off said that maybe dating this Cancer guy is part of some karmic lesson for me! Who knows, but I'm going to relax and enjoy the ride...
On a sidenote: you also wrote, 'I'm sure we all have a lot to learn and them from us'.....So funny that you say that PiscesArgie! Part of my msg from yesterday that got cut off said that maybe dating this Cancer guy is part of some karmic lesson for me! Who knows, but I'm going to relax and enjoy the ride...
Posted by PiscesArgiePosted by Noosiekins
PA ~ "A crab fears that once you get his heart, you will step on it and destroy it..make sure you SLOWLY get to know each other and ACKNOWLEDGE he is SLOW and there is NOTHING to speed up his timing. and PRESSURE will worsen ALL."
this kinda go against his way of pulling me in with all the family talk and wanting to get married and telling me that I got my priorities all wrong becuase I don't want all that w/ a guy that i've just started dating...
mmmmm I don't know if you should believe this talk so early in the relationship. My Crab , the first month, used to talk about how he would marry me and so and so....all lovely talk and I was enchanted.
After some time, when he started to have feelings (because they dont have them right away), he was more cautious with what he said. Then, after not talking about marriage and future, he started saying that if "things went on well" it would be nice to plan a future..but all cautious. Maybe your guy is different. I know Crabs at the beginning love it if you or anyone falls for them..huge ego...they love being special and not just one more. But they will not develop feelings for all of their conquests. So wait a bit to see if the family-marriage-kids thing is real...hang on..it needs a bit more time...
click to expand
lol so true exactly right! I cant even believe how right you are
Posted by piranhaparadise
yes...as you scroll through this cancer board...they sure do win !!!
unless you're good at making it seem like it's their idea or they are in control
getting the moody crab to do what you want...even if they seem to crack a tantrum [even if it's in silence]
you won't make them budge...has to be their own doing...
yes even a little thing [to us but not to them it's not *little*] can blow up out of proportion...they really do get hurt very easily...
shelling = time to heal for what ever reason...silence... wait ...then go forward with a nice simple greeting at some stage
there are two different crabs...the one's that will tell you they need time to heal...and the ones they cut you dry and you have to suffer...LOL
the second one is the most stubborn haha quite cute when you know them for years 😄
good tips!
Im putting my Cancer on a break , i think im the one who needs time and space lol she aint getting no gifts from santa this year she has been a naughty girl and not in a good way lol
Leo girl we are very much connected, I feel the same way exactly!!!!!
Have you checked his North Node? that can be found in the birth chart, and it is very interesting, it is the Karmic astrology , what the person is here to mend from past lives...very useful...Ive read my Crabbie's and it is clear that it is hard for him to let other in....it says among other things "A tendency to rely on the self so much as to alienate important others in our lives" abd that how he has to work in this life to change that, and that is his karmic lesson....
Check it out in google if you know his and your placements....
I have a good feeling about you and the Crab...learn to enjoy the waves which will be there for sure! and something else, you will never EVER get bored with this guy..and let me guess, you have a tendency, like me, to get BORED with guys dont you——
Have you checked his North Node? that can be found in the birth chart, and it is very interesting, it is the Karmic astrology , what the person is here to mend from past lives...very useful...Ive read my Crabbie's and it is clear that it is hard for him to let other in....it says among other things "A tendency to rely on the self so much as to alienate important others in our lives" abd that how he has to work in this life to change that, and that is his karmic lesson....
Check it out in google if you know his and your placements....
I have a good feeling about you and the Crab...learn to enjoy the waves which will be there for sure! and something else, you will never EVER get bored with this guy..and let me guess, you have a tendency, like me, to get BORED with guys dont you——
Hahaha - Well PiscesArgie I wouldn't say that I get bored BUT here's what usually happens??_We start dating everything is great, we're together, we love each others jokes..he's amazing, blah, blah??_Then I start doing a few things/saying stuff to see if I can get away with it - and they let me??_I also do this thing were I will set up situation and predict how the guy will act or I will mold situations so that they have the outcome I want. I kind of get the guy to do what I want without overtly pushing him that way??_Once the guy does everything I predicted - the fun/intrigue is gone??_ I don't do anything malicious. Its just harmless mental fun, but the interest doesn't last,
??
That's one reason why I like the Cancer so much. He is the only guy to ever tell me 'No' and when I threw one of my Leo like tantrum/mind games to push him around - he called me out on it??_I was SO shocked you cannot imagine! But then this weird smile crept on my face like 'ah-ha, this is what I've been waiting for!' The way I describe him to my friends is 'the only guy who ever said no'
I think it should be pointed out that while Cancer Men get plucked out of the astrological line-up to be these super emotional creatures - they're still men all the way. There is no bossing them around. And I like that. And even though they are standing their ground, my man is not a bully about it and he still treats me like a lady all the way. It's like Cancer Men have mastered that art of being a man/standing up for themselves - while also treating a lady like a lady??_ some guys think that treating a lady like a lady means treating her as a weaker vessel or as treating her like she's a step beneath you.
??
That's one reason why I like the Cancer so much. He is the only guy to ever tell me 'No' and when I threw one of my Leo like tantrum/mind games to push him around - he called me out on it??_I was SO shocked you cannot imagine! But then this weird smile crept on my face like 'ah-ha, this is what I've been waiting for!' The way I describe him to my friends is 'the only guy who ever said no'
I think it should be pointed out that while Cancer Men get plucked out of the astrological line-up to be these super emotional creatures - they're still men all the way. There is no bossing them around. And I like that. And even though they are standing their ground, my man is not a bully about it and he still treats me like a lady all the way. It's like Cancer Men have mastered that art of being a man/standing up for themselves - while also treating a lady like a lady??_ some guys think that treating a lady like a lady means treating her as a weaker vessel or as treating her like she's a step beneath you.
es, I can COMPLETELY relate to what you say...
I had the same problem in the past myself..guys just being predictable and doing what YOU WANT, and YOU in control. I was always in control except with the two crabs I had in my life.
I don't mind at all and as you say, he can be a man and treat me like a lady . I was always the STRONG ONE in the relationship, always a pillar of strength and never needing anything..I am still strong but with the Crab I can be the "damsel in distress" cos he loves being the "knight in shining armour"...I can relax and let him take the lead....and yes it does get hard to take a NO but I guess that keeps us interseted and on our toes...
and the mixture of their emotionality plus their toughness is irresistable!
A macho man who is emotional and can dig emotions...wow..it is great!
This is something I love about Scorpio men and Crabs...Pisces guys are too soft for me...
Are you plannning on any gift for your crab for Xmas?
I had the same problem in the past myself..guys just being predictable and doing what YOU WANT, and YOU in control. I was always in control except with the two crabs I had in my life.
I don't mind at all and as you say, he can be a man and treat me like a lady . I was always the STRONG ONE in the relationship, always a pillar of strength and never needing anything..I am still strong but with the Crab I can be the "damsel in distress" cos he loves being the "knight in shining armour"...I can relax and let him take the lead....and yes it does get hard to take a NO but I guess that keeps us interseted and on our toes...
and the mixture of their emotionality plus their toughness is irresistable!
A macho man who is emotional and can dig emotions...wow..it is great!
This is something I love about Scorpio men and Crabs...Pisces guys are too soft for me...
Are you plannning on any gift for your crab for Xmas?
OMG PiscesArgie! How are we so similar yet we have such a different astrological makeup!
I kind of think that me and my Crab will learn from each other in this relationship. I will learn how to stop being so spoiled in a relationship and he will learn some things as well. I think we both have good things to offer each other.
I agree with you about Pisces guys being too soft. I dated one 2 years ago and there times when I just wanted to shake him and say "step up to the plate, be a man!" I always felt like he didn't stand up for himself. Like you, I always end up being the strong one, handling everything and being the source of strength. I am always checking in with everyone, making sure their okay that and that they take care of everything etc.. I always wanted to be with someone where I could just relax and be taken care and not have to take the lead. Not that I NEED to be taken care of but it's nice not to be in the drivers seat this time.
Scorpio guys are great, but as a Leo - 2 stubborn ppl don't mesh well. At least with the Scorpio I was with (he prob immature) there was never a point of giving in.
I am thinking of getting my crab guy a gift but I don't know if its too soon for that. I was thinking of just baking him a few things and putting them together in a little goodie bag for him. That way it's cute but not overwhelming or too much too soon. What about you? You and your guy have been together longer so I'm assuming you will be exchanging gifts!
Are you guys spending NYE together? I am going to bring it up to my crab this wknd when we are hanging out! I would love be w/him and kiss as the clock strikes! You know they say whoever you are with at NYE is who you spend the rest of the year with! :-)
I kind of think that me and my Crab will learn from each other in this relationship. I will learn how to stop being so spoiled in a relationship and he will learn some things as well. I think we both have good things to offer each other.
I agree with you about Pisces guys being too soft. I dated one 2 years ago and there times when I just wanted to shake him and say "step up to the plate, be a man!" I always felt like he didn't stand up for himself. Like you, I always end up being the strong one, handling everything and being the source of strength. I am always checking in with everyone, making sure their okay that and that they take care of everything etc.. I always wanted to be with someone where I could just relax and be taken care and not have to take the lead. Not that I NEED to be taken care of but it's nice not to be in the drivers seat this time.
Scorpio guys are great, but as a Leo - 2 stubborn ppl don't mesh well. At least with the Scorpio I was with (he prob immature) there was never a point of giving in.
I am thinking of getting my crab guy a gift but I don't know if its too soon for that. I was thinking of just baking him a few things and putting them together in a little goodie bag for him. That way it's cute but not overwhelming or too much too soon. What about you? You and your guy have been together longer so I'm assuming you will be exchanging gifts!
Are you guys spending NYE together? I am going to bring it up to my crab this wknd when we are hanging out! I would love be w/him and kiss as the clock strikes! You know they say whoever you are with at NYE is who you spend the rest of the year with! :-)
So I'm not sure what's going on with me and my guy. Maybe I'm just having some random emotional outburst - sometimes if things don't go the way I planned I just get really upset and over react.
I hadn't really talked to him all wknd, which was fine bc he had family in town and I didn't expect him to be able to give me the attention. I sent him a funny email on sunday, not expecting a response. I randomly check my email later and he had responded letting me know someone had taken his jacket at the company Christmas party and that his cell was in it but that he would text me on Monday...He told me that his mom and him had a great time; he hoped I had a good wknd. bye. So I figured there was no need to respond. Again - his mom and other family are in town I don't want to bother him to much and he's prob busy with them.
Anyways, Monday comes around - don't hear from him. I was expecting to hear from him but said fine...After having visitor I like to chill by myself the next day - no worries. Tuesday I hit him up later in the day. I was having a crappy day and I didn't want to depend on him to make me feel better, but I figured he's always saying something ridiculous. I'll get a few laughs out of the convo. Anyways, he responds back to my text quickly- asks how I am, other random stuff...I then tell im that I figured yesterday he wanted to relax after a full wknd so thats why he didn't hear from me on Monday. After that nothing.
I don't understand why he would stop talking to me like that, but when I check for him online he is online. So it's like he has time to go online, but not text me? Perhaps he is not interested in me. I mean this back and forth stuff I don't know. It just seems to me if you have time to be online - you could have texted me back. I really wanted to talk to him just as a stress relief and he disappears. I'm starting to think maybe he does not like me...but then again why would he send that email? I know crabs are difficult but where do you draw the line of being crablike and being uninterested? Maybe I'm overreacting or displacing my stress from another situation and bringing it here but I don't know....
I hadn't really talked to him all wknd, which was fine bc he had family in town and I didn't expect him to be able to give me the attention. I sent him a funny email on sunday, not expecting a response. I randomly check my email later and he had responded letting me know someone had taken his jacket at the company Christmas party and that his cell was in it but that he would text me on Monday...He told me that his mom and him had a great time; he hoped I had a good wknd. bye. So I figured there was no need to respond. Again - his mom and other family are in town I don't want to bother him to much and he's prob busy with them.
Anyways, Monday comes around - don't hear from him. I was expecting to hear from him but said fine...After having visitor I like to chill by myself the next day - no worries. Tuesday I hit him up later in the day. I was having a crappy day and I didn't want to depend on him to make me feel better, but I figured he's always saying something ridiculous. I'll get a few laughs out of the convo. Anyways, he responds back to my text quickly- asks how I am, other random stuff...I then tell im that I figured yesterday he wanted to relax after a full wknd so thats why he didn't hear from me on Monday. After that nothing.
I don't understand why he would stop talking to me like that, but when I check for him online he is online. So it's like he has time to go online, but not text me? Perhaps he is not interested in me. I mean this back and forth stuff I don't know. It just seems to me if you have time to be online - you could have texted me back. I really wanted to talk to him just as a stress relief and he disappears. I'm starting to think maybe he does not like me...but then again why would he send that email? I know crabs are difficult but where do you draw the line of being crablike and being uninterested? Maybe I'm overreacting or displacing my stress from another situation and bringing it here but I don't know....
girl!!!!
Been there!!!!I don't want to justify his disappearing or not paying attention to you..but it is indeed something a crab can do, specially at the beginning of the relationship, maybe later on he will fill you in and at least if he is craving space he will tell you about it..
At this moment my Crab is sitting for final exams and has told me he won't be so accessible and he will be trying to concentrate and studying a lot..Ok that means he needs space..I have told him he is welcome to study at home with me while I get him some coffee but well, I just let him be. He is in touch but Im not seeing him so often as I would like to.
At the beginning of the relationship these things can happen with a Crab, also, his MOM was visiting, this is a BIG DEAL for them, maybe he is emotionally drained and wants some space but won't tell you this , as they are so private and reserved until they trust you more.
The only, I repeat, the only way to survive the first months with them, is to LIVE DAY BY DAY, with no expectations. If you resist the way things are then , get out of this, quick!
There is noting you can do ..they take time to open up and integrate you...you have to pretend as if you are single, do your stuff and enjoy your life, dont put too much thought or analysis in this because you will get mad.
This testing period is awful, Im still kind of there too, he needs somebody supportive while he goes through this stressful time, and well, I have also studied and I know the pressure of exams..I wish things were different but they aren't and then we will have more time for ourselves.
don't fret...don't get angry..if you start claiming you will make him retreat more.
I know being a Leo must be difficult fo ryou to handle this, but remember, you cant control this guy the way you did with others, he won't do as you wish, he is not another one. You can quit and look for yet another guy you can control and then dump, or try to ride the waves with this to see where they take you..maybe you will learn something out of this....
Been there!!!!I don't want to justify his disappearing or not paying attention to you..but it is indeed something a crab can do, specially at the beginning of the relationship, maybe later on he will fill you in and at least if he is craving space he will tell you about it..
At this moment my Crab is sitting for final exams and has told me he won't be so accessible and he will be trying to concentrate and studying a lot..Ok that means he needs space..I have told him he is welcome to study at home with me while I get him some coffee but well, I just let him be. He is in touch but Im not seeing him so often as I would like to.
At the beginning of the relationship these things can happen with a Crab, also, his MOM was visiting, this is a BIG DEAL for them, maybe he is emotionally drained and wants some space but won't tell you this , as they are so private and reserved until they trust you more.
The only, I repeat, the only way to survive the first months with them, is to LIVE DAY BY DAY, with no expectations. If you resist the way things are then , get out of this, quick!
There is noting you can do ..they take time to open up and integrate you...you have to pretend as if you are single, do your stuff and enjoy your life, dont put too much thought or analysis in this because you will get mad.
This testing period is awful, Im still kind of there too, he needs somebody supportive while he goes through this stressful time, and well, I have also studied and I know the pressure of exams..I wish things were different but they aren't and then we will have more time for ourselves.
don't fret...don't get angry..if you start claiming you will make him retreat more.
I know being a Leo must be difficult fo ryou to handle this, but remember, you cant control this guy the way you did with others, he won't do as you wish, he is not another one. You can quit and look for yet another guy you can control and then dump, or try to ride the waves with this to see where they take you..maybe you will learn something out of this....
I see what you are saying PiscesArgie, but where do you draw the line of taking it slow, being crablike etc and someone just not being interested? I mean I was doing my thing all wknd. Its not like I was runnig behind him. I knew he had family in town - I didn't expect to hear from him at all. That's why I wasn't all over him at the beg of the wk bc I assumed he needed to recharge...
Plus, he has time to go online but he can't respond to me? To me that seems like a clear cut decision of ignoring someone...I mean seriously am I the only one doesn't find that shady as f**'? Really?! And believe me I'm not trying to control anyone- wanting a response to someone you're dating is Normal - not controlling...
Maybe I should just give up...this is pointless...I mean I get you need your space but to just cut someone off like that....he wants his space fine but there's a little thing called "positive reinforcement" and the way he acts def does not fall under that...
To me him being online but not contacting me is a blaringly obvious statement that he is not interested...I just feel like I am getting to that point where I am going to shut him off and be done. I give ppl chances but when I do decide to cut you off I'm done. There is no going back...
Plus, he has time to go online but he can't respond to me? To me that seems like a clear cut decision of ignoring someone...I mean seriously am I the only one doesn't find that shady as f**'? Really?! And believe me I'm not trying to control anyone- wanting a response to someone you're dating is Normal - not controlling...
Maybe I should just give up...this is pointless...I mean I get you need your space but to just cut someone off like that....he wants his space fine but there's a little thing called "positive reinforcement" and the way he acts def does not fall under that...
To me him being online but not contacting me is a blaringly obvious statement that he is not interested...I just feel like I am getting to that point where I am going to shut him off and be done. I give ppl chances but when I do decide to cut you off I'm done. There is no going back...
To me him being online but not contacting me is a blaringly obvious statement that he is not interested..
I am sometimes online and doing stuff aroudn the house and not really IN THE COMPUTER... I KNOW how you feel, and only YOU know what to do....and what is best for you.
I would let him KNOW this...i did withh my Crab, tell him that you felt bad, dont ACCUSE him of anything, just let him know that you didnt feel well about this....I did tell my crab, he told me he had never meant to ignore me or hurt me, they just don't hurt people knowingly...it is just how he is..SLOW.
THEY DONT PLUNGE INTO RELATIONSHIPS..
Now, you will have to relax, and take some time to think what is best for you, because if you are suffering so much, there is no point.....
look into your heart and Im sure you will see what is best... 🙂
i can't force him to make a decision..
Heather you can't force him to do anything.
But you can CHOOSE what YOU DO...
🙂
Heather you can't force him to do anything.
But you can CHOOSE what YOU DO...
🙂
I feel like I have made an effort, put myself out there and he is not interested. He can have all the space he wants bc I will not bother him anymore. If he wants to hear from me he will have to make an effort. But there is a timeline on how long I will be welcoming if that does happen.
Crabs should realize its not just about them in a relationship and that they aren't the only one w/needs. Perhaps I am taking it more personal bc I am having some issues this wk but oh well...it is what it is
I think I am just going to take a few days to myself and see how I feel...right now I just feel over the situation...
Crabs should realize its not just about them in a relationship and that they aren't the only one w/needs. Perhaps I am taking it more personal bc I am having some issues this wk but oh well...it is what it is
I think I am just going to take a few days to myself and see how I feel...right now I just feel over the situation...
Posted by ephflank
It just seems to me if you have time to be online - you could have texted me back. I really wanted to talk to him just as a stress relief and he disappears. I'm starting to think maybe he does not like me...but then again why would he send that email? I know crabs are difficult but where do you draw the line of being crablike and being uninterested? Maybe I'm overreacting or displacing my stress from another situation and bringing it here but I don't know....
I know this is pretty much a "crab free" zone and honestly this is the first and probably last post i'll read on this thread. When you release your stress and problems to a Crab they suck it all up, while you let it all out.
That is why we are such good listeners, we literally TAKE ON your emotions. This can be very annoying, distracting and stressful if we have other things that need our concentration.
Yes, I think you're projecting a bit and now that you didn't get the response that you wanted... you are spinning it out of control and making it a bigger deal than it is.
Cool out before you take all this to your Crab. We can feel it and need an emotionally stable partner that is a pleasure to be around... not a pain.
Stay firm ladies! Every crab I know seems to be in rebel mode right now 😉
oh ya...
A cancer will also know when you want something from them. They like to give of themselves freely, not when it is demanded or expected.
A cancer will also know when you want something from them. They like to give of themselves freely, not when it is demanded or expected.
Hmmn, I never said anything about confronting him about this so I'm not sure where you got that from...
As I've said before one of the nice things about this board is that you can work out your neuroses and figure things out...if I was really saying any of this stuff I sure wouldn't waste my time time typing it out twice. I was just say it to the person in one fell swoop and be done with it...
Whatever happens the situation is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it. I guess we will see what happens! I will try and be a little more patient and see what happens but I am a little bit on alert now and am kind of closed up bc I am afraid of getting hurt...
Its like things are going great and -BAM- then there's this weirdness w/him(I mean just read my lasts couple posts - everything great than this)....part of me thinks he might actually be upset I didn't reply to his email! I mean he takes me moving my head when I come in to hug him as pulling away from his kiss! Mind you I'm just doing the normal thing ppl do when they are putting their head in the nook of someones shoulder for a hug! I never even saw he was trying to kiss me!
I didn't want to bother him while family is in town and now I'm possibly being judged for that...I just can't win! Ha
As I've said before one of the nice things about this board is that you can work out your neuroses and figure things out...if I was really saying any of this stuff I sure wouldn't waste my time time typing it out twice. I was just say it to the person in one fell swoop and be done with it...
Whatever happens the situation is what it is and there's nothing I can do about it. I guess we will see what happens! I will try and be a little more patient and see what happens but I am a little bit on alert now and am kind of closed up bc I am afraid of getting hurt...
Its like things are going great and -BAM- then there's this weirdness w/him(I mean just read my lasts couple posts - everything great than this)....part of me thinks he might actually be upset I didn't reply to his email! I mean he takes me moving my head when I come in to hug him as pulling away from his kiss! Mind you I'm just doing the normal thing ppl do when they are putting their head in the nook of someones shoulder for a hug! I never even saw he was trying to kiss me!
I didn't want to bother him while family is in town and now I'm possibly being judged for that...I just can't win! Ha
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To make matters worse in the middle of this misunderstanding some big incident happened at work that is stressing him out SO MUCH. so it's this balance of giving him his space, wanting to be there for him, cleaning up this situation and not coming across as a crazy stalker girl with contacting him.
I was thinking of writing him an email to try and clean up the situation but I am wondering if he will take that the wrong way...
Thoughts from you guys? I really like this guy and don't want a misunderstand to blow my chances with him!
The email would just be a very basic and short msg, just explaining that I think this was a big misunderstanding...we've known each other for a bit and the way we both took this situation does not go with the person we have both been since we've have been dating...
What do you guys think?