Do cancerians realise how they effect others

Do they realise that other people have emotions as well. That by disappearing and not talking about stuff they literally shatter the other person's heart.

It's like they have no notion that the other person even exists and goes on leading their happy life's leading the destruction behind them

Yea I don't get it.. Going from being someone's fave person to the person he never wants to see? Its madness..

I feel so bad for you ladies because I'm guilty of all this and I'm a chick...The thing is when when we're mad or hurt, we don't care about your feelings just ours and in the sense you can call us selfish.But, what you can do is bring your side and feelings to our attention and let us know that our actions do have an effect and your hurting from it...because in all honesty, no we don't know how are what you're feeling/going through because we're to focused on ourselves.

Yes I have been accused of doing this I never realized I'm guilty of doing it. I'm a little more aware of how I effect people.

Bur crabriot, doesn't that make you hide more?? So sensitive..

Lol... Im sorry cappygirl... I asked the same questions back in the days... Seems like we all go through the same feel process after a cancer experience but my boo crabriot is right they get in to their shell selfish mode when hurt not knowing and refusing to know that the other person is also in pain, and let me tell you that even after you tell them your feelings they might still feel like that until they process all the information...

Feel your pain but it pass with time 🙂

Do you know how YOU affect others? Of course not. We don't either. And we're pissed off and you don't care so why should we? We're going somewhere to punch it out. Why? Because people suck and violence isn't the answer LOL!

I mainly back away and gather my thoughts when I'm pissed/upset because I don't want to punch my love's face in. So you better let that happen. Not sure what triggers your Cancer to go off and sulk away in that glass case of emotion but believe me let them. Remember people get pissed off but they also get over it. You have to let them do that. This is for everyone.

When I return I'm ususally bearing gifts like a giant cup of boiled peanuts or cookies and I want a hug. 😄

Posted by kissmygrits
Do you know how YOU affect others? Of course not. We don't either. And we're pissed off and you don't care so why should we? We're going somewhere to punch it out. Why? Because people suck and violence isn't the answer LOL!


When I return I'm ususally bearing gifts like a giant cup of boiled peanuts or cookies and I want a hug. 😄

Lived in the South for a while, tried them.
If you were bringing me those I'd take it as a sign that your anger had turned to hate.

Blech

You shut your mouth! That is an example anyway...

^^^^lololssss

I only do that to people who have betrayed me. At that point they're out of my life and I really don't care how bad they hurt. In fact, bonus points for them hurting as much as possible. Once the decision is made that they're gone from my life, they never get back in.

Posted by MoonArtist
I only do that to people who have betrayed me. At that point they're out of my life and I really don't care how bad they hurt. In fact, bonus points for them hurting as much as possible. Once the decision is made that they're gone from my life, they never get back in.

I will like to disagree with you a little bit (I come in peace...)

I do agree that when someone betrayed you that is the right way to proceed... although depend on the situation I must say... obviously in you case it was obvious there was no other way to react...

But some cancer when hurt, just like kissmygrits pointed out... it only think about their pain, and immediately feel betrayed, let down, disappointed, you name it... (which I would too)... but that is the reaction on the spur of the moment and totally valid.

What happen after is what is sort of what everybody complains about... is ok to feel all those things is someone offended you, but what if that person realize their mistake and try to make things right? it takes balls to take responsibility for your actions... and that is when some cancer defend their hurt and sulk on it, like doing so is making them feel better... and sure it doesn't... and refuse to let go of that hurt and in return they turn mean, stubborn, cold, say things they dont mean, hide their true feelings, push away, disappear, get unresponsive, ignore, cold shoulder, put barriers (that Im ok after a hurt is even expected), some even shut off completely forever so and so... and that is where everybody here is complaining about...

Those actions hurt too... is not like the other person play victim is just that the reaction is harsh... and refuse to see pass the incident... relationships are always a pull and push... is part of it.. but not willing to see that part it sucks especially coming from people that come of as loving, caring and so, to turn into a cold dead stone.

I don't think you have to be a mindreader to understand other peoples feelings..basic compassion and empathy does that for ya pretty easily..seems cancers self absorption makes those things inpossible.

Oh go change your tampon troll.

People tend to misunderstand how much others have an impact on us. With my placements and another couple of cancers i know, its very easy for us to get swept up in the emotions of our friends around us. People totally dont remember this and when someone turns sour, all 3 of us go quiet and we start to sour. Point is when w/e it is that causes this shift in our personalities to hide in a shell, its not just for us because we are sometimes holding ourselves back from hurting others as well. We know that our anger/pain will leak out into other aspects of our lives so we try to put a lid on it. OTHER people then mistake that for a punishment when in reality we were just putting ourselves in quarantine to PROTECT EVERYONE regardless of whether we talk to you again or not, on the off chance it does start up again it will be better than if we did let the lid open up.

Posted by fullwaterpisces

Posted by MoonArtist
I only do that to people who have betrayed me. At that point they're out of my life and I really don't care how bad they hurt. In fact, bonus points for them hurting as much as possible. Once the decision is made that they're gone from my life, they never get back in.

I will like to disagree with you a little bit (I come in peace...)

I do agree that when someone betrayed you that is the right way to proceed... although depend on the situation I must say... obviously in you case it was obvious there was no other way to react...

But some cancer when hurt, just like kissmygrits pointed out... it only think about their pain, and immediately feel betrayed, let down, disappointed, you name it... (which I would too)... but that is the reaction on the spur of the moment and totally valid.

What happen after is what is sort of what everybody complains about... is ok to feel all those things is someone offended you, but what if that person realize their mistake and try to make things right? it takes balls to take responsibility for your actions... and that is when some cancer defend their hurt and sulk on it, like doing so is making them feel better... and sure it doesn't... and refuse to let go of that hurt and in return they turn mean, stubborn, cold, say things they dont mean, hide their true feelings, push away, disappear, get unresponsive, ignore, cold shoulder, put barriers (that Im ok after a hurt is even expected), some even shut off completely forever so and so... and that is where everybody here is complaining about...

Those actions hurt too... is not like the other person play victim is just that the reaction is harsh... and refuse to see pass the incident... relationships are always a pull and push... is part of it.. but not willing to see that part it sucks especially coming from people that come of as loving, caring and so, to turn into a cold dead stone.

click to expand

I reserve this for the worst case scenarios, though.....the repeat offenders, those that proved over and over that they'll use and abuse.

For those that make mistakes, I like to communicate, and if they refuse to I might throw a fit, or come across as an emotional tornado, but in the end want things to be clear and settled.

😉 good girl!!!

Posted by CancerScorp
People tend to misunderstand how much others have an impact on us. With my placements and another couple of cancers i know, its very easy for us to get swept up in the emotions of our friends around us. People totally dont remember this and when someone turns sour, all 3 of us go quiet and we start to sour. Point is when w/e it is that causes this shift in our personalities to hide in a shell, its not just for us because we are sometimes holding ourselves back from hurting others as well. We know that our anger/pain will leak out into other aspects of our lives so we try to put a lid on it. OTHER people then mistake that for a punishment when in reality we were just putting ourselves in quarantine to PROTECT EVERYONE regardless of whether we talk to you again or not, on the off chance it does start up again it will be better than if we did let the lid open up.

I think because im a water sign and partly some cancer, i do completely understand where you are coming from... And think you have a total valid point... Obviosly for trivial things in life, some cancer eventually get over that isolation mode and try... Some others dont but is case by cass basis... IMO

Agreed moonartist and fullwater...who the hell are you talking to kissmygrits? Yr the only one who seems like a troll.:/

Posted by CancerScorp
People tend to misunderstand how much others have an impact on us. With my placements and another couple of cancers i know, its very easy for us to get swept up in the emotions of our friends around us. People totally dont remember this and when someone turns sour, all 3 of us go quiet and we start to sour. Point is when w/e it is that causes this shift in our personalities to hide in a shell, its not just for us because we are sometimes holding ourselves back from hurting others as well. We know that our anger/pain will leak out into other aspects of our lives so we try to put a lid on it. OTHER people then mistake that for a punishment when in reality we were just putting ourselves in quarantine to PROTECT EVERYONE regardless of whether we talk to you again or not, on the off chance it does start up again it will be better than if we did let the lid open up.

good to know, thanks!

I'm guilty of this and I know fully the effect I have on people but if I feel hurt or slighted, all bets are off and I'm going to make you suffer as much as possible. However if we truely value you as a person, we will come back around but only time will tell how long that takes.

I recently reconneted with a friend after 12 years, it took me that long to get over the hurt she caused me in our friendship. With my Libra guy it really hurts me to go ice on him, I've even cried when I was alone after being cold to him because it hurt me to treat him that way. But that's just how we respond to hurt/pain. My Libra pretty much knows what will piss me off so he tries to stay ahead of it because he knows I will quickly turn to ice on him and he doesn't want that and fears during that ice time, another guy would come along and I'd move on.

So me knowing the fear he has of losing me makes it easier to let him back in because at the core even though I'm hurt, I still feel emotionally secure. We want to feel safe with you and if we don't feel that then it's really easy to ice you out and not think twice. Each hurt/pain is breaking down the trust and if you're not doing anything to rebuild it, then eventionally the emotional bridge you have with us will crumble then it's over.

Not a Cancer thing. It's a you thing. It happens because YOU allow it. Every time you take him back when he's cold with no repercussions you're telling him it's ok to treat you that way. I had a Virgo try to pull that shit on me I wasn't having it. Never regretted it. I found me a nice Cancer man that knows how to treat me and doesn't play none of that hot/ cold bullshit.

I mean why put up with it. He's clearly showing he's not ready to commit which even if you do manage to pin him down only is foreboding of more similar problems down the list line. Him never giving you what you need.

Why be in a "relationship" with someone who doesn't know if they want you or not. JMO.

Sorry about your situation OP but you need to stop letting him you treat you that way by stop letting him back into your life so easy. It sucks but people aren't ever going to treat you the way you want and you'll just have to learn to deal.
I wish you the best 🙂

* let me rephrase him never willing to give you what you need

OP not a cancer thing. Check every other board here and you will find the same hot/cold story for EVERY other sign here (Aries, Leo, Scorpio, Virgo, Aqua, Sag... Etc, etc).

But how long does this shunning take.

We been apart for 2 weeks. I heard from him 2 weeks ago well on issues like car service and on some money issues we needed to agree on.

I finalised last Monday sent him the email. He replies immediately he agrees. That's it. Nothing more. I'm being to wonder if it's over.

But also he might be away on a business trip he was planning but I'm not sure. I have no clue I tried to contact him on thursday but he's obviously not interested in responding.

But u don't understand how good it is when we are together. For months just so perfectly good so happy. I can't believe we come back from a 3 week holiday we so happy he's smiling and been cheerful and I ask something about a dream.

He said I'm destroying him inside and he went so sad so so sad like depressed sad. He said it felt like he's heart cracked. He even hugged and kissed me goodbye and replied to my message the next morning saying he things we will never speak again

4 years.

I said I had a dream about him cheating. But not in this polite a manner.

But we had issues in the past of me being jealous and issues happening between us

Actually as a cancer who has dated a cancer I have felt this from both sides. I was aware that the other person was hurting, but I was hurting too and needed my space. When it happened to me I felt like I was going crazy it hurt so bad, yet I understood why it was needed

And did u go back?

Posted by That1Girl
Actually as a cancer who has dated a cancer I have felt this from both sides. I was aware that the other person was hurting, but I was hurting too and needed my space. When it happened to me I felt like I was going crazy it hurt so bad, yet I understood why it was needed

So you took your space, and then what? did he ever knew?

The problem IMO is how long is long enough? until the hurt became irreparable or the space become an abysmal? in my case I think I should've acted before instead of waiting for her to come around... idk

I've made my peace, I got sort of a closure, but something is still hanging in there... like there is a piece of information that I miss in this whole puzzle, because is the only thing that will explain... the no return in a year...

Any case, good or bad she is gone... I mean at least I dont see her daily now is physical distance(which is sad but at the same time could be something good... for me).

we had a coldish whatever goodbye on Friday she said we should have lunch or something but it felt sort of like empty promise... but I feel at this point she is more concern about guarding her feelings and don't care much pushing me away all the time hurt me...

Wait this is over a dream— Are you kidding me—?

Sooo, you had a DREAM, and verbally attacked him as if your dream made it real? Is this insecurity based on anything he's actually done to make you believe he's a chronic cheater, or is this based on your own insecurities?

Posted by cappygirl11
Do they realise that other people have emotions as well.

Sometimes..I really don't think so.

As usual, the truth comes out bit by bit....

Just a dream? Wow..that is odd...he has some.serious work to do on himself, I'm sorry..

Posted by cappygirl11
4 years.

I said I had a dream about him cheating. But not in this polite a manner.

But we had issues in the past of me being jealous and issues happening between us

I knew there was more to this.....

It might seem like they/we "happily" move on, but from my own perspective I can't say that it's true. No matter who initiated the breakup, there is this debris that sticks to you. I've stayed friends with quite a few exes. Being a good friend, listening to their problems, even when they were the ones who fucked up (e.g. cheated). Sometimes it worked right away, sometimes it needed time. And it only works when it's clear they don't want to warm things up, because that's not going to happen.

In order to see the consequences of what we do/have done, we need to get off the emotional roller coaster first. Before we manage that our head just gets smacked around way too much to see anything.

What usually leads me to run and NOT look back, is when someone shows extreme hostility in any form (from stalking to lashing out).

Posted by kissmygrits
Wait this is over a dream— Are you kidding me—?

wait what? where did you read that?

Posted by reddress
It might seem like they/we "happily" move on, but from my own perspective I can't say that it's true. No matter who initiated the breakup, there is this debris that sticks to you. I've stayed friends with quite a few exes. Being a good friend, listening to their problems, even when they were the ones who fucked up (e.g. cheated). Sometimes it worked right away, sometimes it needed time. And it only works when it's clear they don't want to warm things up, because that's not going to happen.

In order to see the consequences of what we do/have done, we need to get off the emotional roller coaster first. Before we manage that our head just gets smacked around way too much to see anything.

What usually leads me to run and NOT look back, is when someone shows extreme hostility in any form (from stalking to lashing out).

Im going to ignore the whole dream stuff... just because even this totally doesn't apply for the OP the topic is interesting...

On this comment I found it pretty interesting... while all seem true and valid... it seems or sounds like a control thing... (no including cheating thats a mayor betrayal) some cases specially the ones I've reading here, maybe mine (whatever) is a matter of communication, and the consecuenses or actions that cancers in questions seems disproportionate to the offense, and they could take their sweet time (months even years sulking on this idea that might not be the correct one) it comes down to me that communication with cancer is the key, use common sense give reasonable time and space, and then confront them in a civilize way, it took me lots of time to realize that... and kind of late for me.

is also the person who think cancer is been mean, when they confront them with recrimination and they avoid confrontation, and go MIA... so IDK

Posted by fullwaterpisces

Posted by That1Girl
Actually as a cancer who has dated a cancer I have felt this from both sides. I was aware that the other person was hurting, but I was hurting too and needed my space. When it happened to me I felt like I was going crazy it hurt so bad, yet I understood why it was needed

So you took your space, and then what? did he ever knew?

The problem IMO is how long is long enough? until the hurt became irreparable or the space become an abysmal? in my case I think I should've acted before instead of waiting for her to come around... idk

I've made my peace, I got sort of a closure, but something is still hanging in there... like there is a piece of information that I miss in this whole puzzle, because is the only thing that will explain... the no return in a year...

Any case, good or bad she is gone... I mean at least I dont see her daily now is physical distance(which is sad but at the same time could be something good... for me).

we had a coldish whatever goodbye on Friday she said we should have lunch or something but it felt sort of like empty promise... but I feel at this point she is more concern about guarding her feelings and don't care much pushing me away all the time hurt me...

click to expand

I came back three months later ready to talk, and he came back after a month ready to talk. Both were different situations but in both cases closure was needed. I have had deep falling out with friends and came back years later.

😭

Well now over a dream. But I have always been suspicious in the past and he said he has never done or said anything to be constantly interograted this time is was right after a 3 week holiday and he said after spending 3 weeks non stop with him. If I don't trust him now and am acting up over a dream I will never trust him. Then he hugged and kissed me goodbye. And when I asked if he wanted to talk the next day he said he doesn't think we will talk again

Posted by fullwaterpisces

Posted by reddress
It might seem like they/we "happily" move on, but from my own perspective I can't say that it's true. No matter who initiated the breakup, there is this debris that sticks to you. I've stayed friends with quite a few exes. Being a good friend, listening to their problems, even when they were the ones who fucked up (e.g. cheated). Sometimes it worked right away, sometimes it needed time. And it only works when it's clear they don't want to warm things up, because that's not going to happen.

In order to see the consequences of what we do/have done, we need to get off the emotional roller coaster first. Before we manage that our head just gets smacked around way too much to see anything.

What usually leads me to run and NOT look back, is when someone shows extreme hostility in any form (from stalking to lashing out).

Im going to ignore the whole dream stuff... just because even this totally doesn't apply for the OP the topic is interesting...

On this comment I found it pretty interesting... while all seem true and valid... it seems or sounds like a control thing... (no including cheating thats a mayor betrayal) some cases specially the ones I've reading here, maybe mine (whatever) is a matter of communication, and the consecuenses or actions that cancers in questions seems disproportionate to the offense, and they could take their sweet time (months even years sulking on this idea that might not be the correct one) it comes down to me that communication with cancer is the key, use common sense give reasonable time and space, and then confront them in a civilize way, it took me lots of time to realize that... and kind of late for me.

is also the person who think cancer is been mean, when they confront them with recrimination and they avoid confrontation, and go MIA... so IDK

click to expand

What is a reasonable amount of time. I have texted like non stop for a week. Then sent him a little present and a note

Yep, you fucked up.

I want him back he's the most precious thing I acquired in this lifetime

Yep. I feel it's true, Cancers go into their shell. But at the same time, they don't realize that others can be hurt as deeply as well. People aren't manipulative and out to get them all the time. Then once Cancer is hurt, they start to dwell on it and even imagine that this person was deceiving, plotting and planning to hurt them all along and that's simply not true! It's like they get struck with a sword and drive the sword in themselves to make a deeper wound and then say, "See you hurt, you bastard. And now I'm angry. How do you feel about that?" My cancer brother, there was nothing you could do right if he was slighted in any way.

And he made sure you felt just as awful, if not more awful. Wow, talk about cold as ice.

Posted by boxcarmirnta
Agreed moonartist and fullwater...who the hell are you talking to kissmygrits? Yr the only one who seems like a troll.:/

Every Cancer hating thread there you are. Troll on bud. Troll off an ecliff.

Posted by CancerOnTheCusp
As usual, the truth comes out bit by bit....

OMG this made me chortle! 😄 😄 😄 😄