Dumped My Cancer Man, Now What?
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by SunMoomLioness on Monday, July 1, 2013 and has 18 replies.
ok...so I finally got fed up with my cancer man getting close and scurrying away, that I broke up with him. This was after yet another weekend of being ignored (no answer to texts or calls). So texted him and said it was over(of which magically he immediately called)...and I'm like wtf...he admits to being neglectful...don't want to lose me...blah blah blah...stuck to my guns..I was pretty pissed...so didn't care about him hurting at the time...Next morning he texted that he didn't sleep well (my cold a-- thought good!)- and he said I deserve to have a good relationship...blah blah blah. But by the time the work day ended I was really worried about him so i called, texted, called again, texted again...that's when i realized...IBD he's only ignoring me to draw me back in....He's really playing a game. He knows how much I love him and care about him, so this is his way of making me contact him. So over having my emotions played with like this. Once I realized I was being played yet again, I stopped texting. He's been texting and calling like crazy. Eventually he'll figure it out- I really did move on. Ladies be patient with your Cancer man, but know when to walk away!...no better yet, RUN!!
WOW.
Not to minimize your struggle here- but that post is mighty refreshing. I'm rooting for you. Hope you find peace and sh*t tons of love wherever it finds you. Hopefully he'll use this as a learning experience, like you did
Not to minimize your struggle here- but that post is mighty refreshing. I'm rooting for you. Hope you find peace and sh*t tons of love wherever it finds you. Hopefully he'll use this as a learning experience, like you did
Oh...so my question is how to handle my sincere concern for him but not get drawn back in?. My basic approach is to ignore him, but I am concern that he will become overly depressed.
Thx. It's hard for us Leos to let go because our love is so deep...I'm rooting for me too though _??
I would tell him that. And consider telling him that, unfortunately, (so as not to muddy the waters and make it harder on him), you are the one who most wants to be there for him- but you're the only one who cannot be there for him right now.
Does he have a support system? Friends, family, creative outlets?
If he is more evolved he will realize that he needs space from you and will appreciate your honestly- given you were put in a position where you had no choice.
You have been honest. The fact is you cannot control his reaction. He is responsible for his reaction, just as you are responsible for how you react to him. Stinks, but it's true.
Being his friend means distancing yourself from him and being honest as you can while showing love for who he is. He'll see it in time if he can't appreciate it now. Fact is, this situation sounds like it's been coming for awhile. You may both be shell shocked for a few, but it's better than continuing with blinders on, no?
Does he have a support system? Friends, family, creative outlets?
If he is more evolved he will realize that he needs space from you and will appreciate your honestly- given you were put in a position where you had no choice.
You have been honest. The fact is you cannot control his reaction. He is responsible for his reaction, just as you are responsible for how you react to him. Stinks, but it's true.
Being his friend means distancing yourself from him and being honest as you can while showing love for who he is. He'll see it in time if he can't appreciate it now. Fact is, this situation sounds like it's been coming for awhile. You may both be shell shocked for a few, but it's better than continuing with blinders on, no?
By the way, ending things via text/phone makes me wonder if you're going to need a face-to-face encounter for closure..? Just a thought. Not sure.
Oh yes, and I am a Leo, but I have a Cancer Moon/Venus/Mercury so I get it
Oh yes, and I am a Leo, but I have a Cancer Moon/Venus/Mercury so I get it
Very insightful ! Yes, it's been over a year and a half of tap dancing. He doesn't have too many friends and I know he is hurting over this. I have assured him that we will always be friends but that I couldn't keep loving him in this way as it was breaking my heart into pieces. Deep down inside I know he's afraid of getting too close( he was hurt deeply in past), but I also believe he loved the consistent and persistent way of my love...so only did what he had to keep me close and ensure I remained his. But I figure losing me is the price that's paid when you play games. Not lying to myself though, I really loved him and know this will be tough. I already feel the pain of it in the core of my being. But it is best for both of us in the long run. At least I hope so.
Ending it in text form was not my preferred way, but he left me no choice by ignoring me. If he feels he needs a face to face closure, I'm sure he'll think of some lame a-- reason for us to get together...truth is...I'm won't be ready to see him for awhile as I am resolved to move on. So I won't see him until I know my heart is like flint! It's the only way I can survive seeing him .. LOL..
I wish I couldn't say I haven't been there. No one can save him from sabotaging his relationships but himself- even if he's only doing it as a survival mechanism formed from past hurts.
You know what they say about Cancers- they never forget a wound, especially when it comes to love. It will sting him forever. Just as it will cut you deeply, but less so that if it continued like this- as you seem to be saying here..
Fact is, if you're meant to have more time together in the future then it will happen. Sounds like he doesn't have much to offer and he tells you as much. It's heartbreaking to hear that from someone you love. I have been there. What's beautiful though, is when you get past that black hole and later on find yourself having a loving POSITIVE relationship with this person as his friend. It's the silver lining. I wish that for you both.
If he becomes someone who can have a healthy relationship down the road- if you love him as it sounds like you do- he'll already know the door is always open to try again with you if he becomes ready. You never know. The bottom line is to keep yourself in a position to build more lovely memories with him, as friends or otherwise. Life is too short to be racking up the negative memories. Proud of you
You know what they say about Cancers- they never forget a wound, especially when it comes to love. It will sting him forever. Just as it will cut you deeply, but less so that if it continued like this- as you seem to be saying here..
Fact is, if you're meant to have more time together in the future then it will happen. Sounds like he doesn't have much to offer and he tells you as much. It's heartbreaking to hear that from someone you love. I have been there. What's beautiful though, is when you get past that black hole and later on find yourself having a loving POSITIVE relationship with this person as his friend. It's the silver lining. I wish that for you both.
If he becomes someone who can have a healthy relationship down the road- if you love him as it sounds like you do- he'll already know the door is always open to try again with you if he becomes ready. You never know. The bottom line is to keep yourself in a position to build more lovely memories with him, as friends or otherwise. Life is too short to be racking up the negative memories. Proud of you
Posted by SunMoomLioness
Ending it in text form was not my preferred way, but he left me no choice by ignoring me. If he feels he needs a face to face closure, I'm sure he'll think of some lame a-- reason for us to get together...truth is...I'm won't be ready to see him for awhile as I am resolved to move on. So I won't see him until I know my heart is like flint! It's the only way I can survive seeing him .. LOL..
Makes sense. Let this forum be another tool in your arsenal to build that flint heart!
Thanks so much for being so encouraging!. Truth is I'm scared to death of this road I'm on. His love was incredible...and his absence was torturous. I will be strong. If it was truly meant to be, it'll come around again. And yes, we will have a beautiful friendship. We were friends before getting involved, so that foundation is strong and something to build on. Thx again for your encouraging words.
Posted by SunMoomLioness
Thanks so much for being so encouraging!. Truth is I'm scared to death of this road I'm on. His love was incredible...and his absence was torturous. I will be strong. If it was truly meant to be, it'll come around again. And yes, we will have a beautiful friendship. We were friends before getting involved, so that foundation is strong and something to build on. Thx again for your encouraging words.
Anytime!
Maybe consider this break up an investment in maintaining a positive dynamic with him in the long run, perhaps.. Perhaps one day you two will look back and laugh at how crazy it all was.
Stay strong, Sista!
Posted by xdimplez
...whats always worked out for me with all relationships is the no contact rule. no calls, no texts, nadda. ...i mean...if they text...be polite. respond back, short..and simple and indifferent. but otherwise do not initiate contact. if you really dont want them in your life, just dont respond back
Good advise! I do want him in my life...just not in a relationship way anymore. I'm not sure how he will handle me getting into a new relationship. In the past, if he "felt" like someone was moving in on his tuft, he would pitch a fit and get all territorial and jealous. This isn't our first break up, but I always caved-in pretty quickly because I would be missing him so very much. But now I just feel like I'm wasting my time. As a Leo, 1 1/2 years is a very very long time to tolerate his hot/cold behavior!
Well...icing out my cancer friend ( noticed how quickly i moved from man to friend..) lasted a few short hours. But I'm glad we talked because we really needed to. I explained to him why this break up was a good thing for BOTH of us. Clearly he has been pulling back more and more and he needed time out to figure out why that is. If he has been hesitant about us, then there was probably a good reason for it. I said that this breakup will allow him to pursue a relationship that he feels comfortable moving forward with (and me too although I left that unsaid). He seem to be less "panicked" at the end of our discussion. I think it's because he felt assured there were no hurt feelings on my part and that I would still be very much a part of his life just not relationally ( is that even a word?! Lol). I feel moving on is the right decision and that both of out hearts will hurt fir a while eventually heal. I hate I have to let him go...but I know what is best for me and ultimately must protect my own tender heart from constant pain.
I feel sad when I hear stories like this but if a guy behaves like a cunt he has it coming....what are you gonna do...
I personally like lionesses a lot....their loyalty is huge to me. I have dated leo women (two solid relationships) and have leo female friends...they have been very good to me. I have had so many instances where my lioness friends have pointed out something very useful (regarding me or a situation) in a refreshingly honest and direct manner. Very cerebral too...
I personally like lionesses a lot....their loyalty is huge to me. I have dated leo women (two solid relationships) and have leo female friends...they have been very good to me. I have had so many instances where my lioness friends have pointed out something very useful (regarding me or a situation) in a refreshingly honest and direct manner. Very cerebral too...
Posted by incandescentcancer
Very cerebral too...
Too cerebral at times me-thinks _??
Leave Your Feedback
We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.
Related Topics
I originally posted this in the Libra forum. I just started a relationship w a Scorpio male.... what can I expect out
@LibraMexiChick
Joined: Jun 30, 2013 · Topics: 4 · Posts: 32
Hiiii! I would love you opinions about my ex, who I am currently good friends with. His Venus is in Cap. Is this goo
@natural25
Joined: Jun 11, 2009 · Topics: 109 · Posts: 4144
Are there any users that are good at drawing that might like to do me a favor? I'm looking to get a tattoo (not anytime
@AriesAscendingLeo
Joined: Jun 01, 2013 · Topics: 8 · Posts: 62
Virgos... what hobbies do you have or would like to be able to do? I personally having no hobbies...its kinda sad t
@LostinmyMind11
Joined: Jan 11, 2011 · Topics: 83 · Posts: 11560
Today is the 150th anniversary of the first day of the 3 days battle around Gettsysburg, Penn. If you are an American wh
@HouseCleaning
Joined: Oct 02, 2012 · Topics: 266 · Posts: 5328
I just started a relationship w a Scorpio male.... what can I expect out of this relationship from him? other than his d
@LibraMexiChick
Joined: Jun 30, 2013 · Topics: 4 · Posts: 32
I posted about the retrograde in the Astrology board when I was feeling just wee bit unmotivated and out of sorts. Now,
@natural25
Joined: Jun 11, 2009 · Topics: 109 · Posts: 4144
Cap woman scorpio man and or cap woman and sag man. Ladies what attracts you about a scorpio man?
@handsome101
Joined: May 19, 2013 · Topics: 28 · Posts: 281
When I dream, I can do alot of things, but there are apparently 3 things in dreams that I cannot do: 1, Have sex. I c
@VirgoMerlot
Joined: Apr 18, 2013 · Topics: 15 · Posts: 198
My BF hasn't communicated with me for the last week, my calls and txt have gone unanswered. By reading this message boar
@LibraMexiChick
Joined: Jun 30, 2013 · Topics: 4 · Posts: 32