Do you... (Page 2)

Thats SO sweet LK. I guess he loves your tree and traditions just fine!!

Cancer Lady - it's easy for people who have the one they want to forget what it's like to be on the other side.

Just because we are going through the same thing doesn't automatically mean the outcome will be the same.Everyone keeps telling people "don't judge someone based on your experiences with someone else" yet that is what you're telling me to do here..... My actions are different because I gave up on the other one pretty easily because it just wasn't worth it. And that is what cancer [men at least] want - is for you to prove you won't give up on them.
At any rate people can give me advice - and I do appreciate the advice - but I still have to trust what I think is right. And in this case I think giving it more time is the right thing to do.
I could be wrong - and things may not turn out like I want in the end I'll eventually give up - but not yet.

There's too much going on here that even I don't know about yet

Trust I remember oh so clearly how things were on the other side. Cancer's don't forget anything nor do they let go completely, so I'm living with the other side everyday of my life. The other side made me who I am today. The thing thats not making sense to me is that the guy is taken has a girlfriend and you're still going after him. If he wanted to be with you he would and not be back with his ex. Wether his sister has anything to do with it or not wouldn't matter because Cancer does what they want when it comes to love and who they want to be with, reguardless of what role the person plays in their life. Sister mother whatever nothing can stop us from being with who we want to be with. What I don't understand is why you think this guy wants you when he chose someone else to be with. Just because HE hasn't told you anything doesn't mean what his sister is telling you is not the truth. She is his sister and she knows him so when he's not speaking up which Cancer's won't do at times she is doing it for him. How did this turn on the sister? Didn't she invite you over for Thanksgiving? If she didn't want you around her brother she wouldn't have invited you, and you said she asked him first and he said it was ok right? The fact that she had to ask him first says that he has expressed to her things about you and his sister needs to let him know whenever she plans on bringing you around to make sure he's ok with it. You can wait and not give up but why would wait for someone who made their choice the first time and it wasn't you.

first of all I don't think the ex is still around. Second the sister told me herself he didn't make a big deal about it - SHE did. Just because she said she had to ask him doesn't mean HE said she did. It means SHE is trying to blow things out of proportion. I know both of them, you don't.

And like I said there is still plenty I don't know and I don't put everything that goes on here on the board so there is more still that YOU don't know.

You can try to convince me I'm wrong all you want - but you don't know what's going on in his head or his life. I'm not giving up on something because someone who has nothing to do with it tells me to. Sorry.

And as for him choosing the ex - many people have said he probably did that because she was familiar and comfortable to him - including YOU. So don't try to throw that in my face.

Be easy no need to get all huffy and puffy. Its not that serious and its not about proving you wrong you could end up being right no one knows the out come until it happens. My point is that he's not making an effort to have a relationship with you and if he wanted a relationship with you he'd let you know that. Thanksgiving you saw each other and he didn't say two words to you, reguardless of you did or didn't say anything to him HE had a chance to start the conversation with you and chose not too. The sister wasn't around to interfer then was she? The fact is if he wanted you he'd be letting you know that and showing you reguardless of who was for or against it. And if he's not with the ex anymore and still hasn't shown you anything that makes it even worse. That only means he's really not into you and wasn't in the first place. It doesn't matter what the whole situation is the fact is you're going after him when he should be the one going after you. Thats what a man does when he's interested in being with a woman.

on thanklsgiving he DID talk to me and I didn't respond - that was MY fault, and I don't blame him for not trying to talk to me again if he thought I was pissed off at him. But the first thing he did when he came in was say hi to me and I said nothing - how would you feel if you tried to talk to someone and they flat out ignored you? that's not what I was trying to do but I can see how it looked that way. I was surprised and "froze" because his sister had given me the impression he wouldn't even want to be in the same room as me. And you know what he did after that? sat down right next to me. And yes his sister was around - and the whole time she was around he hung out on the edges of the room - it wasn't until I was playing with his neices and nephews without his sister around that he came in and just sat there and watched us play.
Sop YES there is more to the story.
And just because YOU think a man should be up front and go after a woman he's interested in doesn't mean that's how all men work. You are with a taurus - and YES that is how WE are - kind of explains why the situation is the way it is doesn't it?....... Between the two taurus is the agressor - not cancer. Doesn't matter who is male and who is female.
I've known plenty of cancer guys who were too shy to show an interest in me until I did first. And the fact that I'm his sister's best friend can't be making it any easier on him. No matter how you think a man should act.
It's not serious to you because what do you care? you have your man what difference does it make to you how someone else is feeling who doesn't ?

No don't try and put it like I don't care. All I have tried to do was help you thus far but its like you only want to see things ONE way, the way you want them. I am a Cancer lets not forget that. It doesn't matter what sign my man is I am a Cancer and I know how we are male and female. He didn't have no problem coming at you before right? so what would be the problem now. Its like you keep trying to put the blame on everyone else to excuse what he's not doing and he's not doing because he doesn't want to. What part of that aren't you getting. Its not like you'll haven't already started something. He started things with you and left them alone when he was done. He hasn't picked them back up with you because he doesn't want to it doesn't have anything to do with his sister.

"Its like you keep trying to put the blame on everyone else to excuse what he's not doing and he's not doing because he doesn't want to."

you see - this is the sort of comment that is getting me riled up - YOU don't know what he's thinking or why he's doing or not doing anything. And I'm not putting blame on anyone. But you just go around telling people "give up they dont' want you" and you honestly can't know that.I know his sister and have no difficulty believeing that she is lying. You don't know her and you don't know him. What she says and how he acts around me are two completely different things. That's why I've said even I don't know enough yet to truly know how he feels.
You said all you've tried to do is help - but just because I ask your opinion doesn't mean you get to dictate how I proceed.
And my other best friend is a female cancer and I can you tell with certainty that male and female cancers do not think alike.

You seem to think every relationship is exactly the same and should follow the same pattern - well they aren't and they don't. Just because what's going on here doesn't fall into your idea of how a relationship should develop doesn't mean it's doomed.
As long as I believe that it could work out I will keep trying - and you're right about one thing - I'm not going to let someone ELSE tell me whether I should pursue a relationship with someone. I can choose to pursue or not pursue and so can he - and he can also choose to respond or not. That is between me and him. It's not for you to decide if we should be together - now or in the future.
He may want nothing at all to do with me - but until either I'm sure of that or I decide I don't want him I won't let what someone ELSE thinks dictate my actions.

oh and just because he got bold one night doesn't mean he didn't get shy after wards.
6 months before that he was too shy to ask if I had a boyfriend - played twenty questions with his sister instead to get the answer he wanted, but still didn't have the guts to be forward about it.
Has it occured to you [obviously not] that the reality of getting involved in a SERIOUS relationship [not a fling with and ex that would never stand a chance of working out] might have seemed like a bad idea considering the current state of his life?

security security security - the mantra of both cancer and taurus

something he doesn't have right now.

obviously he thought things could work out with his ex he was willing to give it another chance. Just becase YOU feel he shouldn't be with is ex and their relationship is doomed doesn't mean it is or will be. The same thing you are trying to tell me about you and him you're doing the same thing in reguards to him and his ex. Who are you to say that he shouldn't be with her. Just because YOU feel that way doesn't mean he has too or should. Just like you don't appreciate his sister throwing salt on you if thats what she's doing you're doing the same to his relationship with his ex. Whatever kind of person she is she's the person he wanted and went back too. He started things up with you but went back to her. But since it isn't you he's not suppose to be with her he should be with you right? Well he didn't make that choice. But go ahead and wait around he may give you a real chance one day.

HELLO

no - I don't believe the ex will work out because she dumped him once already - not got scared or whatever - just decided she didn't like the possessiveness and clinginess - or at least that's what I know of the situation. and I don't know if things could work out any more than you do - yet you believe it could work with the ex who already dumped him once and from what I know did so again already - so she's capable of giving him another chance and things could work out but not in my situation....yeah that makes sense.....
leokitten we all know you're a strong woman who would never put up with this....etc.... that's great for you. You and I are different. And cancer lady and I are different.

YOu can sit here and tell me what a loser you think I am or he is or whatever else you want to say..... you are not me and it is not your decision to make.

A lot of really great guys and women get passed up because people have no patience and think they're too good to give someone that chance - and that often makes those people think they are in fact not good enough. I used to be one of them.

So I know better - I know better than you apparently that just because someone is screwed up or their life is at one point doesn't mean that they will always be that way.
He's a great man, kind, smart, fun, caring, and a million other wonderful things. And one thing I know for SURE about him is that he doesn't have any confidance in himself.
But when he does he can do ANYTHING - I know because I've seen him do it. He's gotten though some pretty bad stuff. I won't write off someone when their going through a rough time - if you want to call that making excuses go ahead. It's actually compassion and faith.

Exactly! He had a chance to be with her and he didn't make that choice thats the point she doesn't seem to get.

no - I get that - the point YOU don't get is that not everything fits into that pretty little box of yours.....

there are other reasons for not being together than not wanting to be - for all you know he doesn't think he's good enough for me. None of us knows - only HE does.

I'm not saying I'm not a strong woman - I'm saying I don't see the worlkd the same way you do..... and thast response applies to all of your questions.......

here we go again...... you don't know what he wants

hell maybe he's not even sure what he wants right now !

I know what *I* want

I'm not saying its better that he's with his ex and not you I'm saying you're quick to day how they relationship isn't whats cool but reguardless thats were he's at and you don't know why she breaks up with him. How do you know that it isn't something he's doing and she's putting her foot down and he knew he was wrong for whatever he did thats why he keeps going back to her. Why does it have to be her thats causing the problem and not him. Because YOU feel he shouldn't be with her but he should be with you.

that's not what I said and if you're just going to re-word everything to make it sound like you have a point then answering you is useless

"yet you believe it could work with the ex who already dumped him once and from what I know did so again already - so she's capable of giving him another chance and things could work out but not in my situation."

This is what you said correct? and this is my response to that.

I'm not saying its better that he's with his ex and not you I'm saying you're quick to say how they relationship isn't whats cool but reguardless thats were he's at and you don't know why she breaks up with him. How do you know that it isn't something he's doing and she's putting her foot down and he knew he was wrong for whatever he did thats why he keeps going back to her. Why does it have to be her thats causing the problem and not him. Because YOU feel he shouldn't be with her but he should be with you.

Gosh yall are razor sharp.

Angel I think there's a problem in you not knowing what he wants....if you dont know what he wants what are you waiting for exactly? I have to admit I waited a while for D to come around, but he often insisted "keep hope alive" "give it time and it will get there","always be my friend and we will build on it".

I noticed you mentioned Taurus being the aggressor....does that mean you're going for it or what? Girl if you're going to go for it go all out and find out whether its stay or go either way. Really what is there to lose? If you push ahead and he wants you yay, move forward- if you push ahead and he runs, it wasnt meant to be anyway. Why ride the fence and never know when you can find out and actually get somewhere with it.

You're right we dont know the situation, but really honestly and hopefully inoffensively, its getting really redundant reading you whining and pining and supposing without doing anything about it forum in and forum out. You're more negative than positive, talk than walk, excuse than solution, and more defensive than receptive. What kind of response are you looking for from the people that read your posts? I understand being compassionate and empathetic, but the downer has got to let up some time or the other. Misery loves company but no one wants to be misery's companion for longer than is necessary.

She isn't going for it because deep down inside she knows that he is not feeling the same way she is, if he was and she knew he was then she would have no problem with making a move when she had the chance. Him saying hi was not making a move he was being polite and if she knew things were all good she wouldn't have ignored him. She reacted that way out of fear and uncertianty. She knows what the deal is she just doesn't want to except it.

those are rhetorical questions, I just think everyone here likes to see a happy ending or a stronger person coming off the back end of a bad ending....this situation isnt giving us that...its like a never ending sad story, after a while you dont feel empathetic pain, you just get annoyed.

And excuse me if that was too curt, I seriously dont mean to offend or hurt you or seem like Im feeding into any mob mentality type deal, Im just kinda...at that point where you just realize there's no use giving advice because no matter what you suggest its like hot air on a cold day...up up and way.

Nite Folks

cancer lady - you left out the part where I said I didn't know if things would work out with the ex and that I was only going off what I had been told and could be wrong....which is why I said you re-word things...perhaps it would have been more accurate to say you are selective.....

dang CL, that was mean! Cookiemonster!!! (no I didnt call you the B word, I actually did type cookiemonster and that was in joking). I dont know why she's not going for it, but Im not so quick to assume. I just think at this point going for it would yield the best result.

At one point I got tired of supposing and went for it. Of course I didnt know how it was going to turn out and there was some fear, but I knew one way or the other I was going to find out and after a certain amount of time, who does want a little bit of clarity.

"I noticed you mentioned Taurus being the aggressor....does that mean you're going for it or what? Girl if you're going to go for it go all out and find out whether its stay or go either way. Really what is there to lose? If you push ahead and he wants you yay, move forward- if you push ahead and he runs, it wasnt meant to be anyway. Why ride the fence and never know when you can find out and actually get somewhere with it. "

I already answered that when I was talking to you before - because I'm scared - I admit that. But I'm working on it - it's not going to happen over night.

honestly, how long have you been "waiting" for the opportunity with this guy? I think its been more than enough overnights, come on...admit it 😉

Even still it seems like you are blaming her though. It could very well be him thats causing the problems in their relationship. The fact that she keeps dumping him and him going back leads me to believe that he's probably the issue especially with you saying he works in a bar right? Its hard having a relationship with a man who have those type jobs. So there's no telling what is going on but if I were you I wouldn't be routing for their relationship to fail because even if he does be with you there could be another woman that would come along and do the same thing to you and your relationship with him. His sister may already be doing that now sense you say she's throwing salt.

I know what you're saying - but this whole thing got started off me making a harmless comment concerning possessiveness.... and then it erupted.... like it always does. I don't come on here whining and pining out of no where I make a comment and then someone is like "oh god are you still waiting on that loser - he doesn't want you get over it" or something to that effect - and yes that offends me. What cancer lady has been saying is offensive to both me and him.

No one can assume they know what's going on in his head - and it isn't fair for her to just say he's not interested and that's that when she doesn't know.

I'm not the type to sit here and let someone bad mouth someone I care about and not say anything about it. Or bad mouth me for that matter.

I'M NOT BEING MEAN!!! I HOPE I'M NOT COMING ACROSS THAT WAY JUST STRAIGHT FORWARD BUT NOT MEAN! I HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVE FOR ALL MY DXPNET FRIENDS WETHER WE AGREE OR DISAGREE ITS ALL LOVE!!!

Whining & pining= every time someone types something positive about their interaction with a Cancer you types something to the effect of "oooh I wish I could do that with my Cancer" or "Im not getting any of that from my Cancer", "I wish the Cancer I was with did that". So then we start offering you solutions to try to get that and you answer back with all excuses then its like "well if you cant get anything from him why wait?" and then you get all into defending something that honestly doesnt even seem to exist.

and you're right about the overnight hting - but until thanksgiving I didn't want to do anything while he had a girlfriend - just wait and see if it worked out or not, which YES I didn't THINK it would.... doesn't mean anything.... but anyway I'm pretty sure she's not around now.... so now it's just me being scared

there it is, no excuses needed, you dont know what he wants because you're too scared to ask. I honestly think all you have to do is ask. Or even if thats not all you have to do asking could clear a couple things up for the both of you.

Sweetie no one is bad mouthing you. But why is it that EVERYONE is woundering why this man is still a point of interest with you. So obviously everyone is pretty much on the same page "why are you waiting on this guy" buy you. So don't say its just me everyone that has commented to you has said the same thing one way or another you're the only one not seeing it because you're holding on and refuse to let because its something you want which is fine do as you please but don't get offended when people are calling things like they see it wether you see it that way or not. I say he doesn't want you because he had a chance to be with you when he ex broke up with him and he started things with you then you hear from his sister that him and his ex are back together and she tells you to stop calling him etc. right? Ok he had the chance to be with you but he chose his ex instead. There wasn't a gun put up to his head to do that he did that because he wanted too. So why are you still holding on is what I'm not understanding

You're right CL, just whew straight forward is sharp. Just remember some people can handle that and others cant...not everyone can handle what you can. *pinning on your Tough As Nails badge*

"Whining & pining= every time someone types something positive about their interaction with a Cancer you types something to the effect of "oooh I wish I could do that with my Cancer" or "Im not getting any of that from my Cancer", "I wish the Cancer I was with did that". So then we start offering you solutions to try to get that and you answer back with all excuses then its like "well if you cant get anything from him why wait?" and then you get all into defending something that honestly doesnt even seem to exist. "

not every suggestion will work - if I came across something I thought would work that would be great - if not then don't be opffended if I don't think it will help......
And that is not whining and pining..... it's joining the conversation and expressing how lucky you are to have that and that I wish I did.

......riiight.

And trust its not offense, its annoyance. I dont even think you really give half the suggestions any thought. Sometimes I dont even think you want suggestions as much as you want a little bit of empathy.Its your pie so slice it how you like, thats just how it comes across to me.

SF it doesn't exist its all in her mind

it doesn't matter if everyone else understands why .....

"SF it doesn't exist its all in her mind"

nothing is all in my mind - I didn't say we were together - I said I wanted to be.
But you just go ahead and judge everyone because you have what you want..........

Stop throwing my love story in my face heck I wish everyone could be in love and be happy especially my Taurus/Cancer folks you know I love that. Ok so when are you due to see this Cancer again, you have his number right we're about to get to the bottom of this once and for all. What do you have plan to do?

I really don't think that calling him up and saying "okay I need an answer are you interested or not?" is the way to go..... that would turn him off faster than anything.

And sweetest fatale - you can hardly say that I never take anyone's suggestions when the reason this particular discussion got started was from me asking BK what his moon sign was so I could ask a cancer male with a cancer moon how he would like to be approached - if you recall that was YOUR suggestion.......

Ok I didn't say you had to call him again you are only reading and getting out of it what you want I said
Ok so when are you due to see this Cancer again, you have his number right

Don't try to back out of it now. You need to ask him whats up wether its when you see him again or call him it really doesn't matter because the answer is going to be the same. You and him are not strangers so what would be hard about you calling him up?

I've already said I wanted to wait for an opportunity when I would see him again.
I think that calling him and trying to set up an opportunity is too aggressive. I think that would scare him off. I think the best thing for me to do is wait until I see him and take it from there.
I didn't say that him saying hi was him making a move - I said it was him initiating a conversation - like any normal person in a strained situation the first thing you have to do is say hi and see how the pother person responds before jumping into a conversation.

I screwed up that chance to talk to him and get a feel for the situation - so now I have to wait for another chance because I think [I said I THINK] that trying to force an opportunity would ruin any chance that I MIGHT have.

How soon can you see him again?

and I've already told SF I think that which was why she suggested asking a cancer male with a cancer moon - because she said her cancer liked her being that aggressive but she attributes that to his leo moon.

I don't know how he would react to that but I don't think it would be good.

I haven't got the slightest idea - I'm going to Utah for christmas with his sister but my understanding is that he's going to Arizona to see HIS mom

unless he changes his mind about christmas I don't know when the next chance to see him will be