do crabs suffer frm some 'nice guy syndrome'?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by neo on Tuesday, April 11, 2006 and has 17 replies.
no offence but juz some experience gave me this insight....dont u feel the cancer guys r too nice at times....in love they act tooo nice???
As a cancer man i have to say yes, and its often taken advantage of, which then results in bitterness when we realise that we have been had.
Cancers suffer form "nice guy" Nice gal" syndrome. But i am learning to be more natural in my responses. Thanx to my down to earth Virgo.
You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bi**h for dumping him."
I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like sh**, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."
If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.
What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.
Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...
Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.
Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".
They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.
They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight; she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.
Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.
Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of compromising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.
Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."
The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out the
Make your bloody minds up, seems we cant win either way, do good and il be punished, do bad and il be punished, what a joke.
and how many times u felt that u cant do anything bout it...just sit back n suffer???
n crabs r destined to b suckers...n there's nothin they can do bout it than being the
lowest life form....I have seen...experienced it...they r bound to suffer...this cancer sign makes u nothin more than pathetic needy crawlin spineless creature....
Truly the disease was named aftr it or the sign named ftr the disease...no difference...
here's again...
CANCERIANS ARE BOUND TO SUFFER SO STOP FINDING SOLUTIONS...JUZ SIT BACK N ENJOY SUFFERING...
lowest life form....I have seen...experienced it...they r bound to suffer...this cancer sign makes u nothin more than pathetic needy crawlin spineless creature....
Truly the disease was named aftr it or the sign named ftr the disease...no difference...
here's again...
CANCERIANS ARE BOUND TO SUFFER SO STOP FINDING SOLUTIONS...JUZ SIT BACK N ENJOY SUFFERING...
Suffering Crabs???..lol
Suffering brings martyrdom?.( feels like someone to be immolated on the alter)..
Is this what you guys learning in your school of life..??
No one has to suffer anything, especially when things get black and white, as your Cancerian's nature says.. you either love.. or hate? so.. why suffer..??
Use your head and heart together?..and stop SUFFERING?!
Peace
Dr. Q
Suffering brings martyrdom?.( feels like someone to be immolated on the alter)..
Is this what you guys learning in your school of life..??
No one has to suffer anything, especially when things get black and white, as your Cancerian's nature says.. you either love.. or hate? so.. why suffer..??
Use your head and heart together?..and stop SUFFERING?!
Peace
Dr. Q
And Neo my friend?
Learn to draw a line between your feelings and the others? you don?t have to suffer anything..
Learn to draw a line between your feelings and the others? you don?t have to suffer anything..
And about this generalisations of Nice and Bad guys..
There are no nice or bad guys.. as they say.. "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?.. the rest are BS?.. you know what I mean..??
Right time, right place, right person?
Dr. Q..
There are no nice or bad guys.. as they say.. "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"?.. the rest are BS?.. you know what I mean..??
Right time, right place, right person?
Dr. Q..
Sadly...I have to admit Neo has a point...Although so do you Q, but I think I have had an epiphany...
I am a "Nice Girl" because some of those descriptions can TOTALLY be me. Wow...I never looked at it like that. But then again, it is so hard for me to say no because I actually care about other peoples well-being as well as other's opinions of me.
I have so much self improvement to do...
I am a "Nice Girl" because some of those descriptions can TOTALLY be me. Wow...I never looked at it like that. But then again, it is so hard for me to say no because I actually care about other peoples well-being as well as other's opinions of me.
I have so much self improvement to do...
See? Insecurity! I can't stop!!!
It is just like the disease...But how do you cure it without losing all of your hair?
Gah
It is just like the disease...But how do you cure it without losing all of your hair?
Gah
Cancerlady "See? Insecurity! I can't stop!!!
It is just like the disease...But how do you cure it without losing all of your hair?
Gah."
haha, good methoper. Yes, my friend (that cancer guy) told me that he had been used in the pass because of his "nice guy/ yes man" personality. He hated being used, but ... it just kinda worked for him at the time ... he was popular and had plentiy of attention -- lol from women and his friends. He made me feel good by saying that I'm the only one that hasn't made him feel used in some way (that's because I never ask him to do anything for me ... he wants to but I feel uncomfortable asking him for too many favors right now) and that I keep my word (which he admires). In my experience (THIS IS JUST MY OPINION SO PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME cancers in general have a tendency to be attracted to the wrong people. They confuse love with sex (yes, most people do but cancers are more extreme). When the "Dream Lover" finally decides to bring out their true nature, this is where trouble begins for them ... and the whole not bring able to let go is another problem ...
It is just like the disease...But how do you cure it without losing all of your hair?
Gah."
haha, good methoper. Yes, my friend (that cancer guy) told me that he had been used in the pass because of his "nice guy/ yes man" personality. He hated being used, but ... it just kinda worked for him at the time ... he was popular and had plentiy of attention -- lol from women and his friends. He made me feel good by saying that I'm the only one that hasn't made him feel used in some way (that's because I never ask him to do anything for me ... he wants to but I feel uncomfortable asking him for too many favors right now) and that I keep my word (which he admires). In my experience (THIS IS JUST MY OPINION SO PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME
cancers in general have a tendency to be attracted to the wrong people. They confuse love with sex (yes, most people do but cancers are more extreme). When the "Dream Lover" finally decides to bring out their true nature, this is where trouble begins for them ... and the whole not bring able to let go is another problem ...Q's advice?
? Emotions are reactions.
? Emotions are always equal to the sum of their cause.
? Your social situation + your evaluation of that situation + your physical state at the time together determine the kind of emotion you will have and its intensity.
? In the same way that getting a different answer to a mathematical equation (2+2+2=6) requires a change in one of the factors of the equation (2+3+2=7), so to change how you feel requires a change in one of the three factors that produce your emotional reaction.
? A change in your social situation, or in your evaluation of that situation or in your physical state will produce a change in feeling.
? There is no direct connection between your social situation and feelings of unhappiness.
? If you are unhappy, first decide where the problem mainly resides, in the social, intellectual, or physical area. Once you know the answer to this question, you know where you would derive the most benefit from the most effort.
? Your social situation includes everything that isn't you, your spouse, children, parents, friends, co workers etc.
? Looking at the social situation, the question to be asked is Who has the power to do something about this situation? You may have total, partial, or no power to produce a change.
? If you have the power to change the social situation, then exercising that power is usually the most elegant solution to the problem.
? If you have no power then the problem belongs to someone else and your role is to provide advice and support.
? If you believe you cannot be happy unless someone else changes then you are emotionally dependent on that person for your emotional health. Your emotional health is now out of your control; a situation dangerous to your self-esteem.
? If you are unhappy and have no power to change the situation, then the focus of your efforts should be directed toward correcting problems with your evaluations or your physical state.
? As we age, human relationships evolve from dependence to independence to interdependence to reliance.
? Dependence is appropriate to childhood, independence to late teens and early twenties, interdependence to maturity and reliance to those with physical disabilities and extreme old age.
? Where you have partial power to produce a change in a situation, then the skills of communication and problem solving, assertiveness, honesty and generosity will serve you well.
Hope it helps..!
? Emotions are reactions.
? Emotions are always equal to the sum of their cause.
? Your social situation + your evaluation of that situation + your physical state at the time together determine the kind of emotion you will have and its intensity.
? In the same way that getting a different answer to a mathematical equation (2+2+2=6) requires a change in one of the factors of the equation (2+3+2=7), so to change how you feel requires a change in one of the three factors that produce your emotional reaction.
? A change in your social situation, or in your evaluation of that situation or in your physical state will produce a change in feeling.
? There is no direct connection between your social situation and feelings of unhappiness.
? If you are unhappy, first decide where the problem mainly resides, in the social, intellectual, or physical area. Once you know the answer to this question, you know where you would derive the most benefit from the most effort.
? Your social situation includes everything that isn't you, your spouse, children, parents, friends, co workers etc.
? Looking at the social situation, the question to be asked is Who has the power to do something about this situation? You may have total, partial, or no power to produce a change.
? If you have the power to change the social situation, then exercising that power is usually the most elegant solution to the problem.
? If you have no power then the problem belongs to someone else and your role is to provide advice and support.
? If you believe you cannot be happy unless someone else changes then you are emotionally dependent on that person for your emotional health. Your emotional health is now out of your control; a situation dangerous to your self-esteem.
? If you are unhappy and have no power to change the situation, then the focus of your efforts should be directed toward correcting problems with your evaluations or your physical state.
? As we age, human relationships evolve from dependence to independence to interdependence to reliance.
? Dependence is appropriate to childhood, independence to late teens and early twenties, interdependence to maturity and reliance to those with physical disabilities and extreme old age.
? Where you have partial power to produce a change in a situation, then the skills of communication and problem solving, assertiveness, honesty and generosity will serve you well.
Hope it helps..!
I just dont understand this....
people, our life is just not in our hands,,
everybody not just us cancerians but everyone..
every single being among us is so well programmed...
That it just 'seems' like that we are free to decide...
to make any choice...
we believe that we can change ourselves...our surroundings...
but whatever we are doing is exactly what we are supposed to do...
I am not being sadistic or martyr in the school of life(& why call it a school..I call it a system or a play everything is there planned well in advance...)
How many times it has happened with me that I WATCH myself following...
following all those rules under which my destiny is written...
I watch myself doing all those typical things which my sign makes me do...
It's not like I come to notice that afterwards...
I am watchin everythin in the present moment...RIGHT HERE IN 'THIS' MOMENT...
What I notice is that nothin can be changed here n there...
LIFE JUST FOLLOWS THE CODE...n we are into deep slavery...
I watch myself doin everythin... my mind ..my body ... my eyes ... my hands
everythin workin on itself...
I believe that being 'CANCER' is a gift in disguise...
Every cancerian is thrown back to himself all the time...every second of life...
we are slaves in all respect just like everyone leos...sags..virgos...
but we are UNHAPPY slaves...
But we want to be like everyone we want to become 'happy slaves' just like everyone around us...
how many times each cancerian imagines himself in others shoes wishes to be one of those happy people around him...
He wants to be out if this cancer trap...
He is always tryin to be the HAppy SLAVE...
instead if s/he sits back n enjoy sufferin...
instead of trying to become a happy slave if he tries to be just happy....
then being a cancerian can be a gift...
ONLY a cancerian can watch life from a distance...
staying aloof frm it....
as if some movie is running with every thing decided beforehand...
MY mind ...MY hands ....My eyes ...MY soul ...MY heart ...than who am I watching everyone....every thing is progammed than who am I watching evry thing around me in chains....
people, our life is just not in our hands,,
everybody not just us cancerians but everyone..
every single being among us is so well programmed...
That it just 'seems' like that we are free to decide...
to make any choice...
we believe that we can change ourselves...our surroundings...
but whatever we are doing is exactly what we are supposed to do...
I am not being sadistic or martyr in the school of life(& why call it a school..I call it a system or a play everything is there planned well in advance...)
How many times it has happened with me that I WATCH myself following...
following all those rules under which my destiny is written...
I watch myself doing all those typical things which my sign makes me do...
It's not like I come to notice that afterwards...
I am watchin everythin in the present moment...RIGHT HERE IN 'THIS' MOMENT...
What I notice is that nothin can be changed here n there...
LIFE JUST FOLLOWS THE CODE...n we are into deep slavery...
I watch myself doin everythin... my mind ..my body ... my eyes ... my hands
everythin workin on itself...
I believe that being 'CANCER' is a gift in disguise...
Every cancerian is thrown back to himself all the time...every second of life...
we are slaves in all respect just like everyone leos...sags..virgos...
but we are UNHAPPY slaves...
But we want to be like everyone we want to become 'happy slaves' just like everyone around us...
how many times each cancerian imagines himself in others shoes wishes to be one of those happy people around him...
He wants to be out if this cancer trap...
He is always tryin to be the HAppy SLAVE...
instead if s/he sits back n enjoy sufferin...
instead of trying to become a happy slave if he tries to be just happy....
then being a cancerian can be a gift...
ONLY a cancerian can watch life from a distance...
staying aloof frm it....
as if some movie is running with every thing decided beforehand...
MY mind ...MY hands ....My eyes ...MY soul ...MY heart ...than who am I watching everyone....every thing is progammed than who am I watching evry thing around me in chains....
Yuppers we are at times but like geminis they try to see the good in people,not so neo. ANd believe me geminis do fall within of bracket of being nice as well.But simply put do not generalise one sign and say we are "all nice guys" and suffer nice guy/woman syndrome. That's illogical.
Q...as usual you are so helpful. I am going to print this out and reread it over again until I get it.
Neo...I know what you mean about the "happy slave" Are you saying we should be happy in our misery because that is our role in the play of life? I believe in destiny and everything happening for a reason. All things being interconnected...our misery is usually directly related to someone else's happiness.
I think I was in a funk last night because there was a full moon...
Neo...I know what you mean about the "happy slave" Are you saying we should be happy in our misery because that is our role in the play of life? I believe in destiny and everything happening for a reason. All things being interconnected...our misery is usually directly related to someone else's happiness.
I think I was in a funk last night because there was a full moon...
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