Did I lose a Cancer love and gain a friend?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by tinlizzie on Tuesday, January 27, 2009 and has 11 replies.
Hi,
I have been dating this Cancer man for about 3 months. I am a Leo with Scorpio Moon. I really feel insecure with men and deal with alot of raw emotions that I don't know what to do with. This lovely protected man had asked me out, and although we didn't call alot, we made time for each other about once a week and he seemed to be getting closer and closer. Which from what I understand for shy men can be very hard. By the time the new year came he emailed me about getting together. He seemed very excited. I was too, but I, being so emotional played it cool.
I finally approached him on Friday about our going out. It seems that ever since I mentioned, in a moment of fear of commitment, that I might be moving to another city and oh by the way I don't think I could make our next date, he has cooled off. Big Suprise huh? Since then I have been trying to get him back as it were. I emailed him to thank him for the date, I asked if he would be interested in getting together, even cooking him dinner. His responses have been polite but unresponsive. Saying dinner would be nice but thats it. I feel like I'm tapping the jig to a tune thats looong gone.
I approached him about how he felt, which I know Cancers don't like, and he gave me evasive answers ' he's cautious, ect.." I kissed him and he was very responsive but honestly I thought that would be the last I would hear of him. Well he emailed me the next day telling me what a fun time he had, wishing me fun with my new project and then told me how he will be busy for a couple of weekends. told me to take care and he'd talk to me soon. I'm taking this as a slow exit from the stage. I know that Cancer men come and go, are hot and cold and all that but any advice would be helpful? Thank you so much.
I have been dating this Cancer man for about 3 months. I am a Leo with Scorpio Moon. I really feel insecure with men and deal with alot of raw emotions that I don't know what to do with. This lovely protected man had asked me out, and although we didn't call alot, we made time for each other about once a week and he seemed to be getting closer and closer. Which from what I understand for shy men can be very hard. By the time the new year came he emailed me about getting together. He seemed very excited. I was too, but I, being so emotional played it cool.
I finally approached him on Friday about our going out. It seems that ever since I mentioned, in a moment of fear of commitment, that I might be moving to another city and oh by the way I don't think I could make our next date, he has cooled off. Big Suprise huh? Since then I have been trying to get him back as it were. I emailed him to thank him for the date, I asked if he would be interested in getting together, even cooking him dinner. His responses have been polite but unresponsive. Saying dinner would be nice but thats it. I feel like I'm tapping the jig to a tune thats looong gone.
I approached him about how he felt, which I know Cancers don't like, and he gave me evasive answers ' he's cautious, ect.." I kissed him and he was very responsive but honestly I thought that would be the last I would hear of him. Well he emailed me the next day telling me what a fun time he had, wishing me fun with my new project and then told me how he will be busy for a couple of weekends. told me to take care and he'd talk to me soon. I'm taking this as a slow exit from the stage. I know that Cancer men come and go, are hot and cold and all that but any advice would be helpful? Thank you so much.
That whole "fear of commitment" thing you have going pretty much killed it 
Cancers, like said, do not like feeling threatened AT ALL, in fact, if we could have someone reassuring us at all times, it would be ideal.
You telling him that registered as "time to move on, because this is hopeless."
Cancers are very negetive usually and tend to read into things, and you gave him a whole darn book to read.
I would say move on, because unless you plan to be opened and happy with this cancer his weekends like always be busy.
With, btw, was a total line.
Hope you find someone else
Cancers, like said, do not like feeling threatened AT ALL, in fact, if we could have someone reassuring us at all times, it would be ideal.
You telling him that registered as "time to move on, because this is hopeless."
Cancers are very negetive usually and tend to read into things, and you gave him a whole darn book to read.
I would say move on, because unless you plan to be opened and happy with this cancer his weekends like always be busy.
With, btw, was a total line.
Hope you find someone else
Hi all,
Thank you for all the comments.
I completely understand not wanting to be with someone if they are moving or not thinking of staying an making a life here. Its not really being ready to settle down yet. In reading your posts I realized you all are so happy and seem ok with your loves. I wonder how do you live your lives and still be with someone? To me its seems like you have to give up your life for him- Did you find this a problem?
Also-I take it theres no hope in getting him back? Even if I stay and be happy and open?
Thank you so much - Liz
Thank you for all the comments.
I completely understand not wanting to be with someone if they are moving or not thinking of staying an making a life here. Its not really being ready to settle down yet. In reading your posts I realized you all are so happy and seem ok with your loves. I wonder how do you live your lives and still be with someone? To me its seems like you have to give up your life for him- Did you find this a problem?
Also-I take it theres no hope in getting him back? Even if I stay and be happy and open?
Thank you so much - Liz
Did you find this a problem? Um Yeap. It is like everything has to revolve around you staying and putting up with BS or moving on. It is your call. If you stick around, then you are basically letting him have you on his terms anyways.
Also-I take it theres no hope in getting him back? Even if I stay and be happy and open?
You can have him back but you just have to move on without him for a while. Let him live his life and you live your life. You have to keep in mind what is meant to be will be. There is no force, no power, nothing that can stop what is destined for you and your love life. I would just move on right now. If he doesn't have it together and he isn't aware of what he really wants from you, it will be a push and pull battle anyways. That disappearing act gets old and you will be happy with someone else by that time he finally realizes you are the one.
Also-I take it theres no hope in getting him back? Even if I stay and be happy and open?
You can have him back but you just have to move on without him for a while. Let him live his life and you live your life. You have to keep in mind what is meant to be will be. There is no force, no power, nothing that can stop what is destined for you and your love life. I would just move on right now. If he doesn't have it together and he isn't aware of what he really wants from you, it will be a push and pull battle anyways. That disappearing act gets old and you will be happy with someone else by that time he finally realizes you are the one.
LeoKitten: if you are not in a place where you want to INCLUDE a person in your life (cause that is what it is...it is not GIVING UP your life)....
I guess thats just it. I really don't have that kind of life. Or from the way you seem to describe any REAL life. I mean I have one, just not the one I had set out for and Im still "carrying a torch" because it didn't turn out the way I wanted. But thats professionally and I am beginning to see that you can't just live one aspect of life and consider it everything. My friends tease me because Im self centered..and after hearing the way you put it LeoKitten, for the first time I can really see why. I have so much trouble letting people in, not just Cancer man , but anyone because somewhere along the line I was taught that that kind of life takes away from you not enhances.
Virgogotme: As much as I think I was testing him -which is an insecure game - I really feared committing to him. I should have been more honest and direct..but I guess I wanted my cake and eat it too. Which is soo unfair to him.
Krobe03 - thank you for your kind words- I think Im the one playing the push and pull act. Never in my life would I have thought that I would be the one problem child in relationships. aaaguuugh.
Thank you all again!
I guess thats just it. I really don't have that kind of life. Or from the way you seem to describe any REAL life. I mean I have one, just not the one I had set out for and Im still "carrying a torch" because it didn't turn out the way I wanted. But thats professionally and I am beginning to see that you can't just live one aspect of life and consider it everything. My friends tease me because Im self centered..and after hearing the way you put it LeoKitten, for the first time I can really see why. I have so much trouble letting people in, not just Cancer man , but anyone because somewhere along the line I was taught that that kind of life takes away from you not enhances.
Virgogotme: As much as I think I was testing him -which is an insecure game - I really feared committing to him. I should have been more honest and direct..but I guess I wanted my cake and eat it too. Which is soo unfair to him.
Krobe03 - thank you for your kind words- I think Im the one playing the push and pull act. Never in my life would I have thought that I would be the one problem child in relationships. aaaguuugh.
Thank you all again!
Also..post script..sorry just thought I needed to add..Im controlling. A freind told me one time, 'you have a problem with the way things are..you think things Should be' - these are ugly things you don't want to expose to any love.
I digressed..sorry I'm just learning how to..well.. how to love. Thank you for helping me with this!
Thank you for helping me with this!Krobe03 - thank you for your kind words- I think Im the one playing the push and pull act. Never in my life would I have thought that I would be the one problem child in relationships. aaaguuugh.
Thank you all again!
I feel you honey, I am a Leo woman and they say Cancer men pull disappearing acts. I do the same thing. I don't REALIZE I do it. I don't do it on purpose. I just have a life so fullfulling it is HARD to stop just doing things you enjoy and focus your time and energy on I call him a "king baby". LOL! I guess other people don't understand alot of fire sign ways. I read on these boards that we play games, mind games blah...blah....but it is just in our nature to be self centered. It is not our faults we are made with this build up dayum.
I know you may not want to hear this but you might want to find stronger mate who does not care if you are focused on him or not. He doesn't feel ignored because he is self sufficient and you doing your own thing and living your own life just doesn't bother him. You can truly live a happy life without it interfering into your love life. It is just some men can accept this and some other men just can't.
I just consider the men who want you to place your complete focus on them(usually you are doing the majority of the work) king babies. I just will tell him to either except it or bye. If you express your feelings to this Cancer man and give him time to absorp the fact that he is not the center of the universe, he will understand. You just have to say it in a direct way that he will understand. It is like show him interest when you have time and let him bite whether he wants to invest or not. He will usually come back around and bite though.
Oh, PS tinlizzie, In my own personal opinion, I wouldn't deal with a man who doesn't want to invest his time or energy into me either.
You guys rock! I get the feeling I may not have lost him completely sometimes. Maybe Im supposed to be the aggressor for a while. Maybe he wants me to fight it a bit, what with this move not happening now. He asked me if I would consider it three years from now on Friday and I was like, Honey, who knows whats going to happen three years from now. We weren't talking about us of course, we were talking about me but I'd like to think thats what he meant. :-)
LeoKitten, Wow..you give me hope. Both of you. Leo women are strong and soft and its just a weird mixture. I really hope I haven't lost him. But I better make darn sure I don't use him for the now. That would be cruel. Just to satisfy my longing for him.
LeoKitten, Wow..you give me hope. Both of you. Leo women are strong and soft and its just a weird mixture. I really hope I haven't lost him. But I better make darn sure I don't use him for the now. That would be cruel. Just to satisfy my longing for him.
sumtimes i want to help ppl out but can u guys put ur situation into a 5 sentence paragraph becuz i'm too lazy too read long stories but i do want to help
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