Escape from my future...

I am new to the forum, but wish I'd have found it sooner. I am a cancer man, and fell for my Gemini lady (I know). We were living together, we got married, no wedding or anything, just a signing of the papers (her idea believe it or not). I love this lady, but our natural mismatch traits are making me miserable. I want to date again, as a cancer I love being in love, my aquarius moon calls for variety, and my vain leo ascendent makes me a not so great candidate for marriage. I know I want to leave, but my cancerian empathy is making it very hard for me to break her heart.

Advice? I know nobody can do it for me, I just need a push or some words of wisdom. Thanks!

We make time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love.

You're married, stick it out and make it what you want! Just because you can bail, doesn't mean you should!

The grass isn't always greener...

If you think you would just fall again somewhere else, might as well try to see what kind of relationship you can salvage there. Falling will never make you happy, even if it's with someone new.

Honestly I think you are being a typical male here. You made her your wife for a reason, and I can admit that some women stop doing all the little things they did to make their men forget other women even exist. If this is the case you need to share your concerns with your wife. I can assure you if she loves you she will try her best to meet your needs and understand your desires, she is not only your wife she is "supposed" to be your best friend. Let down that cancer shell, and let your wife in.

If I was a wife an my husband came to me with your type of concerns I'd first thank him for being open and honest with me about his feelings. Most men don't know how, and they rather take matters into their own hands then work together. Then I would add some spice and romance back into the relationship, remember though cancer it takes two! For all you know, you might find that she no feels the sparks either. Fact is, you made a commitment to her, and a promise to God to love this woman or better or for worse, until death do you part, so unless she's dead there is easy way out my dude.

Posted by pinklibra
Honestly I think you are being a typical male here. You made her your wife for a reason, and I can admit that some women stop doing all the little things they did to make their men forget other women even exist. If this is the case you need to share your concerns with your wife. I can assure you if she loves you she will try her best to meet your needs and understand your desires, she is not only your wife she is "supposed" to be your best friend. Let down that cancer shell, and let your wife in.

If I was a wife an my husband came to me with your type of concerns I'd first thank him for being open and honest with me about his feelings. Most men don't know how, and they rather take matters into their own hands then work together. Then I would add some spice and romance back into the relationship, remember though cancer it takes two! For all you know, you might find that she no feels the sparks either. Fact is, you made a commitment to her, and a promise to God to love this woman or better or for worse, until death do you part, so unless she's dead there is easy way out my dude.

Honestly I think you are being a typical female here. You are projecting a positive representation of yourself unto some woman you know nothing about. The religion part really doesn't help your case. What are you hiding?

I love all of the responses, thank you so much to take the time. I obviously cannot put the full scope of our relationship in a forum blurb, and I realize this. I have communicated with my lady, I have expressed many things to her, and she to me. I know that relationships are work, but I think that I have come to the conclusion that I do not want a relationship. This is only on my head. I have changed, she has changed, and this is totally natural. I agree with pisceanpisces that I have options, and at least theoretically we have discussed the "no joy" opt out, too. Like "you have to tell me if you don't want this." etc.
It may sound straightforward but being a Cancer, I hate to do harm, especially emotional harm. Hurting her seems worse than hurting myself. I think that perhaps I needed to bounce this idea off of a group of strangers to see if I am crazy or not. Most of the responses here were totally sensible. So thanks again!

To clarify, I meant my aquarius moon makes me unsuitable for marriage, or so I have read. Apologies to anyone with a Leo Ascendent :/

Lastly to answer the question posed, we've been married for 3 years, together for 2 prior.

But this is not JUST a relationship. You are married. Personally sign or not, I think you'd be making a mistake to throw in the towel so soon. Both of you.

again, I say then they shouldn't have gotten married. You get married for a reason. But whatever its his life.

i love the title. Lol.

Can I suggest H.G. Wells Time machine?

you can travel through time, and find yourself the love of your life.
and if that gets too much, travel back and love her from afar....

then get back on your time machine, and be with her again, reunited and fresh as it was.

You will regret it for a while but you are doomed to a revolving series of unhappiness if you stay. You want it to work, as a cancer you crave a family setting, however, you may be under the impression that the grass is greener on the other side.

Astrology has nothing to do with infidelity. Please stop excusing it with well my moon is in this sign, my venus in that crap. If you're unhappy in your marriage work it out or get a divorce. See, problem solved.

I still say YOU can make it the best and make it work for you. Unless there is abuse or other extenuating circumstances I believe wholeheartedly that people should stay together. Maybe it's the Cap in me. I have a Sag Venus, so it certainly is not that 😛

In any case, it always pains me when people want to end a relationship without good cause. The Scorp I work with ended her ~20 yr marriage because she wanted to have butterflies again... ya know what, no one who has been married for a long time still has butterflies. Look to those who are 80 that married at age 20 or so. The stability of a friendship that won't waver come what may is much more important from my perspective. Relationships will not always be a walk in the park or consist of rose petals and fluttering butterflies.

A (good) relationship is what YOU make it!

Hold tight and remember why you fell in love with her... relive those moments frequently and you will be rewarded many times over for years to come.

Posted by lildol
I still say YOU can make it the best and make it work for you. Unless there is abuse or other extenuating circumstances I believe wholeheartedly that people should stay together. Maybe it's the Cap in me. I have a Sag Venus, so it certainly is not that 😛

In any case, it always pains me when people want to end a relationship without good cause. The Scorp I work with ended her ~20 yr marriage because she wanted to have butterflies again... ya know what, no one who has been married for a long time still has butterflies. Look to those who are 80 that married at age 20 or so. The stability of a friendship that won't waver come what may is much more important from my perspective. Relationships will not always be a walk in the park or consist of rose petals and fluttering butterflies.

A (good) relationship is what YOU make it!

Hold tight and remember why you fell in love with her... relive those moments frequently and you will be rewarded many times over for years to come.

+10000. You're a good and insightful woman.

There has been no infidelity, nor will there be. I feel trapped by marriage. I do not want children, nor does she. So I don't know that I crave a family setting. There seems to be two teams here in the Cancer forum, either stay and have a "friend" for life who will bring about a long but unexciting relationship, or go, be seen as a worthless man who just wants to "cheat." I suppose the message board has given me clarification. Living to be 80, and having no butterflies ever again sounds like a death sentence. I suppose that I should end things.

Thanks everyone for your input the discussion was just what I needed to hear!

Posted by Crustacean
There has been no infidelity, nor will there be. I feel trapped by marriage. I do not want children, nor does she. So I don't know that I crave a family setting. There seems to be two teams here in the Cancer forum, either stay and have a "friend" for life who will bring about a long but unexciting relationship, or go, be seen as a worthless man who just wants to "cheat." I suppose the message board has given me clarification. Living to be 80, and having no butterflies ever again sounds like a death sentence. I suppose that I should end things.

Thanks everyone for your input the discussion was just what I needed to hear!

Being in love doesn't last. All relationships are work. Nobody's got a perfect one. I don't think you're a worthless man for wanting or thinking about being with another woman. I just think you're a foolish one. A close friend's mom divorced her husband after 20 years of marriage because she just wasn't in love any more. That was a decade ago. Never found that long lasting love she was searching fore. Regrets leaving her husband. Realizes he was a good man and they had a good life too late. Hope that's not a template for your own marriage. Good luck!

I am not a Cancer but will tell you this advice, everyone deserves to be loved, if you no longer love your Gemini, leaving her will initially hurt her but will give her the chance to meet someone who appreciates her. So do it for her.

smh. I agree with ESTE8. Just foolish. I'm saying what was the point of getting married if all your going to do is throw in the towel as soon as things get dull or the spark starts to dwindle. Your not even putting up a fight. Smh. Know what, yes leave her. She deserves better.

Quite frankly I was not expecting this sort of heat on the message board. I do not mean to impugn anyone here, as I welcome any and all opinions. I have spent a long LONG time pursuing different avenues, options, theories, and all other manner of things pertaining to my marriage, which believe it or not, is at the center of my life. I am not wanting to leave for someone else, I am wanting to leave for me. She is actually a benefactor, as pinklibra points out, "she deserves someone better" while I think that I am a good person, I agree she deserves someone better for her. There is a difference This is a decision that is weighing on me, and has been for some time.

Pisceanpisces: I appreciate all of your sentiments, and defenses. I suppose when I began to read through the forum, and read all of the reviews, I began to get defensive of some, which showed me exactly where my heart was. There I had my answer.

I truly appreciate all of the opinions, I feel like pink libra and I are just in different areas philosophically.

Don't listen to pinklibra, she's just a dumb messed-up Jesus freak with issues. She's into her principles ignoring the situation completely. Lacks empathy and understanding. Don't waste your time. 1/5 stars

All I have to ask you is, can you do it for another 20 years?
If not, bail now so she can find a man who wants her and you can find whatever it is you think you want.