Do Cancer men fight for love???

This topic was created in the Cancer forum by saggirl on Tuesday, January 20, 2009 and has 38 replies.
If a cancer man thinks I have moved on - because I've cut off contact and there's flirtation from another man on my facebook wall. But he does has deep feelings for me, although he thinks he's not good enough for me. Will he fight and come back, or just move on himself?
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He'll move on i guess......
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He won't really move on and just forget about you. At this moment this might be the way he wants your relationship. He will come back but it is up to you whether you want to keep your arms open to him or not. I don't know why all women think Cancer man are the most sensitive men in the world. He MAY want you to date other men so your focus is not stuck completely on him. He just may not be ready for the responsibility of having a emotionally available relationship with you. It could be the reason why you are experiencing the push and pull thing. He just isn't ready right now.
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furryleo,
I still don't agree with you. IF you cheated on him and you were both engaged or in a seriously committed relationship then he may say forget it. If you were just dating then it really probably isn't a big deal to him.
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If this cancer comes back after rejection......he might be a loser!!!Or maybe he would just go to his shell and heal his woes.......
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Even if he hasnt moved on..........he is gonna portray that he has moved on,so your never gonna find that out..........and cancers hardly forget anything,so you would not be forgotten as such,.......
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"he thinks he's not good enough for me."
Why would he fight for you if he doesn't feel he's good enough? Most likely if he lacks confidence, he will most likely pass plus you cut contact so he may not feel it's reasonable for him to crawl back to you, you cutting contact confirms he wasn't good enough or you wouldn't took that particular action towards him...just a thought
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if you're allowing another man to flirt with you then why on earth should this cancer even try to get you back? It doesn't sound like there is any love here to fight for. If you loved HIM then you would not even be asking this question.
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I am not flirting with the guy. The guy is someone I met at the weekend and he is GAY! He wrote on my wall with lots of love and kisses so the cancer guy could see this and think I have met someone new.
The cancer guy is away at the moment and I haven't contacted him, even though I really want to. Should I just contact him so he knows I'm thinking of him or make him sweat a bit?
I do like him, I am faithful and kind, despite what my star sign is.
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I don't want to play with his emotions, if anything he is playing with mine. I didn't ask for this gay guy to write it on my wall with love and kisses. I have in fact hidden it from this cancer guy for now. Maybe I do need to grow up, but it's kind of an immature situation.
I posted my message so that I didn't hurt his feelings. Who doesn't want some one to prove their love for them? I'm not talking about throwing themselves under a steam train, but I'm not going to be with a person that has a ?meh, take it or leave it' approach.
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Well Saggirl the bottom line is, he's not calling thus he's not proving and I'm sure his fingers aren't broke nor has he suddenly been hit with a case of amnesia....
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as a cancer man it is actually funny reading all this. we like control and if you look around to what most people write on this board we are certainly in control. saggirl i am not specifically pointing you out cause there are a lot of people on this board doing the same things but take a look at what you wrote. should i call him, should i let him sweat, etc..if you look into that who do you think is in control? although you might think you are he is the one that has you all up in arms figuring out what you should do when all the while he is just doing his thing and not worrying about this situation at all..anyway just my opinion and being a cancer i have a weird sense of humor..lol
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fair enough furryleo and you hit the operative words..when we care :-)
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Yeap, the operative words. IF THE man cares about you. IF he is pushing and pulling away regularly saggirl, believe it or not your actions are causing him to pull away.
He may not be ready for a relationship with you right now. I really don't think another man has anything to do with it. If he really wanted to be with you, ANOTHER man would not bother him. He would do what he needed to do to show you that he wants to be with you.
Imacancer
What I mean by dating. If a man is not telling you and showing you with his actions that you are the only one he wants to be with in his life. You don't owe him a commitment. And any woman with a life would not give him or his sitution of pushing and pulling away a mental thought.
Saggirl,
The reason the man comes back around is to see what he can get out of the deal. Alot of men know women care about them so they play on their emotions. They get what they want out of the pull away deal. The man comes back, he gets feed and then he is off again.
In my own personal opinion, alot of women accept the push pull behavior and make up all kinds of excuses-going into shell, sulking etc. A man can really only feel love towards a woman when he is putting in work to get her.
I don't know any man on this earth who will admit to putting in work for a easy woman. All he has to do is call and set up a date with a sealed deal. Why would he call? Why would he chase? Why would he pursue? He will feel the next man can have you and your love just as easy.
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BigTeddyBear, I suggest you read my post at the top of the page and my other reply/post! We didn't just break up and I didn't get another man to give me 'baloney pony'. I wondered whether what was written on my wall would be too much for this cancer guy and put him off me. Go accuse someone else of treetrunking!
Yes, the communication is an issue but he admits that he is bad at that himself (he's more face-2-face) and the situation is complicated.
"The man comes back, he gets feed and then he is off again."
Why do men do this if he has no interest? He does care for me as a friend, if nothing, so out of respect he shouldn't be doing this.
Tiki, yes he does lack confidence and I have tried to build it for him by giving him lots of compliments. He doesn't believe me though.
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"The man comes back, he gets feed and then he is off again."
Why do men do this if he has no interest?
Men do this because YOU let him. You LET him do it. If you are his friend and you don't want more from him date him and be his friend. Right now you are allowing this man to walk in and out of your life. The reason I feel he walks away from you so easily is he hasn't "invested" anything into to "save" the relationship/friendship. You allow it on and stick around on "his" terms. He will come back around because he can, get what he wants(feed) and walk away again. If you feed a dog everytime he asks for food, he has nothing to work for. He doesn't see any value.
I am not talking down to you, just let him "work" for you and don't give yourself to him so easily. NO DON'T PLAY GAMES! But don't be readily available to NO man who is not fully committed to you. There is no punch, it is boring, unsatifying. Love is there just for the calling and nothing more.

He does care for me as a friend, if nothing, so out of respect he shouldn't be doing this.
YOU THINK HE DOES! For him to care, he has to actively demonstrate consistently he cares. He may "play or act" like he cares until he is done getting what he wants. Once you are hooked again, he is off to another challenge.
Tiki, yes he does lack confidence and I have tried to build it for him by giving him lots of compliments. He doesn't believe me though.
In my own personal opinion, the less you try to do anything, the more you will get.
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The cancer guy is not gonna know that the dude who wrote on your facebook wall is gay, so basically he thinks you moved on, and is forcing himself to give up.
Simply because even though you didn't directly do it to him, you hurt him.
At least he interprets it in that way.
Cancers will fight for the things they care about,
except in the cases where there's the potential of getting hurt...
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look - you know it hurts him - that's why you're asking us about this. HE doesn't know the guy is gay, and on top of that you've said the gay guy did it to make him jealous.
Bottom line, you're expecting something from this guy that you're clearly not capable of giving him in return. You are not being honest, you are not being fair, and you are not "fighting for love".
Just let the poor guy get on with his life, you obviously enjoy playing games.
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Cancer men appreciate honesty. However they tend to be protective of themselves. It takes them a while to get into a serious relationship. They aren't ones to just jump into a relationship and give it their all.
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"you've said the gay guy did it to make him jealous"
Angel fish, the gay guy didn't do it on purpose. He was just being his gay old self with his, 'hi babe...make sure you call me...lots of luv.xxx'
I don't want to play any games or hurt him.
Ok, so now I'm confused. On one side people are saying I've hurt him (indirectly) so I can make it up to him by emailing him and letting him know I'm still thinking of him.
On the other hand, I'm being told to leave things and not pander to him.
I appreciate all the advice I have got, but now I don't know what to do...
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I just read back to my posts and it prob does sound like I said the gay guy did it on purpose. He didn't. It's just my bad grammar.
'He wrote on my wall with lots of love and kisses. So, the cancer guy could see this and think I have met someone new.'
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uh, sweetheart... that's not bad grammar... that's as clear as you can get! You said very directly that the gay guy did it so the cancer would see it and think you've found someone new.....
I just love it when people try to back track because they didn't get the answer they wanted "oh no... I didn't mean what I said... I meant something completely different"
Look - you need to leave him alone - not so he'll come back to you, but so he can go find someone who won't play games with him - and by sitting here asking what's the best way to get him to chase you you ARE playing games - whether you like the description or not.
For some guys this is fine, in fact some guys WANT this kind of behavior - doesn't make you good bad or otherwise... just makes you NOT what the cancer guy wants. Hell even some cancer men want this kind of girl - but if he's pulling away from you then HE does not want this.
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I swear that I didn't want, or ask, the gay guy to write that to make the cancer jealous. I wouldn't stoop so low and it's really childish.
I must admit that when I did see it, I thought it might make the cancer guy buck up his ideas. I, in fact, hid it from the cancer guy for a while so he couldn't see it.
I have left him alone. I haven't contacted him. I know that if he does want me, he'd come back to me. It's his call. I just didn't want this to drive him away though if it was a perfectly innocent situation, but he doesn't realise it is.
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I do not have a facebook account, but my understanding is that you can delete comments from your wall. If you knew this would hurt him and you didn't ask the guy to do it, then you could simply delete it and ask your friend not to leave those kinds of messages because it could be taken the wrong way. Instead you "hid" it while you asked advice on whether you could use it to your advantage.....
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Yes, I admit I hid it while I asked for advice. Like I said, I thought it would might buck his ideas up. I don't actually know if it would hurt him because I don't know whether he does actually still like me. I just wondered whether it would damage things IF he did like me.
It would have been rude of me to delete the message because I had only met the gay guy at the weekend. He's not a good friend that I could say, please don't leave those messages. He doesn't know me and I don't know him.
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actually that's all the more reason you could say that to him. If this guy is supposedly someone you like and this gay guy is someone you barely know and just met, then you can certainly tell him that you'd prefer he not leave messages like that on your page because you don't know what this guy would think of it and you don't want to screw up. The bottom line is you saw the message [which you've admitted the guy left to make the cancer jealous] and thought you could use it to your advantage - GAME OVER.
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don't take this the wrong way, but Sagittariuses are known for playing mind games. It's actually a very common thing for fire signs in general to do.
My abusive boyfriend was a sag, he would play those types of games to get me jealous. It doesn't work for cancers (and water signs in general, in my opinion), we get hurt. Because of him and this other sag guy that I was dating, I decided to never date a sagittarius again.
Even if you were to go back with him, you would get annoyed by his clinginess (it's a cancer trait, we cannot help it). Cancers want security, and sagittariuses are too much into their own space and mind games to the point where the cancer would feel insecure about the relationship. I wouldn't recommend it, you need someone who will actually get 'jealous' when you have a gay guy write on your wall, rather than someone who gets hurt.
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^^^^ I concur.
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Well I must say that I'm a Sag and I will NEVER date or be in a relationship with a Sag again...NEVER!!!!!!!!!
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Yeah, most sag men are fucking crazy. I dated one and my twin brother is one. They cheat like their is no tomorrow and are too free to understand that people love them.
Saggirl, is this that same cancer guy from before? Maybe if you already cut off contact with him you should delete him from your friends so he doesn't see what your doing if you think it effects him that much. That way he can move on.
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sag89 the problem here is that she wants him to chase after her - and she wants to know if letting him think another guy is after her is the way to go.... for the most part I like sags, sag guys are cool as friends, though I'd never date one, and sag women are friendly and caring - BUT the mind games.... and this girl is definately playing them. Like I said before it doesn't make her good bad or anything else.... it just makes her incompatible with, at least, this cancer man.
My step mother is a sag and I love her to death - but I could see her playing that game if she thought a guy wasn't treating her right. She's a good person - but she needs a guy that can play her game, and so does saggirl.
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I agree with angelfish.
Most of my friends are sags. They are great as friends, but I wouldn't date one again because of my past bad experiences. It's just about compatibility---water and fire people are VERY different--so a water sign person is not going to understand, nor react in the way that the sag person wants them to.
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I see. Well I agree with you angel fish. I have had lots of cancer men in my life and I have broken all their hearts totallyunintentionally. I loved them to death as friends but was takin the wrong way, though I did nothing to make them think otherwise. I really think saggirl your in this for the thrill and that's the wrong thing to do with cancer men. I bet you if he started to chase you, you would totally freak out and kick him out again and than toy with him again when he ignored you. You really need to cut out this behavior. He has feelings too and they are a sensitive type. Trying to get a emotionally response from someone to boost your ego is beyond sick and reeks of insecurity. If you need an ego boost go work out, buy some new clothes or something normal and healthy that doesn't require messing with other people. It will bite you in the ass later.
My 2 cents.
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Yeah Sags are cheaters!
I really don't think it is mind games that you are playing no matter what another person says. I think you want to your lover to prove to you that you are worthy to him. It is not games to "you" because that is your make up.
Water signs are "not" going to try to "win" you over right away. He is on the watch, sitting back waiting for the right time. If someone else is in your life, he will watch but not come and get you right away. A water sign man may not be the right one for you for consistency. He requires patience, patience, patience and a Sag does not have patience.
You might try a more detached man, one whose feelings don't get hurt easily. I won't say that a Sag and Cancer WON'T work because my dad was a Sag and he loved the ground his Cancer wife walked on. He did cheat on her after I guess he got tired of her though and they went downhill from that point on.
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Ok, ok, ok, as a sag I don't mind this sag bashing. The saggi's that I know I guess don't like to be tied down. I however am not, and never have been, a cheater. I'm very loyal and very patient. I need a good sensible guy to calm my crazyness down and balance me out smile
I don't think I play mind games, but you're all saying the same thing so there must be some truth (even though I don't realise it and wouldn't know a 'game' if it bit me on the ass), so I take heed.
I'm not going to give up on this cancer guy. I will leave it up to him to contact me. I'm not looking for an ego boost, this guy has hurt me too in the past. I would love him to tell me the truth and admit his feelings for me, and I would tell him right back about how I feel about him. If only love was that simple...
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you say you take heed... but do you really? If you don't even know you're playing games with him then how can you stop yourself? It's just in your nature.
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I'll be taking heed by leaving it up to him, being more aware of my actions and brushing up on my grammatical skills.
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Well god' speed saggirlWinking
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