Ex cancer?? should I wait or should I be open
This topic was created in the Cancer forum by jaxz on Saturday, April 5, 2014 and has 18 replies.
So he broke up with me. its been 3 months and havnt spoken for the last 2months until last week he messaged me.We were together for almost two years.
So its been great chit chat message every day about or lives and whats been happening. We have a mutual friends wedding in 4months time which he has mentioned a few times. BUT all this messaging all of a sudden has brought all my emotions back??_??_.Do I??
A . Leave it like it is and wait and see what happens at the wedding or
B. right him this??_..So it has been really good getting back into contact with you and have really enjoyed it.Looking forward to seeing you at Jodies wedding. I want to be your friend I really do but unfortunately I cant just switch off my emotions like that and just be friends. Catching up with you like this has brought a lot of it all back which seems like the last 3months was a waste of time. I understand your circumstances right now being on the ship away from everything. I Don't really know were your heads at and Im not expecting or asking anything of you but I just want you to understand where I am at.
this is just letting him know that i still have feelings for him and being friends i guess is hurting me and can't be just a friend. its all or nothing i guess??_
What do you all think?
So its been great chit chat message every day about or lives and whats been happening. We have a mutual friends wedding in 4months time which he has mentioned a few times. BUT all this messaging all of a sudden has brought all my emotions back??_??_.Do I??
A . Leave it like it is and wait and see what happens at the wedding or
B. right him this??_..So it has been really good getting back into contact with you and have really enjoyed it.Looking forward to seeing you at Jodies wedding. I want to be your friend I really do but unfortunately I cant just switch off my emotions like that and just be friends. Catching up with you like this has brought a lot of it all back which seems like the last 3months was a waste of time. I understand your circumstances right now being on the ship away from everything. I Don't really know were your heads at and Im not expecting or asking anything of you but I just want you to understand where I am at.
this is just letting him know that i still have feelings for him and being friends i guess is hurting me and can't be just a friend. its all or nothing i guess??_
What do you all think?
i think your message would be too long for a guy... 
well I've been stressing over this the last couple of days and have talked to some friends about it and you know I'm not going to wait but I'm just going to get on with my life not mention how I feel enjoy his friendship for now. I don't need him before he started messaging me i was fine so whats the difference this is what i wanted for him to come back into my life. if he wants me he can work to get more from me whats meant to be will be.
but....is it clear to you what YOU want?
Overanalyzing..
A
A
He could be missing you or be over you ... But cancers really want you to tell then how much you miss him.. Try it
Cancers have so many walls around themselves, and are experts at hiding there emotions. Truth be told, they are very emotional, and it is difficult for them to play games. Option A, is an option, but I believe you should take the time to decide what you want first and foremost. This is important, because your actions can seal the fate of this relationship before it gets a real chance. For example; Let's say you dig this guy and decide you want big things out of this relationship. Further, lets say you go with option A, but fail to decide what you truly want out of this relationship. The wedding day arrives, your Crabby friend shows up, acting indiferent, which you translate in to meaning he's losing interest. You decide on a whim,(because you failed to think ahead of time, therefore failed to develop a strategy) that the best option at the wedding is option Z, dance with everyone else and make him jealous. Sorry wrong answer!. Thanks for playing my short life with a cancerian. Cancers are jealous, like the rest of us, but the difference is they are emotional. To them, jealousy hurts so much inside, they will alter course instantely, and move on. So the jealousy trick will backfire with your average cancerian. Truth be told, I expect he will show up acting funny, because he will be overanalyzing things to death internally, at an emotional level, which is torture for a cancer. What do I say to her? Do I look good? If I say ___, will she think ___? What will others say? what will others say? what will others say? Cancers tend to emotionally analyze to paralyze, and some times need help getting unstuck. This is why you need to decide what you want, and develop a strategy that will help you achieve this objective. In other words, start with the end in mind with cancers, and remember that failure to plan, is planning to fail with cancers. If you take the time to decide what you want before the wedding, then you will have a clear picture of what can and will occur. Your focus will be on your friends big day, you will be supportive as you stick to your guns and have a great time. Does this make sense? Cancers are a weird bunch but are worth the effort, and believe me it will take effort. As far as option B is concerned, use it only if you decide that this guy is not worth it for you, because it will more than likely backfire also.
Problem with your Option B, is that it is to intelectually logical, and cancers don't process life like that, they process with the emotions. Gut feelings, feelings, senses, things of that sort. Your plan B will be translated by a cancer as: "What! She just wants to be friends? The last 3 months have meant nothing to her? Hey! My head is not missing? Is It?" This will likely give a death blow to your friendship, as well as your courtship. I know, that's not what you said, but believe me, it will be interpreted that way emotionally by your crabby friend. A better approach if you decide he's worth it, is to be direct with him. Cancers need a little help. They are masters at hiding their feelings, but trust me, they are there, and they are falling apart. This is only an act, to save face, and to protect himself emotionally. So believe me, he is not turning his emotions on and off, only appears to be, he's an illusionist. This is why most people who don't know a cancer initially feel they are conceided, or distant, because they are comfortable behind their emotional Berlin Wall. Once someone "brings down this wall", the cancer personality will undoubtedly shine thru. As you can see, it is vital that you decide what you want first, because its easier than trying to figure out a cancer.
If you decide you want the man, here's my advice: Be Direct and be Honest with him. Cancers need a little help, due to their shy nature. Yes, I said shy. Their extrovertedness is also an act, inside they are very shy and afraid of everything. Make him feel special, and get the point you want to say across to him, but run everything thru a feelings filter. Instead of saying: "I will not tolerate being ignored" try: "I miss you and really need you in my life. Why do I feel you are running away? Is something wrong? Is it something I said or did?" Be ready to apologize if warranted. Believe me, if you make this man feel special, there is nothing anyone can do to take him away, other than making him feel more special (haha). Cancers are emotionally needy people, and are loyal partners to those who learn how to provide for this need. I think he probably has a lot on his mind, probably feeling trapped, missing you, jealous of what you might be doing, things like that. Cancers shut down when they are overwhelmed emotionally. Your objective, if you decide you want him is to get him to open up, and you will only achieve this by being nice, emotionally in tune. Always be reassuring to the Cancer, "I'm your girl, I will wait for you always" kind of thing. Of course, when the relationship gets there, not now. The key is to remember he lives with all these walls, and using a battering ram will only cause him to fortify his defenses. Kill him with kindness, and you will be allowed to enter the castle walls without firing a single arrow. Good Luck, and Good Living.
wow thank you Cybercrab great advice!!! a little confusing but i get it i think hehe So your basically saying that i just need to be his friend right now with giving him little complements now and then until he is ready to open up and he is ressured by me that i am interested in him. because at the moment i am being nice havnt brought up what happened to us we are just messaging a lot like friends would be.Hes really open with asking me lots of questions about my life and also talking about his life doings.(but nothing about our feelings towards each other) its really interesting to see how into the conversations he is??_.. as I'm sure its because I'm not real needy, I'm just talking about my life doings.
As deffintely know what i want as i want him till the end. but i don't want him if he doesn't want me!
Unfucking believable how much bullshit is being posted to this board.
Hello?
Selfish motherfucking Cancer male dickhead acted distant with and dumped this girl, and she is understandably heartbroken about it.
To suggest that she say and do nothing is absurd.
What she should be doing is:
1.) Picking herself up
2.) Setting her damn self-respect in order
3.) Getting out there and meeting other dudes and getting some phone numbers.
4.) Putting some fantastic photos of herself out with girlfriends and handsome dudes having fun at night.
The fucking gall of you people to suggest that any attempt to "make him jealous" will backfire is total fucking bullshit.
This girl should be out and having the time of her life with great people, travel and adventure.
FUCK THIS GUY if he wants to be a jealous bitch and ice her for her decision to go out and have fun as a response to his selfish fucking bullshit.
Would a sensible human being really want to be in a relationship with and tolerate someone so cold and awful?
Fuck no.
Hello?
Selfish motherfucking Cancer male dickhead acted distant with and dumped this girl, and she is understandably heartbroken about it.
To suggest that she say and do nothing is absurd.
What she should be doing is:
1.) Picking herself up
2.) Setting her damn self-respect in order
3.) Getting out there and meeting other dudes and getting some phone numbers.
4.) Putting some fantastic photos of herself out with girlfriends and handsome dudes having fun at night.
The fucking gall of you people to suggest that any attempt to "make him jealous" will backfire is total fucking bullshit.
This girl should be out and having the time of her life with great people, travel and adventure.
FUCK THIS GUY if he wants to be a jealous bitch and ice her for her decision to go out and have fun as a response to his selfish fucking bullshit.
Would a sensible human being really want to be in a relationship with and tolerate someone so cold and awful?
Fuck no.
Posted by jaxz
well I've been stressing over this the last couple of days and have talked to some friends about it and you know I'm not going to wait but I'm just going to get on with my life not mention how I feel enjoy his friendship for now. I don't need him before he started messaging me i was fine so whats the difference this is what i wanted for him to come back into my life. if he wants me he can work to get more from me whats meant to be will be.
Good for fucking you.
Do not even do the friendship shit with this guy.
With a romantic relationship, it is all or nothing.
Allowing yourself to be FRIEND ZONE with a romantic interest is stupid and torturous for yourself.
Tell him it's either you or nothing at all.
And if he says nothing, then walk the fuck away from him and never look back.
If the fucker doesn't respect you for being strong in the face of his bullshit behavior, then fuck that guy.
People in this fucking generation are so fucking dis-re-fucking-spectful to good people that it's enough to make me want to fucking teach them a lesson in humility with my fists.
Posted by ScorpioFishPosted by jaxz
well I've been stressing over this the last couple of days and have talked to some friends about it and you know I'm not going to wait but I'm just going to get on with my life not mention how I feel enjoy his friendship for now. I don't need him before he started messaging me i was fine so whats the difference this is what i wanted for him to come back into my life. if he wants me he can work to get more from me whats meant to be will be.
Good for fucking you.
Do not even do the friendship shit with this guy.
With a romantic relationship, it is all or nothing.
Allowing yourself to be FRIEND ZONE with a romantic interest is stupid and torturous for yourself.
Tell him it's either you or nothing at all.
And if he says nothing, then walk the fuck away from him and never look back.
If the fucker doesn't respect you for being strong in the face of his bullshit behavior, then fuck that guy.
People in this fucking generation are so fucking dis-re-fucking-spectful to good people that it's enough to make me want to fucking teach them a lesson in humility with my fists.click to expand
So you mad or nah??_.lol!
You should not respond to this jerk and show up to the wedding with Ryan Gosling.
Posted by ScorpioFish
Unfucking believable how much bullshit is being posted to this board.
Hello?
Selfish motherfucking Cancer male dickhead acted distant with and dumped this girl, and she is understandably heartbroken about it.
To suggest that she say and do nothing is absurd.
What she should be doing is:
1.) Picking herself up
2.) Setting her damn self-respect in order
3.) Getting out there and meeting other dudes and getting some phone numbers.
4.) Putting some fantastic photos of herself out with girlfriends and handsome dudes having fun at night.
The fucking gall of you people to suggest that any attempt to "make him jealous" will backfire is total fucking bullshit.
This girl should be out and having the time of her life with great people, travel and adventure.
FUCK THIS GUY if he wants to be a jealous bitch and ice her for her decision to go out and have fun as a response to his selfish fucking bullshit.
Would a sensible human being really want to be in a relationship with and tolerate someone so cold and awful?
Fuck no.
+100
Oops sorry.
Ummm did I miss something??? Why are some of the people in this thread making her ex to be the bad guy because he broke up with her??? Did she say WHY he broke up with her??? lol Scorpiofish going hard for no reason. I love how people are internet tough and make things seem so simple when it comes to relationships and getting over someone you love. Only time and acceptance heals those types of wounds. If she feel that there may be a chance to work things out, she's gonna try, therefore she hasnt accepted its truly over.
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