Do you ever really get over a cancer guy...
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by kateinkansascity on Tuesday, April 3, 2007 and has 25 replies.
So does that mean you don't want to hear what the ladies have to say???? I hope not because I am gonna offer up my opinion/advice anyway.
Kate...Your situation is so very similar to my own. BUT I am gonna try and put my own situation aside and focus on yours. This cancer male that is 49 years old has never had a serious relationship? Now he is so in-love with you but not willing to give you a shot at a relationship? What the hell does this mean?
To be honest-I would leave him alone. He is entirely too old for the B.S-don't let him string you along. If he is holding you accountable for what the next female did you should cut your losses and leave. I know this is easier said than done but sometimes you have got to put a steel rod into your backbone. Let him hurt for awhile. How can he love you so much but not be willing to give you a chance at complete and total happiness with him?
And how can you continue to hurt yourself by staying around him and falling deeper and deeper in love but he's not willing to reciprocate? Who the hell wants to be in the "just friends w/ benefits" phase forever? No One...Not mature adults anyway.
You shouldn't have even asked his opinion about you and other guys! Screw what he thinks-I know you only did that to get a "rise" out of him though-just to see where his head is at. All females do it.
But to answer your "original" question I believe in fact "YES" you can get over a Cancer Guy. But it is gonna be a rough one because of that lovely yet disturbing Cancer/Scorpio attraction. Once Scorps set their minds to something. Consider ya ass history!
Good Luck
Kate...Your situation is so very similar to my own. BUT I am gonna try and put my own situation aside and focus on yours. This cancer male that is 49 years old has never had a serious relationship? Now he is so in-love with you but not willing to give you a shot at a relationship? What the hell does this mean?
To be honest-I would leave him alone. He is entirely too old for the B.S-don't let him string you along. If he is holding you accountable for what the next female did you should cut your losses and leave. I know this is easier said than done but sometimes you have got to put a steel rod into your backbone. Let him hurt for awhile. How can he love you so much but not be willing to give you a chance at complete and total happiness with him?
And how can you continue to hurt yourself by staying around him and falling deeper and deeper in love but he's not willing to reciprocate? Who the hell wants to be in the "just friends w/ benefits" phase forever? No One...Not mature adults anyway.
You shouldn't have even asked his opinion about you and other guys! Screw what he thinks-I know you only did that to get a "rise" out of him though-just to see where his head is at. All females do it.
But to answer your "original" question I believe in fact "YES" you can get over a Cancer Guy. But it is gonna be a rough one because of that lovely yet disturbing Cancer/Scorpio attraction. Once Scorps set their minds to something. Consider ya ass history!
Good Luck
:}
"You have asked him point blank about what he wants for the two of you.
What stops you from believing him when he says he does not want a relationship?"
YES!
What stops you from believing him when he says he does not want a relationship?"
YES!
Oh, Kate...I understand.
A decade into a very similar situation also with a Cancer...I do understand.
Redrovertoo gives some very sound advice. Hope we all three can follow it.
We'll probably all love our Cancer guys for life. I will, anyway. But we have to love ourselves more and take care of our own needs, first. Otherwise, life will pass us by.
A decade into a very similar situation also with a Cancer...I do understand.
Redrovertoo gives some very sound advice. Hope we all three can follow it.
We'll probably all love our Cancer guys for life. I will, anyway. But we have to love ourselves more and take care of our own needs, first. Otherwise, life will pass us by.
Oh, kate, I wish I knew. You described me, too: independent, smart, own my own home, had lots of other guys wanting to date me and yet...nobody makes me feel the way this guy does. Nobody, ever - good or bad. The highs are incredible, the lows miserable. My father thinks I need my head examined, and everyone else simply refuses to listen to me on this subject anymore. They all say I should've been over him years ago and never looked back. I tried. You don't want to know how long we were mutually exiled from each other before this time around.
I just want a loving, happy, long-lasting committed relationship, and could get that elsewhere at this point in my life. But noooo.... Even left a relationship heading in that direction.
You're so right about putting up with crap you won't take from anyone else, either. What gives with that?
Redrovertoo make the break if you're feeling strong enough. Don't invest more years, especially if you're young. Sometimes I worry that I've totally missed the boat being so intractable about this relationship and refusing less of a connection, or a different kind of connection with someone else. Am thinking maybe I'll spend the rest of my life alone because I've been such a fool for one man, and at my age, that's a scary thought.
I just want a loving, happy, long-lasting committed relationship, and could get that elsewhere at this point in my life. But noooo.... Even left a relationship heading in that direction.
You're so right about putting up with crap you won't take from anyone else, either. What gives with that?
Redrovertoo make the break if you're feeling strong enough. Don't invest more years, especially if you're young. Sometimes I worry that I've totally missed the boat being so intractable about this relationship and refusing less of a connection, or a different kind of connection with someone else. Am thinking maybe I'll spend the rest of my life alone because I've been such a fool for one man, and at my age, that's a scary thought.
Well I must admit cancer men do keep you going. I was with a cancer for an entire year (I am a cancer as well). He took me on an emotional rollercoaster and everytime I would leave he would keep coming back for more, and I would keep giving him another chance until I finally got fed up and kick is a** to the curb, and I must say I finally became happy when I left him. And he was the kind of guy that would wait until I'm calm and just about over things and then come back with sobs, and a bunch of bull. But this time I changed my number, my job (for better reasons of course) but now he has no way of contacting me and he would never have the guts to show up at my place. He was a pathological liar, and a cheat and I have cried so many tears, but hey I'm over it. And I am happy that I gained the strength to leave for good; Because being a cancer it's really hard to get over things and leave.
"Well I must admit cancer men do keep you going".
Very true...
Unfortunately I still have feelings for this Cancer guy, he just understands me...
Very true...
Unfortunately I still have feelings for this Cancer guy, he just understands me...
LMAO!!
My name is Fieryearth and I... ::takes deep breath:: am a Cancer addict...
::everyone applaudes::
My name is Fieryearth and I... ::takes deep breath:: am a Cancer addict...
::everyone applaudes::
Except that I have not been in a relationship with him for over two years and we still are doing this push me pull me thing I hate. It's dysfuntional!
I want to move on because I want to feel that I am doing the healthy thing for myself
Redrovertoo ...
EIGHT YEARS? Is that six together and the past two?
And how is it that two of you are not in a relationship but still in a push/pull? You're still in contact, but not seeing one another?
See, I don't think I'd stay in contact if not in relationship. That's actually TOO painful, for me.
I'm almost strong enough to bite the bullet and PUNT. Almost. He seems slightly more interested in seeing me lately than in say, eating fried maggots. So damaging to the self. Someone waits in the wings for me...who seems to want to treat me well, not take me for granted, not blow hot and cold....and I'm weighing out my options. Just don't want to allow anyone to treat me badly, or take my love for granted. Nobody should want that.
But there's the whole love thing. I love this Cancer with everything I've got. I mean everything: friend, lover, heart, soul, kindness. That kind of love is so rare and the only kind worth building a life together on, I think. But you can't give it to someone who doesn't really want it or know what to do with it. So I'm torn.
I want to move on because I want to feel that I am doing the healthy thing for myself
Redrovertoo ...
EIGHT YEARS? Is that six together and the past two?
And how is it that two of you are not in a relationship but still in a push/pull? You're still in contact, but not seeing one another?
See, I don't think I'd stay in contact if not in relationship. That's actually TOO painful, for me.
I'm almost strong enough to bite the bullet and PUNT. Almost. He seems slightly more interested in seeing me lately than in say, eating fried maggots. So damaging to the self. Someone waits in the wings for me...who seems to want to treat me well, not take me for granted, not blow hot and cold....and I'm weighing out my options. Just don't want to allow anyone to treat me badly, or take my love for granted. Nobody should want that.
But there's the whole love thing. I love this Cancer with everything I've got. I mean everything: friend, lover, heart, soul, kindness. That kind of love is so rare and the only kind worth building a life together on, I think. But you can't give it to someone who doesn't really want it or know what to do with it. So I'm torn.
Oh, and the "someone" waiting in the wings isn't anyone I've even dated. Just someone who wants to go out with me, allegedly. So it has no bearing on my situation with the Cancer. I'm pretty meh about dating others, to be honest.
Am dying to know how it is you've been stuck in some kind of holding pattern, not relationship, for two years, redrovertoo. Is that dating, friendship, just talking?
I could settle for friendship only with this Cancer, I think. Eventually, when my feelings subsided (if they ever did...doesn't seem likely...) it seems doable because I care so much about him as a human being.
Anyway, tell your story -private message is fine if you'd rather not do it here.
Am dying to know how it is you've been stuck in some kind of holding pattern, not relationship, for two years, redrovertoo. Is that dating, friendship, just talking?
I could settle for friendship only with this Cancer, I think. Eventually, when my feelings subsided (if they ever did...doesn't seem likely...) it seems doable because I care so much about him as a human being.
Anyway, tell your story -private message is fine if you'd rather not do it here.
Hello,
I am krobe and I want to join the club. I have met this cancer male. He is exactly the way you ladies are describing him. I have a lover of 10 years who is a capricorn. Very good stable man. But we are not going in the same direction. This cancer male that I have met wants me to be his number one. I refuse to let him take control of me. Not at all. They want woman who are males in the relationship. You have to put your foot down in the beginning. Period. I have not had sex with my cancer friend at all. I have known him for 6 months. He asks for it I tell him NO. Wait. I am in a relationship. No I haven't told him that I really want a relationship with him. I tell him to wait until I say i'm ready. He doesn't come out directly and tell me what he wants. So why should I? So I just treat him with unstability, call him when I want to, texts him when I want to, I don't answer all his calls when he wants me too. Now he tells me that if he can't have me to himself he can't deal with me. SO WHAT. I'm not leaving my man for you. You can be second. The way he acts, being unstable, picking his phone when he wants to. I told him. YOU CAN"T BE MY MAN. His ass straightens up to. Now he picks up the phone when I call. He calls me back WHEN I tell him he can text me. If his ass gets mad. SO WHAT. I'll talk to you in a couple of weeks. I like this man alot. I am also atttractive, stable, very, very good job. But I am also unpredictable, unstable to him, nice one day, a dog the next. I'm whatever he wants me to be. But until he steps to me correct. It will never BE. He will NEVER be number ONE. And I think he finally realizes that because he is starting to be alot stablier then he was. AND MOST MEN WON'T COMMIT TO WOMEN WHO WILL ACCEPT ANYTHING AND EVER THING THEY DO. If you wanted him to be your man and commit. You should have laid it down from day one. I want him to be my man. But i'm not settling for less than what I have.
I am krobe and I want to join the club. I have met this cancer male. He is exactly the way you ladies are describing him. I have a lover of 10 years who is a capricorn. Very good stable man. But we are not going in the same direction. This cancer male that I have met wants me to be his number one. I refuse to let him take control of me. Not at all. They want woman who are males in the relationship. You have to put your foot down in the beginning. Period. I have not had sex with my cancer friend at all. I have known him for 6 months. He asks for it I tell him NO. Wait. I am in a relationship. No I haven't told him that I really want a relationship with him. I tell him to wait until I say i'm ready. He doesn't come out directly and tell me what he wants. So why should I? So I just treat him with unstability, call him when I want to, texts him when I want to, I don't answer all his calls when he wants me too. Now he tells me that if he can't have me to himself he can't deal with me. SO WHAT. I'm not leaving my man for you. You can be second. The way he acts, being unstable, picking his phone when he wants to. I told him. YOU CAN"T BE MY MAN. His ass straightens up to. Now he picks up the phone when I call. He calls me back WHEN I tell him he can text me. If his ass gets mad. SO WHAT. I'll talk to you in a couple of weeks. I like this man alot. I am also atttractive, stable, very, very good job. But I am also unpredictable, unstable to him, nice one day, a dog the next. I'm whatever he wants me to be. But until he steps to me correct. It will never BE. He will NEVER be number ONE. And I think he finally realizes that because he is starting to be alot stablier then he was. AND MOST MEN WON'T COMMIT TO WOMEN WHO WILL ACCEPT ANYTHING AND EVER THING THEY DO. If you wanted him to be your man and commit. You should have laid it down from day one. I want him to be my man. But i'm not settling for less than what I have.
So your cheating on one, Playing games with the other, and that's the solution for all their problems?
Hi redrovertoo,
Yeah, I work with the cancer i'm talking about to. Where do you live? And mrs Nomer, i'm not physically cheating on anybody.
Yeah, I work with the cancer i'm talking about to. Where do you live? And mrs Nomer, i'm not physically cheating on anybody.
Oh,
krobe03 again,
No i'm not saying cheat! But something works to trigger cancers off. My dad was married to my mom, who was an aries, and his mistress for about 4 years was a cancer. He was a sagittarius. He didn't commit to the cancer woman at first (my stepmom). He stayed with my mom. In time he left my mom for the cancer woman. I guess what i'm trying to say is they want what they can't have. If a cancer male or female knows that they have your heart or that you are going to LET them run in and out of your lives. THEN they will. They are ATTRACTED to (males anyway,) attractive, beautiful, INTELLECTUALLY smart woman. Period. You have to be on top of there games. AND THEY PLAY MIND GAMES ALOT. They are charming, witty, smart men themselves. They don't want pushovers or woman that they can run game on to be there main one. They are very attracted to EARNING AND KNOWING THE VALUE of the one they give there hearts to. MAKE HIM BE A GOOD MAN. Don't just settle for his potential. I read that the true cancer males are very romantic and they can be anything you want, anything you need in a male. TO THE RIGHT FEMALE. Capricorn men step on any and everything to get on TOP. Once they are on top, they dangle shit over your head and make you become a better person to them, before they actually give it to you. The capricorn males want control. If this is the opposite of cancers then I guess this is what you have to do to CONTROL him. HE WANTS YOU TO BE IN CONTROL!
krobe03 again,
No i'm not saying cheat! But something works to trigger cancers off. My dad was married to my mom, who was an aries, and his mistress for about 4 years was a cancer. He was a sagittarius. He didn't commit to the cancer woman at first (my stepmom). He stayed with my mom. In time he left my mom for the cancer woman. I guess what i'm trying to say is they want what they can't have. If a cancer male or female knows that they have your heart or that you are going to LET them run in and out of your lives. THEN they will. They are ATTRACTED to (males anyway,) attractive, beautiful, INTELLECTUALLY smart woman. Period. You have to be on top of there games. AND THEY PLAY MIND GAMES ALOT. They are charming, witty, smart men themselves. They don't want pushovers or woman that they can run game on to be there main one. They are very attracted to EARNING AND KNOWING THE VALUE of the one they give there hearts to. MAKE HIM BE A GOOD MAN. Don't just settle for his potential. I read that the true cancer males are very romantic and they can be anything you want, anything you need in a male. TO THE RIGHT FEMALE. Capricorn men step on any and everything to get on TOP. Once they are on top, they dangle shit over your head and make you become a better person to them, before they actually give it to you. The capricorn males want control. If this is the opposite of cancers then I guess this is what you have to do to CONTROL him. HE WANTS YOU TO BE IN CONTROL!
some people are just never happy with anything ........thats why we wont commit or step right to u because we sense this.....
if u want a robot that pays your bills stick with the capricorn.....if u want to know what lifes really about.... hang with the cancer
maybe its the pisces moon cancer combo....but i can sense alot.......i pick up on everything. my emotions are keyed into everyone around me. my virgo rising is also analizing the environment and situational surroundings. i pick up on things that are out of place......notice the unseen, feel the hidden. my actions might not make sense to some or take them off guard.....but they have no idea im three steps ahead of them already....
Cj7
What do you mean by what's life really about? I prefer both for several different reasons.
What do you mean by what's life really about? I prefer both for several different reasons.
Hey Redrovertoo, what do you do for a living...is it the same thing as your Cancer guy? I ask because they are usually into working relationships with their dates. We never had more fun than when we did a creative project together, for instance.
Well, mine was pretty good, this weekend. I sense his interest level dropping and the whole taking me for granted thing happening. I don't push him, though, but don't plan on not standing up for myself when he's being a PITA. So we shall see. I do think perhaps I should start dating others, if only for my sanity. I'm no "sure thing" either, no matter how much I love him...if we're not on the same page at this point, and my page includes marriage not in five years but an actual move towards that by the end of 2007...then there's no point in putting all my eggs in one basket.
But, yeah...I get you, he is entirely too beautiful to me, too. Inside and out. Just wish/hope after all this time he sees things the same. He's really changed towards me since the other times, and is calling all the time, sees me often. If he starts trying to make me jealous or worried I remind him there's a door that opens at will and he can walk through it at any time.
But to be honest, I kind of miss the normalcy of a relationship with a Taurus or Libra guy - the consist behavior and stability.
Well, mine was pretty good, this weekend. I sense his interest level dropping and the whole taking me for granted thing happening. I don't push him, though, but don't plan on not standing up for myself when he's being a PITA. So we shall see. I do think perhaps I should start dating others, if only for my sanity. I'm no "sure thing" either, no matter how much I love him...if we're not on the same page at this point, and my page includes marriage not in five years but an actual move towards that by the end of 2007...then there's no point in putting all my eggs in one basket.
But, yeah...I get you, he is entirely too beautiful to me, too. Inside and out. Just wish/hope after all this time he sees things the same. He's really changed towards me since the other times, and is calling all the time, sees me often. If he starts trying to make me jealous or worried I remind him there's a door that opens at will and he can walk through it at any time.
But to be honest, I kind of miss the normalcy of a relationship with a Taurus or Libra guy - the consist behavior and stability.
Weird, that whole "supposed to learn something" feeling is exactly how I feel about my Cancer. And I think people do get together for that reason, each having something the other needs to better understand or develop within themselves. Whether it's a friendship between people or love relationship or even family.
But I also believe strongly in fate and soulmates. Some people think there are many soulmates on earth for each of us, but I think there are few we resonate with fully. What you described sounds like you've got a cord connection, mind, body and spirit with this man. That implies to me there's much unfinished business.
But I also believe strongly in fate and soulmates. Some people think there are many soulmates on earth for each of us, but I think there are few we resonate with fully. What you described sounds like you've got a cord connection, mind, body and spirit with this man. That implies to me there's much unfinished business.
lol NO, YOU NEVER GET OVER A CNACER MALE, BECUASE THEY WONT LET YOU!!!!!!!!!! LOL
Tired yet, everyone?
..............
Wow, did I miss a whole lot of stuff yesterday!
Kate in all sincerity, I doubt it's really over for either of you. Hopefully, for your sake, you meet someone wonderful that takes your mind off the Cancer guy but regardless of how you end it, he's a Cancer. You were right when you said he will love you in the past but the past is always still the present with Cancer for a long time.
Good luck, though,because you are really together and strong, deserving of the best possible love.
Redrovertoo yes, the reality is really painful. In my case, for years, from time to time I would still feel pangs of missing him. That was even after we didn't see one another, even in passing.
A connection like no other I've ever experienced - and wow, does it do a number on a person's heart, mind and soul.
Hope you both had a great Easter.
Kate in all sincerity, I doubt it's really over for either of you. Hopefully, for your sake, you meet someone wonderful that takes your mind off the Cancer guy but regardless of how you end it, he's a Cancer. You were right when you said he will love you in the past but the past is always still the present with Cancer for a long time.
Good luck, though,because you are really together and strong, deserving of the best possible love.
Redrovertoo yes, the reality is really painful. In my case, for years, from time to time I would still feel pangs of missing him. That was even after we didn't see one another, even in passing.
A connection like no other I've ever experienced - and wow, does it do a number on a person's heart, mind and soul.
Hope you both had a great Easter.
Oh, as for my Cancer guy...things are pretty good right now. Actually, really good. He's been there for me countless times as I'm going through family stuff, and like I said, it's a connection I really treasure.
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