Drama in the Cancer world
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by LunarLady720 on Monday, August 30, 2010 and has 9 replies.
Ok, so I was recently in a difficult situation and I want to know how my fellow Cancers would have handled it.
My husband and I (both Cancers) have been friends with a couple (Capricorn woman, Cancer man) for around 7 years. I met the female Cap 7 years ago when she was 18 and I was 20 and I automatically felt a bond to her. She was already living with her boyfriend and when I asked how long they knew each other before they moved in together she told me 2 weeks. That should have been my first clue! Anyway, I wanted to be friends with her so I overlooked her flaws and just made it work.
Well my husband and I (then we were boyfriend/girlfriend) moved in together and this couple continued to mesh into our lives. The problem was Brian never really cared for the guy, he is very very strange, always awkward to talk to, and has a humor where he blatantly insults you to get a laugh. For instance, one time he came over to our house and talked all kinds of crap about how dirty our bathroom was...who does things like that? He obviously has issues. Anyway, our friendship ended when the female Cap blatantly insulted the house that we were in the process of building...among other things she said it was ugly. I was terribly insulted. This coupled with the fact that she tells me if her ex came back to her she'd leave her husband, 2 months later she is pregnant and she swears it was an accident, and then she has a shotgun wedding to this guy for the insurance because she quit her job. She's a leach basically and treats him like crap. Anyways, we didn't speak for a year and then for some idiotic reason I let them back into my life. She watched her mouth a lot more this time but they always put us in difficult situations. We were only friends for 2 months and she asked my husband and I to be her child's godparents, we felt obligated to say yes even though we don't want children. Over the years they have backed us in a corner many times and insulted us as well. Also, she cheated on him, shoved it in his face and when the guy wouldn't leave his wife she submitted to staying with her husband and then she was pregnant once again 1 month later. Don't get me wrong, they are good parents, but not good role models.
My husband and I (both Cancers) have been friends with a couple (Capricorn woman, Cancer man) for around 7 years. I met the female Cap 7 years ago when she was 18 and I was 20 and I automatically felt a bond to her. She was already living with her boyfriend and when I asked how long they knew each other before they moved in together she told me 2 weeks. That should have been my first clue! Anyway, I wanted to be friends with her so I overlooked her flaws and just made it work.
Well my husband and I (then we were boyfriend/girlfriend) moved in together and this couple continued to mesh into our lives. The problem was Brian never really cared for the guy, he is very very strange, always awkward to talk to, and has a humor where he blatantly insults you to get a laugh. For instance, one time he came over to our house and talked all kinds of crap about how dirty our bathroom was...who does things like that? He obviously has issues. Anyway, our friendship ended when the female Cap blatantly insulted the house that we were in the process of building...among other things she said it was ugly. I was terribly insulted. This coupled with the fact that she tells me if her ex came back to her she'd leave her husband, 2 months later she is pregnant and she swears it was an accident, and then she has a shotgun wedding to this guy for the insurance because she quit her job. She's a leach basically and treats him like crap. Anyways, we didn't speak for a year and then for some idiotic reason I let them back into my life. She watched her mouth a lot more this time but they always put us in difficult situations. We were only friends for 2 months and she asked my husband and I to be her child's godparents, we felt obligated to say yes even though we don't want children. Over the years they have backed us in a corner many times and insulted us as well. Also, she cheated on him, shoved it in his face and when the guy wouldn't leave his wife she submitted to staying with her husband and then she was pregnant once again 1 month later. Don't get me wrong, they are good parents, but not good role models.
So more recently, they offered to help us move when we sold our house, we didn't ask them to. So we made plans accordingly and we were planning on moving around lunchtime on a saturday. Well a week beforehand she calls me and says "well my friend Missy's daughter is having a birthday party, so we are just going to have to come over really early and help you move." I was pissed, at first I said yes but then later I told them to forget it. How dare they say a stupid kid's birthday party is more important than helping friends move, we didn't make other plans because they offered to help.
So here is the point of all this. Last week the awkward Cancer male asks us if he can come to our house a couple times a week for the WHOLE SEMESTER and change clothes before class. Mind you, this is a weird guy who would probably come and sit at our house for hours before class. I felt obligated to say yes, then the first day he did it he called my cell and then my work phone to see when he could come by to change clothes. I normally don't even go straight home after work, but when I do, I don't want to have to deal with him in my house. I eventually called his wife and told her I didn't feel comfortable with that. Then they blew it out of proportion and I proceeded to tell them I couldn't deal with them backing us in corners and insulting us any longer. I feel like they are toxic to me, I care for them both, but their annoying, stupid, and weird habits are something I can't deal with for the rest of my life.
Was I wrong to fly off the handle about that? They, of course, acted like I was crazy and she even said if the roles were reversed that she would have given my husband a key if he needed to change clothes at her house. I just think the whole situation was stupid and bizarre, why can't he just wear his work clothes to school?
Anyway, if anyone can give me some feedback that would be great. I feel a tinge of guilt for ending the friendship, but I almost feel like it was inevitable and it had to be done.
So here is the point of all this. Last week the awkward Cancer male asks us if he can come to our house a couple times a week for the WHOLE SEMESTER and change clothes before class. Mind you, this is a weird guy who would probably come and sit at our house for hours before class. I felt obligated to say yes, then the first day he did it he called my cell and then my work phone to see when he could come by to change clothes. I normally don't even go straight home after work, but when I do, I don't want to have to deal with him in my house. I eventually called his wife and told her I didn't feel comfortable with that. Then they blew it out of proportion and I proceeded to tell them I couldn't deal with them backing us in corners and insulting us any longer. I feel like they are toxic to me, I care for them both, but their annoying, stupid, and weird habits are something I can't deal with for the rest of my life.
Was I wrong to fly off the handle about that? They, of course, acted like I was crazy and she even said if the roles were reversed that she would have given my husband a key if he needed to change clothes at her house. I just think the whole situation was stupid and bizarre, why can't he just wear his work clothes to school?
Anyway, if anyone can give me some feedback that would be great. I feel a tinge of guilt for ending the friendship, but I almost feel like it was inevitable and it had to be done.
Thanks for the reassurance. You both are so right, especially about getting pushed into a corner. I need to learn how to say no upfront. If it's someone I'm comfortable with then I normally do, but knowing how they both are it was hard to do that. Most normal people would never put someone in that situation and I never quite know how to react to them because we are so opposite. It's strange to me that I have such trouble with the guy since he's a cancer like my husband and I. He is downright rude and is so socially awkward that it's hard to read his intentions. For some reason I am drawn to capricorn females as friends but I've never met one as self serving as her.
I already do feel like a weight has been lifted since they have been out of my life. I just feel guilty automatically even though she has done me wrong over and over, I guess that is my cancer coming out. At this point in my life I would rather have no friends than have friends that drain me like that.
I already do feel like a weight has been lifted since they have been out of my life. I just feel guilty automatically even though she has done me wrong over and over, I guess that is my cancer coming out. At this point in my life I would rather have no friends than have friends that drain me like that.
Posted by LunarLady720
Then they blew it out of proportion and I proceeded to tell them I couldn't deal with them backing us in corners and insulting us any longer. I feel like they are toxic to me, I care for them both, but their annoying, stupid, and weird habits are something I can't deal with for the rest of my life.
Was I wrong to fly off the handle about that? They, of course, acted like I was crazy and she even said if the roles were reversed that she would have given my husband a key if he needed to change clothes at her house. I just think the whole situation was stupid and bizarre, why can't he just wear his work clothes to school?
Anyway, if anyone can give me some feedback that would be great. I feel a tinge of guilt for ending the friendship, but I almost feel like it was inevitable and it had to be done.
Well at what point did you communicate how you felt, before you flew off the handle? Why would you be friends with someone you had previously ended the friendship with?
i can relate with letting toxic "friendships" strike up again but it's important to build up your boundaries. don't feel bad about flying off the handle. next time, don't be afraid to just say no if you're not comfortable. you shouldn't have to feel obligated to say yes if it's not what you want.
yeah, it all sucks. i don't feel sorry for u but i'm sorry things ended the way they did. we teach people how to treat us and it was a good lesson learned i hope.
the only reason i don't think it was appropriate to fly off the handle is because u allowed yourself to be cornered in the first place. you, in a way, chose to be victimized by not speaking up and setting boundaries.
besides, what's with the formalities here? anyone i would call a friend i can openly speak my mind to and reason with. this is an example of how the conversation between me and a friend might go: FRIEND - "Hey, can i change at your place a couple times a week before school this semester?" ME - "What? Why can't you just go to school in your work clothes or change in the bathroom/locker room/etc. there?" FRIEND - "(Excuse here)" ME - "Nah. I don't come home after work all the time. You can give us a call/text to see if either of us are home and swing by then though."
Volatile relationships aren't worth the stress! If you feel it might be remotely threatened by you turning them down over petty things then i don't think they are worthy of the friend title.
the only reason i don't think it was appropriate to fly off the handle is because u allowed yourself to be cornered in the first place. you, in a way, chose to be victimized by not speaking up and setting boundaries.
besides, what's with the formalities here? anyone i would call a friend i can openly speak my mind to and reason with. this is an example of how the conversation between me and a friend might go: FRIEND - "Hey, can i change at your place a couple times a week before school this semester?" ME - "What? Why can't you just go to school in your work clothes or change in the bathroom/locker room/etc. there?" FRIEND - "(Excuse here)" ME - "Nah. I don't come home after work all the time. You can give us a call/text to see if either of us are home and swing by then though."
Volatile relationships aren't worth the stress! If you feel it might be remotely threatened by you turning them down over petty things then i don't think they are worthy of the friend title.
I get what ya'll are saying, but this isn't the first time something like this has happened with them. Many times previously I have set boundaries and apparently they think they don't apply to them. I know I should have spoken up more this time, but it is so frustrating when I have had to voice up so many times before. At what point do they begin to understand that I don't have the comfort level that they obviously have. I don't consider myself great friends with the guy, that's why it was so hard for me to just say "no". He is oblivious that my husband and I don't like him, and the way he talks shit we didn't want to deal with his negative comments if we did turn him down.
Trust me, I've learned my lesson about these types of people. Honestly, in the future, this experience will lead me to choose my "friends" much more carefully. I'm tired of the fakeness.
Trust me, I've learned my lesson about these types of people. Honestly, in the future, this experience will lead me to choose my "friends" much more carefully. I'm tired of the fakeness.
And to GeorgiaPeach's comment, I guess I was niave enough to believe that they had both grown up after becoming parents. I was obviously wrong. Shame on me for thinking the best of people I guess.
easy, don't answer their calls.
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