Dragging & waiting game
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by Saggibabe on Tuesday, July 8, 2014 and has 26 replies.
Hi everyone, it's my first time posting this.. I've been with a cancer men for 6.5 years now but we've recently broke up a month ago.. We have been doing long distance for 2 years now and it seems like the distance and communication is killing it for us. He just came back last week and he asked to meet for dinner. When we met, he was his usual cheerful self like as if nothing has happened. Except that we didn't hold hands etc.
However, whenever I try talking to him and pouring out my feelings calmly, he seems to change the subject. When I asked him what he wants, his replies were "I don't know", "I feel so pressured" , "I'm falling asleep" or "I'm stressed". I told him no pressure and that I was sorry for pouring and talking about it.. I did it again today and apologised because I don't know where we are headed although we are broken up because I guess in a way there is still hope. I need closure. Badly. So I brought it up again saying that he is worth my sacrifice, to wait for him, to move to the country he's in for him as long as he's willing to accept my offers.. ( we planned to do this before). I told him to give me a deadline on this decision on what he wants.. He said give him 10 days. When I said ok 10 days, I'll talk to you in 10 days. He said something that implied that we should still meet before the 10 days is up. He brings so much memories back, he says our old jokes, say things we used to say when we were together and do things we used to do.. I don't know. He even asked me if I wanted shoes, jewellery today when we were window shopping. He wanted to buy me things? Is it to make up for his guilt that he doesn't want me anymore? OMG... I'm dying here and it's like someone is stabbing me in my chest from the moment I wake up till i fall asleep.. What should I do? I need a cancer's man opinion !!!!! Thank you )':
However, whenever I try talking to him and pouring out my feelings calmly, he seems to change the subject. When I asked him what he wants, his replies were "I don't know", "I feel so pressured" , "I'm falling asleep" or "I'm stressed". I told him no pressure and that I was sorry for pouring and talking about it.. I did it again today and apologised because I don't know where we are headed although we are broken up because I guess in a way there is still hope. I need closure. Badly. So I brought it up again saying that he is worth my sacrifice, to wait for him, to move to the country he's in for him as long as he's willing to accept my offers.. ( we planned to do this before). I told him to give me a deadline on this decision on what he wants.. He said give him 10 days. When I said ok 10 days, I'll talk to you in 10 days. He said something that implied that we should still meet before the 10 days is up. He brings so much memories back, he says our old jokes, say things we used to say when we were together and do things we used to do.. I don't know. He even asked me if I wanted shoes, jewellery today when we were window shopping. He wanted to buy me things? Is it to make up for his guilt that he doesn't want me anymore? OMG... I'm dying here and it's like someone is stabbing me in my chest from the moment I wake up till i fall asleep.. What should I do? I need a cancer's man opinion !!!!! Thank you )':
Well if I was you, I would stop pressuring him to get back together or forcing him to voice his feelings when he clearly isn't ready for all that. Also you say y'all broken up, why did y'all break up in the first place? Plus ot does take Cancers some time before we jump back into any relationship. If he wants you to be together, he will let you know. Stop pressuring him, because if you do that, it'll only push him away. If he cares & want something more, his actions will show that.
Whatever answer he does give on your current situation, you need to respect it & move on. You know Cancers hate stalkers lol. Take Care!
If I was you - I would not bring up this subject so often or pressure him anymore. Instead pull back a little bit. Give him space to think and give your self a break. Let him come to you - I am myself involved with a cancer man and i have read/learnt don't chase them. They will run even more. Just lead your life normally - he will come around if he's really interested or else it's not worth it....if its meant to be, sooner or later things will fall in place....All the best 
oh yes...giving a deadline doesn't help...he will test you to see if you will wait longer..don't let him play you...just make you feelings/intentions obvious, which I guess you already have...so pull back now for a bit and let him come to you - thats what i would do...take care
Don't give someone all your attention,they arent willing to do the same for you. That's with any person
I didn't mean to give a deadline )': it's just that, if it's not working, I'd like to end it rather than drag it. It hurts even more. I like black and white, not grey things. How about those signs the gave? Am I thinking too much?
I don't understand why it's so hard to make a decision though.. The question was, "do you still want this?" He said he doesn't know. How can you not know after having 1+ months to think? Sighh
I don't understand why it's so hard to make a decision though.. The question was, "do you still want this?" He said he doesn't know. How can you not know after having 1+ months to think? Sighh
it happens...I would say just give him space...and let time take its course...if you want to move on..you should...and if he comes around later..its for you to decide whether you want him in your life or not..
@aquavita you are right, very good points. I wish I had a woman who was krazy about me like these women are doing lol. Sags are kool tho. I never dated one before tho. Maybe these Cancer guys got air placements or just don't give a fuq. It ain't stalking til a woman shows up at your house pr job before you get there LOL 
. Now that's scary shit right there
. Now that's scary shit right thereAll of you are so great! Thank you so much for your thoughts (': I really appreciate it. I do hope for the best. And I totally agree with you Aquavita and everyone else. I need to (bluntly) calm the f down and make myself better so I can be better for him if he wants this again. _??? thank you!
@Saggibabe Well Thats great, im glad I could help . @aquavita lol glad I got a smile on your face. But I have seen that shit happen before that I posted. Glad it's not me haha
. @aquavita lol glad I got a smile on your face. But I have seen that shit happen before that I posted. Glad it's not me haha@Koniucha I totally get where you are coming on about wanting to know someone true feelings even though im a Cancer. I got Scorpio Moon, & I always want the truth on things. I learned that going by peoples actions reveal a lot of answers. Because they can tell you all kinds of crap & not mean one single word.
Yeah I hear stuff then watch and call people out on their bs. Sometimes I really consider hermitville. People suck.
Posted by aquavita
i am not a cancer i am a sag and not a man but a woman, so ... he is breaking up with you. if you accept it( he s telling you but hoping u hear it without him saying out loud as he wants to end it beautifully not too many words and this is why he s bringing the good times., to end it beautifully ), so he feels this way now, and the only way he will be able to feel for you again is if you politely withdraw and focus on yourself. This will give him a chance to breathe freely and may be find you in his heart again. It is so clear from the side. Make it beautiful like he s trying to make it, continue this beautiful story and walk away like a strong woman who loves him yet can be without him. And like Black Indian said, if he comes back he will. Let it be natural! Wow, this is so beautiful. Walk away, and cry your heart out and let him be free!
Very good advice, I think. Long distance relationships are tough and really impossible to sustain if one of you is not willing to move to be together. Good luck with this.
I've got another question and confusion that I wanna clear.. Just yesterday he asked me out for lunch.. And he wanted to walk around for a bit.. He bought something for himself and kept asking me if I wanted anything.. He wanted to buy anything for me.. Shoes, a ring etc.. He never used to ask me when we were still together. Why is he doing this? Is it cause of guilt that he hasn't given me an answer and just wanna be friends? He messages me good morning every day for the past 4 days and the conversation lasts for about 10mins and then he doesn't reply anymore. Oh my gosh. This is seriously making me crazy. (We were in a 6 year relationship, last 2 years were long distance)
Is he letting me go slowly? ****
You need to let this guy go. He will continue to pop in & out of your life as long as you let him. You shouldn't have went out to lunch with him, like seriously. You gotta show him you got respect for yourself Or else he'll continue to do what he wants. I thought sagittarius were tough & not let anyone use them. It seems to me, that's what he's doing. A person gets away with as much as you let them
Posted by Saggibabe
I didn't mean to give a deadline )': it's just that, if it's not working, I'd like to end it rather than drag it. It hurts even more. I like black and white, not grey things.
You know, you have the option to end it, yourself.
You don't have to wait for him-- and it may very well give you the sense of control in your life that you need.
As for him, it will show him that you take yourself and your feelings seriously... that if he can't come to a decision, by God, you can.
And you refuse to allow yourself to suffer through such indecision.
If he really wants you, you will have given him something to fight for-- which is so much better than (like tiz said) trying to figure out how to break it to you gently.
As for the What If's-- if he doesn't come after you, he wasn't going to stay with you, anyway.
That's the truth.
But it's alright--
There's something else you're meant to be doing, and making decisions like this regarding your own
future (instead of waiting for them to made *for* you) is a good start.
Posted by 2BlackIndian3
You need to let this guy go. He will continue to pop in & out of your life as long as you let him. You shouldn't have went out to lunch with him, like seriously. You gotta show him you got respect for yourself Or else he'll continue to do what he wants. I thought sagittarius were tough & not let anyone use them. It seems to me, that's what he's doing. A person gets away with as much as you let them
Ha! BkIndian was already there.
Nice.
Sags are all different, of course, but I know that sometimes they don't want anyone to be able to say that they were wrong... that they treated someone badly, or didn't try.
But once they realize the power they have (they sometimes forget), it's on.
GTFO of their way. lol
He's right, OP-- shut this thing down, and liberate yourself.
"Is he letting me go slowly?" No,no no .. he let his guilt slowly. He don't wanna lose you , but not because he love you... just because you was there for him anytime..
Go away , abrupt not slowly. That kind of action speak loudly.And if he ask you what's going on.. you tell him..You make me smell that you don't wanna be with me..So I go.. simple..
That's it is my opinion..
Go away , abrupt not slowly. That kind of action speak loudly.And if he ask you what's going on.. you tell him..You make me smell that you don't wanna be with me..So I go.. simple..
That's it is my opinion..
@Montgomery i was only trying to help lol. I don't mind reminding these sagittarius of the power they have. I know there's some good ones out there. Sometimes you gotta say what person needs to hear, to truly help them
@SaggiBabe-
I am by no means an expert on Cancer men. Still trying to get over one myself. We have decided to be friends since we sort run in the same circles. I was the one that had the change of heart to be friends. But when I sent him the email asking for friendship he was very quick to repond at 4:30am.
My brother is a Saggi and so was my best friend. They both had a hard time giving up on people. I find it that they are very loyal.
I have a great love for Saggi people.
As far as the cancer guy, 6 years is a significant amount of time to be with someone. I would probably be like you and gone to lunch. See what happens. Things have a way of unfolding. Sounds like he doesn't want to let go of you either. From what I read, Cancer people don't waste their time on just anyone. I know its easy for everyone to say kick him to the curb or get rid of him. They don't have the feelings for him. Go with your instincts. Time will tell.
I am by no means an expert on Cancer men. Still trying to get over one myself. We have decided to be friends since we sort run in the same circles. I was the one that had the change of heart to be friends. But when I sent him the email asking for friendship he was very quick to repond at 4:30am.
My brother is a Saggi and so was my best friend. They both had a hard time giving up on people. I find it that they are very loyal.
I have a great love for Saggi people.
As far as the cancer guy, 6 years is a significant amount of time to be with someone. I would probably be like you and gone to lunch. See what happens. Things have a way of unfolding. Sounds like he doesn't want to let go of you either. From what I read, Cancer people don't waste their time on just anyone. I know its easy for everyone to say kick him to the curb or get rid of him. They don't have the feelings for him. Go with your instincts. Time will tell.
Thank you @woodenmeow for understanding my situation.. I am willing to wait for him because he is worth it and I know for a fact that I will love him even through our darkest times. We have been through a lot. Life changes, physically and mentally and he knows that I've proven myself to be with me and did stand by him willingly when he personally went through a bad time for 2 years during our relationship (he said this to this close friend recently but before we broke up). I'm not going back on anything, I will try my best to show him that my love can be close to unconditional.. Go big or go home right? I'm willing to try. I don't wanna throw this away and regret not trying after. However, there are signs of a cancer that I do not understand that is why I came on this site to get clarification from other cancers. But thank you for you supporting input.
How is your situation if you wanna share? (:
How is your situation if you wanna share? (:
@ Saggibabe. I sent you message to your inbox.
Cancers are well worth the wait!
He told me he's trying. However, he'd like to be friends for now. He said he sees hope for us and doesn't want me to move on fully yet... I guess I'll wait. This man is worth it.. However, I'm scared. I'm hurting and missing him everyday. But I'm controlling my impulsiveness to call and text first. He does texts me like usual. Just no I love you, I miss you etc. just "hello, just came home from so-so's place... Or went to see this car" he's somewhat updating me?
(After the break which was 1 month ago) We still laughed a lot together, he still says our old jokes.
But he also told me he doesn't love me as much anymore. More than a friend but not enough yet to want to be together.... _???
(After the break which was 1 month ago) We still laughed a lot together, he still says our old jokes.
But he also told me he doesn't love me as much anymore. More than a friend but not enough yet to want to be together.... _???
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